I got a "Google Alert" with my name in it, which always makes me curious. I followed the link to a blog featuring a masthead of one of the most compelling photographs of cunnilingus I have ever seen...retired photo editor here!
Underneath this photo, is an editorial speaking against "Susie Bright." According to this story, "Susie Bright" believes there is only one "right" way to have sex, and that "Susie" vindictively "worships the altar of orgasm."
I am pissed! I'm also surprised that this opinion follows such a great picture.
I type a short comment on the post to refute the charges.
I say, "Look, you may not believe me, but I have an elastic, even surreal idea of what 'sex' is, in the first place! I don't believe in a doctrinaire "right" way to do anything, let alone fuck!"
Lots of exclamation marks.
But as I'm writing my defense, I have deja vu. This blog is supposedly written by someone named "Doc" but it sounds just like a piece I read somewhere else. Word-for-word.
One of my big pet peeves is people worshipping at the altar of the almighty orgasms. It's up there with people who think straight sex is the only right sex, or that anal is the only right sex, or that oral always has to be tit-for-tat, or that everyone shouldgive polyamory a try or that no one should give polyamory a try. Wait a minute... those all have a common theme. Oh! I get it! I don't like when people talk about sex in absolutes, and say that one certain method/outcome/style of sex is the right way to have sex! And it seems pretty damn clear that Susie Bright is advocating that the right way to have sex, is sex that has an orgasm in it.
Eureka!
It is a reprint of a story I saw a couple months ago, written by a young self-identified feminist named Amanda, who was irate about the Jezebel advice column I write with Aretha. (Amanda is not aware that we have 200 letters from Jez readers who want to have an orgasm... it's 90% of our mail... now the cat's out of the bag).
Why is Amanda's opinion reappearing on what appears to be, as I scrutinize it, a porn site? I'm confused.
I try to figure out who "Doc" is. The blog is maddeningly anonymous. I look at some of the other posts. They're all about being a male cuckold, and having "black" men dominate your "white" wife while you, the hapless white husband watch in abject mistery... or, ecstasy, really. It's the full-on cuckold fantasy.
I realize that the reticent "Doc" liked Amanda's essay because HE likes to have his orgasm denied. He has re-purposed her editorial.
I decide to introduce these two to each other. I post on his site: "Doc, whattsup? Why did you reprint Amanda without credit?"
Then I write to Amanda: "Dude, your anti-Susie-orgasm post has been pirated by some guy who has a whole new interpretation!"
Come to think of it, he might have stolen the great pussy-sitting photo too... do any of you recognize it? For all I know, it's Helmet Newton.
15 minutes later, I tried to show the whole shenanigans to my partner— but the post had been pulled.
I think I'll have a bowl of cornflakes now.
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