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May 16, 2008

From Tight Sweaters to the Pentagon Papers

300_nitrate_kisses When my good friend, and mentor, Sally Binford, died in 1994, I thought I knew the entire story of her life.

Sally was one of the gate-crashing feminist sexual liberationists of her generation; I couldn't get enough of that! She was a great storyteller, and I loved to listen to her.

But sometimes it feels like you never really get to know anyone... until they're gone. They tell their story to someone else, and you learn something altogether new.

When Sally was 50, she decided to "live life to the fullest" and then arranged to "checking out," at age 70, regardless of her health. That was 1994.

That decision, to plan her own death, was my first experience with someone choosing their own exit without any, as they say, suicidal tendencies. She let all her dear friends and lovers know her intentions, and wrote a letter to  us the night before she said adieu.

Now, years later, I've discovered something more, a detailed story of Sally's life I hadn't heard before.

A historian and poet named Janet Clinger published a remarkable collection of interviews Our Elders, Six Bay Area Life Stories.

All the subjects of Janet's book are the kind of largely-unsung heroes who made leaps in American history that still take your breath away.

Sally, for example, is famous as an era-changing anthropologist, but her life as a feminist and sexual pioneer was perhaps, more revolutionary in her time.


From Sally's Interview:

“Not a Jewish princess”

“I was born in Brooklyn in 1924. My parents became upwardly mobile and moved to Long Island when I was nine. I was supposed to be a Jewish princess, but something went wrong. It never quite worked out that way.

"I went to a very small private school from fourth grade through high school. Played a fair amount of field hockey, studied a lot of French and Latin.

"When I was in the second grade in public school in Brooklyn, this little boy and I had a real crush on each other. We were caught passing notes back and forth. When the teacher came to dinner at our house, I remember hearing her and my parents laughing, their being so amused and snotty about it, because this little boy, whom I had a crush on, was Chinese. I was just furious. What was wrong with his being Chinese?   ....


Continue reading "From Tight Sweaters to the Pentagon Papers" »

May 14, 2008

When The Lesbian Met The Lol-Cat

Lolappropriation_3

There are two things I always swore I'd never post on this blog.

One of my bans is gossip about The L Word— because the writers have ripped off my work and biography without redemption.

If I had a nickel for every time someone said, "Oh, did you see the latest episode where they stole your chapter/article/life story/barely-concealed name from Blah-Blah?"... well, gee, I'd start my own cathouse. First one to fire: "Phoebe Sparkle."

Secondly, I never got LOLcats. Never laughed, could barely read them, didn't fit my own pussy obsessions.

But now, I must concede.

This above photo is from a  site devoted to L-Word-inspired LOLcats, called The LoL-Word. The whole site is hilarious, even if you've never watched a single episode of the soap opera or indulged in anthropomorphic Internet joke fests.

If you're lesbian, or bitchy— or  you have a soft spot for bitchy dykes— I'd say it's just your cup of cheeseburger!


Thanks to Holly Bemiss for the tip!

May 13, 2008

You and Me in a Dark Room

2142410488_2a977a3893_o In my recent travels, I've become an afficionado of downloading movies to my computer, either to rent, or purchase. Talk about instant gratification!

Let me show you my recent favorites...

There Will Be Blood 

The trailer for this movie was not made by the director, or else I would've seen it on opening weekend and sat through several repeat screenings.

It's not just, "Oh, Daniel Day Lewis, what a legendary actor." Nope. This film opens with about 15 silent minutes of action, not one word spoken, and you'll be sitting on the edge of your seat. When the last line is uttered, you gasp out loud. It's not good versus evil, or Religion vs. Capitalism. It's more like two charismatic closet cases in the most vicious fight of their lives. An tomcat brawl, as orchestrated by a homo-perverse genius, and not to be missed.

In the Valley of Elah

Tommy Lee Jones, a career military man, gets a phone call that his active duty son, just home from Iraq, has gone AWOL. Jones doesn't believe it— and drives to the base to investigate for himself, where he is thwarted at every turn. It's a great mystery, and without saying a single line of exposition about "the war," it says you everything you need to know about what's happening in Operation Bullshit.

The Darjeeling Limited

I am going to ride this legendary train, to the tea plantations of the Himalayas, if it's the last thing I do. Director Wes Anderson is endlessly inspiring. I watched the movie, bought all the music, went to the "India Trains" Web site and plotted my own reservation. Then I watched all my Wes Anderson movies all over again and listened to all the soundtracks. This one is especially touching to me. Be sure to watch the "short" before the main feature; it explains quite a lot!

Margot at the Wedding

Some members of my family were afraid to watch this film because they feared they couldn't sit through a microscopic examination of a shocking dysfunctional family. Ha! I found it catnip.  This director does "narcissistic prick" forensics like no one else. Jennifer Jason Leigh and Nicole Kidman are superb. Definitely gets the Mo Movie Measure Seal of Approval.

Blame it On Fidel

A little rich girl in 1960s France who's being raised as the Perfect Little Aristocrat is shocked out of her mind when her parents suddenly decide to support the Cuban Revolution, fire her nanny, and move into a revolutionary commune with atrocious food. To see 1968 through her eyes is precious, funny, and very moving.

Eastern Promises

My boyfriend, Viggo Mortensen, naked, without even a towel, fighting for his life in a Turkish spa, against two knife-wielding Russian mobster sadists. Jesus! Do you need to know anything else?

May 12, 2008

Little Lord Stuck Pants

463px16thcgermanwoodcutchastitybe_2Do you remember when Eldridge Cleaver designed those  "Penis Pants" that— shall we say— blemished his career as a sane person and ardent revolutionary?

Well, I've found his evil twin, in Jakarta.

A massage parlor operator and Project Runway Wanna-Be named Frank has designed "Chastity Pants" for his female workers, that have sewn-in padlocks across the zippers. He has the key, and uses it every shift.

The nouveau chastity belt is his response to a religious Fundie "crackdown" on immorality in the Indonesian tourist districts. I'm sure they'll vanquish prostitution in no time at all! But, in the meantime, I think Frankie may be getting some orders from abroad...

 

  Listen to an excerpt 

Listen to the whole show at Audible.com: LINK

Get the show free for a month: LINK


 

Also on today’s show, an indignant (yet curious) girlfriend finds porn on his boyfriend's computer... and lives to tell the tale! The best part is when she discovers her own unforeseen nocturnal habits, thanks to her candid conversation with her lover.

Finally, in my Try This at Home mailbag, I get a letter from a swinging couple who have questions about sex with someone with a serious disability.

Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for free-subscription girly cards to: susie@audible.com. (Episode 339, May 9, 2008).

Thanks to Johnathan, Derrick, for the news tips.

May 01, 2008

Deborah Jeane Palfrey Checks Out

1105palfrey_narrowweb__300x4580 Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the "DC Madam" whose call-girl service got busted in the cross-hairs of partisan payback, has committed suicide. She hanged herself at her mother's home in Tarpon Springs, Florida.


Susie's  talk with Jeane, 2007: Link

Transcript of DJP interview: Link


 

 

Jeane, I am so sorry. I know you swore to me that you'd never serve another term in prison for prostitution, or anything else. You almost lost your eyesight the first time. I'm sure you asked your lawyers if there was any hope for your sentencing, and I guess it must have looked bleak.

I know how pissed you were. This was an act of revenge, and I know who you're determined to haunt.

You were righteously furious at all the men who "walked away." 

I'm sure that goes quite a ways back, but it certainly includes the esteemed gents on your client list: Louisiana fundamentalist, Senator David Vitter; Abstinence Ambassador Randall Tobias, who squashed AIDS funds all over the world; "Shock and Awe" war profiteer, Harlan Ullman.

And that was just the expendable layer. None of them were charged with anything; all are living quite comfortably, in particular because they have no conscience whatsoever.

Was Jeane suicidal, in the first place? Yes, but I'd describe that carefully. She wasn't irrational to think she wouldn't survive another round in a penitentiary; her health was poor. And she was brittle, the kind of person who is aware of her considerable intellect and education, but who finds herself in unlucky and vulnerable situations over and over again.

She was gullible to the wrong kinda guys, the kind of men who turned her out when she was young, whom she mistakenly placed faith in when she was looking for love, or a safe harbor. She's the kind of woman who should've been groomed for university when she was young, and cultivated for her bright mind and sensitivities. Instead, she was exploited and wasted— and her bitterness, her depression, was a result of that cruel awareness.

She tried to "go straight" after the first round in prison, and of course, was undermined by the typical prejudices against her record. She became more angry about the hypocrites, and determined to beat them at their own game. But it's clear that when Cheney bigwigs were on her tail, she wasn't going to beat their surveillance and manipulations.

Why doesn't everyone kill themselves when they're facing hard odds like Jeane did? Well, that's the million-karma question. All I can offer at this point, is painfully prescient rhetoric: Hell hath no fury like a smart woman scorned.... and justice has NOT been served.

April 29, 2008

Albert Hofmann Takes His Last Trip

With "no sense of urgency," Albert Hofmann died today at the age of 102. He invented LSD in 1938, and took the first trip— in his case on a bicycle and 250 micrograms— in 1943.

Truly a legend of "better living through chemistry," Hoffman was an imaginative and inspiring leader in the psychedelic community throughout his old age. I remember being lime-green with envy at my friends who traveled to Basel to help celebrate his 100th birthday.

Let's shout the obvious: the benefits and insights of LSD-25 have been thwarted and crucified by the Titanic stupidity of the War on Drugs™ — one of the great brainwashings of our time.

If you have ever experienced a psychedelic, either synthetic or right out of your garden, I hope you'll mention it in the coming days, to someone you love who might not be in the loop. Get out that Mom Took Acid button and stick it on your fridge. Smell the Marigolds. Raise a glass to Albert!

The Yippies, circa 1968, were notorious for suggesting that we put "acid in the water supply" to speed an end to the Vietnam war. Below, proof they were right...

Squirting Videos Make Federal Prosecutor Mad as a Wet Hen

Barbieken Deep in the bowels of Washington, a federal US Attorney is watching porn videos. Lots of porn videos. They are looking for crime, they're looking for a cause, a way to bring back integrity to the US Attorney's Office.

Now they've found one: filing an obscenity case against porn legend John Stagliano, and his company Evil Angel— for "squirting fetish" footage.

You remember what happened to the federal prosecutors under the Bush admin, right? Everyone who was interested in white collar crime, corruption, extortion, and child-kidnapping was told to fly right and start focussing on porno:

Two of the fired U.S. attorneys, Dan Bogden of Nevada and Paul Charlton of Arizona, were pressured by a top Justice Department official last fall to commit resources to adult obscenity cases, even though both of their offices faced serious shortages of manpower. Each of them warned top officials that pursuing the obscenity cases would force them to pull prosecutors away from other significant criminal investigations.

In Nevada, ongoing cases included gang violence and racketeering, corporate healthcare fraud, and the prosecution of a Republican official on corruption charges. In Arizona, they included multiple investigations of child exploitation, including "traveler" cases in which pedophiles arrive from elsewhere to meet children they've targeted online.

Anyone who didn't toe the line, was fired and replaced with one of the Bible College grads who could follow simple instructions.

Yes, but this is old news. What's interesting is that the screening room hasn't shut down. The feds are watching more porn than ever. The ones that freak them out the most aren't the hard cocks, the interracial sex, the homosexual taboos that so often frequented past federal investigations. That's so 80s.

No, the movies they're going after this time, are a milestone in obscenity trials. No one ever used to pay attention to female orgasm in porn tapes before... it was like Queen Victoria dismissing lesbianism. It just didn't count for them. Dick was all that mattered.

In Milk Nymphos, Storm Squirters, and Fetish Fanatic 5 , the one common element is women simulating orgasm, and demonstrating such by squirting up a storm. The scenes are surreal, they're so inauthentic, but what's remarkable, in legal history, is that the ostensible pleasure on screen is depicting the thrill of female orgasm.

I think we have a breakthrough here. The feds want to make visible female excitement an obscenity.

 

  Listen to an excerpt 

Listen to the whole show at Audible.com: LINK

Get the show free for a month: LINK

 

Also on today’s show, I over my post-Paris tips on how to take a sexy vacation. From pre-flight master-Tiki madness at Terminal C, to embracing getting lost in a foreign city, to making out in public; I can offer you a different kind of travel guide.

Finally, in my Try This at Home mailbag, I get a letter from a listener about a no-good porn-star sister.


Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for girly cards to susie@audible.com. (Episode 338, April 25, 2008).

Photo: I looked at stills from all the indicted videos, and I didn't find one that appealed to me as much as this screenshot from a Spanish rock band's video: Trisfe's Pornografia. Thanks to boingboing for the introduction!

April 21, 2008

I Wish I'd Never Heard of the G-Spot... and Louisiana on My Mind

Image"Don't you just love these long rainy afternoons in New Orleans when an hour isn't just an hour - but a little piece of eternity dropped into our hands... and who knows what to do with it?"

-Blanche DuBois, "A Streetcar Named Desire"


Today, on my In Bed podcast, I talk about my enchanted trip this month to New Orleans— my first since the storm. I'm still as in love with this city as the first day, twenty years ago, that I stepped foot into the spellbound eternity that Tennessee Williams describes so well.

You know what struck me about N.O. today? It was a comparison. Look at the rest of the country— we're paralyzed with anxiety about the ensuing economic collapse and environmental chaos. We're so afraid, we smell bad.

In the Gulf, in New Orleans, everyone left standing has BEEN there and DONE that. And they've got the Army Corps of Engineers tattoo on their shingle to prove it.

They've seen the worst; every day is a little bit better. They were abandoned by the federal zookeepers, left for dead, no joke. But you know what? This city won't quit. You can't kill a a bloom that's been seeded for centuries. You can't deny a flood of endurance, nor the hearts that stitched themselves together when no one thought they could keep ticking. This is the Eternal Krewe. They stomp on.

I once said that while the rest of the United States lives and dies on its work ethic, New Orleans survives and thrives on a pleasure ethic. Friends, neighbors, family— and the wee and languid hours you spend with them— that's what makes something last when you're in the middle of a disaster area. You can't buy it, and you can't strive for it. You have to live this way, you have to care about beauty, and ritual, sensuality, and communality.

The fact that Southern Louisiana and Mississippi are still standing, partying, fucking, cooking, and making music together, is testimony to a human spirit that survives out of sheer spite— and true love. This is a community of survivors. They're the early adopters of Armageddon. I found it relaxing.

I got my first decent night's sleep in months, listening to the streetcar roll by. I dreamed such wonderful pleasures. I woke up and the air smelled good.

Sure, everyone has PTSD.  There's an unspoken understanding of giving one another some room to be a little crazy, a little extra time to unfold.  "Be Nice or Leave" said the sign in many bars and eateries I walked into, and I found that advice to be just the right temperature. Everyone's been through so much here, they don't need an impatient fool's conceit or drama.

The formal reason for my appearance in this fair city, was to give a lecture at Tulane University, which I called "Beyond the Vagina," in honor of the 10th anniversary V-Day celebrations that Eve Ensler organized for New Orleans the week I was there.

Img_0255_2 What's beyond the Vag? Everything, frankly. The anatomy lesson doesn't take that long.

I met hundreds of Tulane students and faculty during my visit, and among many conversations, I asked them to indulge me in  one of my anonymous sex surveys. I ask them, among other things,  to jot down a question that might not be the easiest thing to ask on the mike, in front of everyone.

I've written the complete list here, separated by gender and age.

There's plenty to discuss, and I'll blog more in the coming days. Every campus should have a sex center/hotline/dropin where every single one of these questions gets addressed. None of them are inexplicable!

One thing I've observed lately is that women and men of every age, are obsessed with that erotic unicorn, the Grafenberg-Spot. It's hardly Louisiana; it's an American obsession.

I wish I'd never brought up the darn G-Thingy twenty years ago when I was one of the first to start writing about it. Talk about a backlash....

  Listen to an excerpt 

Listen to the whole show at Audible.com: LINK

Get the show free for a month: LINK

I'll be crunching the rest of my survey numbers in the coming week, and look forward to more sex ed discussions!

Finally, thank you, especially, to the magi-eloquent Crystal Kile, the inspired Charlotte D'Ooge, the revelatory Mimi Schippers, and the silver-tongued Jonno, for their more-than-hospitable care of me during my stay. You know I'm coming back...


In Bed Goodies...Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for free show coupon cards to susie@audible.com. (Episode 337, April 18, 2008)

Photos: Vivien Leigh, from the 1951's Streetcar... and the "Katrina Warriors" from the Newcomb Institute who put Susie on the table.

April 09, 2008

I'd Like to Make Weekend Plans With You and Your Husband

My goodness, it IS almost strawberry season!

I thought no one could come close to Polly Wally for the mirth of non-monogamy, but this new musical comedy duo, Riegel and Blatt, has made me believe again.

Video written and performed by: Riegel & Blatt, Director: Andrew Miller, DP: Quyen Tran, Featuring: Angela Trimbur, Marian Belgray, Megan Hollingshead, Liam O'Brien, Drake Coker, Halla Timon and Eden Riegel.

Thanks to talented tunesmith Camille for sharing this with me!

April 04, 2008

Susie at Tulane on April 8th!

Img_0992 SUSIE BRIGHT

Beyond the Vagina:
Sexual Lives and the Body Politic


7:30 pm, Tuesday April 8, 2008

McAlister Auditorium, Tulane University

New Orleans, Louisiana

There is no charge for admission.

Doors open at 6:45 pm.

This event is part of the Katrina Warriors Festival. And the big V-Day Fest this coming week in New Orleans.

I'm honored to be  the "Salzer Lecturer" at Tulane this year. Adele Ramos Salzer, Newcomb alumnus of 1940, was a great and active friend of Newcomb College Center for Research on Women, and this lecture series honors her generous, inquisitive spirit. Past Salzer Lecturers have included Lisa Ling, Beverly Guy-Sheftall, Helen Caldicott, and Jil Ker Conway.



Painting: Jon Bailiff

April 03, 2008

My Pre-Feminist Paris Porn Collection

Brigittebardot Before I left for a week in Paris, I was given the names and numbers of some "fellow travelers" in the French sexual liberation milieu. Of course, I was delighted, and eager to look them up.

I'm always interested in the Franco-American popcult attraction, because we seem endlessly inspired by each other, in ways that neither would recognize in the original. It's this glorious misunderstanding that intrigues me so.

Take The Story of O, for example. From the American standpoint, L'Histoire d'O, is perhaps the most famous "erotic novel" ever written, the epitome of the S/M fantasy. It was written by a middle-aged woman, Anne Declos, to woo her lover back to her, when he appeared to be straying.

It worked.

If you're American, and haven't read the book, thumbed the (French) graphic novel version, or watched the movie, you've missed a milestone. Not only was the title the subject of famous censorship, but decades later, it became an inspiration for the devoutly political lesbian feminist S/M movement. It's safe to say that a radical manifesto like Coming to Power owes a lot of juice to Little Ms. O.

I couldn't tell you what "O" signifies in French culture, but it certainly isn't part of a grassroots feminist radical-sex movement! That's hilarious. Americans imbue erotic liberation with gay and feminist fundamentals, but that's just not the case across the globe.

I've nearly given up telling acquaintances in France I'm a "feminist," because the word is understood so loftily there, I might as well say I'm a devotee of derivative string theory. Feminism in France doesn't signify all the "practical" things I think it means, even though they have a notorious history of feminist rebels from the French Revolution to today.

The disconnect between charismatic figures like Simone Beauvoir, versus the ordinary Frenchwoman going to work, minding her home— I don't get it. The country is as macho a society as any other classic Latin culture you might name. Even though women privately cluck over men's follies, men are so routinely deferred to, and groomed for superiority at every occasion, that it would make a typical working class American woman blow milk through her nose.

I'll give you another interesting example of recent note, that my expatriate friend Maxine explained to me.

Juno is a popular movie here right now, advertised in subways, and of great controversy. But the steam isn't about the abortion dilemma. No, the taboo in Juno is that the lead, played by Ellen Page, is a pretty young woman in her basic assets, yet she doesn't dress up as a "jolie jeune fille" ought to. She does not "adorn" herself, a key to French femininity. Juno's ragamuffin clothes and indifference to her external appearance, is a real shockeroo to  their society. French audiences find Page endearing, and they are blown away that her beauty is "internal."

Willendorf3And I didn't even notice what she was wearing.

In Paris, I also stopped introducing myself as an "erotic" critic, or editor, because I think people imagined I was using a euphemism to express the fact that I was dealing in naughty postcards to fetishistic gentlemen, or... who knows what. I got odd looks.

In France, so much erotic inspiration is mainstream, it must seem extreme to make a point out of it. A new book, a movie, a painting, may examine a sexual relationship, but that's not "erotic," that's just life. It's more realistic to introduce myself by saying, "I'm a writer."

With this background, I was pleased to be given an introduction to the well-known artist, 1960s "Happenings" auteur, and self-described sexual liberation defender, Jean-Jacques Lebel.

Lebel had a new video he showed at the Pompidieu Center last week, called The Avatars of Venus. My partner and I were excited to go, and accepted his suggestion to attend.

Venus uses the technique of morphing— that classic Star Trekkie, music-video sensation, to view a vast erotica collection, all female nudes or pinups, melting from one to another, from every century, every style. It morphs from Willendorf to Jayne Mansfield to an unnamed 70s porn model. The screen is split in two; you watch dueling morph-Venuses in tandem.

Of course it was entertaining. My response was even more acute, since I'm sure I was the only person in the room besides Mr. Lebel to be deeply familiar with all of his images. I've gazed upon each one of these female portraits so many times, with so many questions.

Mr. Lebel's collection displayed women as fetching, fecund, curvy babes who pose to display and invite. They will fuck you and they will cherish you; they will adore you and open their legs. Gotta love'em!

Not present onscreen were prepubescents, androgynes, nor the slightly, or terribly, older. It wasn't diverse in that respect— and no one stipulated he needed it to be— but what "wasn't there" was as interesting to me as what was. 

Z72676852His video had no women's point of view about her  sexual self interest. Every woman was posed as one would pose an eager pet. Now, this is nothing new; this IS the mainstream of female portraiture— I'm not daft. A lot of people outside the art or political world would look at this collection, and think, "Yeah, that's the sum-total of girlie pictures." It's the canon of celebrity and blockbuster entertainment.

But I can't imagine a contemporary American artist discussing or displaying the female body where the question of female POV wouldn't be addressed. It'd be as if you'd been locked in a bubble for the past thirty years.

It reminded me of the spectacle last year when the Republicans unveiled all their nominees for the next Presidential election, and each one of them was an aged white man. It went beyond quaint, and into the realm of "fuck-you."

Women artists transformed "cunt consciousness" in the late 60s, blew up the Madonna/whore pedestals— and fine art has never looked at female nudes the same way again. You don't have to be a cult fan of Nothing But the Girl to know this.

I puzzled over the girlie spectacle in silence. There was no soundtrack to Lebel's film. At one point, there was a pause, and an image of a veiled Muslim woman appeared, staring out at us with big eyes. I took that to mean, "Women are oppressed when they have to cover up and hide like this!" But I found myself contrarily endeared to this model, because she was the only one not broadcasting, "Hey there, sailor, new in town?"

The last film Lebel showed was a lengthy discourse between him and a critic about his documentation on the "Happenings" scene of the 1960s. The tone elevated each archival photograph of Lebel's events to a totemic level of modern artistic and political action.

True, it was a fond historical document, but it seemed Laugh-In-like chauvinistic to be so grave and unreflective about the nature of these performances... Cuban missile crisis? Show a nude chick. Vietnam tragedy? Parade a nude chick. Stop the bomb? Two nude chicks! Male nudity?— Mais non! The nude hippie girl models were swarmed with men with cameras, reminiscent of Paris Hilton and her paparazzi camp.

Since Lebel didn't take questions at the conclusion of his show, and departed with his companions, we didn't get to ask him, "Are we missing something? Are we blind with ethnocentrism? Has anyone mentioned to you...?"

But by chance, a week later, when we traveled to the South, we visited an old friend who knew Jean-Jacques back in the day. She said, "Oh god, what a hoot. Of course, he's been screamed at by everyone. He doesn't care. It's his 'e-rot-ic-a,'" she said, her lips arching each syllable.

Her laughter, as if to say, "Well, what do you expect?" made me to decide to never again use the word "erotic," in France, with a straight face.

Yokoono_4bottoms760388 After Lebel's film, there were two other shorts presented at the screening, both with a sexual bent.

The one I could follow was Yoko Ono's film, Bottoms, from 1966. Five and a half minutes. It's a continuous footage of oscillating derrieres, the crucifix of flesh between the buttocks, crossed by the fold where our thighs begin. I loved it.

Yoko and her friends are the anonymous models: men, women, young people, elderly. In many cases, you couldn't figure out, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The audience burst into nervous giggles as the fat bottoms, the saggy ones, made their appearance. No one had made A SOUND in the theater until these images appeared, so that caught my attention.

It wasn't embarrassing that they were nude, but it was embarrassing that they weren't  firm, or lovely? Rather than puritanical nerves jangling, it was the upset of the un-cute.

Lebel introduced Yoko as being a dear friend of his. They both blossomed during the avant garde of the 1960s. He is a "fellow traveler" in the derring-do, the unfettered celebration of the body, but they sure have different exposures to gender politics!

I couldn't get enough of this stimulation. I had to return to the upstairs galleries at the Pompidieu. It is all Modern art, with piles of thrilling masterpieces crammed onto one white wall after another. Your stomach flip-flops because any one  of them could transform your life— and yet the presentation of hundreds of them, in box-shaped rooms, like a demented force-feeding, makes you numb. You have to put on blinders.

Obviously, it's not just a problem at the Pompidieu... this is a sickness of many tourist-packed public spaces. As a museum-whore, fascinated with collections and obsessions, I suffer greatly.

Img_0087 I put on my blinders. I tried to enforce the privacy of my own little ecstatic world, and disappear into a single work for a private meditation. I looked for particular artists who bowl me over.

One of them is Balthus. All of his paintings portray a psycho-sexual story that puts you on the cliff of your own id.

Balthus was controversial in his day, but perhaps even more so today, for his depiction of female sexual urges and frightening childhood bitterness.

Distressed critics said of him, "What a perverted voyeur!" But when you look at the years he painted, you have to wonder what it meant back then, and the way he projected his own life into his characters. If you understand, say, that homoerotic Slash fiction is the invention of mature heterosexual women, it makes all the sense to me that Balthus was, in his imagination, as much one of his girls as he was their observer, or longing admirer.

One of his more straightforward portraits at the Pompidieu is of a woman combing her hair, with her slip falling off, one leg on a chair. It's called "Alice," 1934, after Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland.

Like all Balthus' work, it places Alice's sexual confrontation, as well as her body, in full view. She's arresting, a little spooky, the kind of work new observers might question, "Why does it feel 'pornographic,' when it's simply a female nude like a thousand others in here?" 

She's not demure. Her sex is not hidden. Balthus was unusual among modern artists to provoke these reactions from the very beginning.

Because I was in France, I thought that the descriptive index card next to the painting would offer a dull blurb on the artist. Most of these "cards" are unfailingly boring.

But instead, this description, and this description ALONE— among the entire third and fourth floor of artwork— was in a state of hysteria. To wit:

This nude is all the more disturbing for its having been painted from a clearly identifiable model, a friend of the painters called Betty Holland. Entirely recognizable then, Betty/Alice's charming face and blond hair are  contradictorily strange and disturbing. As are the outsize breast, the too-narrow waist, the thick legs, the small childish feet, and above all, the distinctly adult vulva on view in the middle of the painting to which ones gaze always returns with the same disquiet.


Img_0787 What horseshit!!

What on earth is a "distinctly adult vulva?" The model was a 23-year-old woman! Are vulvas supposed to be discreet slits that never dare take the center of a portrait? Narrow waists, thick legs, unmatched pendulous breasts— guess what? That's normal variety in female physique!

After all, it's apparently Bettie, and everyone knew it was Bettie, because of those darn thick legs! What on earth is shocking about recognizing a master painter's model? Many were notorious in their own right.

I was so taken aback by this guilty little apology of a rat-card, that I stupidly asked one of the museum "minders" if they had anyone in charge, to whom I could protest! In my worst French, I said, "Why do you show the painting if you're ashamed of it, and sickened by women's sexuality?" (Pourquoi montrez cette peinture si vous ont horrifiés d'elle?)

So, I put it to you... since I have a scattershot knowledge of art history. The one thing I know well is sexual representation. I expected the French museum world to be old-school, but not the least puritanical about a Polish/French legend of modern (or actually anti-modernist) art. What am I missing?

Susiepompidieu I'll tell you what activity I enjoyed the very most at the Pompidieu. They allow you to take non-flash pictures. Lots of people take out their cell phones/cameras to click away.    

Obviously, you aren't going to get any kind of decent reproduction, but what one discovers instead, is that YOU get to interact with the work by capturing it with various people relating to the artwork, or focusing on some detail, that makes it personal to you. I had a ball posing with paintings and sculptures, or finding perfect expressions of other visitors in action.

I would've given anything to be quick enough to capture the gaggle of twelve-year-old girls who walked up to "Alice," as part of their school field trip. They screamed with laughter and surprise, some half-covering their eyes. The little queen bee among them, braces flashing,  pointed her finger right at the center of the painting, at that "large" vulva, and yelled, "There! Look! At! That!"



"The Avatar of Venus" is available from Re:Voir Video Editions, or email Pip Chodorov.

Photos: Brigitte Bardot, Venus of Willendorf, Bettie Page, Yoko Ono at screening of her "Bottoms," Balthus' "Alice" at the Pompidieu, a man viewing the same, and me with Cy Twombly.

April 02, 2008

Paris Kitchenette

Kitchenpotdefeu The best meals I ate in Paris last week— and later, south in the Languedoc region— were the ones I prepared in our own kitchen, and ate at home.

I didn't plan it that way, and it's no criticism of French restaurants, but it was a revelation.

It started because of jet lag. My lover and I were hungry, and awake, when we arrived, late, in the city. We were staying at a friend's apartment who lives around the corner from one of the original cobblestone roads to Rome, Rue Mouffetard, where there are several farmer's market stalls, and plentiful delis, patisserie, and charcuterie shops, who spill their talents onto the street.

You can't walk out the door without being hit with the smells of roast chicken and potatoes, shellfish paella, fresh garlic, ripe cheese, boxes of strawberries from Spain. You're offered wine samples in the street. The Nutella and banana crepes are sizzling on the outdoor burners. The artisan's boutique of olive oils and vinegars beckons, so luxurious in its offerings it makes the wine shop look slack.

It was a fantastic scene, and also very familiar, because Paris's seasonal offerings are just like what we're eating from our farm co-op in California. The tomatoes are from Spain instead of Baja. Everyone on Le Mouffe was loading up for Easter supper, and that felt as cozy to me as any crazed Wednesday at the Santa Cruz Farmer's Market. We have our own olive orchards in Northern California,  so it isn't unusual to me to point and say, "Oh yes, I want to try that one, and that one, and that one," in tiny paper cups.

This isn't the way I grew up shopping and eating... no, my childhood was spent with my Mom, marveling at the frozen food section at the supermarket.  I was as enamored of "TV Dinners" as the next '60s kid parked in front of My Favorite Martian. 

But when the early organic food revolution hit California in the 70s, I was luckily in the geographic center of it. I became an early adopter simply by opening my mouth and  sighing with pleasure. Plus, despite my era-changing background, I  still knew how to use a knife and a iron skillet.

As our week went by in Paris, I saw that the other heavenly thing about home-cooking, was that I could escape my unease and humiliation about how to "act" in a Parisian restaurant.

Maxinestable My French language skills are up to parsing the right words, reading the menu, sounding like an articulate three-year-old. But my physical bumbling in the restaurants— the way I kept inadvertently breaking fashion and decorum rules— embarrassed me so dearly, I was close to tears sometimes. You wouldn't consider me anything other than "well-mannered" if you saw me at an American eatery. But by Parisian standards, I am a total disgrace, and I will never even be able to count, let alone understand, all the ways I "offended."

It was different on the Paris street. At the delis, the cheese and jam shop, the tent with the melons, the shopkeepers were enthusiastic and tolerant; they joked with me. My smiles and enthusiasm and Cowboy Earth Boots were fine. The Euros spilled out. If I came across like Minnie Pearl, it was fine with them!

Back at our apartment with my zucchini, garlic, and Camembert omelet, my butter lettuce salad with raspberries and vinaigre de figue, I could literally put my feet up while I enjoyed our supper. I splattered homemade mayonnaise in a new potato salad and guzzled my Bordeaux. Later at night, I'd wander out in my clogs and umbrella, and flirt with the tart girl, who serves quiches right from her window. I could lick the caramel from the waxed pastry wrapper that enclosed the fruits des noixettes I picked out in the sweet shop— a sticky pie made of five kinds of nuts and syrup. 

I was like a kid at a county fair, my fingers in everything. "Quelle est votre confiture favorite?" I asked the gay cheese boy, pointing at all the fruit jam jars sitting above the creme fraiche pot. He was absolutely set on the Cherry, and showed me the fromage that makes you moan when you slather the two together.

Because I'm so spoiled in Central California, I can't say any of the French veggies or fruits were unusual quality. They were fine. But the bread— The Bread— is on another level of sensation.

Bread is not traditionally put in plastic bags in France. Once a loaf has gone hard from being in the air, it's either "pain perdu" or it's in the trash. No one would dream of freezing it, or making it "last longer" than forty-eight hours.

Because freshness, and everything that goes with a fresh baked piece of bread is so crucial, the French don't bake just once a day, but twice. The evening shopper has as flavorful and crispy a baguette as the one who shops at dawn. Le Pain is baked twice a day to fulfill everyone's expectations.

And the varieties! I can't even tell you all the types I crunched... every boulangerie has their own recipe, their variation on country-style breads, traditionelle, Parisian-style, nouvelle mixes; it's ENDLESS. The terms "white," "wheat," or "rye" have no meaning here, because it's more like three thousand instead of three.

Typical French shoppers go out every day or two. When you go home, you eat at leisure with your family. I can't tell you how amazed I was to spend two and a half hours at a table, again and again, with families which included teenagers enjoying themselves, eating everything, all blabbing at once.

Dinnerpotdefeu I last saw these particular young people when they were toddlers, (I lived in France, in farming country, in the early 90s) so of course, then, our kids were tied to our apron strings. But now they're still at the table! I don't mean to say there's no generation gap— the funniest thing about my travels was listening to French parents rail about the same adolescent outrages that my peers do at home. But the family meal was the place where everyone come together, no matter what.

Americans wouldn't recognize how much time, energy and domestic satisfaction is lavished on food here, as a matter of course. But French culture is in a state of sustained shock that over the pressures applied to them to jump on the global bandwagon of speed-eating and homogenization.

In the States, the slow food movement is galloping; we see a wellspring of sustainable agriculture practices, and desire for all that is fresh and homemade. Of course it hasn't brought Safeway or KFC to its knees, but it's remarkable.

Meanwhile, in France, the most intense gossip I heard when I returned to my old village in Languedoc, concerned the suicides of two local farmers who had lost everything, the French terroir equivalent of a Great Depression. The experience of the European Union, at least among my old neighbors, is one of being culturally robbed and financially bankrupted. I wish I could have understood more in my brief visit, to explain what's going on, but the feeling was unmistakable. The starkness of class divides, and  feeling of ancient traditions in chaos—  I didn't need a translator.

Back to Paris. One day, I'd like to be able to dress, speak, and behave myself well enough to take a seat in the French-Korean restaurant around the corner of Rue Mouffetard, or the interior of Le Chartier, without everyone staring at me like I was Sasquatch. I'd love to pull it off. But in the meantime, I won't be forsaken by the farmers, the bakers and butchers, the sticky jam makers, no matter where I travel. I know what it's like to get my hands dirty. 

Photos: Jon Bailiff

April 01, 2008

The Envelope Please... for The Oddest Book Title!

18oct077071081 If I could win any prize, or seize the crown of any contest, it might be this one:

"The Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year."

Drum roll, please for the 2008 winner of this august British competition...

"If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs"

London's Reuters reports on the 30th annual decision:

"If You Want Closure... makes redundant an entire genre of self-help tomes. So effective is the title that you don't even need to read the book itself," said Bookseller magazine's deputy editor Joel Rickett.

"The winner beat stiff competition from other short-listed titles including the somewhat niche Cheese Problems Solved, and How to Write a 'How to Write Book.'"

And let's not forget the other strong contender: Are Women Human? And Other International Dialogs, by none other than Catherine MacKinnon.

The trade booksellers who vote for the winner are so picky, that they didn't even give a trophy in 1987 and 1991, because there weren't any candidates sufficiently bizarre.

But what a pleasure it is to relish the odd champions that have clawed their way to the top:

Joy of Chickens, 1980

The Theory of Lengthwise Rolling
1983

The Lesbian Sadomasochism Safety Manual
1990

Joy of Sex: Pocket Edition
1997

Living with Crazy Buttocks
  2002 

Bomb-proof Your Horse: Teach Your Horse to Be Confident, Obedient, and Safe, No Matter What You Encounter
2004

Clearly the voters are attracted, in many years, to sex and to opinionated feminists. My favorite of the group so far is my own well-thumbed copy of The Lesbian Sadomasochism Safety Manual by Pat Califia. It's one of the most down-to-earth "practical" books I've ever read, on any subject, from changing tires to cooking soup. It didn't hit me until now that it could appeal to more absurdist tastes.

I hope that Cheese Problems Solved will prove just as dependable!


Illustration: One of Harvey Kurtzman's  beloved covers for MAD magazine. All those "odd" title winners had "blah" book cover designs, so I chose something that captured the right visual spirit. Thanks to Steve Harsin for the tip!

March 25, 2008

50 Ways To Light Your Bougies

Img_0002 You say it's your birthday; well, it's my birthday too, yeah:


















Song: "Euphoria," Holy Modal Rounders

March 23, 2008

The Oakland Peach Goes to Paris

Img_0050 From Susie, Easter Sunday in France:

I just received a rather amazing letter of advice concerning my first visit to Paris.

It is written by the notorious femme —known as The Oakland Peach— who has given me permission to print her billet in its entirety:

Dear Susie,

The best thing about Paris is that the tourist stuff is actually cool, so you can't go wrong.

I was a local for over a year, and I did the Red Bus thing four times! Twice on my own!  I can't remember what it is called, but it's the red double decker bus, it costs 25 euros for a 3-day pass, it cycles every ninety minutes or so, and you can get on and off all day. 

It goes to all the most lovely places. Once I got on when I was depressed and lonely, and spent the day just looking around at how fucking lucky I was to be miserable in such a beautiful place. Sometimes you just wanna look.

The other, most awesome touristy thing that I did every time someone visited, and a whopping 5 times on my own was the Bateau Mouche.  It's the long boat that you pick up at Pont Neuf and it rides you up and down the Seine.

But the catch here is that you MUST do this at night. Last boat goes around midnight. Of course, it's a great view of the sites, but the best part is that they shine these huge lights off the sides of the boat to light up the Quay's, and it catches all the randy twenty-somethings having sex on the lower bankments of the Isles.

One balmy summer night I saw a whopping five couples in various stages of flagrante! Awesome! You're pretty much guaranteed a sighting of at least one slight little French girl in a full skirt discreetly straddling her dirty-looking Italian boyfriend, but you're just as likely to see actual flesh.

I do like to look.

Another good looking place is the Pont des Artes, the wooden foot bridge that spans between Carrefour de Louvre and the Academie. Again, night-time is the best. It's a foot bridge with a great history, and you can just sit and sit and sit.

I used to like to contemplate the rumour that the Lady Nestle, the original inhabitant of the building that is now the Academie, used to avail herself of her male servants sexually. While that might sound like a reasonably good gig, supposedly if they didn't please her, she would toss them out her window into le fleuve! The bank wasn't so far away back then, because they built it up there for the road. Evidently a few lived to tell the tale.

I did all of the walks with "Paris Walks." The Marais walk is particularly good. They are in the morning so it's a great way to start your day.

Anyway, enough of the tourist stuff, here is the stuff I want you to eat in honor of me.

Look for the ice cream ads for Magnum bars. Easy to spot, they feature a lovely gal in bed performing oral sex on what looks like a chocolate version of those America Bombs you used to be able to get from ice cream trucks. I used to get such a giggle from these ads. I feel all erotic about ice cream too.

Finally I tried one, and OMG the chocolates and pastries and macaroons can all go to L'Enfer! This is the best damn treat in the world.  t's a carmel ice cream bomb, covered by a layer of salty carmel sandwiched between two layers of dark, not too sweet chocolate.

The Ferris Wheel in the Tuilleries is likely up by now, with an amazing view of the Eiffel Tower twinkling. And you can get a Magnum there. My vote for best place to blow an ice cream bar. Please please think of me when you do.

Fuck Deux Magots, I'm a Cafe Flore girl. Order the hot chocolate, (avec chantilly, natch)  and prepare yourself. They melt chocolate bars in a double boiler, then add heavy cream, then bring the little metal pot they did all this in right out so you can pour it in your little cup. Go around 11 PM, and you'll catch Karl Lagerfield walking in with some of the skinniest people you will ever see alive and in person!  Sit out front. Yeah, the famous people go upstairs, but they have European lungs. You have Santa Cruz lungs. You can't handle it upstairs.

Now about the shopping.....it won't fit, and you can't afford it, for the most part. But here is my by far best tip for bringing back some fabulous outfit from Paris. The Les Halles underground mall H&M third floor. It's their version of the "Women's" department, meaning XL isn't a size 8. It's pretty much the only place in Paris I found anything to fit my lush, full-figured curves! But here is the thing about H&M.

They have different things in every city. I assure you, they are taking the pulse of the French chick on the street (its pretty much the only place they shop, too), and you won't see any of that back here. AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO AFFORD IT!

Now about the dressing....you will never get that nonchalant, 'I didn't try', dirty luxury fabulousness that the French girls do. You will never unravel the secrets of the neck scarf. Don't try. Because they love characters. If you can't be preternaturally chic, be acharacter. You will see one in every nabe, on every walk...  Dandy old men in threepiece suits and a pocket watch... German ladies in vaguely African head scarfs and flowing handmade scarf-dress things... Italians in all denim outfits so tight you'd think it would give them an embolism... Artistic types in exquisitely hand detailed Russian coats... Glorious short kimonos over skin tight jeans and sky high heels.

Do this, wear your handmade dresses that show off that magnificent cleavage.  Proudly bounce your clean, asymmetrical hair and flash your clear skin. Walk tall (and you will indeed be a head taller than the tallest Gallic fella). Wear your kooky earth shoes with brightly colored tights. Say, "Tout les choses ici est SI GENIAL!" And they will love you for it.

Once I figured this out, and got comfortable with being looked at, it changed everything for me there. The French frown is as much a facial tick as our involuntary smile. This is their secret, and it doesn't take much to get them to spill it.  THEY FUCKING LOVE AMERICAN WOMEN. We smile, we laugh, we talk loud enough to be heard, we're in a good mood, we like to hug, we have cute little accents, we LUV! their home... You are gonna charm the pants off of
them!

And go to Shakespeare and Co. on the Quai St. Michel. They know you there, I'll bet. You might even be able to do an impromptu reading.

So here is a little walking tour of my fabulous old neighborhood. Start out early evening at the point where the Tuileries meets the grounds of the Louvre. (I think technically it's Rue Lemonnier, but I knew it as the Terrace du Tuileries).

There are some great chubby girl statues in mid-tumble that look like 3d Boteros. Walk across Pont Royal to the left bank, take a left then an immediate right onto Rue de Beaune. There are some crazy rich people antique stores with art-furniture like you couldn't imagine! Look for the teeny tiny vintage clothing and stuff boutique.

Walk two short blocks to Rue de Verneuil. Left on Verneuil. Two blocks up you will pass Serge Gainsbourg's house on your right. It's covered in graffiti. One "big trash" day there was a pile of old furniture outside. I found a bunch of tins in a desk, full of vaguely pornographic poloroids, and pictures of little skinny girls on the beach. I probably could have sold this stash, but whatever.

Also on the right is a design bookstore, of which there are a hell of a lot in Paris. This is a particularly quiet and airy one, though, and Karl Lagerfield hangs out here too.

Take a right on Rue Saints Peres and marvel at the store that sells chandeliers to Versailles like palaces in Saudi Arabia. Go on3 block and take a left on Rue Jacob, probably the cutest little street in Paris: Turkish rug dealers, an AMAZING Afghan/Persian/Asian import shop, very "south of France" fabric stores, unique antiques, another design bookstore, a couple of fine linen stores, anyway, you'll see.

Keep wandering down until the Rue ends. Now you are on Rue de Seine. To the left are little galleries (Friday evenings are the openings) to the Right is a fantastic restaurant called "Fish". It's run by New Zealanders and it is, for my money, the best affordable seafood in town. If it's dinnertime, eat there (unless it's market night, see below). They own a sandwich shop across the street that is the only place where you will find the California style gourmet sandwich (roasted eggplant with red pepper coulis and arugula on fresh foccacia).

But save your drinking for the Cafe de la Presse, right on the corner of Rue de Buci.This place is full of hunky young North African guys who work in the multimedia industry andthey are dying to buy you a drink. This is the top of the Carrefour de Buci area. Wander around in that market area. It's particularly
bustling at night. Several times I was walking home around 2 AM and they were dancing in the street out in front of Cafe de la Presse.

Tuesday evenings they have a full on farmers market with huge woks full of seafood paella, and charcuterie makers that tempt the staunchest vegan, fruit so sweet like you've never had, enormous wheels of peasant bread the size of 18-wheeler tires. (They will cut these peasant breadsfor you. Juste une petite tranche, si'l vous plaît)!  All of that is right out in front of Le Champion, the "French Safeway," which makes it extra funny.

Anyway, you take it from there. You're just a few blocks away from either Mabillon or Odeon Metro, if you get tired, but with the coffee, you won't.

Oh yeah, one quick tip about coffee. I'm not a big latte person, (called Cafe Creme there) but I do like to have a little hot milk in my coffee. Order Cafe Noisette. No, they don't put hazelnut in it, it refers to the color. Make it a double. They're little, and you'll need the caffeine.

Okay, I'll stop.

Profites-bien, et dis-moi toutes quand tu reviens!

Trés bon sejour!

La Pêche d'Oakland


Img_0068This is the quick note I wrote her back tonight:

Dearest Peachy-Pie,

Sacre Bleu!

I just read your letter out-loud to Jon and we are speechless at your savoir faire. We just spent our first full day out and about, and I assasinated my feet. I mean they are DEAD. I limped home from the Place Monge

Mais, je ne regrette rien!

We just returned from this crazy party a world-class boho theatrical inspiration named Jim Haynes throws every Sunday for anyone who rings him up and wants to come.

Jim's apartment was packed with locals, swingers, southern belles, Texas poets, Canadian homeschoolers, queens, Hillary Clinton insiders dying to gossip, beatniks, teenagers, literate dirty old men, expats, visitors from all over. Lamb stew and make it sloppy, baby. Jim once ran an Amsterdam newspaper called SUCK in the '60s. That's what made me take a chance.

You are so sweet to me to tell me "what to wear," and what to be proud of. It's true, I always feel like La Elefantine when I am here. Although Jeanne D'Arc looks like a Amazon, I must say. I must visit this H&M branch you speak of; whatta score.

We went to Musee D'Orsee today, but first, since it was Easter, we started with mass at Notre Dame. PANDEMONIOM. Thousands of visitors moving like a giant herd, a Catholic stampede. Cameras popping everywhere, thousands of votives burning bright, the light pouring in from every stained-glass wall.

The monsigneur was screaming about materialism and money-worship. Some people were on their knees, rapt, and others were freely spending at the gift shop. And the singing! There is nothing like singing in a real cathedral.

Jon got to see me do a real "Hail Mary "over my candle.

We declined to go to the Louvre, because the line was insane... and impressive to me, nearly all French in the queue. Everyone comes out for their national treasures on a holiday. I listened to ten-years-olds at d'Orsee discuss Cezanne like he was their personal property .

I'm glad to hear you recommend the tour bus so I won't feel so dorky. Since my feet are like swollen balloons, the chauffeur sounds good.

We shopped on Rue Mouffetard, and I cooked supper in our kitchen. A butter lettuce salad with new potatoes marinated in balsamic vinaigre de figue and handpressed olive oil, with fresh raspberries, avocado, and sharp parmesan. And bread. Pain. Pain. Incroyable.

I can't wait to find the Magnum ice cream bar. I lost two of my belongings things today (losing things is my bete noire) and the only thing that plucked me out of utter self-hate was a crepe d'Anane and then a crepe de Nuttella.

I have to tell you about a funny ad splashed all over the subway. It features a no-nonsense  blonde, barking at you: "Do you want to learn 'Wall Street English' in 20 Days? We guarantee it!" 

(It says this in French, of course).

Well, this advertisement obviously came out before The Crash.

I could teach these people "Wall Street English" in twenty seconds; it would go like this— "Hit That Fuckin' Clown!"

LOVE YOU, la lutte continue,

Susie

Photo: Susie and her best friend, Joan of Arc, at The Pantheon. Then, "L'aire" by Malliol.

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