Sometimes You Eat the Bear, Sometimes the Bear Eats You

The first thing I thought when I heard a foxy female governor from Alaska was anointed as the McCain's running mate was:

"Wow, they didn't have single man on their short list who didn't have a freakazoid, wide-stance, hooker-party sex scandal on his rap sheet— they HAD to pick a woman."

But I was so naive. Sarah Palin has enough scandals of her own, sexual and otherwise, to make a sailor blush.

I feel a bit sorry for her, as I do for all the photogenic "spokesmodels" that the GOP specializes in recruiting for jobs that they prefer to be handled by professionals behind the scenes. The neo-cons have no respect for government; it's just a business they've enjoyed deregulating. They put up the the most useful idiots on the ballot that they can launder, and smirk at every sucker they take in. After all, Karl Rove's an atheist who's made a career out of manipulating the religion vote!

For all the squawking about Sarah Barracuda's lack of experience, I am certain Palin is smarter than George W. was at any age, and she can READ better than he ever will, on or off a teleprompter. She earned a bachelor's degree at the University of Idaho that she made the grades for, all by herself— without anyone pulling a string. She can shoot a grizzly between the eyes at 100 yards, and is a lot better "close in" that Dick Cheney will ever be.  Let's face it, Palin's an L-Word fantasy writ large, and the perfect example of why butch straight women set hearts aflutter no matter where they appear.

But despite her fantastic hide-your-own-caribou upbringing, there is one way that Sarah Palin betrayed her classic Alaskan heritage and that is by being such a two-faced prig.

I only spent one youthful summer working in the 49th State— but the impression I left with is that Alaskans care about whether you pull your own weight, and mind your own beeswax. That's it. How you spend your personal time, and what you believe in, is entirely up to you.

Like everyone else in Alaska, Sarah Palin had "premarital sex." Like every other Alaskan of my generation, she smoked weed. She lived close to nature and was familiar with the unsentimental cycle of life, death, and birth. She works hard and plays hard. It's no joke that there's nothing much to do in those months of darkness besides fuck, hunt, fish, smoke, and drink. Her teenagers are apparently following in their parents' footsteps... they too, are having sex, and now one of them, Bristol, is said to be pregnant, for the first time. (Her boyfriend says on his MySpace page: "I don't want kids.)"

No one would give a whit about any of the Palin peccadilloes if Sarah hadn't made such a spectacle of herself campaigning as a pro-lifer, gay-hater, abstinence-monger, Creationist-dork. Where does she get off mandating public policy that tells anyone how to live their life?

Sarah's been under the Crony Club impression that's there's one set of rules for stupid voters, and another life of privacy and privileges for the elite. Is it so hard to imagine that Sarah also has family members who are gay, or who've had an abortion? When she was earning her B.S. at Idaho State, I bet she had the sense not to stuff Genesis fairy tales down everyone's throats in Biology class. I can guarantee her family doesn't preach abstinence around the Moose Stew.

A number of people spent the weekend wondering if young Bristol is already a mother, of the mysterious "Trig" who she holds so devotedly to her chest. The idea that mom Sarah might've faked a pregnancy to cover up the family's shame is a real Alaskan Gothic. It's parallel to a doping scandal. Politicians have to "dope up" their family history to make the impossible seem believable. Of course normal flesh and blood family members are going wreak havoc, especially the teenagers. Of course any candidate's life will fail the Leave It To Beaver test. 

It's obnoxious on every side. The way the Democrats spin Obama's home life makes my eyes clench shut. I don't want to know! I don't care if they're crabby or delightful or close-knit or estranged or cute or ugly... SHUT UP already.

I only care about one thing, and that's the politics the candidate is fronting. I expect them to be held accountable to the will of the people— and that's not a profile you'll find in a tabloid magazine. We're the only country in the world that makes our presidential election candidates into a beauty contest. Did "Miss Wasilla" say that she longed for Whirled Peas when she accepted her Miss Congeniality crown? I don't think so.

Why doesn't she just take a big breath of icy Northern Air and tell the truth: Sarah Palin got picked for this job like a two-bit player at a casting call. What McKook doesn't understand is this: Barracuda is an ambitious Sourdough ballhandler who isn't going to let anybody's brats— nor the GOP— stand in her way.

Comments

[Sue Katz]

Ahhh Susie, I've been blogging about Sarah Palin, but no one does it like you do it. One quibble though: Butch straight woman? No quibble with the "straight" or the "woman" - but butch? I'd maybe go so far as femme jock, but tough as she seems to be, I don't "get" the butch part. (Not that "tough" necessarily goes with butch or necessarily doesn't go with femme.) Eluciation, please.
Sue

[susie Bright]

Dear Sue,

Tomboy femme or Butch in Drag... that IS the question, isn't it? You know, I think I'd need an in-person consultation to decide. In this story, I'm mainly referring to her larger-than-life qualities that often get attributed to men's heroism and ego, rather than women's. I think her "Christian" rhetoric is part of her "drag," actually, to maker herself seem more feminine and palatable. Like fake eyelashes. And that's my crystal ball reading for today!

[B.D.]

The neo-cons have no respect for government; it's just a business they've enjoyed deregulating.

Classic line.

Re: her "drag". That would make her a perfect candidate to pair with McQueeg. After all, he panders with the best of them and he takes contradictory positions on issues dependent upon which audience he's performing for. McQueeg, after all, suggested in 2000 that the social conservatives had too much sway in the party. This time around he picks a VP candidate that, according to the NY Times, was practically picked by that group.

[susie Bright]

Another topic I wanted to discuss: all this debate in the MSM about whether a Mom like Palin should stay at home and slow down with a Down Syndrome baby, that her choice is perilous for her children's future. The rebuttal is that, "hey, her husband Todd can stay at home and do the same close-watch parenting."

Huh?

It's clear to me from the biographical notes we've seen that neither Sarah or her husband Todd are the "stay-at-home" parent types. He's as busy in politics and his business and sports activities as she is in hers. Neither of them "stayed home" to while away the hours with their other kids, either.

In the case of the new baby, it's the eldest daughter who is doing all the hands-on caretaking, and I assume it's siblings or other "aunties" who handle the kids' needs every day. Either that, or a nanny who's been kept well out of site. But do you see MANY photos of Bristol with Trig in her arms, and you can see how bonded she is with him.

I'd be curious, since I don't come from a big family, to know how that works... have any of you raised the the young ones in your family, as the older sister or brother who did all the diapers, meals, colic, etc.? My own mom was in that situation... her mother died when the three youngest were in diapers. And she was 12. As much as she loved me, I can't say she "loved" being a mother, or relished its demands. She felt like she'd already "done it," and there was nothing romantic or beguiling about it to her.

[Pam Rosenthal]

You're right, of course, Susie, when you say that, "I only care about one thing, and that's the politics the candidate is fronting."

I wish I could be so rational. But after reading this at the Huffington Post, and after hearing Sarah Palin's girly gubernatorial giggle on the audio clip, I'd suggest that once again the personal is pretty damn political.

Do listen to the audio. It's from an Alaskan radio program last January: the shock jocks trash Alaskan State Senate president Lyda Green as overweight, a "bitch," and a "cancer" (Green is a cancer survivor), while that mighty hunter Ms. Palin, who was a guest on the show, just... literally... giggles.

[Bo Babbyo]

I'd be among the first to advocate keeping one's family out of the spotlight, but there are some real policy issues arising from the Alaska Governor's new status....

When the daughter of a smart, fiercely motivated, socially connected, politically prominent and ideologically unequivocal advocate of Abstinence Only ends up pregnant, SURELY this should mark the beginning of the end of that unfortunate trend.

Something else to ponder -- Just about everybody knows nowadays that the chance of a Down-syndrome birth rises markedly as the mother ages. Does Ms. Palin eschew birth-control as well? Is she going to advocate the birth-control-is-abortion view?

[Kitten StCyr]

Re: The First Dude - really, that is what she calls him from time to time.
I remember,during her campaign, more than once she was asked how she would juggle 4 kids and the demands of office; how she spoke about Todd being ready to step up and be a stay-at-home dad since family was such a priority for them.
After her election, poof! Todd went back to his schedule of week on/week off on the north slope oil fields, where one does not bring one's family. He commercial fishes part of the year, also not a family friendly job- and spends his spare time racing snowmachines - so very butch.
For the last two years, her kids have not been any kind of issue, times do change.
Friends in Juneau and Wasilla say that the kids have been farmed out to family and family friends for much of the last 20 months....but that is only talk - from a part of the world where everyone really does know everyone's business. The campaign stuff is just what I remember, sorry, no links so I guess I'm just a gossip.... And finally, as for the birth control question, she is a member of Feminists for Life, many forms of birth control are considered abortion in their manifesto. Thanks Susie, for putting out info and commentary with a style that keeps people handing on every word.

[Carrie]

I also wonder if she's anti-birth control.

While I feel sympathy for Bristol Palin and her lovah, with their youthful necking and what not being thrust into the national spotlight, I sorta feel like her conservative, anti-choice pain in the ass mother has it coming in terms of karma and shame. Typical preacher's kid syndrome.

And the insinuations that Trig is Bristol's kid cos she was holding him and all? Wasn't he used as a human shield basically, to cover up the fact that she is 'in the family way'?

[Lisa]

I'd be curious, since I don't come from a big family, to know how that works... have any of you raised the the young ones in your family, as the older sister or brother who did all the diapers, meals, colic, etc.?

I am the oldest of four children, my parents split when I was twelve and my youngest sibling was two. Needless to say all of the parental care fell to me as my bio-mom decided to take a sabbatical (read: nervous breakdown) when my father left. My youngest sister was a special needs child in the sense that she had (and still has) severe food allergies, severe asthma and severe eczma. She needed four oatmeal baths and breathing treatments a day. Try pinning down a two year old for anything four times a day and you'll see the challenge of this task. My mother was so absentee that for about four months my youngest sister called me "mommy" - which ironically enough pissed the bio-mom off but not enough to change the situation.

I bonded with my youngest sister more so than my other two siblings. I never blamed her for my bio-mom's lack of parenting. I've always felt the giving birth doesn't make a mother but rather love for a child - unconditional love at that - is what makes a mother. It also never deterred me from wanting my own children, even as time consuming and absolutely exhausting taking care of my sister was. We are still extremely close, closer than either of us is with our other siblings. I was also pleasantly not surprised by anything motherhood threw at me regarding my own children as it was a piece of cake after being a "mother" at twelve.

[Xasauan]

As usual, you've hit the nail right on the head. If Sarah Palin doesn't want people commenting on her family life, she shouldn't be trying to regulate theirs

[Dan]

One of the things that sticks in my craw is when Palin talks about how proud she is of Bristol for her choice to have the baby. Would that be the same choice you are working so hard to deny every other woman in the country, Governor?

Another is how she has so much "executive experience" (20 months as governor) and is the Commander In Chief of the Alaska National Guard. Um, excuse me, but the population of Alaska is about 670,000. San Francisco's is 765,000. I'll bet the San Francisco police force outnumbers the Alaska National Guard, and sees a lot more action. I guess that would have made Mayor Gavin Newsom the preferable choice when it comes to executive experience.

At least if Palin wants to shoot a lawyer on a hunting expedition, she'll do a much more thorough job of it than Cheney did.

If she wants to force the schools to teach Creationism, then I think we need to start a grass-roots movement to force them to teach alchemy and astrology as well.

[Harel]

Et tu, Susie?

Why does everyone, even you Susie, adopt the insane phrase "pro-lifer" when we should say "Pro AC?" where AC stands for Abortion-Criminalization.. Even "Anti-Abortion" is too kind to them since most "pro-choicers" are not "pro abortion" in that sense that, given a magic button from heaven, we'd press the button to go back in time and prevent the unwanted pregnancy, and don't think abortion is a great, wonderful thing.. They are "Pro-criminalization" of abortion

But if you must use "anti-abortion" at least it's not as bad as "pro-life"

We vegans and animal rights folks are unfairly painted as holier than thou, but even animal rights and vegan folks never had the GALL to call ourselves "pro life" because we believe chimps and horses and cows and other animals should not be killed...it would have been no bigger an exaggeration and distortion, than someone who not only opposes but wants to criminalize the aborting of a fertilized eggs or embryo... (virtually no AR person is in favor of throwing in jail any one who eat a hamburger..we just hope for your health, for world hunger, for the environment and for the animals, that folks will be convinced to stop)

It is because I haven't owned a TV for the last 20 years that I've avoided being sucked into the phrases THEY control? In 1998 it was called on BBC online, "Genetically Engineered" food but after a push by a certain lobby it's now "genetically modified"...those who control words, control a lot..

No more going along with calling the PAC crowd (Pro-Abortion-Criminalization) crowd "pro life" anymore, please!

Peace,

Harel

[Dan Gambiera]

Carrie, she is against birth control. She's a member of "Feminists for Life", a not-so-stealth anti-feminist anti-choice anti-contraception group. She has stated that she believes all forms of hormonal birth control are abortion.

[C.B.]

I'm not interested in seeing Sarah Palin as a President of the U.S.A. Figurehead or not, it's something every VP needs to be prepared to take on. It's one of the things I'll be voting against this November.

[Martha]

Well, I am the oldest of five girls born over seven years, and...yep, been there, done that, changed diapers as a child, made sacrifices while I was still an adolescent, and as an adult, passed on having a kid.

I'm not going to comment on the Palin thing, because I feel like this story is likely to have several chapters.

[Harel]

Re-reading my post at 11pm calif time (2am my time last night), the word insane was an attempt to plead with (not to shout at) you Susie. Hope you consider it in that spirit and hope you decide to stop using the term "pro life" for those who want to criminalize abortion.

These and other pictures are scary though. Give her another 23 years and give her a Y chromosome and it's not hard to see echoes of Dick "Hunting Accident" Cheney in this Creationist Global Warming "is not man-made" Petro-dollar worshiping would be abortion criminalizer :-(

[minstrel hussain boy]

oh, lawd, you delivered daniel from the lion's den
also delivered jonah from the belly of the whale and then
The hebrew children from the fiery furnace
so the good book do declare
yeah! lord, if you can't help me,
for goodness' sake don't help that bear

phil harris

[sls67]

Is that the "moose" Ms Palin gets so much credit for field dressing?

Sure looks like a caribou to me.

Ah, details, details.

[Drew]

Susie, lets not forget: Sarah Palin couldn't run a car wash.

And yet somehow John McCain, the Republican base, the MSM, and apparently half the smart women in the country are gushing over this woman?

You are absolutely right on the sexual aspect of this story. A woman who plays with guns? (Just like her audience plays with theirs, both literal and figurative..) This is the MILF wet-dream of every sexually-frustrated 40-something white boy in the land. Even better that she dis'es that elite ("uppity") black guy. This woman is a frightening peek into a very nasty place in the American psyche.

[AMERICAN VETERAN]

I have an ex who lives in AK.
Although she is so sadly misdirected and conned into trusting the GOPers, she hunted and fished with me and did not shy away from filed dressing a deer and/or cleaning fish.
With all her shortcomings politically, I have to say the was not at all butch in any way.

So, that palin hunts, etc. is NOT an issue with me.
This is total stupidity and just ignoring the REAL issue of her international inexperience and her daily pursuit of backstabbing and political assassination.

[Breck]

There's another bit of fetish going on here. When during the convention, the image of Palin's youngest daughter giving Trig a baby spit shine - that's fetish. A collective Ahhhhhhh! throughout the heartland. An image of a Precious Moments china girl holding a baby as if that is all she lived for. In fact, a smart person would market big eyed china dolls holding and licking the face of her God's gift special Mama baby.

It is a strange fetish in the background, that, yes, women can run for office, but they still pay and are subordinate to pregnancy and have to bow to the sperm meeting egg. Her daughters are involved in some sacrifice of being mothers outside their control: the youngest raising Trig, the oldest in a shotgun engagement, bearing the burden, being subordinate to the will of man - or bearing the cross of a woman's woes in Precious Moments photo opts. That's fetish in my mind. A strange bondage fetish conservative america has.

[Steve]

I shudder to think this woman could be one step away from the presidency.

[Terese]

Hare, I have been pissed about the use of "pro-life" for years. When I worked at Working Assets, I insisted that we use "Anti-choice" instead in our written communications/marketing materials whenever referring to your more specific suggestion of PAC.

[Breck]

Fetish pictures:

The littlest mama ever...awwwww.....ain't that special.

http://bittenandbound.com/2008/09/04/piper-palin-gives-brother-trig-a-spit-shine-video-photos/

Conservative America ought to work to make their female bondage fetishes more in sex play and less as weird-ass, baby-doll, keeping women bound policy. The images here of the "littlest mama ever" is a perfect fetish counterpoint to a woman making a play for the second-highest office in the country. See, women are being kept down. Awwwwwww! Why, lil' mama won't even have a childhood...as she falls to the naturalest call of a woman....to motherhood. Awwwww! Quick grab the Precious Moments catalogue I have to complete my set!

[Major Generalist]

Hey there,
Here's something that might inspire bipartisan collaboration that could unite Palin and the queers. Given Palin's views on sex ed, I have formulated a special gay/lesbian oath. Feel free to repeat after me:

"In an effort to support abstinence-only, I hereby pledge to abstain from heterosexual sex."

I think this could work.

-MG
http://www.majorgeneralist.com

[Stubear]

Two quick comments: 1) Amen to the plea to ditch the term pro-life. This is a song I've been singing alone in the wilderness for so long. It's good to hear someone else singing it, too. Maybe someday our duet will become a chorus.

2) Up in Alaska, Palin's detractors refer to her as "Caribou Barbie." I'm not sure why I felt the need to share that tidbit except that since I read it, every time I see her I giggle a little inside. Maybe it's like that trick we learned in high school debate club of picturing our opponent naked, sitting on the toilet to take away their power to intimidate us. And believe me, we're going to need our unintimidated wits about us to deal with her! She is one sharp, intelligent, articulate candidate. 100% wrong, but very dangerous.

[Roseann]

Thanks to Salon I found your blog. How did I not know you had a blog???

Great rant on Caribou Barbie!

[SocraticGadfly]

Or, as I simply put it, show me Trig Palin’s birth certificate.

[All Sasha. All the time.]

Brilliant piece. Thank you!

[inthenameofsanity]

Well, Susie's bright, but once again she gets lost in her passions

You actually lost me, in terms of credibility, in the first paragraph when you talked about the Republican's not finding a candidate who didn't have a freakazoid, hooker party scandal on his rap sheet. I guess you missed the news reports of Edwards and Spitzer, not to mention Mr Cigar man himself. But the left leaning press tends to downplay those infidelities, as do self indulgent bloggers. Amazing, really. Unfortunately, you can't make that argument or slap that label on one party. They're all egotistical prigs who think everything is beyond them.

Unfortunately, your fairness or anthing close to reasonable objectivity, gives way to your politics. What else is new.

You are right, no candidate's life will pass the Leave it to Beaver Test so why are you and every other left tilting individual so intent on making an issue of this woman. If the Democrats had just left her alone she would have had her day in the sun and gone the way of other VP candidates who fade to the background. But instead they're turned her into a celebrity who has gained sympathy from jackass journalists who can't seem to move beyond their egos, anger, fears and frustrations. Who in their right mind puts up a fake Ebay ad selling Palin's Down Syndrome baby? Why would Olberman who can't check his own objectivity refer to her as Elmer Gantry? Why in hell is she the story at all??????!!!!!!!! I don't get this attention.
And how in hell does a bright guy like Obama make the mistake he made with the pig/lipstick comment even if it wasn't intended as a direct slap? What the hell is gonig on here?

You call the Barracuda ambitous? Please, show me one, just one politician in any capacity, who isn't. Show me one who has some substance beyond their own agendas. We've been leading up to this for a long time now. But this election process has now become more about how we can destroy someone than finding out about whose policies we are most in line with. Can someone do that for us? Even for a day? Anyone? It's disgusting, really.
Instead, we send a team of twenty attorneys and investigators to Alaska to ask her pastor if she ever spoke in tongue. Please, tell me we haven't sunk to the level of selling special needs children on ebay and spending money on investigations that will reveal what everyone knows. They're all crooks. They all have skeletons.

If you only cared about the one thing you write about you'd write about it. Not this shit. You're just falling into the same exteme left/right wing commentary we hear all day. Nothing new. At least be original.

To quote a classic old show.........."Just the facts, m'am. Isn't that what we all want?

[Hobo Stripper]

I just read this to my friend, who says she "would work a month to buy a round trip ticket to come to California and kiss you right on your lips for that post. And she's as straight as they come. Just a third generation original Alaskan 49-er, and with that attitude you'll always have an invitation to the Great Land."