My friend Steve is a Grand-Poobah at the gay fantasy/porn company Titan. He called me up the other day to say he had something "extra special" for me. Then he couldn't stop laughing. An evil, seductive, mischief laugh.
In Bed with Susie Bright 261: Buck Angel
What was up his sleeve? I watch gay porn "professionally," to keep abreast of what's new, but it's not my passion. I love to meet women who get off on gay porn— I herald their liberation— but I'm not one of them. I want Heath Ledger all to myself.
But Steve is smart, and knows my number, so I accepted the DVD he handed me: Cirque Noir.
It was packaged like an X-rated Cirque du Soleil, and my interest was piqued. I like anything perverse and Ringling-like. Paging Tyrone Power, Nightmare Alley!
The were three vignettes to the movie. The first was "Clown Sex," which I relished: an sadistik klown posse whose aesthetics will bring you to your Bozo-buggered knees.
The second section switched from the grotesque to the ethereal: a graceful figure suspended in air. It choked me up, to realize what the Summer Olympics could be like if someone gave a damn: Gymnastics, and trapeze art, in the nude. (Plus fucking too, of course).
The scene was like Greek frieze brought to life. How dare anyone put their clothes on for the pommel horse!
(I'd love to hear from any of you who've studied gymnastics and might watch this movie. Tell me what you think of these guys' performance! I'm just an idle viewer, but I thought they were incredible, especially when you throw in the fact that they are having sex at the same time. 10.0, with a perfect dismount!)
Still, with all this spectacle, I hadn't yet found the Explosive Easter Egg that Steve had hinted at.
The final segment was a Circus Strong Men Showdown, and it appeared to be the most predictable of the three rings.
A trio of hunky tattooed dudes in Folsum-Leather garb showed up and started getting sassy with each other. Muscle-bound roustabouts, all of them. They punched and jabbed and made rude innuendos.
Each hunk struck his mean bastard pose. One of the stars, Buck Angel, unzipped his jeans, and started plowing one of his comrades. The young man groaned and swore like he was breaking open. Buck pulled his thick cock back, as if he was going to pause one unbearable minute before nailing his lover into the ground. But then he took his dick off.
Buck's dick, you see, was plastic. And once it fell to the ground, we could see that Buck, underneath his massive chest and six-pack abs, had a perfectly-shaped vulva and bulging clit.
It's gorgeous, it's shocking, and if they ever shoot this movie again, I hope they will "Method" rehearse with the other actors a bit more, because they should have fainted dead away when Buck revealed his colors. I wanted them to be as surprised as I was!
Yes, Buck is a self-described "man with a pussy," an FTM porn star. My favorite part of the DVD was the special feature that interviewed Buck about how he sees what he's doing.
Here's an excerpt:
BA: I'm Buck Angel, the man with a cunt, the man with a pussy, the man with a man-hole— whatever turns you on. I'm the only man like that, in the adult industry,working today.
In your view, what does it mean to be a man?
BA: Being a man is somebody who is very comfortable in their skin, and relating to other people.
I don't think it's so much gender, as it is being a comfortable person. I don't think that the pussy makes me any less of a man. A lot of people think having a dick makes you a man, but as you can see I'm 100% man. Even with a pussy, I'm 100% man.
For some reason people are hung up about this cock thing. "The only way you can be a man is with a cock." I have to disagree with that, and I think I'm going to change people's minds out there, and show them that I'm just as much of a man as anybody else.
When did you realize that you were a man?
BA: My whole life. I was born female, but never felt female. Through my teens I was uncomfortable with my body and who I was, because I had a female body. In my adult years, I got the chance to have a sex change. I took that opportunity and my whole life changed. I decided not to have any bottom surgery, or have a penis or any of that. I choose to keep my pussy.
Now I use my pussy in my adult work to show people that there are guys like me out there. We are sexual, and we are hot, and we love having sex just like everybody else. It doesn't make me any less of a man.
What would you like to convey to the audience with your work?
BA:I hope they enjoy watching my work here, and that they'll keep an open mind and to understand that it is not just black or white. It's not, "there are just men and there are just women"— there are "in between" genders. I'd tell them to not be closed-minded about my pussy or whatever turns them on about it. Maybe it might not turn them on, but it might turn somebody else on. Hopefully they'll understand that the world is a big place and everybody has different things going on.
The nonchalance in Buck's deep voice was inspiring. I turned to my lover later that night, and announced, faking a baritone: "My pussy doesn't make me any less of a man, Jon!"
I couldn't quite figure out what to do after that, due to my femme-delirious qualities, but I have to say, it was bracing.
Later, I asked a few friends to watch the video and give me their sexual reactions to it. I was surprised by mine.
As I mentioned above, man-on-man sex does not get me where I live. But after Buck took his dick off in the movie, started getting fucked vaginally by the two other fellas, I could feel him getting penetrated. My vagina waved her hand, "Hey girlfriend!" I had physical empathy. When I see "men" being buttfucked, I don't feel that way... I'm more distant.
All the men groaned and yelled their satisfaction as they were topped by the other guys. Buck was no exception. in gay porn, the guys aren't supposed to be stoic, they're encouraged to growl and shout their pleasure— in a "masculine" way, of course.
I wondered, when Buck was living life as a woman, did s/he feel uninhibited like this, to yell and curse in ecstasy? Or is it just for the camera? Was there ever any pressure on Buck to be "quiet" in bed when he was perceived as a woman, or as a dyke?
Buck wrote me, in answer to my questions, "Before my change, I wasn't comfortable getting fucked at all— and I definitely wasn't into having sex with men— just like many butch dykes.
"It was through my change that I've felt empowered by my pussy, because I feel comfortable in my skin now. I feel like a man. When I get fucked now, whether in front of the camera or not, I am the same. I love to just let it out. Man-sex is so raw.
"I like to have sex with both men and women now. Before my change, I only had sex with women, and I didn't always take my clothes off to do it. Wow, things have changed a LOT for me, and definitely for the better!"
I lent the movie to my friend Marcus. He is bi, and he likes all kinds of porn. He has a huge she-male collection, in fact. Can't resist a chick with a dick. He had the opposite reaction to me when Buck disrobed.
Marcus could not relate. It was like his erotic phone was disconnected.He could not turn on to Buck as a gay man or as a woman. He said he always thought that since he dug MTF porn so much, he would be titillated by FTM, but it didn't work out that way at all.
One of my lesbian friends was irate because she said that Buck was probably once the hottest dyke in town, and now it was all ruined.
"Yeah, but what did you feel when the sex scene happened?" I asked.
"Feel? I'm jealous, I'm pissed! These two leather dudes are getting fisted by Buck in their spare time, and I'm home alone with NOTHING!" She was so pissed I didn't ask her if her vagina waved back.
Two gay men I showed the movie to, thought Buck was hot, and would do him, or be done by him, no questions asked. I think a lot of Titan's regular customers might feel the same way. "Gay customers" aren't as "Kinsey 6" as the marketers like to make out.
My "straight couple" guinea pigs, who I forced the DVD upon, had a big argument about genderfuck, but then ended their tiff with really hot sex.
Then I had another friend who never got past the red rubber Clown Nose. Chacun a son gout-gout!
Buck is a remarkable performer, with tremendous sexual charisma. If we could cast Buck in one of Peggy Munson's stories, where the characters really come alive, and every surprise is multidimensional, I think we'd have another "Boys Don't Cry" impact on our hands.
Also on this podcast: In my Try This at Home mailbag, the "deluxe" hand job. You can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for Susie's girly cards to susie@audible.com. (Episode 261, September 8, 2006).
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