If you remember Love Story ... you'll like Fifty Shades of Grey— but no one's going to make you sob like the young Ryan O’Neal.
If you loved The Outsiders ... you will love FSOG, because taking damaged little boys between your thighs is kinda where you live.
If you loved Bound ... you will hate-watch FSOG at the Castro theater next year at a midnight screening, Mystery-Science-Theater style with the full organ.
If you dug 9½ Weeks ... you'll pack up your ice cubes and split in the first 10.
If you loved Secretary ... you will hunt down little Dakota Johnson and really give her something to cry about.
Si te encantó "Y Tu Mama Tambien” ... you will swear off white-people-movies for at least a year.
If you want to fuck Channing Tatum, Ryan Gosling, and Idris Elba up one side and down the other ... you’ll wonder, who IS this little boy who looks like a cross six-grader?
If you screamed your way through Twilight ... you’re really gonna miss Brokeback Mountain.
If you loved The Piano Teacher ... You will make someone pay for this if it's the last Chopin thing you do.
If you cherished Pretty Woman ... you will run right home and watch it again, twice. YOU were the audience for the FSOG romance, but they forgot to include the charm, wit, and chemistry. Richard Gere hasn't forsaken you, baby.
And yes, Mr. Swayze Will See You Now ...