Get in. Sit down. Hold On. Shut up.
A letter to Susie from XRCO Hall-of-Fame Actor Richard Pacheco:
Mi’lady,
OKAY! I have buttoned on my thinking cap and for the 3rd time took
on your questionnaire.
I HAVE BEEN ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS FOR THE LAST THREE HOURS!
(Applying to Harvard didn't take this long.)
I've done this because you asked. Also because I have some serious editing minutia of my own work that I chose to avoid after flailing so miserably in my attempts to take on your quiz yesterday.
I think you may be tickled by my answer to your very last question, but don't cheat. Read on and wait 'til you get there.
xoxo.
The Once and Future Pacheco,
Howie Gordon
1. The First Time You Peered Into a Peep Show— What Did You See?
NUMBER ONE at the Penny Arcade, Kennywood Amusement Park in Pittsburgh, PA.
2. Jamie Gillis vs. John Leslie?
For what? The question must be asked. I've worked with both.
Each man:
"...had powers far beyond those of mortal men...could leap tall buildings with a single bound..."
John was more of a big brother to me. Jamie was like royalty.
Like what Captain Kirk did with the "Kobyashi Maru" problem of STAR TREK, I reject the premise. Without more focus on what the choice would be for, I will not make one.
3. Your Favorite Genre of Stag Film?
I'd go for Candy Barr and then the Nudist Colonoy and I'd turn off the projector for the US Navy Enema how-to
4. Linda Lovelace BioPic Casting
Linda Lovelace? Bette Davis
Linda Lovelace’s Mother? Minnie Pearl
Evil Porn Pimp/Linda’s Old Man? Jamie Gillis
Gloria Steinem? Gloria Steinem
Secret Linda Lovelace Lesbian Lover? Marilyn Chambers
5. For Perfect Art House Masochism, make your case for the very best:
a) Bunuel: Belle de Jour? - NOT ENOUGH SKIN
b) Bertolucci: Last Tango in Paris? - COULD IT POSSIBLY BE MORE DEPRESSING?
c) McQueen: Shame? - NEVER SAW IT
6. Name One Classic Element of Swedish Erotica
I was just starting out in the business then. I never met these guys. Eyelo or Milo and Otis, or something like that. They never called. They never hired me. Fuck 'em.
7. Who's your favorite sex symbol who keeps turning up in the oddest places?
Me. I didn't expect to find myself here. I have work to do on my own damn book, "Hindsight," which I'm sure you'd all love to read, but here I am now answering all these questions because who can say "No" to Susie Bright?
8. What is Your Porn Star Name?
If I went by your formula, I’d have been "Ginger Coltart." But on my own, I came up with: McKINLEY HOWARD, MACK HOWARD, MARK HOWARD, DEWEY ALEXANDER... and then the one that stuck: RICHARD PACHECO.
9. What Do The Following Five Films Have in Common?
Peter Berlin in That Boy
Boys in the Sand
LA Plays Itself, by Fred Halsted
The Idol
Pleasure Beach
—I WASN'T CAST IN ANY OF THEM.
10. Annette Haven vs. Seka?
Both, thank you very much, and it’s been my pleasure! A pair of queens!
11. Not the Bradys vs. Who's Nailin’ Palin?
Haven’t seen either one. I’m retired. I watch Sportscenter and overeat now.
12. What is Your Favorite Sex-Drenched Vampire Movie?
It hasn’t been made yet. It’s the Anne Rice story where Lestat falls in love with the evangelist. I adore Anne Rice.
13. What Was the First Nude Scene That Made an Impression on You?
I AM CURIOUS YELLOW
14. Name Your Most Esteemed Cross-Over Director
a) Roger Watkins, "Last House on Dead End Street" horror director who worked in XXX as Richard Mahler
b) Gary Graver, Orson Welle's D.P., who directed in XXX as Robert McCallum
c) Joyce Snyder, directed XXX "Raw Talent" and horror film "Pledge Night"
I worked with Gary Graver a couple of times. I liked him. He was sane. That was a big plus for an x-rated director.
15. Who's Your Favorite Cross-Over Star? Pick One Male, One Female Lead
Female: Mary Louise Parker and Nancy Reagan; It’s a tie!
Male: Me. I had a bit part in Bartleby. My second choice: Sylvester Stallone.
16. What was first and last X-rated movie you saw in movie theater?
The first was I am Curious Yellow.
The last was Nothing to Hide.
17. Who's the Best Male Porn Star Who Played both "Gay" and "Straight"?
I’m not really qualified to render a verdict, but Jack Wrangler and I were both given lifetime achievement awards from the Free Speech Coalition on the same night. I enjoyed the backstage chatter with him, so he gets my vote.
Bonus Points: Speculate why all these men were known spectacularly for their penis dimensions, more so than their bisexual roles.
Jack Wrangler: Never saw his pecker.
John Holmes: I did see his puppy in action on several occasions. The man carried a nuclear weapon in the battle of the sexes.
Marc Stevens: Wasn’t he Mr. 10½?
18. Ginger Lynn vs. Bree Olsen
Who’s Bree Olsen? I mated with the dinosaurs, I guess. She must have come along after I was extinct.
Ginger Lynn was cute as a button.
19. Plugz vs. Wall of Voodoo?
I never heard of either one. For music, I liked Paul Thomas and Al Jolson; John Leslie, too.
20. Did You See the following "household name" porn films? In theater or on video, DVD? Which is memorable?
Devil In Miss Jones: Saw it a theater. Freaked me out! Went in seeking some hot innocent fucking and saw a woman slitting her wrists in the bathtub and fighting for her soul with the Devil. Yo, I was not ready for that!
Deep Throat: In a theater. Stupid, stupid, and STUPID.
Behind the Green Door: Theater. Not bad at all.
Insatiable: I was IN this one. I loved it, except for getting a mouthful of gasoline when I was getting a blowjob from Marilyn. —You’ll have to read my book.
21. Depending on your mood, what is your favorite or least-loved erotic/porn movie cliché?
My favorite “cliché” is a woman turning her back to the camera, bending over and slowly pulling down her panties. My involuntary gasps ensue...
My least favorite is a woman faking arousal, licking her lips, and mindlessly babbling, “oooh baby, ooohh baby.” Time to fast forward.
22. What could a sex film director do right this minute to give you an incredible thrill?
Send me a big check and a thank-you note.
23. Best post-feminist erotic/porn flick you’ve seen yet?
I was in a Candida Royalle movie with Nina Hartley called Sensual Escape. So, I abstain. -
24. Who is your Dream Team for the ultimate erotic movie?
Susie Bright waits in a crowd by the stage door for John Leslie to emerge. Actors and actresses come out, but none of them are John.
Gradually, the crowd thins out leaving Susie alone with her pen and pad.
She had hoped to interview John. She had hoped for a whole lot more.
Richard Pacheco emerges from the stage door. Susie recognizes him
from all the movies in which he's co-starred with John.
"Is John still in there?" she asks.
"No," he answers. John left a long time ago. He went with Jamie to
the race track."
"Ohh!" she says dejectedly. She was so hoping to be with him. "He
was supposed to give me an interview!" she said. She looked so crestfallen.
"I'll give you an interview," Pacheco said, "...if you want."
It caught her by surprise. Pacheco played "Lenny," the retarded sidekick, she thought. He was not even from the same galaxy as that of the dashing John Leslie.
"C'mon,” Pacheco said, "Let me buy you a cup of coffee!”
And that's how it started. . . .
The movie was written by Candida Royalle and directed by Veronica Hart.
The music was composed by James Taylor and Little Richard.
Paul Thomas and John Leslie did vocals.
Vincent Fronczek, Robert Altman, Jackie Gireaux, Paul Johnson, Suze Randall and Annie Sprinkle shot stills.
Joao was the camerman. Bryan Costales was the set designer. John Seeman was the Production Manager.
Anthony Spinelli was the producer. John Leslie also catered the production.
Susie Bright and Richard Pacheco played the lead roles with a cast that included Rudolph Valentino, Seka, Julie Christie, Kay Parker, Marilyn Monroe, Annette Haven, Vanessa Del Rio, Benjamin Franklin, Kelly Nichols, Mike Horner, Jerry Butler, Eric Edwards, Nina Hartley, Ginger Rogers, Fess Parker, Shanna Grant, Stubby Kaye, Fanny Bryce, Desiderius Erasmus, Marianna Beck, Carol Queen, Jon Martin, Jesie St. James, Sharon Kane, Roberto Clemente, Tigr, and Randy West.
And introducing Joey Silvera as Ron Jeremy.
Photo: Howie and Marilyn, from Insatiable days, courtesy of Gordon Archive.
You may not be Richard Pacheco but you sure can have fun taking the quiz, too!
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