Susie Bright's Journal

College Call Girl Sets Her Timer

Today, on my In Bed podcast, Higher Sex Education weighs in on the question of the man who won't (easily) give it up. I share— and debate ten tips for hurrying up a slow cum-er, as advised from the highly articulate blog site, Confessions of a College Girl.

  Listen to an excerpt 

Listen to the whole show at Audible.com: LINK

Get my audio show free for a month: LINK

 

CCG is writing this story as an extension of her professional interest— she can't spend all day with a customer who's holding back. But I think every woman listens to these tips with uncommon interest because it touches on a competitive spirit that isn't always the most feminine thing to admit— it's a rush to feel like you can "get someone off" with a single look, a touch, a "technique" that knocks the fiercest control freak off their feet before they knew what hit them.

I suppose the "nice" way of saying this is that it is arousing, to both men and women, to see their lover orgasm as a result of their ministrations. Of course.

But there's also a prowess issue. Men talk about it frankly, but women— not so much. After all, if you're a woman who boasts of your ability to get any man's rocks off with uncommon flair, you'll be branded: a slut!  Which is exactly why College Call Girl doesn't have to give a shit about "protecting her reputation." Her reputation as a writer is certainly held in my high esteem!

One liberating thing about the lesbian world, is that the "virtue-worrying" element drops completely out. It's very relaxing to be a fallen woman, whether by dent of one's queerness, kink, or commercial enterprise.

But back to the men:  I have a vibe— nothing I can prove, just anecdotal evidence— that even though "premature ejaculators" (god, I hate that term) get a lot of press and advice, there are just as many men who are at the other end of the spectrum. This kind of man will control, delay, and push back their orgasm so that it becomes difficult for anyone to bring them off other than themselves— with their own hands, fantasies, and timing. In that sense, they share something with women who also can't just "give it up" to her ardent lover.

What do you think? Are you "easy," putty in your lover's hands— or will no one ever catch you in your hidey hole? Or is it more of a give and take scenario?

Back to my show... lastly, in my Try This at Home mailbag, a listener asks if it's possible for a  tigress to change her kinky spots. She's been poly, and submissive, since she started having sex, but now she's fallen head over heels for an innocent vanilla young lad.

Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for free show coupon cards to susie@audible.com. (Episode 317, November 9, 2007)

My Greek Love Life

When the Delta Zeta Sorority "who-put-the-dogs-out" scandal ran its course, I wrote an outraged editorial, which attracted the hackles of one virtuous DZ member, who insisted that the blight of elitism, and the duties of the fabled "sorostitute" had never tarnished her Greek experience.

She demanded of me, "Susie, do you even know anyone in a sorority?"

What a set-up! I answered, "Yeah, some of my best lovers have been sorority members."

But her question haunted me: How do I know what I think I know about the sexual lives of Greek sisters or brothers? That's what I decided to muse upon today in this week's In Bed podcast:

Listen to an excerpt:

Get the whole show:  Link

On the second half of my show, I share the newest way to join the Mile High Club: at a tiny airport in Georgia, where the pilot has outfitted his small plane with a red and pink decor "Love Nest" and will take you out into the great blue yonder for a little "once-around" while you muss up the sheets. Strangely, I find the prospect of boarding an airplane without being searched and interrogated as scintillating as getting nude inside the cabin!

Finally, in this week's mailbag, a woman writes me who wants to help her sister come to terms with having herpes.  As an only child, I have to ask, do siblings routinely "help and advise" each other when it comes to sex, or do you think it more often a case of rivalry and avoidance?

Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for girly cards to susie@audible.com. (Episode 286, March 23, 2007)

30 Going on 13: The Virgin Chronicles

I read women's magazine covers like tea leaves. I don't have to crack open the pages to get the recipe: Terrify. Titillate. Spin shitless.

Sometimes we see a new wrinkle. My favorite freaky new flip-out is: women in their late 20s and early 30's who are still virgins. Are they fucked for life, or what?

In Bed with Susie Bright 263: 30-Year-Old Virgins

The hyperbole misses the facts about why some women (and more to the point, men) are waiting to have sex.

None of the stories I've seen—NOT ONE— mention abstinence education, AIDS-phobia fears, sex-negative religious training, or the popularity of drug therapies that depress libidos. Nor do they connect the dots to what sexuality and class have to do with GROWING UP.

I guess it's not titillating to talk about a middle class 17-year-old boy  who's too afraid to masturbate, let alone touch a woman, because he is certain that he will go to hell— or worse, their parents will get really, really mad.  But I meet college students like that all the time. That's the real story here, not co-eds who have their legs crossed by bad luck or unfortunate timing.

The recent coverage assumes it's a girl thing. That's ridiculous. I'm more struck by the sexual inexperience of the young men I meet on my campus tours, than I am by the women's stories. I'm saddened by their fears that sex will "ruin" their chances of a decent life or "career." I'm amazed by their notion that you have to find someone who is the perfect computer-career-parental-approved-match before you can take your underwear off.

Then there's their dread of nudity, their fear of doing something they haven't been trained and tested for, their proximity to mommy-daddy control at all times. Whatever happened to... leaving the nest? You feel like you're listening to a 13 year old with a big vocabulary instead of a post-graduate.

The age of "first intercourse" in the US is, indeed, older than it was twenty years ago, particularly among those who believe they have something to lose. That's why you see it so pronounced in college: the ultimate breeding ground for future investments.

The magazine editors find plenty of these 20-somethings who say, "This is my individual CHOICE." It's newly-hatched Ayn Rand, stripped of eroticism.

Yes, you, you vestal 29-year-old, are an utterly unique specimen, the first in the human race, who has been able to make a calm reasoned decision about your "choice" without any connection to culture, history, or community. Your will is all.

Why is there a lack of curiousity about such "trends" in the first place? 

The individualism that leads people to imagine that they are in charge of their every impulse, disconnected from all around them, strikes me as delusional. That's the trend I'd like to read about, not this faux-hysteria over masses of virgins roaming the earth.

When I've written stories about the "new virginity" before, I always get letters from people who are indignant that I don't appreciate their sexual history. They tell me the age that they made this or that choice, and how happy they are to have made that decision. They want me to apologize and give them credit and props for their clearly righteous personal path.

I would like to avoid that hash again. I am not a sex-nazi who wants everyone to drop trou at the freshman prom and be put through paces.

I don't care if any individual has "sex," at any age, with anyone. I am not a "better" person because of my sex history, nor would I make that judgement about anyone else! This perspective, once again, strikes me as juvenalia, a quarrel children would have.

While sympathetic to each person's autobiography,  that's not my interest here...  I keep screaming, "BIG PICTURE!" — yet when Virgin X replies, "No, there is no big picture, there's only my personal justification," THAT, to me, is the problem. Not anyone's intact hymen.

Until my mother's generation, most of my female relatives died in childbirth after multiple births. My mother was the first in her family to go to college, marry a non-Catholic, get a divorce. And she did it in a time where millions in her generation were right there with her. I never heard her refer to her behavoir as a brilliant calculation and "choice" that only she could have come up with. She saw herself as one piece of a big puzzle, a turn in history.

Nowadays, in middle class circles, at least, there is this sense of doing everything on your own, in ignorance and hubris, with a cherry on top. Sex is considered the ultimate privacy where you get to make your own bed, immune from critical mass or analysis, left to your own divination.

"You just haven't met the right guy yet..." Doesn't that conjecture, as a social motto, strike anyone else as preposterous?

Also, on this podcast, I express my guarded elation that Plan B has been approved and presumeable closer to OTC purchase. I've got some tips for you about how to use emergency contraception once you get your hands on it. And, in the Try This at Home mailbag, I have a letter from a listener who wonders why she stayed in a hopeless relationship so long. (Episode 163, September 22, 2006).