Do sex therapists have any business writing popular self-help books? With thousands of these bedside paperbacks out there, how come everyone hasn't become a great lover by now? Why do people buy them, anyway, if the message doesn't penetrate?
The answers are debated with my guest In Bed this week, Ian Kerner, the best-selling author of Be Honest - You're Not that Into Him Either and She Comes First.
Ian and I discuss sexual dilemmas from dating to marriage, porn to body image.
I note that experienced psychologists face a dilemma when they publish a popular self-help book.
They know from their private practice, that you can't help people by feeding them cute slogans or sound bites. It doesn't work. As a therapist, your role is to elicit, not to dictate. Your client has to come to the "A-Ha!" experience on their own, in order for changes to really take place.
So how does a doctor then switch hats and write a book where he tells people what to do? Is he selling out, or reaching an audience who would never go to the shrink's office anyway?
Ian obviously thought his efforts were worth it, but he has mixed feelings about the subject as well. He's deeper than his book's Table of Contents, as you might guess.
Some would say, "Let's not criticize a guy who write a bestseller that motivates men to go down on women!" I see your point, believe me. But I'd like to see what kind of book Ian would write to a different audience, more of a layer cake than the usual sex advice model.
My favorite part of the show was when Ian helped me answer a question from a listener. It was a blast, because he has no fear to jump in with personal analysis. We talked about a letter from a woman who says she feels like her whole sex life has become just one big performance— which I think a lot of femmes have felt at one time or another.
Original Episode 191: Modern Love with Ian Kerner
P.S. This is a "rerun" show, since I was out with the flu for our last recording session. Next week, there will be a new one, even if I sound a little husky. You'll have to tell me if you like my lower timbre better.
BTW, if you asked me in December for a free "golden ticket" for free Audible shows, I just sent them all out last week. I ran out.... but then I begged for more!
I think it's a great idea... you email me your address, and I will send you these "Free" Audible cards that entitle any new user (has to be a virgin) to two free books or programs, no strings attached. You don't have to enter your credit card or anything. The idea is that you'll be so bowled over that you'll eagerly subscribe to Audible for the future, without any further prompting.
And why not? Just email me with the words "Golden Tickets" in the subject line, and tell me how many you want.
"Doctor" painting by Jeff Hathaway.
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