Susie and Tristan Taormino Crack the Poly Nut

ner Today, on my In Bed podcast, Tristan Taormino and her lover Colten, along with Pal Joey, came to Santa Cruz— lured by my promise of "the best hot fudge sundae you ever had"— to talk to me about TT's new book, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.

I was determined to stump Tristan on non-monogamy, but I give up! She has fucking heard it all!

Listen to an excerpt

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Tristan and I tear into all the non-polite questions of open relationships! 

Reconsidering the so-called "sexless marriage"

What to do with a lover who monopolizes your vagina at the play party... Cock-blockers!

“I’m not very jealous in real life, but my fantasy life revolves around competition... What gives?”

The visceral experience of jealousy

Your family-of-origin experience— doesn’t make any damn difference!

Porn star poly savvy

Reconsidering the so-called "Sexless Marriage"

So, what do people actually do at Tristan's "Open Relationship" workshops?

Monogamy— yes, monogamy!—  as a radical choice

If I’m poly, do I have to say "yes" to everyone to prove a point?

When your lover’s getting all the action, and you’re sitting there fuming....

How kids feel about their “swinger” moms and dads? Or any mom and dad, for that matter...

How do you deal with the all-consuming crush part of a new, additional love, besides having faith you can ride it out?

My favorite part of TT's book are her interviews with dozens of lovers, who give you a real sense of the variety of human love. This is no single stereotype, like the "hip young triad splitting their espresso tab and licking each other in a daisy chain."

It's people with kids, it's people who did one thing for five years, and then changed it up— and then transitioned yet again. It's kinky, it's vanilla, it's long-distance, it's high school sweethearts, it's grandma, it's genderfuck. There is no one poly person or one poly question!

Tristan is also keeping a blog of her Opening Up book tour and workshops— that's how I'm keeping tab on her! Plus, all those cute doggie pictures...

Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for free show coupon cards to susie@audible.com. (Episode 345, June 20, 2008)

Comments

[CLH]

I have been involved with a married man for 3 years and from what I can see, his extramarital relationship with me has helped him to be a better husband and father. Why is this? Perhaps because he has an outlet for a side of himself that can't be expressed within his role as either husband or father. Perhaps because it gives him a way to release frustrations. I'm not entirely sure. But it is good for him. And it is good for me. There is no doubt that it has been hard not being able to enjoy the conventional activities a conventional relationship offers. But having worked through my needs and my insecurities in order to be able to enjoy what this relationship does give me has made be a much more whole and secure individual. It has been enriching beyond my wildest expectations. I strongly believe that our society needs to re-think not just marriage, but relationships of all kinds. Polyamory is alive and well. Now, if only we could open our minds and our hearts to the tremendous potential available within non-conventional relationships and non-conventional family structures, we would be a far happier and healthier society.