There’s no point in understanding “men” or “women” (like such a thing is possible!), since no one has sex with “men” or “women.”
We have sex with George or Maria or even both— but we don’t have sex with some abstract group of 100 million people.
For better sex, learn more about the person(s) you’re with, not “men” or “women.”
via Marty Klein at sexualintelligence.wordpress.com
Marty Klein sounds like he very sensibly got to the end of his rope with "sexual self-help" books. I love this brief take-down of the whole genre.
Here's another excerpt:
"People keep buying [these books]— and they keep feeling disappointed. Many readers wonder what’s wrong with them when they don’t achieve the greatest sex in the history of the world.
When these books don’t deliver the ultimate sex, it’s generally not the reader’s fault. It’s because most self-help books are limited in what they can actually offer...
"There are two good reasons many people don’t want sex: 1) they don’t expect to enjoy it, or 2) they’re not getting along with their partner. When one or both of these are true, low desire is healthy, not something to fix."
Marty and I have both-- shocking!-- written books of sexual counsel. I remember warning my publisher: "I will not shame myself with the idiocy of another self-help book." I ended up with my manifesto, Full Exposure, and he wrote America's War on Sex: The Attack on Law, Lust, and Liberty.
We both shuddered at the prospect of giving "tips" and "secrets" of exclamatory "great sex!"
Of course it's great when you can turn people onto some scientific information or break through a religious charade of sexual dishonesty. Very worth it. I'll always be happy to share the basics.
But so much of sexual life is determined by politics, which not enough people get involved with— or by hormones and electrical brain impulses, which, let's face it, you can only say you're along for the ride.
Have you ever read an instructional tip in a "sex book" that changed your practice in bed? Remember you can post anonymously and spare yourself the blushing...
photo: the great late billboard at Mission and 20th St. in SF. I never found out what the 17 Reasons were and that was just perfect.