The Abstinence War Room

       

"Abstinence Comes to Albuquerque" is the name of this fascinating documentary about a sex battle royale in New Mexico's urban public schools.  Wait 'til you hear about the covert "purity" war room!

(I have to insert a note here that I was once an absolute FIEND in Albuquerque myself).

The feature is about how the religious right, under the cover of "education," got millions to install one of their wacky abstinence programs into New Mexico high schools, with no one making a peep until one parent  blew a whistle.

When I say wacky, I mean, it's not only unscientific, Biblically-bizarre, and physically unsound— it's also inflammatory paranoia that would make any rational person's head spin.

The film is captivating for all of its 30 minutes. There are rivetting interviews with people like Leslee Unruh, the charismatic spokesperson for "The Abstinence Clearinghouse." You look at her polished blonde face glowing with talk about purity, and then you see the largely working class, Hispanic, and Black high school students/parents talking soberly about their take on it all. It is such a dramatic culture clash.

There was one aspect I was disappointed in, although not surprised. The filmmakers are not confident enough to show high school students saying, "Yes, I have sex and I like it, I know what I'm doing, I'm protected, and it means a lot to me. I'm not coerced, I'm pro-active!"

Those students exist, but there's a media blackout on them. You aren't allowed to be a powerful 16-year-old  who has her own sexual self-confidence. You apparently can't even say, "Hey, I love my boyfriend," or "I'm bi!" or "I'd  like to have a lover!" You can't even say you masturbate, if you're under 18. Everyone is afraid of being busted, for the crime of being a sex-positive teenager, even though we know it's part of the reality, and these young activists are the hope of the future.

They show the feminist students who are into doing peer education, and they are indeed motivated by their political ideals of sisterhood and empowerment for young women.

BUT! Some of those young women are also taking the sex education they've received and using it personally to actually enjoy their own private love lives. It's not about their "virginity"— it's about their self-knowledge. Their ability to discriminate in a positive way, to know what they want and don't want, what they like and don't like, is a huge break with their Catholic submissive lay-down-and-close-your-eyes upbringing.

They're the ones to watch, not the poor babes running around with their chastity rings ready to break in two.

Another thing I love about this movie is that you can get a free VHS or DVD copy of it from the director, Charles Stuart.

Thanks to Feministing for the alert, and to Planned Parenthood for more background on the film.

Comments

[Kit O'Connell]

"You can't fuck in here, this is the war room!"

[Alana Noel Voth]

Susie, thanks for sharing the documentary, "Abstinence Comes to Albuquerque" here. Watched it beginning to end. Kudos.

I'll mention my son now, as I often do, in regards to the time he asked to see what a condom looked like. But first I should say he wanted to know how babies are made when he was three. I gave him the most straightforward no bullshit rated G version I could come up with: A man has a penis, a woman has a vagina. When a man and woman love each other, like each other, or find each other attractive, they have sex, which means they kiss and hug and then the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina. It feels good. They both like it. Sprem comes out of the man's vagina and finds an egg inside the woman's vagina which then becomes an embroyo which becomes a fetus which becomes a baby.

He said, "Oh."

He has continued to ask questions of all sorts over time as he has gotten older and more socially and culturally aware, as well as more emotionally and physically mature. He's almost nine. We've talked at length about homosexuality, masturbation, and oh yes, birth control, which leads to the evening a condom commercial was on TV and he asked what a condom looked like. I thought to myself, "OK, here's a chance to be really honest and open and not paranoid and prove I respect his curiosity and it's good thing he wants to see one."

Admittedly, I was nervous because I actually worried a minute or two the You're-A-Bad-Mama-Police would jump out and shackle me or burn me at the stake or something.

I found a condom, took it out of the package, and then let him hold it and unroll it, and all that. I explained it's purpose again as he stared at this thing for about two minutes. Suddenly, my son got the most alarmed look on his face.

He said, "Mom, but it's so BIG!"

I knew exactly what he was thinking. I assured him. "Look, your penis grows just like the rest of you. By the time you're thinking about having sex with someone, your penis will be a lot bigger."

He smiled and was visibly relieved. "Oh," he said, then he said, "Do I HAVE to have sex?" I said, "No." He looked equally relieved about that. He was five at the time, which challenges the notion that talking with children under twelve leads to perversion or pre-mature sexual activity.

Alana

[Tali]

"The filmmakers are not confident enough to show high school students saying, "Yes, I have sex and I like it, I know what I'm doing, I'm protected, and it means a lot to me. I'm not coerced, I'm pro-active!" "

In this column, I think you are prescient -- as ever -- and your analysis is spot on. However, this one sentence gave me some pause.

When I was 15 or 16, all the girls in my school thought that all the other girls were having sex, and everyone was too embarrassed to admit that they weren't. Years later, though, we found out that most people actually weren't active back then, and some of us can look back and laugh at it -- oh, those teenage insecurities..!

But, to my sadness, it has become apparent to me as the years have passed, and as women my age are starting to feel more comfortable discussing such things, that many of the girls who *were* actually having sex in their mid-teens were girls who had been sexualized--in a non-consnesual fashion--at a much younger age. I am certainly no expert, and I'm sure you know much more about this kind of thing than I do..... but I suppose that the idea of sex was not so strange and alien to these girls, whereas for some of the others it was a scary and very bizarre-seeming prospect, pehaps in the same way that it was to Alana's 5-year-old son.

Please don't misunderstand -- you might be thinking that I am trying to reinforce the "media blackout" on self-confident teenage girls. I don't disagree that we in this world are terribly afraid of confident young women. And I am not saying that this is the case for all sexually active girls, and I'm *certainly* not saying that 15 or 16 year old girls shouldn't be taking control of their sexualities. Indeed, perhaps if we were able to speak about sex in a amoral manner with children, then more young women would be introduced to sex under their own power, and perhaps the whole proposition would be less alarming for everyone. Sex education should probably begin at a much earlier age than it does now, and should not be about baby-making or STD-prevention, but as you say about teaching kids to know what they want and don't want and what they like and don't like and so on.

It's just that 15-20 years down the road, and given what I have learned from my friends and girlfriends, when I hear girls of that age discussing their sex lives, I sometimes wonder about the back-story. As you pointed out in the columns about the whole shameful "CamWhore" story, sexuality and sexual behavior don't come out of nowhere -- there's always a back-story. Why is it that some girls do have this sexual self-confidence and this feeling of "empowerment"? I'm willing to bet that most of them didn't learn it from their feminist mothers or from their high-school sex-ed classes....

[Janine White]

To best protect our children's futures, we must present them with complete sex education, not just abstinence, and make contracption widely available.

[anthony]

what scared me the most, is that there is nothing in either ciricula about gbltq folx...its touched on briefly, but the idea that we dont even exist, is going to cause death and sadness for hundreds of queer kids all over new mexico

[Steve Caldwell]

Susie,

Folks may want to check out the comprehensive sexuality education program jointly developed by the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church of Christ ... it's called "Our Whole Lives" or "OWL" for short. Here's the curriculum web site:

http://www.uua.org/owl/

This curriculum series covers the following grade ranges - Grades K-1, 4-6, 7-9, and 10-12. There's also an adult curriculum and a young adult curriculum for ages 18-35 is currently in development.

This program is bi-gay-lesbian-trans positive and sexuality-positive. One of its goals is to ensure that children and youth have access to medically accurate information and all questions are answered. The curriculum series was developed using guidelines created by Planned Parenthood and SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States).

The curriculum is modular so that it can be taught in secular settings without explicit religious references or in UU or UCC churches with the use of optional materials that speak about these denominations and their social justice teachings on sexuality. For example, both denominations have come out in favor of full legal access to same-sex marriage, are pro-choice, and promote comprehensive sexuality education in public schools.

Thanks for the video clip ... this will be a great resource for sexuality education advocacy work.

[C.S. Lewiston]

Thank you in industrial quantities for calling our attention to this video.

"[Sexually-mature and -positive] students exist, but there's a media blackout on them. You aren't allowed to be a powerful 16-year-old who has her own sexual self-confidence."

Or maybe you're not allowed to be a documentarian covering this particular subject unless you want to be accused of peddling kiddie porn.

[anthony]

thanks for that steve

[Michael Camp]

Susie,
Viewed the whole video. Good presentation. Abstinence has an important place in sex-ed but to resort to scare tactics, misinformation, and ignoring questions about condoms is not responsible. It appears there are legitimate grievances on both sides of this debate--criticism of sex-ed that treats abstinence as impossible, and criticism of abstinence-ed that misrepresents facts. Why the polarization? Why can't a true comprehensive program be developed? One that warns of consequences of teen pregnancy (e.g. the girl in video whose Mom had her at 15 and her experience) and risks of STDs and gives abstinence a fair hearing as one responsible choice, AND one that educates about using condoms and other strategies in order to provide prevention tools for those who choose to be sexually active. I agree with the kids that said: "give us the facts and let us decide." The problem is when both sides distort the facts--either abstinence that scares teens into a moral choice and ignores STD and pregnancy prevention or a sex-ed that determines that abstinence isn't reasonable to promote.

[Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel]

Thanks so much for posting this documentary, Susie. I have watched it, and sent it to several friends. I have three teenage sons, and am horrified by the concept of "abstinence-only" "education" that downplays the value of condoms and other forms of contraception.

I've run across that Leslee Unruh person in a bunch of places in the blogosphere lately. Apparently Unruh underwent a safe, legal abortion when she was younger and wanted one, and thinks that other girls and women should be denied the option. Feh!

[Shani]

To anyone who runs across this entry, the new URL of the video is

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2324243468144550288&q=Abstinence+Comes+to+Albuquerque

And the PP page is

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/news-articles-press/politics-policy-issues/teen-pregnancy-sex-education/abstinence-comes-to-albuquerque.htm

Apologies susie for trying to post this on the wrong page, please don't let it through! :)