Jamie, raised to be a Baptist Good Girl by her devoted Church Stage Mother, was "shocked" to learn she was expecting, according to her tabloid confession.
It is stunning, isn't it, to learn all that sperm-and-egg jazz, after the deed's been done.
carried two difficult secrets: not only is she pregnant, but she's been
knocked up by a TV executive who's old enough to be her GRANDFATHER, from the set of her
Nickelodeon Kiddie TV show. They're canning her, now that her image is "ruined," but no one's mentioned the future of Mr. Wonderful. He's just publicly shunning her.
Yeah, the father isn't her cute dirt bike-riding Missisisppi homeboy, as the family first reported. They gave that young man a check to stand in for the paternity ride, while they try to avoid the statutory rape mess inspired by the original conception.
Jamie is so... typical. Most shocked, immature, pregnant 10th-graders have also found their new shape in the arms of a guy significantly older than them— a jerk incapable of seducing women his own age. Jamie got groomed.
In case no one else has the guts to say it, let me: you can still get an abortion at twelve weeks, Jamie. It'll be so much cooler to have a baby when you're not a baby anymore, and your mom can't run your life. This isn't a Knocked Up script, this is your destiny. Pack up your last paycheck and some condoms in your old kit bag, and get the hell out of Kentwood, Louisiana.
The abysmal failure of purity balls and chastity rings and "Just-Say-No" is one of the most under-reported stories of the year. The numbers are in, and they are deafening. Abstinence-mongering doesn't work! Not one percent, not half a percent, not nothing, no-how.
Abstinence programs "don't work" even more spectacularly than liberals have made allowances for, which really pisses me off. Many well-intentioned feminists refused to take a hard line on this baloney for years— billions wasted, school budgets hijacked, a boondoggle only a corrupt politician could love.
If you are a sex-policy wonk, (yes, that would be me) I recommend a nice Pinot Noir while you read the entire report. Or just listen to my new In Bed podcast, where I share the scream-able highlights:
Also on today’s show, I talk more about Peppermint's "Strange Credibility of Polyamory" argument, which I enjoyed discussing here last week.
Finally, in my Try This at Home mailbag, I counsel a listener who worries if his sex life will survive his wife's pregnancy.
Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for free show coupon cards to firstname.lastname@example.org. (Episode 323, December 28, 2007)