The Case of the Missing G-Spot

In 1984, I has plenty to say about the G-spot. My On Our Backs partner, Debi Sundahl, had come home one day from her sex-show shift at the Mitchell Brothers' theater and announced, "Lori Parker found my G-spot— WATCH THIS!" 

She proceeded to demonstrate how her work-wife Lori had fucked her brains out in the Ultra Room and made her drench the floor.

This week's radio show: In Bed with Susie Bright 238: The Grafenberg Files

I was impressed.

The same week, Beverly Whipple had published a book called "The G-Spot," in which she quietly took a moment in her acknowledgments to thank a group of Miami lesbians for their invaluable research assistance.

It's no accident that lesbians were the fore-mothers of the g-spot renaissance. That squishy spot behind your vaginal walls is easiest to find, and fondle, with your hands.

Around the same time,  Suzanne Gage and the Feminist Women's Health Centers published a book, which showed a  picture of what the whole clitoris looked like— not just the little glans we see on the outside— but the whole body of the clit, which is hidden from our view, if not our touch.

The earth shifted under our pelvic floors. Women who had always said, "It's not in my head, I really do get off from penetration," had an explanation. Women who ejaculated had a new understanding that indeed, they were not pissing the floor, but rather coming their own little bucket.

I wrote a story called "G-Spot Jitters" for OOB. We ran features galore on the subject, and Debi made her own video, "How to Female Ejaculate."

Meanwhile, doctors and researchers continued to debate the g-spot's  existence, a debate which was laughable to its gushing accolytes. We were learning "the clitoral truth," as Rebecca Chalker puts it.

BUT! Just when it all seemed so rosy (like a VH1 Behind the Scenes) I found myself disenchanted by the g-spot overkill.

Not every woman embraced her "G," or found it to be all that. Not every woman would or coud ejaculate, or even wanted to.

I didn't. Since when did it become a requirment? I didn't expect every woman to gush and squirt from the press of a "button" anymore than I would expect every woman to adore cunnilingus, or anal sex, or nipple-sucking. We're not dolls; this is real life.

To my dismay, I began to meet a new generation of women who felt like something was wrong with them because they didn't have magical g-spot vaginal orgasms— that they were deformed, broken, or incapable. It was the same old myth of the vaginal orgasm  again, with G'ed-up dressing.

The feminine quicksand of self-doubt—not again!

Men don't typically do this to themselves. When a man overhears that some OTHER guy likes his balls fondled, does he freak out if he doesn't find the same tickle to be a turn-on? Of course not! The average Joe trusts his cock and trusts what he likes. This is the confidence so many women miss, not some g-spot geography lesson.

If a woman likes the way she becomes aroused, if she's pleased with her orgasm, then why would she tie yourself in knots about something that mildly, if at all, raises her flag?

Women who have the most anxiety about G-spots are the ones who have difficult with any kind of orgasm, or who feel embarrassed about the way they do get off.

Hey, if you come, you did it right! No G-spot method on earth is going to change that. Why, oh why,  won't women dig their clits the way most men dig their cocks? I rend my garments over this.

I finally stopped blabbing about the "G"  because I  wanted to focus on women coming, period, rather than  being obsessed with doubts that they didn't have the right body for pleasure.

But today, I'm breaking my silence campaign. My friend Anne Semans at Babeland showed me their new website, The Gspot Center.  I think it's the best, most helpful, well-designed G-spot info I've ever seen.

If I had to pinpoint the Gspot Center message that struck my sponge, it's this one thing: If you aren't turned on in the first place, rubbing your g-spot will feel no better than scratching your head.

Anyone can reach inside with a curled finger or dildo, and find the little fleshy mound anterior to their pubic bone. There it sits!  But if you'rerubbing it in the absence of arousal, NOTHING will happen. You will yawn.

The way to find g-spot pleasure,  is to get raring hot in your familiar fashion. Play with your tenderest spot, and the fantasy that you love. Get yourself to the point where you could come any minute.

Now reach in and rub that g-place.... HELLO!  It's a whole new feeling, isn't it? You press on that enlarged little bean now, and it really feels good. If you're still playing with the outside of your clit, you'll start to feel like you're alternating between these two delicious ends. Yum. And it  doesn't matter where you go from there, because the fact is, you'll be coming soon, depending on how long you tease yourself.

Now, what about partners and intercourse? Lots of people are fixed on that possibility. A man can rub and press his penis against the "G," but you have to get in the right position.... and "Missionary" ain't it. If I was new to it all, I'd master the masturbation mode, and then you'll know exactly how you like it.

I like some of these new G-toys! Anne was so kind to send me some samples. I don't care whether they vibrate or not—what I like is how they have that acute angle that curls around and up so nicely...

I tried this one called the Orchid that has earned a permanent throne in my toybox. Remember though!— I didn't just insert it and start screaming... I was aroused, and then I woke up the dormouse. That's the way it works.

By the way, I still don't flood the room. I will never be a featured presentation in the Ultra Room, quelle domage. I would have gone the extra mile for Lori Parker, but she was one of the sweetest who's no longer with us...  a woman who taught so many other women what going stark-crazy-sex-mad was all about.

P.S. In my mailbag on this week's show, I  answer a letter from a man who is wondering about getting a Prince Albert piercing— is his foreskin going to get in the way. Inquiring minds...

In Bed with Susie Bright 238: The Grafenberg Files

Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, requests for golden freebie tickets, and feedback about the show to susie@susiebright.com. (Episode 238, February 24, 2006).

Comments

[G Bitch]

Thanks for saying this and keep saying it. This is why I visit your site daily.

[misterniceguy1960]

Speaking as a male heterosexual: The G-Spot is *MY* friend!

[McAuliflower]

I have a subscription to Health magazine that I'm letting run out (health it ain't!)... anyway, enough with the why I have it excuses. In the issue I received today they have a mention about a new procedure women are going through that involves a silicone injection into their G-spot to amplify its appearance / findability. That's been an interesting pop-surgical-culture factoid to chew on today.

[Bacchus]

Ever since I got into the sex blogging game, I've been stunned to discover that lots of people still think a squirting woman is just peeing herself. Male pornographers, in particular, tend to be adamant on the point; perhaps because they've been exposed to too many fake "squirting" videos where peeing is substituted for the real thing. But back in December when I blogged a squirting experience written up by Chelsea Girl, there were half a dozen folks who posted derisive and skeptical "it's just pee" style comments. The war on sexual ignorance is *not* over.

What breaks my heart, though, is when I've got my fingers on that spot and it gets all ridgy and hard and she's enjoying it and then... she jumps up out of the bed, insists she has to pee, and runs out of the room. Huge letdown.

[sfmike]

Your writing makes me happy.

[darkdaughta]

"I didn't expect every woman to gush and squirt from the press of a "button" anymore than I would expect every woman to adore cunnilingus, or anal sex, or nipple-sucking. We're not dolls; this is real life."

I haven't been an ejaculator. But, sometimes I wonder about all the attention it gets. At the play parties I've been to, wimmin make a great show of ejaculating.

It's almost as if they start with the subtle yet loud enough proclamation as if to say: Looky here, I'm going to blow and you need to watch.

Then when they do blow, it's with an overly big grin on their faces, squirting a wall or an onlooker. :)

Then there's the self-satisfied grin afterwards as if to say: Yeah, mine is longer than yours is.

It seems sort of performative.

[T.]

I simply must have that toy....a man i was embarassingly stupid in lust/love with could have owned me due to his having a big curved dick that hit my g-spot upon entry...in addition to oral skills and other foreplay...we really could have used a plastic cover for the matress

anyway, he is long gone and that toy looks like a fine replacement
thanx

[Laurie Mann]

I could have sworn the "G-spot" was discovered at some point in the late 70s by popular American magazines. I remember having some...unexpected experiences during sex in the late '70s, thought I was sick or something and then learned we'd "merely" found the G-spot (or was it called the X-spot then??).

"It ain't the Missionary" isn't necessarily true for everyone... Some of us have only managed to come in one particular position, though we've tried most of the other ones just to make sure... ;->

[Greta Christina]

My own favorite myth about G-spots and ejaculation is that they always go together. The first time I ejaculated, I was masturbating with my vibrator on my clit like usual, and I thought it couldn't possibly be ejaculate -- because I didn't have anything inside me. Even the groovy woman-positive sex ed I'd seen about ejaculation almost always mentioned it in the same breath as the G-spot. I didn't know it was even physically possible to squirt just from clitoral play.

And I haven't seen a lot that's changed since then. In writing about G-spots and ejaculation, you do sometimes get this little passing nod to women who squirt with nothing inside their pussies but the pure love of Christ -- but you don't get much. I'll have to check out Babeland's Gspot Center and see what they have to say.

Oh, one final note: I want to put in a quick plug for incontinence pads. Unappealing name, great concept (for anyone who doesn't like dealing wet spots, not just ejaculators). Get the thick quilted washable kind, as the disposable kind are kind of flimsy and tend to slide around on the bed. Available at medical supply houses everywhere. I don't know why sex product companies aren't all over this action.

[Susie Bright]

I could write a piece on each of your comments, they're so provocative:

That horrible G-shot surgery, where Mr. GynoSadist injects collagen into your urethral sponge, is strictly for those whose fantasies run to "Dead Ringers," David Cronenberg's movie about doctor/patient psycho-horror-sex. And the thing is, that's closer to truth than fiction. There are a shocking number of women who particularly get off on their doctors torturing them in various ways, it's like the ultimate erotic "attention." Sorry to sound like Rebecca of the Sunnybrook Wholesome S/M farm, but this stuff reeks of sexual repression to me. Why can't these gals find a safe, sane and non-exploitive way to be submissive or masochistic? The evil plastic surgeon is not your friend!

Bacchus, I know what you mean about the disbelievers and their perfect counterpart, the women who are scared to death of their own sexual power. let's lock them in a room somewhere together and let them hash it out.

Darkdaughta: I too have been at play parties where I felt myself becoming invisible is a sea of comparisons and competitions. But I hate to get in that mood. If I see a woman coming, I want to either be turned on or at the very least, tenderly sympathetic, admiring, "happy for you, babe!" When she explodes, she probably is feeling on top of the world, and I only hope to soon ascend the same peak.
The one thing that would piss me off is if I felt like it was fake, and everyone was ignoring their real desires for the sake of a good photo opportunity.

Thomai... someday, let's write a story about the incredible problems that come up when you are obsessed with the shape of someone's cock, but cannot tolerate the person inhabiting that body. Talk about misdirected attentions...

And Greta, thank you for your tip about how the juice can flow from all kinds of inspirations...

[figleaf]

Hey Susie, this is a wonderful post.

I read Whipple's The G-Spot back in college, right around the same time I read Murray Davis's Smut. Those two books really radicalized me to the possibilities of sex as a subject for social theory. I bring this up any time I mention Whipple's book, but she spends quite a bit of time urging people not to get all wiggy about trying to outdo each other either with squirting/g-spot orgasms or any other aspect of sex. The phrase that really stuck with me was "The search for the best drives out the good."

Also, in her introduction she and her co-authors briefly recap the history of women's sexuality: After Freud women felt something was wrong with them if they had only (external) clitoral orgasms; after Masters & Johnson they felt bad if they preferred internal stimulation. Were they to revise the book today I'm pretty sure the authors would add that now women seem to feel bad if they can't do it all. Whee, that's not exactly progress.

I haven't seen The G-Spot in a bookstore for years, which is kind of funny considering it was a best-seller in the early 1980s. I'd like to read it again.

Thanks reminding me.

figleaf

[Michael Camp]

Susie,

Your statement here >>anyone can reach inside with a curled finger or dildo, and find the little fleshy mound anterior to their pubic bone. There it sits! But if you're rubbing it in the absence of arousal, NOTHING will happen. You will yawn. << just goes to show that as incredible the g-spot is, it ain't magic until a woman is truly awakened. Concentrate on arousing passion in her first before any technique. Once that has happened, the g-spot is a wonderful door to new pleasures. My wife found it almost accidentally when on top and having control over the depth, placement, and movement.

[Mark "Puff" Anderson]

>In the issue...a mention about >a new procedure...involves a >silicone injection into their G->spot to amplify its >appearance / findability.

>Posted by: McAuliflower

This blows my mind. I learned how to find the G, a long while ago, because I felt it was a necessary part of giving what I was getting.

SIDEBAR: Any straight man who reaches the age of 30 and hasn't taken the time to learn all he can about the G-spot, should turn in his penis.

The G is an elusive thing and I wonder at potential loss of sensitivity in some women if silicon surgery of this type becomes more and more than norm.

Does anyone know of an interview or profile on someone who has had the surgery long enough ago that an answer to my question may be apparent? I'd rather hear from someone who has had the procedure as opposed to a plastic surgeon or gyno-surgeon who is making money off of performing the operation. Trust issues.

Mark "Puff" Anderson

[MeTube]

"If I had to pinpoint the Gspot Center message that struck my sponge, it's this one thing: If you aren't turned on in the first place, rubbing your g-spot will feel no better than scratching your head."

I thought everyone knew that. Does touching your clitoris when you are not turned on give you an immense amount of pleasure, or even your nipples? No touch will give you pleasure if you are not at least slightly turned on. The thing is women are always looking for a quick way to turn themselves on and get sexual pleasure.