Oprah: Shut It. Shut It Tight.

Yesterday, my friend Nancy S. emailed me:

I woke up this morning to a commercial about today's Oprah show in which she states that "pornography is the number one addiction" in the United States. 

She goes on to warn her female audience: "Could this be your husband?"

In the promo on her website, Oprah makes pornography out to be the worst thing happening in America today.  Perhaps Senator Brownback should give her a call and they can work together.

Today's show features a famous "victim" and recovering porn addict:  Kirk Franklin. He's a Grammy-winning Gospel singer (and total fool- sb).

Oprah's "pornography addiction expert," Rob Weiss, claims that 10% of the 40 million online pornography users are addicts. As with most of Oprah's shows, this information isn't given out until the last ten minutes. By then, the viewers are all worked up about what they think the issue is, and are no longer paying attention to the fact that the big problem really isn't as common as you think.

Nancy! When will these people stop lying through their teeth! I am throwing-up right alongside of you.

Do you know why Kirk Franklin is pimping himself and his wife like this? Because he has a new album out! And if he doesn't get the sales on this one jumping, his recording contract is over!

The hot promotion for popstar-wannabe's like Kirk, is to say you're a "porn addict" who's recently been saved. Your record company will then dress you up like a stud supermodel and pose you in steamy pictures for your album's release. But no one can call you a "tart" because you're redeemed! You're living for God now! BLECH!

Have you seen Kirk's album covers when he was a secret sinner? Oh, he's such a dork. But now— now that he's rejected porn— he is a total BABE. Isn't that amazing?

To my horror, I see that Oprah hired Rob Weiss, as her "expert." What an old phony he is. He is the original snakeoil salesman. Note that I linked his name to his bracing essay on "compulsive masturbation."

This hustler Weiss has made the rounds of TV talk shows for years, ranting about sex addiction, in every flavor du jour.

I was on a show with Mr. Wonderful once, where he flew into a rage simply because I gave me an incredulous LOOK. I know I have a penetrating gaze, but geez, Louise!  He chased me down an alleyway afterward, shrieking, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He can't stand to have people know he's a fraud. He doesn't represent legitimate psychology in the slightest— in fact, every shrink I know recoils at his name. I wish legitimate therapists would speak up about this. He should be "disbarred."

What about  those figures he quotes about how many people "watch" Internet porn, and how many are addicts? Nancy, HE MAKES THEM UP. There's not a cite in the world to support him.

Weiss feeds off of all these hip new Christian fundie churches, like that XXX.church we talked about here a few weeks ago. They "use" porn to recruit. Without it, they're dead in the water. They play on people's sexual feelings to get them excited, and then shame the shit out of them.

People have often asked me why none of my books are ever on Oprah's show. Why has she never brought anyone on her program to talk about feminist erotica or sex-positive ideas?

Well, it's not for lack of interest. The point is, her company has taken a stand in the opposite direction.

Do you really think Oprah wants savvy, authentic people looking at her and saying, "Gee, Oprah, why don't you come out? Why can't we have an honest sex discussion on this show? Why are you so ashamed of your sexuality? When will the time come when women and men deserve your erotic respect?"

Her Christianity and sexusl shame has been a thorn in every progressive woman's side for years.

Did you see the "porn poll" on her web site? I took it. I made sure to say that my partner and I both "look" at porn, and amazingly, have survived it intact.  The questions are stupid to begin with, but I struggled through.

After I entered my answers, the website revealed how everyone else has responded so far.

The most interesting statistic is this: 43% of her viewers have never seen porn. Whatever they think it is, they haven't seen it. 

The best way to run these shame & blame crusades is to talk to people who have never been out of their egg. You can say whatever nonsense you like, and they believe it. Hey little girl, come here, I have some anti-porn candy for you!

For any woman who has jilled off now and then, the hysteria seems ridiculous. You're going to look at handsome Kirk Franklin, and wonder if you could get him and his pretty wife over to your house to give nice wholesome erotica another try.

The thing is, these talk shows are produced by cynics who consider this all an incredible laugh. They think we're silly for caring. They think their fans are  a bunch of pathetic idiots, and must  be pandered to with every hysterical female stereotype. If you could convince them they they'd get  high ratings saying that shit tastes good on toast, they'd get you an afterschool special on it. With butter.

But I fret about that 43%, who think their boyfriends don't care about them, just because they masturbate or like sex pictures. Or women who think they're perverted because they feel some similiar stirrings. It is so cruel to lead them on and make them think they are dealing with a pathology that requires spending thousands of dollars to "Doctor" Weiss to be cured. A pox upon them!

Comments

[Nancy S]

Add Dr. Phil, that pandering, pontificating, jerk to the list too. I can't stand that smug bastard....but then again he got his start on Oprah so why wouldn't he lick the boots of the woman who gave him a career. The following was found on a link from Oprah's magazine O (which in my opinion should not be the name because nothing in that magazine would even lead you having the big "o"). If you follow the links on infidelity this little ditty comes up.

From the show Dr. Phil on Adultery

Is Internet Pornography Like Cheating?

According to Nielsen Net ratings, 17.5 million users visited Internet pornography sites from their homes in one month. It's a growing trend that has many people worrying about their relationships. So is it normal, or is it cheating? Here's what Dr. Phil McGraw has to say:

If you're looking at Internet pornography, you need to determine if you have a problem. Ask yourself these two questions:

Would you do it with your partner standing right there?

Are you turning outside your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship?

Your answers to those questions should give you an idea of whether you have a problem. You should also consider how your behavior affects the people around you. You might say that looking at pornography online is harmless, but it could have a negative emotional effect on the people you love.

Conversely, you may be hurt because your mate is looking at pornography online. You have good reason to be upset! That sort of behavior is disrespectful to the relationship that the two of created. Talk to your partner. Explain that the pornography has to go—no ifs, ands or buts. Don't accept excuses like "Everybody looks at porn" or "It's just the Internet." That attitude speaks volumes about the health of your relationship. Your partner has to choose what's more important: pornography or the relationship.

[Nancy S]

Add Dr. Phil, that pandering, pontificating, jerk to the list too. I can't stand that smug bastard....but then again he got his start on Oprah so why wouldn't he lick the boots of the woman who gave him a career. The following was found on a link from Oprah's magazine O (which in my opinion should not be the name because nothing in that magazine would even lead you having the big "o"). If you follow the links on infidelity this little ditty comes up.

From the show Dr. Phil on Adultery

Is Internet Pornography Like Cheating?

According to Nielsen Net ratings, 17.5 million users visited Internet pornography sites from their homes in one month. It's a growing trend that has many people worrying about their relationships. So is it normal, or is it cheating? Here's what Dr. Phil McGraw has to say:

If you're looking at Internet pornography, you need to determine if you have a problem. Ask yourself these two questions:

Would you do it with your partner standing right there?

Are you turning outside your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship?

Your answers to those questions should give you an idea of whether you have a problem. You should also consider how your behavior affects the people around you. You might say that looking at pornography online is harmless, but it could have a negative emotional effect on the people you love.

Conversely, you may be hurt because your mate is looking at pornography online. You have good reason to be upset! That sort of behavior is disrespectful to the relationship that the two of created. Talk to your partner. Explain that the pornography has to go—no ifs, ands or buts. Don't accept excuses like "Everybody looks at porn" or "It's just the Internet." That attitude speaks volumes about the health of your relationship. Your partner has to choose what's more important: pornography or the relationship.

[Faith]

Oh, jeez...why can't Oprah FOR ONCE have an episode about women defending themselves against rapists - especially when they were acquainted w/each other, which is what most rapes are...and have another one about having a healthy sex life after a history of sexual abuse...um, let's see...the DVD "Healing Sex," for example...and she never wants to talk about how she's healing from her past to have the relationship she has with Steadman...

[Stan]

I read once that 43% of all statistics are made up.

And that bit about masturbation altering your body chemistry was priceless.

[Keith]

I'm always amazed when "moral watchdogs" come out against drugs, alcohol, porn, and masturbation - things most Americans apparently can't live without. I mean, really - if we didn't want those things so badly, they wouldn't be a "problem" now, would they?

I don't use drugs or alcohol, but I know people who do, and it doesn't appear to affect their work life much - unless it makes it more bearable.

I can honestly say I don't know anyone who doesn't masturbate. Look, if monkeys do it, you know it can't be a sin, because animals are morally innocent, right? And you'd think over 40 years of serious effort would have sprouted some hair on my palms by now, and they remain as smooth as a (sexually uninteresting) baby's bottom.

So I wish all these bible thumpers and scare-mongers would give the nation a break. Anyway, you know these people have weirder and kinkier sex fetishes than we ever will...it's just the way they're built. I bet Brownback has a fully-equipped dungeon in his basement.

[Nancy S]

I guess my real problem is with the way these individuals have presented the issue of pornography. Not a single one of them has presented people who benefit from porn or who have a healthy relationship that includes the use of porn and masturbation. These people do exist. Where is the honest discussion? where are they fostering an open-mindedness amongst their viewers by presenting the whole picture? Immediately they tell, at least in these cases, their woman viewers that if her man is looking at porn it is a form of disrespect towards her and that she has to give him the ultimatum right then and there; you either give up the porn or you give up me. That is totally unfair, what about his needs and desires. There is no room left for negotiations or understanding why porn appeals to them or any discussion as to whether it is even causing relationship problems...it might very well not be causing a problem....and shock of shocks it might actually on some level benefit the relationship.

[C.S. Lewiston]

Is this the same Oprah Winfrey who had Operation Rescue’s grand poo-bah, Randall Terry on her program 15 years ago? Who told Mr. Terry to SHUT THE FUCK UP in so many words when he compared Operation Rescue to Martin Luther King’s civil rights organization?

FWIW, my own girlfriend knows better than to think that she’s playing second fiddle to the women in the magazines I sometimes jack off to. Heck, she’s even bought me a few of those magazines!

If perchance a guy does seem to prefer women on paper or on a screen to his mate/spouse, could that be because the make-believe women deliver more satisfaction to him than the one he’s with? Funny how none of these quasi-moralistic scoundrels ever suggest that the cure for porn fixation might be a better real-life sex life! And how many times has porn made people THINK TWICE about cheating (i.e. why risk all the bad blood which goes with a clandestine affair when you can get yourself off easily, safely and cheaply)? Funny how no one’s ever discussed that on teevee either.

[Lynn Gazis-Sax]

OK, I'm taking the poll now. And the first thing I notice is that, in the women's version anyway, it doesn't ask "Have you ever looked at pornography?" but "Do you ever look at pornography?" Looking down to the next question, to see how they define "pornography," I see they give the options of Internet, magazines, or videos. I don't look at porn videos or view pictures on the Internet or in magazines, and it's asking me whether I look at such things currently, not whether I've ever seen a pornographic photo in my entire life, so I answer that question "no." (I do sometimes look at sites that have sexy pictures on them, but I read articles and opinion pieces there and avoid the pictures, which I think isn't what they're talking about by looking at Internet porn.)

I'm not at all surprised that they get 43% answering no on that one. Between people who have moral objections and people who aren't all that visually oriented in their sexual response anyway, there should be a whole lot of people who could answer no, even if they were getting their responses from a real random sample.

[GregZ]

I'm from Covington Ky. The Catholic Diocese there has had more judgements for Priest abuse than any other in the nation. They have been unable to get insurance against further judgements. As I see it, the only way to get insurance for these folks is a Papal Encyclical making masterbation mandatory for anyone who takes a vow of celebacy. You get hungry, then you eat. Then you get hungy again. To deny the same cycle wrt sexuality is to court abuse of the sort that these boys are becoming famous for. The puritans here are following the lead of the catholics (whether they admit it or not). I think we can now see clearly where that train is headed and I, for one, recommend trying something different. Peace.

[Pope Bandar bin Turtle]

I remember a "Take Back the Night" or some such rally I attended many years ago. The speaker went through a list of all these different issues, with the audience cheering in response to each item. Then, the speaker said "pornography" & the lackluster response was soooo noticeable in contrast. ("It's not pornography, it's erotica!")

Pat Robertson's 700 Club does these type of shows all the time (addiction/redemption), & I never thought Oprah was that much less of a panderer than he. I mean, hello, the Dr. Phil spin-off?

Gag me with a spoon!

[Bo Babbyo]

This topic has made it to the discussion boards of ABBYWINTERS.COM, the beyond-fabulous Australian Amateurs website. There it was opined:

It's not like porn can't be a serious addiction -- any pleasure can be. But addiction follows a predicatable arc, where the person spends more and more time and/or effort and/or money on the addiction but gets less and less pleasure from it, until finally the addiciton becomes no pleasure at all. Ergo, simply liking something a lot doesn't make one an addict. Ex-addicts (the term "dry" addicts takes on some interesting new meaning with the porn-addicted, doesn't it?) are very quick to see addictions all around them, because they see behavior that looks very much like them in the early phases of THEIR addiction. OK stopping now.

[eden]

Re: Dr Phil. I love how he blames porn for destroying marriages... and his son is engaged to a Playmate! Have you noticed Dr Phil has backed off porn since that/ He even had her in the audience (w/ the son) as an "expert" on something, like he does with his wife. Laughable.

Re: Oprah -- I usually enjoy the discussions she gets going on the show but this does seem one-sided. I would love an Oprah discussion on positive female sexuality with guests like Susie. Hell, I might have to get TiVo if that were to happen.

[C.S. Lewiston]

I checked out the "Web Resources" link of Rob Weiss' site. I found a link to http://www.rsaministries.org/, a "Christian, 12 step recovery program". Now any member of Alcoholics Anonymous (and I've known a few) would likely disapprove of the moonshine presented on this web site most vocally, because one thing they teach and teach a lot in AA is that 12-step programs are about recovery, NOT about opportunistically selling religious doctrines.

I also found a link for a "Website using the power of open friendships and honest friendships, as a means of keeping accountable. Offers software to record all websites you visit, and emails your friend with a password-protected report weekly or monthly.". It's not spyware if it's used to combat the threat or menace of porn addiction, right?

[JIm Lemons]

TV, not Porn, is the number one addiction in America.

[misterniceguy1960]

Oprah, in case you hadn't noticed: real people pay attention to your show. Real people with real lives take what they see on your show to heart. You have an effect on people's lives.

Now, here's the tricky part: Oprah, this fact creates an OBLIGATION on your part to be more than just an amusing performer. Your position in our society creates what I can only call RESPONSIBILITY.

So please display a little.

[Sheldon Ranz]

In the 1990's, both Oprah and Phil Donahue had Nina Hartley on as a guest and were open-minnded and friendly to her.

To be consistent, Oporah should feel gulty for having help spawn porn addiction by promoting Nina, eh?

Now that Democrats such as Oprah and Senator Blanche Lincoln are promoting this anti-porn nonsense, is Phil Donahue next??

[C.S> Lewiston]

Isn't it nice to know that there's at least one thing that radical reactionary Republicans and plastic-liberal Democrats can agree on - "Death to the sexual lives of The Unwashed Masses!".

"TV, not Porn, is the number one addiction in America."

Amen to that, brother! It's nothing but a selling medium for bad products and bad ideas.

[Amani]

As a married man, I can say that porn can be very troubling in a relationship, and though I've often questioned my so-called "addiction" to porn, I think Oprah's attack only serves to further squelch any real discussions about sex in this country.

I have allowed porn to get me in trouble but that's because I failed understand how to properly use it. And for while I was allowing myself to be shamed into thinking I shouldn't watch it. I attended love and sex anonymous meetings for several years only realize that it was nothing more than a way to push christian morality onto the minds of people who attended the meetings. We never allowed ourselves to really understand the difference between an addiction and a passion for porn. We never allowed ourselves to discuss why so-called "acted out." The main goal was to avoid it at all cost. Even it made us miserable.

It's hard to put in words everything I want to say about this issue, but I do know that even without seeing the Oprah episode that it didn't provide an honest discussion about sex and that many people are suffering in their relationships because this society can't have honest discussions, but rather the goal is to police everyone else's sexual behavior and desires, especially when those behaviors or desires don't conform to established views.

We have such a long way to go when it comes to understanding sex and it's too bad that people like Susan Bright and others can't be on her show to challenge more traditional views about sex.

Finally, if porn is the number one addiction, why is that so. What need is fulfilling that we can't find anywhere else? Would it be less of an addiction if we were more open about our desires and were able to act upon them?

And to think that I used to have erotic fantasies about a latex-clad Mistress Oprah making me eat her out, then pegging me with a tasteful purple strap-on.

I am ashamed.

[Sex-pos fem]

It reminds me of the episode about bachelor parties, on Dr. Phil. It was 10 years later that the issue came up, and only because the wife came across the tape and watched it. So now, feeling insecure about it despite 10 years together, the husband had to apologize for having had the party in the first place, because he didn't "honor her honor" or some other Nursery School dribble. And she's probably one of those types who had a snooze-fest of a bachelorette party that was no different from either the Bridal Shower or the Baby Shower... or the Wedding...or the Reception...or the Teacups...Zzzzz---oh, sorry. I would say to myself "in your dreams" not because it can't happen, but because I'd be asleep the whole way through.

Add Starting Over to the gag list. Total cult.

I hate to rain on queer parades but if Susie went on there they would say "were you abused", chant "heal! heal! heal!" the usual crap she gets in mails. Kirk Franklin was their BAD guy! Celluloid Closet? Celluloid Crucible.

[C.S. Lewiston]

How many of you remember the "anti-porn feminists" of 15 or so years ago? As I recall, what they objected to was the way women were portrayed in that particular medium and how it dovetailed with the less-than-ideal status of women in Ronnie Reagan's America.

I objected to the way a lot of commercial pornography not only portrayed women as mindless lovedolls, but especially to the assumptions it made about its male audience's level of taste and intelligence (both in-the-crapper). Cartoonist Larry Welz (author of the cartoon series "Cherry" AKA "Cherry Poptart" http://www.lastgasp.com/1/ ) once remarked in print that the first thing you notice about most porn is how dumb it is.

Having said all that, (1) Oprah's sensationalistic tidal wave of nursery-school moralism is PART of the problem; moralism and obscenity laws generate bad porn and snuff out honest sex info and decent sexual entertainment. (2) Female pornographers have largely counterspun the traditional methods of porn authors. Rent a Candida Royalle movie and see what I'm talking about. (3) "Sex addiction" 12-step froups which are really fronts for evangelical ministries or likeminded groups do a serious disservice to their members and to society as a whole.

[sonderweg]

Someone needs to hook Oprah up with some Andrew Blake.

I bet Dahlia would really relax her a bit.

[Bitch]

Delicious. I so fucking love you Susie!

I just got done making similar points at Doug Henwood's list -- about people who have opinions about porn who've never seen it. Arrrgh.

(And speaking of Dr.'s, Dr. Drew? I don't know why I torture myself, but I listen to that fatbucker every weeknight and he makes me want to scream!)

I was genuinely pissed off enough about the really lame claims about Sex Positive Feminism (my name for supporters is Sexpos) that I decided to do something about it. We need a coherent platform so our voices are heard.

So, I'm hosting the First Ever Sex Postive Feminist Carnival. I want this to be a showcase of our beautiful intelligence, wit, humor. I'm tired of seeing every discussion dominated by the hissing "ooo that's so trashy" crowd I am beside myself wondering how did we seem to have lost so much forward movement?

Anways, as for the Carnival, I'm not even sure how it all works, but I'll be damned if I want to continue to see that the voices left out of the Feminist Carnivals are ours.

It's going to be January 6, Epiphany Day, a day when people traditionally 'get wet' and indulge their senses. Maybe some ingenious historian can tell me about sexual rites held on that day or something. :)

So if you have a blog post or anything you want to enter to a blog, an example of sex positive feministing, ranting, musing, raging, whatever, you can send it my way.

there's some information here: http://blog.pulpculture.org/2005/12/08/carnival-of-sex-postive-feminism/

Feel free to announce it at your blogs, chatrooms, discussions lists, etc.