L. Elise Bland is the author of "Every Good Boy Deserves Favors," one of my new stories in BAE 2006. She is also a self-identified "sadistic Southern Belle." I suppose some would venture, "Is there any other kind?"
I loved her story of an fed-up piano teacher who has a recalcitrant student on the bench. After all, how many strangled covers of "Stairway to Heaven" can a person be expected to endure?
"Play," I ordered, ignoring his obvious erection. [Bent over], with his hands reaching awkwardly over the keyboard, Vito started the song:
"There's a lady who's sure..."
In no time, he missed a note. I swung my arm back and gave him a loud, stinging slap on the ass. A bright red hand print emerged on his butt cheek.
"Hey, that hurt!" he said.
"If it hurt so bad, then why do you have a boner?" I reached around him and stroked what I had pretended not to notice before. It felt slender, firm, and smooth.
He had such a nice cock— but he played the worst piano I had ever heard. He couldn't go one measure without faltering, and he had to be punished. For his many errors, Vito received an entire symphony's worth of smacks: fast, slow, loud, soft, dolce, andante, allegro, fortissimo, and, of course, conbrio. He rushed through the piece to escape my hand, but his haste only created more mistakes and more spanking...
Southern belles are supposed to be sweet as honey, but also manipulative charmers.... so is a "sadistic southern belle" more straight forward? What would Scarlett think?
I'm originally from Alabama, Deep South. I first called myself "Sadistic Southern Belle" so when subs called me on the phone for an interview, they wouldn't mistake my charms and accent for weakness.
Southern women don’t put up with any nonsense and can definitely whoop some ass. Think: “Get out in the back yard and pick you out a switch. And make sure it’s a big one!”
And Southern women can be sneaky without even meaning to be. We are so polite that people often don’t really know what we are up to.
I don’t think about it so much since I’ve been this way all my life, but some people enjoy the stereotype.
"What would Scarlett think?" I think she would be proud that so many Dommes across the country have named themselves after her!
What perspective as a sex worker do you possess when you contemplate writing a sex scene?
I don’t have "sex" with my clients, although I have witnessed a gazillion orgasms and I’ve participated in many extreme activities.
What's inspired me most is the variety of sexual preferences and personalities that I have run across in the biz. I love when I find subs with interesting fetishes for starched white shirts or frying pans. That’s what gets me going.
I have also found that the more erotica I write, the better my verbal skills are when I play.
Your humor in your story is perhaps its irresistible quality... the exasperation of a teacher's dignity at the expense of a "lazy" schoolboy. What was your inspiration? Do you find your sense of humor is appreciated by your submissive clients, or do you have to put on a more serious face?
My inspiration for the piano story was partly my husband, because he is a pianist. I like my stories to be physically plausible, so while I was writing it, I put him in all sorts of positions over the piano bench to make sure the mechanics worked. He enjoyed it all until I started spanking him.
The other part of the inspiration was a Yankee Italian-American guy I met on a film set who just happened to look like my brother-in-law. We were extras in the film and my role was to lap dance for him.
I named the character after one of my high school friends, Vito, who runs a hot dog shop in Alabama and drives a Corvette.
I also have a sassy sub who plays piano. I have done many a session as “exasperated piano teacher” with him. I love to play teacher. I worked as a French and Italian language teacher for five years, so it comes naturally, reprimanding difficult students.
Some of my subs have not appreciated my sense of humor and that’s fine. I’ve always done what I wanted as far as play goes, even if it cut into my bottom line.
If a pro Domme tries to put on an act during a session, it usually becomes obvious to the subs and they aren’t going to come back anyway. “No fake players,” as they say. I am stern and brutal when I go into teacher mode, but can be very playful when the mood is right. I laugh a lot.
I mean, after all, watching a red butt bounce around is funny, especially if the guy is wearing frilly pink panties. Sexuality in and of itself is entertaining. It’s quirky and surprising. We don’t need to take it so seriously.
You wrote to me once about being frustrated that you have "Republican clients who don't see what politics has to do with their sexuality." Why do you think that is? '
Oooh, don’t even get me started with this topic! Now things do get serious. I am very frustrated with the conservative politics right now, most recently with the affect it’s having on adult-oriented websites. I have taken down much of my pro website so I won’t be a target and, for all practical purposes, I am retired. I saw the conservative wave, or should I say Tsunami, coming about two or three years ago.
Little by little, liberties were slipping away. Sometimes the breeches in freedom have been blatant, and other times so subtle that no one can really point a finger. But it’s always there. I have survived in the sex industry because I have always worked off my gut, and my gut has told me to haul ass out of Dodge.
I told my subs (most of whom are Republican) way back when that I might not be operating in a few years.
“You’ll always be around,” they said. “You’re too kinky to quit.”
I told them that yes, I would never go vanilla, but I would be so underground, they wouldn't’t be able to find me.
“It’s all behind closed doors, consenting adults,” they argue, but what they don’t understand is that there are no closed doors anymore. I quit taking new clients the day W. got re-elected in 2004. I cried when I posted my announcement on my website.
I wanted to protect myself, but as much as I love my subs, I had also gotten tired of spanking Republicans. I didn’t like that they could have their cake and eat it, too. I wanted them to understand that their vote counted—against sexual freedom. •
Note from SB: If you are toying with the idea of buying Best American Erotica 2006, may I suggest that you plunge ahead? Get that perfect Valentine for yourself and everyone you've ever taken a shine to!
I'll tell you why timing is everything: the publisher looks at the first few weeks of a book's sales figures to judge its future. I want to keep this collection going and thriving— and sad to say, I can't rest on our laurels. (God, I'd love to literally lie on a bed of laurel leaves.... must look into that).
I've been coaxing you on the blog with excerpts from some of the new authors in this collection.. but it also features John Updike, David Sedaris, Tom Perrotta, Helen Walsh, and Lynn Freed. They're all brilliant, and I really hope you get a chance to read the whole thing and let me know what you think...