I'm a four-time judge for the Golden Dukes, noted for my ability to confront Pecksniffian sleaze, abject carnality, and full diapers— while plucking out my eyeballs one at a time.
What can I say? It's my favorite time of the year!
I know you have one question: Can I be bought? I've already received offers of homemade cookies and expert cunnilingus, so you can raise the ante from there.
The categories this year:
1. Meritorious Achievement in The Crazy
2. Unrefudiated Champion of Tea Party Wackiness
3. Most Outrageous Election Season Fib Issued By A Politician
4. Most Over-The-Top Campaign Ad
5. The George Allen Honors For Best Tracker-Captured Freak-Out
6. Best Scandal: Sex and Generalized Carnality
7. Best Scandal: Local Venue
(This is my favorite category, stuff that never made the national news!)
8. Best Scandal: General Interest
Here's my past Golden Dukes winners, so you can get the lay of the quicksand:
Who Got Hit With the Ugly Stick? - 2007
We Looked, We Puked, We Voted - 2008
Last Year's Biggest Crooks and Liars - 2009