Is There a Republican Senator Who's NOT Having Bathroom Sex?

This has gone from novelty to nausea.

The names change, but the story's the same.

This time it's Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. In a Minneapolis Airport Bathroom Stall. With Colonel Mustard.

Fuck you, Larry.

Fuck you Bob, David, Tom, Harlan, Randall, Al, Duke, Jeff, Ted, Joseph, Mark, Edward, Jim, Matthew, and all the rest. I don't have time to list all your names and details, but other people do.

From now on, as far as I'm concerned, every single Republican legislator is a Reeking Freak Closet Case until proven innocent.

These men wouldn't know "safe, sane, and consensual" if you tied it to their weener with a red flag. I won't call them "gay" or "kinky" because that would be an insult to the healthy spectrum of human sexuality. Instead, they're the worst face of sexual repression, because they don't care who they hurt, or how many lies they tell. Their whole life is a SHAM.

The GOP Narcissists aren't the exception to the rule— they ARE the rule. They personify the very sexuality they campaign against. If they vote against gays, we know they're queer. If they're hopped up about "child porn," we can guess their internet habits. If they hold up monogamous marriage as a Christian ideal, we know they're adulterous, blasphemous fools.

Here's what they all have in common; They pretend it didn't happen. They try to buy people off to shut them up. They cry that they've been victimized. And then they continue to persecute everyone else by:

Voting YES on constitutional ban of same-sex marriage.
Voting NO on adding sexual orientation to definition of hate crimes.
Voting NO on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation.
Voting YES on prohibiting same-sex marriage.
Voting NO on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation.

They generously fund the coffers of the vice squads and the surveillance creeps— the very people who later catch them in the act. And who wants to repeat all the disgusting insults and conceits they proselytize in public?

I can't take it anymore. I could spend seven days a week on this blog reporting what new dirt bag has shown his ass on the public square. But I'm fed up. Worse, I'm exhausted with the elected "liberals" and self-proclaimed "feminists" and Democrats who share offices with these pathological liars— and just bury their heads in the tearoom bowl.

There's not one prominent legislator in this country who's stood up against sex phobia, who's led a campaign to take victimless sex laws off the books, or to protect citizens' privacy. Not one. Are Hillary, Obama, or Edwards going to say one word about this hypocrisy? No.

How many repulsive liars does it take before the mainstream media, the voters, and what's left of political leadership say, "Mind Your Own Fucking Business?"

Apparently, Puritan America has infinite tolerance.

As long as they condemn their "inferiors," elitists can do whatever their budget affords. Democracy is just not as thrilling as witch-hunting.

The religious conservative voters, rather than doubt the wisdom of their biblical values, will continue to believe that they need to find one pure man to lead them. They'd rather believe in sin than sanity. Some of them even think this plague of gay GOP locusts is a "Democrat conspiracy."

I predict record highs of apathy in 2008. The common man thinks this game's a lousy racket, and he's right. There's no one to cheer, no one who brings integrity and sexual honesty to the table.

The mainstream media will treat each scandal as  another unfortunate lapse in judgment, an individual crushed by forces one can barely understand.

Bite me.

No, this is the instant snapshot of American democracy. This is what we look like; this is our Kodak Moment.

UPDATE: In a GOP love triangle gone bad, three Miami men have died in a suicide/double murder. Two of the men, "longtime roommates," were MAJOR Republican political ops— one of them the former head of the Georgia Republican Party who delighted in demonizing gay men in campaigns all over the South.

Apparently they had a third "friend," who flipped out, killed them both, and then shot himself.

This is all over the gay political blogs tonight, and I missed the breaking headline because I was so busy writing about Senator Craig's toiletries. What on Satan's great earth am I missing as I'm writing THIS?

Comments

[Douglas Henwood]

This is happening so often that I'm thinking two things: 1) these guys are in political crisis, or at least their star is sinking and 2) it can't just be hypocrisy.

There has to be some psychological structure that links highly moralizing public stances with a secret private life.

Either they thrive on shame, want to punish themselves for their bad desires, or can't find the life they advocate for others tolerable to themselves.

As the theoryheads say, a secret life almost seems like the condition of possibility to be an open prig.

[Alys]

Somehow the Absorbaloft (sp?) suits this entry rather well...

It drives me nuts that somehow these politicians (etc) can get away with what they do, and no one seems to call them on it.

[susie Bright]

My friend Doug is more patient than me. He provides these prescient thoughts:

The Idaho Values Alliance luvs Larry Craig. And they write on their website:

http://www.idahovaluesalliance.com/news.asp?id=481

"One of the tragic characteristics of the homosexual lifestyle is its emphasis on anonymous sex and multiple sexual partners. It is a little-acknowledged secret that many active homosexuals will have more than 1,000 sex partners over the course of a lifetime (the average among heterosexuals is seven – still six more than we were designed for). This sordid fact of homosexual life surfaced yesterday in an AP article yesterday that reports on the number of arrests police have made for indecent exposure and public sex acts in the restrooms at Atlanta’s airport, the busiest in the world. The increased restroom patrols, begun to apprehend luggage thieves, instead uncovered a rash of sex crimes. Airport restrooms have become so popular that men looking for anonymous sexual trysts with other men have advertised their airport availability on Craigslist. One such ad was from a man saying he was stuck at the airport for three hours and was looking for “discreet, quick action.” (AP: Arrests Up in Atlanta Airport Restrooms)"

And,

Craig was said to be part of a coke & gay sex ring in Congress in 1982! See him deny all on this video:
http://www.politico.com/blogs/jonathanmartin/0807/Larry_Craigs_proRomney_video_taken_down.html

[Felix]

Wow, another one?

This phenom has gone beyond parody to just being depressing, although I do think a Right-Wing-Closet-Case-Cruise-Report would make a great blog.

Anyway, thanks for the post. I love a good rant.

[stevew]

The inverse of of what is represented to the public seems to be the truth these days. It is not just happening with elected officials, but preachers and the wonderful nomenclature invented by lobbying groups to make them sound like caring, environmentally correct polluters and strip miners. Like a stage magician's clever play on our perceptions and expectations the jargon masters say one thing and do something else, usually the direct opposite. We constantly forget that actions speak louder than words.

[Peter Throckmorton]

I've just bookmarked these folks, who make it their habit to out republican hypocrites. They already have quite a history with this Idaho Craig fellow, and it sounds like his day of justice is long overdue.

[Marcel Parcells]

"If they vote against gays, we know they're queer. If they're hopped up about "child porn," we can guess their internet habits. If they hold up monogamous marriage as a Christian ideal, we know they're adulterous, blasphemous fools."

If they are against gay marriage, we know they're gay married?

Larger point well made, though. The culture of repression within the party is becoming extremely alarming.

[Choirboy]

And now for the 2007 Jim West "I'm Not A Filthy Faggot" Award, our sister from the Tater State and our Tea Room hostess divine, Miss Larry (aka "Wanda Dewitt") Craig. Take a bow, Larry. No, no, get off your knees, honey. Just take a bow.

[Goldstein Fom Wonkette]

Susie--

I agree with you & this is just awful...but as awful as it it, it's only a signifier of creeping (perhaps 'boldly striding') corporo-churchianity-fascism.

I knew these people. I went to school with them. I worked for them. Most haven't had an authentic moment of human contact in decades...except perhaps in a freeway rest stop bathroom.

[Doug Henwood]

Why be depressed? This is all good news! The right is in crisis, from Iraq to the men's room. The only bad part is that there aren't really any good guys waiting to take their place. But if we hurry up & get our shit together, maybe we can do it.

[Tom Meier]

The larger issue is the culture and proclivities (beyond simply sex with the same or different gender) of leading politicians. I've worked for my share of state and national elected officials. Many have great intellects and ample gifts. But far TOO many are quite ruthless and will do "what it takes" to get and hold power. This is certainly an indictment of them. But what of the system that perpetuates people like this? Given the weak party system, predominance of money in the primary system, the emphasis on sound bite campaigns, and the absence of a real media that actually takes a close look at these men and women, we get what we get. When will people look up from their text-messaging cell phones, out beyond the blue glow of their computer screens, and in to the real world -- where by the way the people get a regular screwing. And by "screwing", I'm not referencing sexual acts here.... My thoughts.

[Toby Rowland-Jones]

Susie - tell it like it is! I absolutely love when you get angry - it truly brings out the best in you, and also delivers a powerful and concise message. The charlatans who call themselves elected officials are disgusting and obviously will always resort to blaming partisanship for huge errors. I didn't even wish to remember his name, but some fat slug of a republican yesterday publicly criticized the Democrats for wanting to get that pathological liar and Bush-puppet Gonzales out of office. He said it was pure partisanship. HELLO???? Of course it was! If the Democrats and even the majority of Republicans hadn't called into question his ability and integrity, Gonzales would STILL be there, running Bush's version of the Staasi.
Keep up the good fight Susie!

[Muneraven]

What kind of dysfunctional environment is producing so many people who go out of their way to rabidly, publically condemn the very thing they want most to do in private? I mean seriously . . .this is truly fucked up. This is a level of psychological contortion created to deal with guilt and shame that is kind of stunning. I GET denial, but this isn't denial, this is nuttier than that. This is a stew of denial, projection, and rage that borders on psychotic.

And these people are getting elected.

[minstrel boy]

susie, you my hero. i'm linking this and will whore it shamelessly. my god it is so true. these guys are beyond sick.

[LustyLioness]

I laughed my ass off and then felt sad that some people actually believe this:

"...the average among heterosexuals is seven – still six more than we were designed for..."

Wha? They have GOT to be kidding! Monogamy is NOT the natural state for humans! Anybody with a brain knows that! If monogamy was the natural state then we wouldn't include vows of "...forsaking all others..." when we marry-- not that most married people ARE monogamous for the rest of their lives.

I feel so sorry for those people that actually buy into that right-wing xtianist bullshit. Poor misguided people.

[Laurie D. T. Mann]

And remember how all these people both jumped on Bill Clinton for (eventually) owning up to having a consensual affair with a woman whose name he knew, and later jumped on Hilary Clinton for NOT divorcing him???

So much for being "pro-marriage."

[Sandrino]

In a word, no.

[Gwen Masters]

But of course, it was all a mistake! It was a witch hunt by the evil media. He said he was guilty just to make the bad reporters go away. It's all their fault.

It has to be true. After all, he called a press conference about it. That HAS to lend some validity to his story, right?

Ummm...Right?

[Sandrino]

Bill Mitchell, editorial cartoonist for CNN has sent out a great cartoon about Larry. He couldn't publish it on CNN so he mailed it out. You can take a look at it on my Flickr page:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sandrino/1268168811/

[Vixen]

Sometimes I think it'll get to the point where they take the cock out of their mouth, turn to the camera, insist they're not gay and then go back to sucking their secret lover/escort/massage artist/etc.

[Typical Girl]

There is something getting lost amidst all the hoo-ha about Sen. Craig. Namely, why are the Mpls police targeting gay cruising grounds with sting operations? And why are gay men being arrested and charged, not with public indecency or some such misdemeanor, but with ASSAULT? This is a return to the 1950's, folks. And it is scary. The victims of these stings are being forced to register as sex offenders, and many of them are losing their jobs.

[C.S. Lewiston]

Funny isn't it, how a subject which the news media can't be bothered to report on for months or years on end on all of a sudden gets to be super-boffo once something big happens?

Before 3-Mile-Island, the hazards of nuclear power were the "best-censored" stories of that day. After that disaster, newspapers and broadcast news outlets blared sensationalistic stories at us every time a coffeepot in the break room of a nuke power plant boiled over!

"It is a little-acknowledged secret that many active homosexuals will have more than 1,000 sex partners over the course of a lifetime"

Do you suppose that one reason homophobes hate gay people so viciously is jealousy?

"(the average among heterosexuals is seven – still six more than we were designed for)."

Digression: I remember reading in some puffish, advertising-laden men's mag back about 20 years ago that by the time a (hetero) man turns 30, he should have had sex 1200 times with 950 women. Damn, but I'm way behind schedule!

Digression #2: Since someone mentioned sex-offender registries:

I believe that people who commit certain odious crimes of violence should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Period. On-line registries of sex offenders, drug dealers, porn actors, etc. are merely a politically-expedient experiment in official lawlessness. Do away with them now, I say.

[threatened]

Republican judge Edward Nottingham did something similar. He confessed that he was too drunk to remember how he spent $3,000 in a strip club on 9/5/05. AP reported that the interviewed a Mr. Frankel of the Denver Diamond Cabaret strip club, who said the GOP judge visited the strip club multiple times. His wife only has one bill and there is no record who paid for Judge Nottingham's other visits to the strip club. According to 9 news in Denver, Judge Nottingham's wife said he spent over $500 to visit an Internet site from the judge's chambers offering porno pictures and introductions to women wanting sex tonight

[cgeye]

And you know why the Nottingham affair came out when it did? Because he refused sentencing slackness for Joseph Nacchio, the CEO who plundered Qwest before its stock plunged. This debauchery happened before the trial, and probably was held back to the press until Nottingham defied his masters, and actually followed Justice Department sentencing guidelines.

If every Republican- and CEO-bootlicking judge's private life were similarly exposed, I wouldn't bat an eye about this exposure. Wouldn't be surprised if this were a blackmail scheme worked on him generally, to neutralize him just so any other judges don't get ideas about serving the people effectively, and against GOP policy.

Threatened, if that is your real name: Good try. Go collect your GOP PR microcredit at the front desk.

[JCF]

While I agree in general w/ the sentiments expressed here, there's a reason the phrase is "Get a room!", NOT "Get a stall!" (i.e., I don't believe that PUBLIC sex is protected under a right to PRIVACY)