The Condom That Could

Common wisdom: Condoms, for all their necessity, inhibit men's sexual pleasure.

Common bullshit:  Wearing a condom makes reaching orgasm impossible for men, and ruins sex. The reason is because the sheath stops men from having the intimate skin-to-skin contact which is imperative for pleasure.

More common bullshit: If you buy the condoms with ribs and dots and swizzles, your lady will really get off because your mighty sword is so fantastically tricked out.

The Honest-to-Dick Truth:

The main reason condoms screw up male pleasure is because— read this carefully:

"tight-fitting condoms bind the glans penis, resulting in restricted sensitivity and loss of stimulation during coitus."

I'm quoting from a current patent fight about condom designs, but their explanation is perfect. The main distress men have with condom use is the friction element going awry.

Furthermore, the color or texture of a condom has always made ZERO difference to women, because— news flash— we can't feel the damn thing in the first place. The vaginal walls do not have sensitive nerve endings. We have no idea which bloody condom your're wearing, and we just pray you have the damn thing secured. If we could "feel" the texture of your condom...holy cow, every woman would die instantly in childbirth, if we had that kind of vagina sensitivity. This is the same reason why the ever-popular bullshit about "vaginal orgasms" is also such a crock.

At the height of the AIDS epidemic, a new condom shape emerged called The Pleasure Plus, that was designed to make men feel pleasure and comfort by changing the silouette of the head. It looks like the letter "P." It doesn't fit tightly on the head of your cock at all— it's more like having an extra foreskin!

I immediately tried it out with my male lovers, and they were shocked. A condom that actually feels different, that honestly affects your arousal and orgasm in a juicy way?— it didn't seem possible.

Condom marketers had been lying for SO LONG, appealing to various macho vanities, but no one had ever made something that truly affected a man's sexual PLEASURE.  Chalk another one up to the puritans.

The problem with the Pleasure Plus was that it went in and out of distribution. Today, in Salon.com, Andrew Leonard has uncovered the story of the Indian inventor who created the Pleasure Plus, (and subsequently two other innovative designs) which has led to a condom war between the companies fighting over his various patents.

Andrew writes:

"Sex expert Susie Bright, the host of "In Bed With Susie Bright" on Audible.com, and a longtime commentator on all things sexual, had never heard of Reddy [the inventor]. But she squeals with delight when told that he had invented the Pleasure Plus.

"I used to hoard them the way Elaine hoarded the Today sponge on Seinfeld, she recalls. "It was the only condom that offered any physical difference whatsoever. I've always said, forget the ribs and colors and all that bullshit. If the point is sensitivity and feeling good, the Pleasure Plus is the only alternative."

Adam Glickman, whose retail store Condomania was the first to sell the Pleasure Plus, recalls Reddy as "a man deeply concerned about condom effectiveness." At the time, Glickman says, "what was so refreshing and different about him was that he wasn't defining effectiveness in terms of safety and reliability, he was defining it in terms of acceptability and pleasure. No one had really defined condom performance so totally under those terms before him."

But despite the great reviews, the Pleasure Plus was hard to find. In fact, almost as soon as it became popular, it disappeared.

"It was a big mystery," Bright says. "We heard all kinds of rumors. It was there and then it was gone."

It turns out the original business went bankrupt. Then Mr. Reddy came out with two other designs that two other companies are marketing, including Trojan, who calls theirs the "Twisted Pleasure." Once Trojan came out with their Reddy-miracle, of course it wiped out the competitive ability of the first two smaller companies.... Trojan is often the only label represented at major drug stores.  This is why there's a lawsuit extravaganza in progress.

I have not tried out the "Inspiral" or the "Twisted Pleasure," the children of the original PP. Have you? It's still a variation of the Pouch-Within-A-Pouch design. I think, from the looks of it, I like the original the best, but I'm hardly the one to decide. I like the simplicity; I don't need the thing to look like a roller coaster ride. But men should be the ones to speak up and say what feels the best.

I resent the notion that you have to sell this thing with a "kinky" name, or imply that it's for party animals. Goddammit, this design should be the basic condom profile for every single rubber made!  The thing that Andrew told me— and explains in his article— is that all those world health and family-planning organizations that promote birth control around the world are not recommending these condoms because the powers-that-be think they're a hedonistic frill.

The world of STD-prevention is SO FUCKED UP. Condoms should be made as easy, pleasureable, and cost-free as possible, distributed en masse to men the world over. Young men should be given a bagful in the 6th grade and told to go home and masturbate with them until they get as smooth and suave as those soldiers who clean their guns with a blindfold on. 

Women should be told point blank that any guy who tells you he can't get off with a condom is either lying, or has never given it so much as a kindergarten try. 

Sure, when you initially try one on, you feel like a clumsy fool. We all felt this way when we first kissed, or tried to have sex, and dealt with our profound awkwardness. Getting your braces caught together is a big limp provocation too, but you don't see people railing against orthodontics for ruining their sex life!

There's all kinds of hassles that go into sexual initiation, but we strive for grace because we are MOTIVATED. And  condoms need to be part of that motivation, because frankly, this barrier method of preventing pregnancy and disease is excellent. There are no side effects. It just does the job. The day I got off the Pill and onto condoms is one of the best health decisions of my life.  Meeting men who know how to use them is an aphrodisiac in itself.

I advise young men who write me, craving the secret to getting laid, to start conversations about how great they think condoms are, how easy they are to use, how relaxing it is to not have to worry about anything, and let your partner just get into sex without fear. Then just start taking names and numbers!

I'm very glad Andrew wrote this story. I'm also pleased to turn you onto Condomania, which has a great web site as well as store in San Francisco. I found this great animated condom fuck film on their web site, which will provide the perfect epilogue to this post!

Comments

[Sex-pos fem]

Yes thanks once again. This was perfect timing because boyfriend was pushing his luck, you know the ol' go in barebacked and pull out early, which was out of the question, then casually brought up the Pill one day and sneakily brougbt up not then having to wear one, nice try again which soured me on even getting the weight-gain-producing Pill. It's ridiculous that anyone would complain about something so easy, cheap (in many cases free), not body altering or side-effect producing, and dire as a condom. I'll just read him this.

[mk]

I am a big fan of Pleasure Plus - it's not just the best condom for sensation (have also tried InSpiral, the male was not impressed), it's also great for men with more girth and size-queen sex toys, an issue that I've had more than once.

[Kit]

There's this idea that one condom will fit all it seems, because people go on and on about the InSpiral and Pleasure Plus and all those similar pouchy-on-the-end condoms, but frankly I can't stand the feel of them. I really enjoy the tight snugness of a Kimono or Trojan Ultra Thin far more than the looser, friction-enhancing condoms. I think that's part of the common bullshit too -- ideally there would be research into which types of condoms work best for which shapes of cock, so that they could suggest that on the package or in the store. I think men avoid such serious cock-study though on the whole.

[Melissa]

Before I developed a latex allergy, my then-partner thought the Inspiral was pretty good.

As poly condoms go, the Trojan Supra is noticeably snugger through the length -- and especially at the base -- than the Durex Avanti.

[Alys]

Thanks for posting about this Susie - I will be remembering it for the next time I have to go out to buy condoms for my man! (yeah, I know, he should get them himself, but he gets embarrassed!)

[Xta]

I can most certainly feel the little ridges and dots on condoms. I wouldn't describe the feeling as GOOD... it's more like "tickly" and "distracting" but I can absolutely feel them. And maybe that's someone's kink... but it's not mine :)

[Olympiada]

Hey thanks for that break down. I think the condom designs are for the male ego. who cares. and yeah the pill is sick. it makes me sick. condoms and spermicide. that's all you need. 99% effective. any man that trips over a condom is no man for me. to the curb.

[Gasconne]

I can feel the knobs and ridges on condoms. I can feel the difference between a latex-wrapped dick and a bare one. And I get vaginal orgasms.

As for who needs what, I can't do spermicide. I'm allergic to nonoxynol-9.

[Susie Bright]

Have any of you tried those new Condomania condoms that come in 50 different sizes? You print out this little paper measurement instrument from their web site, and then do a little math to get your "size."

I'd like to hear more names and details for your favorites, and why you think one thing feels better than the next!

[misterniceguy1960]

I want me some of those baggy pants for the dick.

[RK]

Reading the comments here makes me feel like the only guy out there who doesn't have a problem with walking into the store, looking the clerk/stockper in the face and asking where they keep the condoms.
Really, guys, it's NotThatHard.

[Olympiada]

Pardon me RK? I have been able to do that since I was a teenager and I am a girl. I hope I am misunderstanding you. I have always made my partners where condoms. I find it a turn OFF if a guy does NOT want to wear a condom. And who has to buy them? Get them for free anonymously from the clinic.

[mk]

Kit brings up a good point, which is personal preference. Getting a sampler pack of various types is helpful, and one more reason why I like friendly, positive shops like Babeland. I can walk in there, ask questions, and buy a bunch of individual condoms to try out. A dab of water-based lubricant in the tip can increase sensitivity for some men as well.

[Keith M Ellis]

You wrote (and quoted):

"The Honest-to-Dick Truth:

The main reason condoms screw up male pleasure is because— read this carefully:

'tight-fitting condoms bind the glans penis, resulting in restricted sensitivity and loss of stimulation during coitus.'"

...but later:

"Women should be told point blank that any guy who tells you he can't get off with a condom is either lying, or has never given it so much as a kindergarten try."

..which seems contradictory. I've always had a big problem with condoms, both in a greatly reduced amount of stimulation (enough so that I can't come), and even with bruising. It was only in my mid-30s that it occured to me (or, rather, my partner) that my penis was larger-than-average and I needed a larger condom. And, indeed, that did make a big difference.

There's still a psychological component, though. To some degree, I don't feel like I'm actually havign sex with someone while using a condom.

[Susie Bright]

Don't you feel like giving partners a special award when they do things like that? I feel so grateful to certain lovers like that in my life, who "parted the veil."

I see what you're saying, K. I think there's two things going on... one is that condoms have been illfitting and not pleasure oriented enough, all these years, and yet men manage to have orgasms with them anyway. It's a testimony to the erotic desire, to adaptation, to sexual drive.

Most men don't learn about the bit of variety there is out there, in terms of size, shape, or material, especially in the beginningn of their partner-sex life, and it can really screw you up. I mean, just the memories alone can make you really mad.

Also, there's the psychological stuff that can't be put behind. When you have "naked" sex, there's a huge leap in trust and intimacy that at least in its beginning, is exciting.

Then, there are people who have had unusually difficult times with condom, and you might be one of them. Your case is ampliified a million times over for the huge majority, even though it wouldn't be the "average" experience. There are guys who "get off" on rubbers too, but you never hear about them, they're like freaks. It's the guy who "can't tolerate a rubber for one instant" who is held up the rold model for everyone else.

So what brand did you find you could use comfortably? Details, please! And let us know if you try the Condomania "custom sizing" deal!

[Rich Wingerter]

The trick to using a standard condom is to put a lot of lubricant in the tip so that it slips around. That allows it to slip over the glans and simulate the sensation of having it sliding in and out of a moist oriface. You don't need a special shape to do that. You have to be careful that the lubricant doesn't coat the shaft, which it might do if you had it in the wrong position for too long, because then it can slip off with heavy thrusting.

[C.S. Lewiston]

>>all those world health and family-planning organizations that promote birth control around the world are not recommending these condoms because the powers-that-be think they're a hedonistic frill.<<

I think that's because they're bowing to pressure from "conservative" organizations, churches, etc. Not that it couldn't be because they have a lot of growing up to do around their sexual attitudes.

"any man that trips over a condom is no man for me"

He's probably too drunk to fuck anyhow! :~)

Julius Schmid corporation had a neat full-pager in Rolling Stone in the 80's. It showed an attractive (fully-clothed) woman striking an assertive pose, facing the camera. The caption read: "No Ramses. no sex. I mean it!" Speaking of the 80's, it's a damn shame that the self-adhesive Mentor condom has gone the way of the Betamax. Ultra-thin and absolutely no worries about it slipping off, even if your erection flags for some reason. Removal was kind of weird, kind of like pulling a piece of duck tape off your willie!

FWIW, I did see Pleasure Plus condoms at CVS a while back.

[Keith M Ellis]

"So what brand did you find you could use comfortably? Details, please! And let us know if you try the Condomania 'custom sizing' deal!"

I don't know what I've comfortably used. Probably just a Trojan in a larger size. She bought them. With that partner, we shortly thereafter relied on her being on the pill for birth control and, of course, neither of us had any STDs.

My sense is that I'm only somewhat larger than the mean—that's why it had never occured to me before. But, as I wrote earlier, I was large enough such that I've always found condoms very uncomfortable and have had them bruise me on several occasions.

I'm thinking maybe I should try Condomania's custom sizing deal and buy a batch of condoms.

[Olympiada]

"It showed an attractive (fully-clothed) woman striking an assertive pose, facing the camera. The caption read: "No Ramses. no sex. I mean it!"
That is precisely my attitude, or was my attitude when I was having sex under those circumstances. Things are different now. Today it is "No marriage. No sex. I mean it!"

[Joe]

Spare the circumcisions!

Andrew Leonard's excellent article on the issue of specialty condoms (pleasure plus, inspiral and twisted pleasure) makes reference to two studies showing that men in Jamaica and in Africa seemed less interested in these specialty condoms, designed to stimulate the glans penis.

I suggest that a significant factor in the lack of popularity of these condoms is related directly to the fact that these condoms are aimed at providing stimuation for circumcised men. Those men who are intact, i.e. who still have foreskins, may be less inclined to use these condoms. It is movement of the foreskin over the glans penis (common for intact men during intercourse) that provides significant stimulation. In essence, the original Pleasure Plus condom was attempting to provide the type of stimuation that most American men lack because they were deprived of their foreskins as infants.

[teddy j]

My wife and I have used condoms for birth control since before we were married and would use no other contraceptive.She puts it on me when she wants me to enter, which adds to the fun. I never fail to come and she enjoys sex with rubbers (latex condoms) just as much as I do and prefers them to the pill etc.

[Condom Man]

Awesome article! I can't attest to which of the three condoms is the "best", but as far as sales go, Dr. Reddy's most recent invention, the Trojan Twisted Pleasure, knocks the other two away.

[Andy]

I have to say that I take great *issue* (did you see what I did there) with this article. It actualy made me quite angry.

Are you a man? Have you ever had to struggle with a too-small 'curry flavoured'(i.e. disgusting smelling) condom while drunk at 3am?

Then frankly you have no idea at all what you're talking about.

I can see from the comments that some guys don't have a problem with the old willy-wellingtons, and I'm pleased for them. My life would be much enhanced if I was the same way.

As it is, I was blessed with a thicker than average member. It was many years before I realised that you could get different sized condoms. They don't sell bigger than average ones in the shops here as a rule (although you can get 'snug fit'). Durex Elite will just about fit me, but those are the only non-internet ones I can get that do - and they cost a fortune.

The others I can order on the internet have thicker rubber than your average shoe and I can feel very little sensation with them on. Intercourse should be so much more than 'cold' 'warm' 'cold' 'warm'.

It's so much better when you can feel everything about your partner. I want to feel how wet she is, I want to feel the unique texture of her inside.

I have never found a condom that achieves this.

My current partner (and several others over the years) have felt the same way - wanting to 'be able to feel me properly' - so it's not just a male thing.

As for 'vaginal orgasm'...
Are you not aware that part of the clitoris extends inside the woman? You can clearly feel it along the upper 'wall' inside her?

This is sometimes where 'vaginal orgasm' occurrs. It's not my fault if you've never had a lover who knew how to stimulate this (or the other sensetive areas inside).

Sure - female orgasm is always more easily achieved with additional clitoral stimulation, but trust me, it doesn't have to be. Maybe you never make love for more than an hour?

Maybe you are built differently. We are after all, all different. Maybe you should acknowledge this as well.

For whatever reason, condoms do make sex much less pleasuarble for *some* men (and women), and trust me I don't like it any more than you do :(

Maybe you should try a 'femidom' or cap and see how you like it.

[Jeremy]

Hey all,

Talking about pleasure - I haven't tried any of the pocket varieties you've discussed (although I will now), but I find that I much prefer non-latex condoms to latex ones. Specifically, Durex Avanti are so much thinner than latex, and since they can use oil-based lube (yes you read that right), don't dry up nearly as quickly. The only crappy thing is they're more expensive. Worth every penny, though, if you ask me.