Take sexual inspiration from everyone and sexual instruction from no one.
Full Exposure
Appreciate the simplest erotic gesture.
Full Exposure
I could— and I did— and you would too, if given half a chance!
Interview
The best sexual advisor is the person who is the best listener, who asks the best questions, and appreciates the chance to be fallible in public.
Full Exposure
Give your erotic identity the benefit of your admiration.
Full Exposure
Destroying your sex life is a snap compared to enjoying it.
Mommy's Little Girl
Look at her. All over. Linger anywhere you like. When she notices (and she will if you’re really looking), hold her eyes with yours. Hold them close. This is the essence of cruising, the experience that all the virtual reality and phone sex in the world will never replace. It is also the moment of truth. You’ll know then and there whether she wants you or not.
"How To Make Love to a Woman"
The blow job queen of today is the celibate of tomorrow.
Mommy's Little Girl
I feel like the Addams Family sometimes: “Good evening, we’re non-monogamous. May Pugsley get you a drink?”
Mommy's Little Girl
Los Angeles: You used to be able to have a fat ass and wear a string bikini and shades; you could walk down the Venice Boardwalk with a joint in your mouth and fall in love. Now it’s an audition.
The Realist
I remember the erotic fantasies I spun in my head, long before a single soul every kissed or touched me. They were among the most powerful sexual experiences of my life.
Full Exposure
There is no such thing as a person without an erotic story. It’s a motion picture of everything about you that is creative— the risks you’d be willing to take, the weightless depth of your imagination, your attraction to the truth, and the things that would make you go blind.
Full Exposure
Your erotic autobiography is not a tall tale or a punch line or a story about the one that got away. It’s your sexual philosophy. It’s the big “WHAT IF?” of our lives.
Full Exposure
We are burdened with assumptions that sex is the dirtiest thing you can do. People go miles out of their way to defend their artistic and intellectual ambitions by saying, “This work is not about sex."
That’s how you’re supposed to be able to tell how grand and incredible it is— that it’s not sexual.
Full Exposure
Wanting sexual attention isn't a felony, no matter how much society tries to convince teenage girls that it is.
Sexual State of the Union
Sexual feeling lasts from cradle to grave. Sex deals in a humility that comes only with the deepest sacrifices. Sex is one of the few honest places inside us; it doesn’t know how to lie, even if we change the story for the public.
Full Exposure
You can love without fucking, but I don't think anyone fucks without erotic tenderness, anxiety, and sense of wonder. If erotic life is more than carnality, then it doesn't matter whether you're a porn star or a virgin; your erotic comprehension is about being alive and feeling something that makes you bigger than the sometimes ugly circumstances of our existence would ever let us believe.
Full Exposure
I masturbated to the Meese Report until I nearly passed out.
On Our Backs
Penetration is as heterosexual as kissing.
On Our Backs
When I was eight years old, my mother slipped a pink-covered book under my pillow, called A Baby is Born. In great detail, it described what a sperm and egg looked like, how they joined together, along with portraits of the developing fetus.
But how did the sperm and the egg get together in the first place? I wondered. The little pink book said simply, “Mommy and Daddy love each other very much.”
Sexual Reality
It’s the awesome feat of American puritanism to convince us that “sex” and “pregnancy” do not mix. It’s the ultimate virgin/whore distinction. For those nine months, please don’t mention how we ladies got this way— we’re “Mary” now.
Sexual Reality
Lesbians are lesbians because they have a desire for women that is only satisfied in an intimate union having nothing to do with being strong or weak, loyal or faithless. Lesbian desire, not the lesbian “community,” is the bottom line. Lesbian desire doesn’t go away because you have sex with a man. It doesn’t go away because of a HIV-positive diagnosis. It never goes away.
Sexual Reality
Let me honest with you, and let me be shameful, as it seems to essential to my discipline; I don’t want to hear your sexual label for yourself, especially after you’ve fucked me blind. Don't tell me who you “are.” I’m a mere mortal, jealous and vulnerable, and I might fall for you in a big way. Show me what you can do.
Sexual Reality
Jealousy is the great equalizer.
Sexual Reality
I’ve never heard of a cult where everyone had to worship the leader’s clitoris.
Full Exposure
I didn’t get my own cock consciousness until I made love to a woman who wanted me inside her.
The Sexual State of the Union
It’s an old complaint that our language doesn’t have the nuance and variety to convey the sexual experience. It's a complaint based on laziness and prudishness— English is a fine language to fuck with.
How To Write a Dirty Story
There’s only one obscenity, one crime in erotic writing— and that’s being a bore.
How To Write a Dirty Story
In the beginning, in America, there was smut.
How To Write a Dirty Story
To reveal a woman’s lust is to admit a sexual power that not everyone is prepared for.
Herotica 2
We are capable of every betrayal and every forgiveness that follows.
Sexual Reality
To submit to lust is to declare a panic, a state of body emergency.
Sexual Reality
Sexual liberation challenges our hearts with unbearable feelings that no one is proud of: jealousy, sexual shame, and the uncontrollable attraction to risk. Don’t talk to me about gay pride or bi pride— Love Has No Pride— that’s the banner the real world marches under.
Sexual Reality
When I was young, I was hurt by political ringmasters who said they wouldn’t talk, fuck or work with me because I was “bisexual.” Now that I've talked, worked, and fucked with them all, I know their secret. They desire what they condemn.
Sexual Reality
If you want to be in gay life, then you sit your ass down in the middle of it. And you just don't get up and move because someone doesn’t like you. Gay life isn’t a cherry pie; it’s a fire walk.
Sexual Reality
To be sexually adventurous for her own sake— not only to feel her own desire, but also to direct it for her ultimate satisfaction— that is femmechismo.
Herotica 2
Our children do not belong to us, as tempting as that may be to believe. Our memory that they came out of us is misleading. They are not our words, our thoughts, our waste. They have their own imaginations which we can neither create nor undo; they may live in our house but they have their own world. We can respect and admire their world by giving them privacy, tolerance, an appreciation for their own bodies, and a great feeling of love beyond possession.
Full Exposure
Assume Everyone is Sexual
To imagine otherwise is one of the most profound and ignorant forms of discrimination
Your momma is sexual.
Your great-grandma who you never even knew,
Her husband too—
Your precious baby, and every other precious baby,
That twisted-up guy in a wheelchair,
The thirteen year old with thick glasses and orthopedic shoes,
The incredibly homely person you crossed the street to get away from.
Weird anorexic supermodels too—
Anyone you don’t desire
And anyone you’ve ever put on a pedestal.
EVERYONE
Full Exposure
Every story, erotic or not, has a literary climax.
How To Write a Dirty Story
Men made a Faustian bargain with what they call pornography. If they agreed to keep their erotic interests out of their family life and out of the public eye, then they could enjoy the privilege of varied, no-holds-barred voyeurism. But the “variety” and access only go so far. The embarrassment, the shame and the double standard that surround mens’ license to pornography are stifling, and they breed cynicism.
Herotica 2
You might be able to fake an orgasm, but you will never be able to fake your way through writing a sex scene.
How To Write a Dirty Story
Hold your erotic writings up to your highest scrutiny. Pretend they’re death scenes, pretend they’re the crux of your plot, pretend they are your opening lines. They may well be all of those things.
How To Write a Dirty Story
Erotica is the only writing genre in the world that people think it’s fair to critique even if they’ve never laid eyes on it.
How To Write a Dirty Story
There are people who don’t like sexual expression.You won’t always understand what makes them tick— and believe me, they don’t either. Perhaps they are elitists or opportunists, zealots or bigots. Whatever their motives— when they decide to go after sex, they come at you with a stick.
How To Write a Dirty Story
When a critic brings up the question of “violence” in your work, you need to understand this is a political attack, not a literary critique. What they object to is not “violence” per se— you won't see them going after Othello or Macbeth.
How To Write a Dirty Story
Censorship is just another word for lying.
How To Write a Dirty Story
"A Devil’s Argument Against Publishing"
If you write an erotic story, or any story for that matter, and NEVER publish it, you will have done a very good thing.
If it stays in the box for you to cherish, if it passes between you and your lover, shared among friends, you will have accomplished something quite wonderful. By writing privately, you will have expressed yourself intimately and communicated with exactly whom you wanted to speak to in the first place. You will have the primal satisfaction of an artist: your imagination fulfilled.
By not publishing in the public world, you will remain unsullied and un-embittered by the publishing process, which is not unlike being dragged naked inside a barrel filled with nails. No one will put a price on you, no series of twits will be the final arbiters of your value. Your writing will not be lost in the shuffle, ignored or insulted. It won’t find itself in the hands of the indifferent and indignant. You won’t be called a superstar, but neither will you be called a has-been or a fraud. You will not be betrayed by strangers.
How To Write a Dirty Story
Lust brings out the liar in everyone.
The Sexual State of the Union
Someone is always trying to shut someone else up about sex; trying to keep it out of the home. It should be obvious that sex IS home, chez nous… we don’t need an outside line.
The Sexual State of the Union
America boomerangs from “Fear of a Black Planet” a Youth Revolt, a Genderfuck Coup, to the opposite horror: that of a lone man with a big gun. The older, privileged, had-all-the-opportunities kinda guy who now comes equipped with a bomb, no dates, and a pathological self-centered attitude.
Oh, we’ll wish he’d only been in the Crips! If only he'd been a drag queen, if only he’d pierced his dick and gotten high on dope! Any of those would be preferable, a million times more humane. We could pooh-pooh a counterculture, but what are we supposed to do with a counter-human? We can’t stand to look at the cult of alienated masculinity and wonder how we got here.
The Sexual State of the Union
Wholehearted sexual expression is the antithesis of anorexia and bulimia.
The Sexual State of the Union
I never met a man who told me he didn't know how to come and he didn’t know where his penis was.
The Sexual State of the Union
Behind every erotic condemnation there's a burning hypocrite.
Sex is not a frill; it’s not a luxury. It’s part of your life whether you’re flush or famished, living under dictators or democrats. It has its own unique relationship to history and it will not shut up.
Full Exposure
If I really wanted to be a “celibate,” I would have to stop thinking, because it’s quite irrelevant what my clit is doing if my brain is still functioning. There is no mileage to be gained by vilifying my genitals as opposed to any other part of my body. Pleasure and creativity are coming at us all the time; it’s simply a matter of being receptive.
Full Exposure
The mythology of romance that we grow up with is a candy heart waiting to be crumbled.
Full Exposure
If you never write a love letter, if you never speak publicly about your sexual opinions, there is still one way you may unintentionally express your erotic opinions: by becoming a parent. Your attitudes about sex, fantasy, privacy, and desire will sink deeper into a child’s early impressions than an ink tattoo.
Full Exposure
When I hear people say, “I can never imagine my mom and dad having sex,” I wince. They’re well on their way to becoming the very thing they find so unimaginable: the elder who can’t admit their own sexuality.
Full Exposure
Clits UP!
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