In 1984, I has plenty to say about the G-spot. My On Our Backs partner, Debi Sundahl, had come home one day from her sex-show shift at the Mitchell Brothers' theater and announced, "Lori Parker found my G-spot— WATCH THIS!"
She proceeded to demonstrate how her work-wife Lori had fucked her brains out in the Ultra Room and made her drench the floor.
This week's radio show: In Bed with Susie Bright 238: The Grafenberg Files
I was impressed.
The same week, Beverly Whipple had published a book called "The G-Spot," in which she quietly took a moment in her acknowledgments to thank a group of Miami lesbians for their invaluable research assistance.
It's no accident that lesbians were the fore-mothers of the g-spot renaissance. That squishy spot behind your vaginal walls is easiest to find, and fondle, with your hands.
Around the same time, Suzanne Gage and the Feminist Women's Health Centers published a book, which showed a picture of what the whole clitoris looked like— not just the little glans we see on the outside— but the whole body of the clit, which is hidden from our view, if not our touch.
The earth shifted under our pelvic floors. Women who had always said, "It's not in my head, I really do get off from penetration," had an explanation. Women who ejaculated had a new understanding that indeed, they were not pissing the floor, but rather coming their own little bucket.
I wrote a story called "G-Spot Jitters" for OOB. We ran features galore on the subject, and Debi made her own video, "How to Female Ejaculate."
Meanwhile, doctors and researchers continued to debate the g-spot's existence, a debate which was laughable to its gushing accolytes. We were learning "the clitoral truth," as Rebecca Chalker puts it.
BUT! Just when it all seemed so rosy (like a VH1 Behind the Scenes) I found myself disenchanted by the g-spot overkill.
Not every woman embraced her "G," or found it to be all that. Not every woman would or coud ejaculate, or even wanted to.
I didn't. Since when did it become a requirment? I didn't expect every woman to gush and squirt from the press of a "button" anymore than I would expect every woman to adore cunnilingus, or anal sex, or nipple-sucking. We're not dolls; this is real life.
To my dismay, I began to meet a new generation of women who felt like something was wrong with them because they didn't have magical g-spot vaginal orgasms— that they were deformed, broken, or incapable. It was the same old myth of the vaginal orgasm again, with G'ed-up dressing.
The feminine quicksand of self-doubt—not again!
Men don't typically do this to themselves. When a man overhears that some OTHER guy likes his balls fondled, does he freak out if he doesn't find the same tickle to be a turn-on? Of course not! The average Joe trusts his cock and trusts what he likes. This is the confidence so many women miss, not some g-spot geography lesson.
If a woman likes the way she becomes aroused, if she's pleased with her orgasm, then why would she tie yourself in knots about something that mildly, if at all, raises her flag?
Women who have the most anxiety about G-spots are the ones who have difficult with any kind of orgasm, or who feel embarrassed about the way they do get off.
Hey, if you come, you did it right! No G-spot method on earth is going to change that. Why, oh why, won't women dig their clits the way most men dig their cocks? I rend my garments over this.
I finally stopped blabbing about the "G" because I wanted to focus on women coming, period, rather than being obsessed with doubts that they didn't have the right body for pleasure.
But today, I'm breaking my silence campaign. My friend Anne Semans at Babeland showed me their new website, The Gspot Center. I think it's the best, most helpful, well-designed G-spot info I've ever seen.
If I had to pinpoint the Gspot Center message that struck my sponge, it's this one thing: If you aren't turned on in the first place, rubbing your g-spot will feel no better than scratching your head.
Anyone can reach inside with a curled finger or dildo, and find the little fleshy mound anterior to their pubic bone. There it sits! But if you'rerubbing it in the absence of arousal, NOTHING will happen. You will yawn.
The way to find g-spot pleasure, is to get raring hot in your familiar fashion. Play with your tenderest spot, and the fantasy that you love. Get yourself to the point where you could come any minute.
Now reach in and rub that g-place.... HELLO! It's a whole new feeling, isn't it? You press on that enlarged little bean now, and it really feels good. If you're still playing with the outside of your clit, you'll start to feel like you're alternating between these two delicious ends. Yum. And it doesn't matter where you go from there, because the fact is, you'll be coming soon, depending on how long you tease yourself.
Now, what about partners and intercourse? Lots of people are fixed on that possibility. A man can rub and press his penis against the "G," but you have to get in the right position.... and "Missionary" ain't it. If I was new to it all, I'd master the masturbation mode, and then you'll know exactly how you like it.
I tried this one called the Orchid that has earned a permanent throne in my toybox. Remember though!— I didn't just insert it and start screaming... I was aroused, and then I woke up the dormouse. That's the way it works.
By the way, I still don't flood the room. I will never be a featured presentation in the Ultra Room, quelle domage. I would have gone the extra mile for Lori Parker, but she was one of the sweetest who's no longer with us... a woman who taught so many other women what going stark-crazy-sex-mad was all about.
P.S. In my mailbag on this week's show, I answer a letter from a man who is wondering about getting a Prince Albert piercing— is his foreskin going to get in the way. Inquiring minds...
In Bed with Susie Bright 238: The Grafenberg Files
Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, requests for golden freebie tickets, and feedback about the show to firstname.lastname@example.org. (Episode 238, February 24, 2006).