I'm playing Santa this month— or at least his devoted helper. I'm throwing a "Clits Up! Blog Contest. If you win, you get to pick out whatever you want from my CafePress store, and I will send it to you with all my Elfish Love, for being such a naughty, naughty little angel!
Many of you know that I have a Cafepress.com site that sells the most practical and absurd gifts with the words "Clits Up!" emblazoned on them. I don't make much money, but it is endless fun "playing store."
The contest details are at the end of this post, but first I want to explain a few other things...
I wish everyone knew about Cafe Press... they let anyone become an instant retail artist: you can upload your art onto a variety of things like t-shirts, mousepads, and mugs, and then offer them for sale to the public at a price you choose. You generally make a very small profit, but you don't have to manufacture or deliver anything... CafePress does all the order fulfillment. They don't charge you anything to set up a "store," so you never lose a dime.
And.. this is HUGE... they do not discriminate against sexual or political content. You do not have to be "family-safe" or any of those other McCarthy-esque descriptions.
As someone who once ordered and paid upfront for a hundred t-shirts that said "I'd Rather Be Buttfucking," and then only sold FIVE, I can't tell you what a relief and freedom this new technology brings.
Well, at holiday time, Cafe Press reminds all its legions of "storeowners," like me, that we can add NEW silly gifts that might appeal to eager stocking-stuffers. I, for one, couldn't resist! I designed a bunch of new "must-have" items, and you can visit them all here.
I think the best new gifts I designed are the boxer shorts, the pink jersey tee, the beer stein, and of course, the amazing DOG SWEATER! Plus, I don't know how you can get through Xmas without a Clits Up! Teddy Bear.
I also added a Xmas ornament, an organic cotton t-shirt, buttons, magnets, baby bibs, clocks that say "mommy's little girl", a secret tile and wood box, long sleeved shirts, a mousepad and a super-sized mug. The Cafe Press people say that the large mugs and the mousepads are top sellers, which is opposite from my taste. I always go for the goofy stuff, like lunchboxes that say "HomeSkooled" or pornographic dog sweaters.
The gift that looks the most boring on the site, but that is actually INCREDIBLE, is the bike messenger bag. The picture doesn't do it justice at all. I ordered one-- it has my Mommy's Little Girl: Sex, Motherhood, Porn, and Cherry Pie cover emblazoned on it-- and the image is startling on that yellow background. You will look like the most hip, sexy, terrorist EVER, as you board the plane with this bag. I dared Honey Lee to carry it to Michigan and she did, even though her brother is a pilot and might throw her off the plane. He is her younger brother, so she thinks she can get away with anything.
Okay, the CONTEST. In order to be eligible, you have to either:
- have one of my "Clits Up" items from the CafePress in your possession
- hurry up and order one so you can have one in your possession
- make your own cup/tshirt/whathaveyou that has "Clits Up" emblazoned in a noticeable way
Wear your Clits Up! clothing or drink from your Clits Up! cup in public.
That is, be seen in your Clits Up! stuff by someone outside your immediate household. Holiday dinners with extended family and relatives are okay too!
Parade in the boxer shorts, clutch the teddy bear in a restaurant, do whatever it takes: you just have to take your "Clits Up!" item into the public world and see if you get any reactions. You don't have to do anything special to draw attention to yourself, just let the slogan work its magic.
Observe what happens. Then write me a brief description of what occurred! By "brief", I mean a few paragraphs— no novels, please. Or, you can photograph yourself in action, sporting the item about town. That would be cool too. I am just as interested if you are studiously ignored, as if you meet your future life partner, or cause a police riot. I'm just a curious girl!
Send me your story before Xmas. I'd love it if you posted it in the Comments here, but you can email me, too. I will post all the stories here, eventually, though.
Don't forget to tell me what you want for your prize! Tell me what your favorite item is on my CafePress site. If I pick your story, I will send you the gift you picked out, as my present for your valiant efforts.
Okay, are you ready? Go forth and propogandize!