I remember the very day when a skinny-faced boy named Ralph Reed, who didn't look any older than me, announced the formation of the "Christian Coalition." Time called him "the right hand of God." Makes you feel like grabbing the soap and water, doesn't it?
I lived in Los Angeles when the Moral Majority came of age. I had just spend a month walking door-to-door in Crenshaw, admitting to a lot of bewildered housewives that I was gay— (telling them I was bisexual would have only made matters more confusing)— and asking them to vote against a ballot proposition that would make all "Friends of Dorothy" in the California school system subject to instant dismissal.
The proposition was thankfully defeated, but it was quite an ordeal. It was championed by a state senator named John Briggs who sponsored this type of "God, Country, and Our Precious Children" legislation so that no homosexual, or friend of a homosexual, could ever teach in public schools again.
And the thing was, I believed him. I believed that this man truly felt threatened by gay life, that he believed in his conservative Christian faith, and that he associated communism and godlessness with sexual perversion.
That was so 70s. That was so naive! What a poseur!
Today's Bible Thumping Lobbyist/Wingjob Hack, including the illustrious Ralph Reed himself, could not care less about anyone's personal behavior, especially his own.
Why some of these bigots' best friends are gay. Hell, many of the ARE gay. They like money, porn, hookers, booze, getting high, and laughing all the way to the bank better than anyone.
Thanks to the Abramhoff scandal revelations, we're getting an candid look at the dirt. Ralph Reed thinks it's a laugh-riot to get his "flock" to send donations to him to stop gambling. Then he takes all those dollars and pours them into the Indian casino of his choice. Whoopee! Gambling scams are a great way to fool people and make tons of money! I bet he'd launder a suitcase of meth and hooker's underwear if you'd like to load it in the back of the van.
It's time to stop "debating" these crooks as if they take a principled interest in their "positions." I don't believe they do, and this is the topic of my audio show this week:
The Phony-Phaithful don't care about abortion— they don't hesitate a moment to arrange for their mistresses and daughters to have one. They don't care about drugs— they enjoy them. They don't care who fucked who— but they'd like their followers to assume the position. Just show them the money, and they'll punch your ticket.
In their elite world, anything goes. The Abramoff exposé has shown one slice of sleaze. But I'm more interested in how the revelations have changed the social discourse between "right" and "left."
Such an earnest diehard is likely a theoretical impossibility. The last true-blue John Bircher wandered off the deep end a long time ago. As a shame-faced conservative wrote in the NYT last week: Evangelicals in the United States have undermined the credibility of their moral and evangelistic witness in the world by pursuing political power.
I'll say! Honest, tolerant people don't run around trying to shame and stone others for their personal lives. This is why Jesus was so popular.
If you can't tolerate "certain people," on principle, you will rely on exclusion and discrimination. If you rely on the faith that you're better than anyone else because God and Money have chosen you, you'll never get any rest. Others must be humiliated and vanquished if they refuse to serve. Democracy becomes impossible, a villain.
If I was canvassing door-to-door today, I'd go pay sympathy calls to the households who sent money to Ralphie, Lou Sheldon, James Dobson, and all these other "perverts" (in the classic sense of the word!). These guys set up money-laundering operations with titles like "American," "Family," and "Values" attached to them, turning the very descriptions into vulgarities. I can't hear these group's names anymore without blushing. How many more dead bodies are under the prayer mat?
It goes from the violent and criminal to the awkward and ridiculous— very quickly:
Lisa Baron, the spokesperson for Ralph Reed, is popping up in print these days with the shockingly saucy— often downright ribald— weekly column she writes for The Sunday Paper, an alt-weekly aimed at Atlanta's young upscale types.
Among Baron's topics: her private parts, the day she wanted to put a lizard down her husband's pants, and 'her unfulfilled desires' to 'sleep her way through the ethnic equivalent of Disney's It's a Small World ride. But Baron sees no conflict between her work for the LG candidate/ex-Christian Coalition president and her column...Her husband, Jimmy, hosts a raunchy radio show. (Washington Post, 12/22).
I did find time to talk about a couple other things on my show this week... I review two new gift items that couldn't be more different: the Rapex condom-- the one with barbs in the sheath to cripple your invader— and the Chocolate Clone-A-Willy, which is for when you kiss and make up.
Seriously, I think the Rapex is some kind of joke, and the Chocolate Willie is a technology whose time has come! I want one, with bittersweet chocolate, please.
In my mailbag, the last segment of my show, I respond to a letter from a divorced dad who is having trouble keeping his sex life and his pre-teen daughter under the same roof. I"m sure many will have empathy with him!