Rude Bits: Tracy Quan on the Raunch Debate

Recently, on BBC Radio 4, Cosmopolitan's UK edition was attacked by Carol Sarler for reducing women to the sum of our "rude bits." Cosmo's deputy editor Helen Daly was a model of civility, despite the fact that Sarler had called her magazine a "raddled old slapper."

This story by Tracy Quan, reprinted from Fifth Estate 

The surprise here is that Sarler isn't your typical anti-sex crusader. Over the years, she has written thoughtful stuff about women's issues. She has opposed repressive porn laws which seek to "clean up" our minds and taken a stand against victim-oriented feminism, especially where drinking and sex are concerned. Her recent commentary on Anna Nicole Smith was provocative yet compassionate.

Despite this, Sarler joins the "anti-raunch" chorus. She's especially ticked off by a question Cosmo posed to readers: is flashing your breasts on a night out empowering?

A transatlantic anti-raunch movement is growing, but today's finger-wagging scolds are different from the militants who opposed porn in the 1980s. They don't necessarily hate men or view women as blameless victims: Ariel Levy, author of Female Chauvinist Pigs, is troubled by the fact that young women are themselves fueling the Girls Gone Wild phenomenon. They're more mainstream: The jacket of Pamela Paul's Pornified features an American-flag thong panty, and Pamela seems just blond enough to carry off the look in private. (Dark-haired Ariel might be too earnest for stars-and-stripes underwear but she has her own appeal.)

I doubt that either of these camera-ready authors could end up like Andrea Dworkin, who, at the height of her fame, looked as eccentric and tormented as her message. Today's anti-porn headliners tend to be pretty and presentable. They may be wrong about a few things but they aren't lunatics— or even wild-eyed visionaries like Dworkin. Nor are they radical thinkers, like Catharine MacKinnon whose outlandish legal theories broke new ground. They are packaged not as hardline feminists, but as voices of sanity in a hyped up, hypersexual wilderness.

But you can't blame Ariel and company for trying to make sense of this new reality. When MacKinnon and Dworkin hatched their theories, the college students who flash, masturbate and French kiss each other in Girls Gone Wild videos weren't even born yet. Strippercise wasn't being hawked by the Washington Post or BBC as the latest way to tone your abs. Back then, MacKinnon, Dworkin and their followers were almost as marginal as the sex industry.

As a former sex worker, I have some questions about "raunch culture" in general and about cardio-striptease in particular. Jenna Jameson, who once worked as a stripper, made it clear in her memoir that exotic dancing is extremely hard on the body— it's a job, and hardly the ideal path to fitness. In How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, Chapter Nine is devoted to shin splints, degenerative muscle tissue and other occupational injuries.

The dancers I know are doing Pilates, yoga, kick-boxing and weights to stay fit— not "strippercise." Some take self-defense classes to protect themselves on the job. The same is true of hookers. Sex industry workers who can afford to do so invest considerable time and money in physical therapy, relaxation treatments and health care because our bodies are, quite literally, our business.

But not all sex workers can afford such antidotes, and sometimes I think women outside the sex trade are being sold a bill of goods about how "empowering" or fun sex work is. While it can be fun, there are dues to be paid, and sexual power extracts a price. That's why I never recommend prostitution as a career to anyone, even the most enthusiastic would-be call girls.

And it's why I question the wisdom of appearing in a commercial video, naked and masturbating, in exchange for... a tank top. If someone is making money off your body, you should too. If it would make you feel a bit sleazy to sell your own sex videos or to get paid for that masturbation routine, then perhaps you shouldn't take your shirt off for the camera. Are you doing it just because you're drunk?

Like Ariel, I can believe that appearing in a Girls Gone Wild video leaves some participants feeling a bit, well, hungover the next day. There's nobody more prudish than a former prostitute. When I see the girls I once worked with, we trade quips about how white our cotton undies are. Few of us will watch porn with our boyfriends or husbands.

Been there, done that—  with our clients— and porn looks too much like work to us.  We actually think it's unromantic for a man to ogle other women— that's something customers do.

And yet I'm not ready to cast my lot with anti-raunch campaigners. While I've arrived at my brand of prudishness honestly, I'm not convinced they have. And, as one who still identifies with the sex industry, I don't trust them. In America, for example, the anti-raunch consensus seems to be that society is going to hell in a handbasket— and college girls are getting rowdier— because sex workers aren't cowering in their shame-filled closets.

Recalling that Vanessa Williams lost her "Miss America" crown because Penthouse photos had resurfaced, Ariel appears to be nostalgic for the good old days when "being exposed in porn was something you needed to come back from."

Now, to her dismay, being in porn is "itself the comeback." Though she urges her readers to remember that sex workers are, indeed, working, you get the eerie sense that we're like black people moving into a previously white neighborhood. Perhaps, since she's deploring our cultural influence on hitherto "nice" girls, a better analogy would be white fans aping black musicians, a trend that's been around since jazz was invented.

One supporter of Ariel's alarmist thesis is Jennifer Egan, a New York novelist who looks askance at mainstream books about sex work and, like Ariel, assumes that commercial sex is in league with raunch culture.

It's more complicated than that, for the sex industry is no monolith. Many prostitutes view themselves as traditional beings clinging to a subtler, more feminine, aesthetic than we now see in porn, at lap-dancing clubs— or at hen parties. Romantic Cinderella fantasies are still alluring to us, but these tend to bubble below the surface, in the private sphere of the prostitute's mind. A deeply independent streak might render those fantasies moot in the cold light of day but still... prostitution can be a lot less raunchy and brutal than some of the mainstream dating rituals I've witnessed.

As a former hooker, I'm shocked and puzzled by what young single males get away with— not with sex workers but with civilians. The old-world pre-feminist concept of the gentleman is alive and well in the world of post-feminist prostitution, where respectful admiration is still valued. From a distance, the sex industry appears larger than life. Close up, you will see that it's not just a parade of bigger 'n' better plastic breasts. Or cosmetically altered sex organs.

In the most traditional areas of the sex trade, where people don't just gawk and stare, there's room for civilized interaction. The problem Ariel describes is real: Women outside the industry don't have much contact with the intimate side of commercial sex. So, they can be conned into embracing the most visible hype— the carnival of the lap dance club, the gymnastics of porn, the superficial sleaziness of "raunch culture."

Prostitution's a different kind of zone where off-the-record intimacy is uniquely its own thing and quite varied: illicit, awkward, friendly, disturbing, joyful, tense, kind, or even angry and resentful. It's a very mixed bag of emotions. Men who aren't in the industry can easily sample these intimate, humanizing secrets. Most men who visit prostitutes are probably aware that internet porn, phone sex and lap-dancing contain a cartoon component.

But they don't tend to discuss their findings with the civilian women in their lives. It's just not done. And yet, women in large numbers find aspects of the sex trade rather alluring. The result is, you guessed it, recreational pole-dancing as a form of empowerment. Or, perhaps, flashing your breasts on a Saturday night.

Whether you find it empowering or appalling, this is a trend worth discussing. It tells us much about our cultural mood and reflects some new thinking about the sex industry in relation to society. In other words, Cosmo has found a way to treat our body parts not as "rude bits" but as, well, talking points.

Tracy writes rude interesting bits like this all the time at FifthEstate. Her latest book is Diary of a Married Call Girl: A Nancy Chan Novel. And of course, her blog will keep you fully informed!  Photo: Finn Fons.

Comments

[C.S. Lewiston]

Ms. Quan certainly has given us a banquet for thought.

"... prostitution can be a lot less raunchy and brutal than some of the mainstream dating rituals I've witnessed."

I wonder exactly what she means by this. Does she refer to date-rape or other such atrocities? Or is it something more common and less thought-of as being anti-social?

[Laurie D. T. Mann]

I've seen guys, especially young guys, treat young women very crudely. This is particularly true in high school, but, since some folks never do grow up, some men act boorly/poorly their whole lives. I'm not just talking rape or anything physical, I mean just crudely.

While I can't speak to how johns treat hookers, I'm under the impression that some percentage treat the whole experience like a business transaction, and are reasonably respectful of the women they do business with.

While I can swear like a sailor at times, but I'm more on the prudish side. If anything, I'm somewhat less prudish now in my 50s than I was in my 20s. I do think sex is extremely important and shouldn't be completely hidden away, but it doesn't mean I think viewing/reading it is always that enlightning.

[Tracy Quan]

Ha! No, I didn't mean anything remotely like date rape! I was thinking about the little atrocities, really. Like the brutal use of language. For example, when people speak of "dumping" a lover. I think that's very cruel. That's just one example but it's one that really bugs me. In sexual commerce, rejection is often a refined diplomatic maneuver. (Customers and prostitutes can go to great lengths to avoid hurting someone's pride.) In truth, my own dating adventures have been pretty delightful but the stories I hear... and the things I see out there...!!

[Tracy Quan]

Hi again. That first was a response to C.S. I think Laurie has a point, that people may behave with more decorum while doing business with each other. Whereas, in the absence of business protocol, without romance, things can get crude. And chaotic.

[Kate Dino]

I really enjoyed this post. It's one of the best things I've read about raunch culture from the point of view of a participant in the sex industry.

[Steve]

It has always surprised me that women in Girls Gone Wild, or on the street flashing their breasts, or doing a Britney, get a sense of empowerment from such acts. I suspect many of them do, indeed regret their actions the next morning, or later, and may even find the "empowerment" to be very fleeting. It seems to me that to find true empowerment, one needs to find some method greater than simply flashing body parts, drunk or sober. Not that there's no place for using your "privates" of whatever stripe for empowerment, but something so superficial as flashing tits while drunk as hell during Mardi Gras doesn't rise to the occasion, for me at least. I'd be looking for something much more substantial, if I was to find my empowerment in such manner at all.

[Steve]

Actually, my post should apply to both genders. My apologies.

[Bill Brent]

Well, speaking as a mostly gay male who has lived through most of the raunchier aspects of gay male culture, I can relate to Ms. Quan's observations on "prudishness." If you think it's uncool to be a "prudish" woman in straight society, just imagine trying to maintain your dignity in the face of overbearing gay men.

Modesty is underrated, IMHO. Attention whores get my attention but seldom my respect. And personally, I would rather have respect than attention.

So I, too, resent it when grown men who should know better act like oafs when it comes to flirting in polite company. I wish their mothers could see them in action. I've been nonconsensually groped, and it isn't flattering to me at all. Not one bit.

Yet some flirting is fun and even healthy. There is nothing wrong with being physically appreciated as long as it is done with style and sincerity. Otherwise, it's often a sleazy exercise in plausible deniability. You can try to rebuke the offenders in real time whenever possible, but that's not easy when you're blindsided in a party environment where this is more or less socially condoned behavior.

--Bill

[Richard T. Anderson]

The article makes some great points, and I agree with most of what Ms. Quon has to say. Yet I feel the way it was started was odd. I can't see critisizing Cosmo as being an "anti-raunch" stance.

Cosmo isn't raunchy porn, it's a magazine that typically is misleading about a woman's sexuality to the nth degree. You've rallied against Cosmo yourself Susie, if I remember correctly. Does that make you anti-raunch and anti-porn now?

But otherwise. Good article.

Peace,
Rich

[iswan]

thanx for sharing this!
I sent this to one of the moderators at the ultra hypocritical, mostly 20 something, white upper middle class, "feminist community" at live journal...I certainly hope they'll read it and discuss it

Of course I wont be part of that discussion as I pointed out aspects of Julia Roberts and Halle Barry's work that made me reminiscent of sex work days gone by...and I used the word whore in reference as well- shame shame
I thought of sure they would ban me on my "of color" skin - nope turns out sex trumps all shades of prejudice.

I do hope they digest this food for thought.

[Ducky DooLittle]

Thank goodness we have Tracy Quan. She can digest culture are articulate these things (from a sex worker's point of view) with such grace. Thank you.

(Susie - hope you don't mind that I wrote about and linked this up on my blog. As always I gave you/Tracy props.)

[Melissa Balmer]

What's so sad about all of the "pretend" sexual liberation via "Girls Gone Wild," pole-dancing-as-exercise etc. is that it continues the role of women as sexual performers - but not necessarily sexual enjoyers, and unfortunately most of the young women, and not-so-young women participating have no idea there's a difference. For every young DIY geek girls with her own style and demanding their own orgasms there are probably three girls doing their best to be "Barbie" right along with the fake perfect breasts so she can better attract a man who thinks that porn is real and not acting.

[paula bomer]

This piece made me think of another piece I read today--this must be my day of thinking seriously about pornography, sexuality, female identity, instead of tennis--called "Pornutopia" by a philosophy professor named Nancy Bauer. The article was in N+1 magazine, a new journal that can be thought provoking. What I like are the questions raised and the lack of answers. Why are certain expressions of sexuality truly upsetting? They can be. Is giving a blow job a powerful experience or degrading? It's all in the context, the details, the minutia of our daily lives. Progress exists for women, thank God, but new problems arise, ones we could never have predicted. This is the mystery of human life. I don't mean that as a pat explanation. Just a small observation on a very complicated and layered issue.

[Tracy Quan]

I love Cosmo, but it's a glossy magazine, not the bible. I don't find it especially misleading in relation to my own sexuality. But that's just me. Is there really such a thing as "women's sexuality"? Apparently some women relate to Cosmo and others don't.

Susie and I don't agree on everything, but I wouldn't say she's anti-raunch.

As it happens, the anti-Cosmo critic (Sarler) whom I wrote about was explicitly focusing on the raunchy, sexual aspect of Cosmo. We have a link to her radio interview and, to my ears, this was an anti-raunch tirade.

I'd like to mention that this is the UK edition of Cosmo, and UK editions of well-known glossies have their own identities. UK media folk are amazed at how proper and prim the US version of Glamour is. The UK Glamour is nothing like the US. In general, women's glossies in the UK are much more irreverent and racy than US mags... Just something to consider.

[Tracy Quan]

Ducky, thanks for the link! And hello there!

I'd like to respond to the idea that performing and enjoying are different. (Melissa Balmer raised this.)

In other fields of performance, such as music, we don't necessarily think performance is separate from enjoyment -- in fact, we hope that musicians enjoy performing, whether they are professionals or talented amateurs. And how about professional cooks, people who make really delicious food? I'm curious to know why we would regard sex in starker terms. Is it because we've come to view sex as having more in common with, say, factory work than music? Or delicious food? I think we should ask ourselves whether this is the case.

[tom paine]

It's the Anne Coulter phenomenon: attractive women who say outrageous things instead of flashing their bodies. And of course we take their bait every time....

[Rich]

What some call rauch, others might call honesty. The world we grew up in was a little more hypocritical. Let's hope that we don't go back to that.