Susie Bright's Journal

All Eyes on Phoenix! Ted Haggard is Your New Neighbor

Ted Haggard Leaves Colorado, Finally...

"The Rev. Ted Haggard moved Wednesday from his longtime home in Colorado Springs to Phoenix, where the disgraced minister will join the same church that helped fallen televangelist Jim Bakker...

(Interestingly, Bakker, still a X-tian minister, preaches against anti-gay crusades)

"When he moved out of town today, there was a kind of relief on the part of the church that life can get back to normal," said the Rev. H.B. London, one of three ministers overseeing what has been called Haggard's "restoration."

"For the Haggards, it is the beginning of a huge new chapter. It's a brand new start for them, the beginning of a new beginning."...

In Phoenix, Haggard plans to pursue a graduate degree in counseling at an area university, said London, who heads an outreach effort for pastors through Focus on the Family, the Colorado Springs-based conservative Christian group.

London was not sure where Haggard would be studying. The Haggards and two of their children — another three are grown— are expected to live in a home made available by a supporter.

Ted and Gayle Haggard have ties to Phoenix. The couple spent three weeks at a secular treatment center in the area after the scandal broke.

(Where and what is THAT?)

The Pentecostal church they will attend, "Phoenix First Assembly of God," is led by the Rev. Tommy Barnett, another member of Haggard's restoration team.

Bakker, the televangelist, found refuge at Barnett's church after being released from federal prison for bilking supporters of $158 million. He volunteered at a Los Angeles church mission run by Barnett's son.

London said he believes Barnett told his congregation Sunday that Haggard would be joining them...

(They're thrilled!)

Haggard faces a test in going from being on the pulpit to becoming just another face in the pews, London said.

"Once you were in charge of a megachurch and a mega-staff and making mega-decisions, now your main decision is where you're going to school, where to eat and what you're going to do on your day off," London said...

Ware said Haggard is continuing to receive counseling, which officials said will include an exploration of his sexuality. Haggard has told his advisers he does not believe he's gay.

(Just keep saying that, over and over.)

As part of a severance package that will pay Haggard through 2007, Haggard agreed not only to leave town but to refrain from discussing the scandal publicly...Haggard's most recent annual salary was about $138,000, benefits excluded.

Don't forget!— It's not too late to Bet On Ted!

I found this whole story, by Eric Gorski, AP Religion Writer, at the Global Chinese Christian News Service.  The tshirt (not mine, but I wish it was!) is here. I want one in pink!

How Much For Ted Haggard's Trick Towel?

Guess we shoulda seen this coming!

Ted Haggard Massage Table For Sale On eBay

DENVER -- The massage table "where it all happened" between evangelist Ted Haggard and a former gay male escort is for sale on eBay...

The Day Mike Jones Put Ted Haggard's Old Cum Sponge on eBay

That's right folks! You can own a piece of history— hooker-turned-activist Mike Jones is auctioning off his old massage table. And, no, he's not keeping the money...

I had no idea it was lavender.

Bet on Ted!

 

Betting, Wishing, Hoping, Outing

Oh dearie me, you have got to see this:

Haggard's Former Church Holds ‘Day of Hope’

2/19/2007

COLORADO SPRINGS (AP) - Numerous individuals reported knowledge of New Life Church founder Ted Haggard's struggle with a "dark side," leading to his departure from the mega-church, a member of the church's board of overseers told parishioners Sunday.

"We have verified the reality of that struggle through numerous individuals who reported to us firsthand knowledge of everything from sordid conversation to overt suggestions to improper activities to improper relationships. These findings established a pattern of behavior that culminated in the final relationship in which Ted was, as a matter of grace, caught," he said.

Church leaders had billed Sunday as a "day of hope" to discuss claims against Haggard and to bring closure to church members.

The Haggards have agreed to move from Colorado Springs, Stockstill said. The family was considering the Minneapolis and Phoenix areas, and communities in Missouri and Iowa.

The church will provide the Haggards with financial support over the next year, roughly equivalent to the $130,000 salary Haggard received as pastor, Associate Pastor Rob Brendle told The Colorado Springs Gazette.

My Special Closet-Case-Decoder-Ring says:

a) Everyone knew.

b) God knows how many people were in on the party.

c) Ted said he was moving to Iowa... or  Missouri. But now Phoenix and Minneapolis are in the running. Where is Ted? Bet on Ted!

d) This is the first time a figure has been mentioned in Ted's Hush Money deal: $130K. Intriguing that it's only for one year... Is Ted going to renegotiate next Valentine's?

e) We'd all love to get a fat check to lie our heads off, but que sera, sera! Ted is getting quite the severance for his deceitful, sex-phobic, gay-demeaning hypocrisy.

f)  The only "closure" will come when the truth comes out and this awful religious hoax is shamed to smithereens.

C'mon Ted, someone else needs the wood!

For those of you who want to give Ted a playful nudge— and contribute to some gay young people who are doing the right thing— a bunch of us have started a Ted Haggard Betting Pool to guess what date the media will discover Haggard's next inevitable indiscretion.

June seems to be the most popular month for betting dates... everyone thinks Ted's going to be a June Bride. But hey, every day's a Day of Hope!

Teddie Boy: Love is Real & Not Fade Away

Well, this project really has been the best thing to come out an unmitigated disaster. I made so many new exceptional friends today, who joined the Ted Haggard Betting Pool.

Birthdays seem to be a popular choice for placing five dollars down, along with anytime in June— everyone thinks Ted's going to be a June bride!

I love it when Dan Savage lances the Ted-boil, but even before he drew his sword, his brother Bill had already written me with his marker.  I love families who take risks together.

The relentless scourgers at TowelRoad published our darling Cowboy portrait with their alert. TowelRoad is going to be one of those places who hears it first when Haggard so much as scratches his ass.

A fine impeachment site, 2PoliticalJunkies, contemplated the geographic possibilities of highway rest stops Ted might frequent.

Largehearted Boy is just as generous as his handle, and he's scheming to come up with our very own bet-on-Ted jingle... but it might be hard to beat Buddy Holly:

I wanna tell you how it's gonna be
You're gonna give your love to me
I'm gonna love you all night and day
Love is love and not fade away

Your love for me has got to be real
You gotta notice just how I feel
Love is real and not fade away
Well love is real and not fade away

(I don't mean to be blasphemous, but the all-time, lay-down-and-die version of this song is  onTrout Fishing in America's "Truth is Stranger than Fishin'" album).

This afternoon I talked to folks at LYRIC, and they are psyched about our little proposition! If you ever despair about the Big Snore of mainstream gay politics, go VISIT THEM. Talk about making a difference.

Also, thanks to Miss Sheila, I found out about youth groups in Colorado, who I want to tell you about:

Colorado Springs: Inside Out

These people are such heroes. The last time I spoke at Colorado Springs university I had to be SNUCK IN, because they were (rightfully) afraid there would be a KKK-like reaction on the part of anti-gay zealots on campus.

Denver: Rainbow Alley

Rainbow Alley serves a lot of kids who come up on the bus from Castle Rock and the Springs, even just for the night to be around other people who can help a body stay sane, or share a laugh with.

Of course, there were the cranks. Someone asked if the game was rigged. Yeah, I'm sitting here fanning myself with the handful of $5 bills I'm planning to abscond with to Fiji. —After I seduce Ted on St. Paddy's Day with my strap-on. Anyway! 

Someone else demanded to know what I'll do if Ted dies in a dramatic fashion before the jig is up. Well, that would  be tragic. If it comes to that, if Ted gets run over by jealous lover, then the whole thing is off. I'll ask everyone who participated to consider donating to a gay youth group in his memory.

So how are we doing? Well, as of my last email check, we had about 40 people with $260 in markers.

Interestingly, I've had 6,000 hits in ten hours on BetOnTed today. Just imagine if six thousand people "bet" or donated half a sawbuck... that would be $30,000.00.

If you were thinking that the big philanthropists were going to empty their pockets, I'm sorry, but they rarely make a visitation! It's up to the rest of us. A group of wonderful people could make an awfully big difference with the cost of a couple cups of coffee.  Am I making you cry yet?

Don't cry, join the Very Special People's Club and send me your date with Ted's Destiny!:  Link.

What dates did I bet on, myself? I decided to spread it all around. I picked the 25th of every month of the year. March 25 is my birthday; that got me started. I wanted to be  crafty and figure out what days are best for media exposés, but I pooped out. Laurie is laughing because this is the first time I've ever made accounting entries in an Excel document. Yes, that's our little black book!  If I win, I'm going to give it all to LYRIC— but I do want to be taken out for an enormous slice of chocolate cake.

I need to go eat something.

Photo: Another wonderful member from LYRIC's World Headquarters! They have a MySpace page too.

Ted Haggard Betting Pool

How much would you bet that Reverend Ted Haggard falls off the wagon in the very near future?

I'm serious. I know he just got a big check to shut up and leave town, but you know what he likes to spend his money on! Tick-tock, gentlemen.

This guy has crusaded against gay people for years— including while he was going down on a hooker named Mike. He had President Bush's little pink ear while his community equated homosexuals with murderers and thieves. He told his wife he was going on spiritual writing retreats while he was getting laid in Boys Town, dreaming about twinkie-orgies and scoring meth. His sex worker couldn't take it anymore when the Good Reverend started campaigning against gay marriage for the Colorado state ballot, and came forward to spill the beans.

Don't feel sorry for Mr. Haggard's privacy. Ted has now accepted a large "undisclosed amount" from his church elders in exchange for signing a confidentiality agreement and leaving town, after taking a three-week "cure" that wouldn't get rid of a cough, let alone a lifelong sexual preference for men.

Yes, it's high time to announce: The Ted Haggard Betting Pool.

We don't believe Ted's commitment to the straight and narrow is going to last, and we're willing to put money on it.

All pool proceeds will be split 50/50 between the winner(s), and LYRIC, the "young, loud, and proud" San Francisco youth group dedicated building LGBTQQ community and inspiring social change.

LYRIC is a role model for anyone who ever knew they were sexually "different" when they were young, and didn't want to be alone or afraid anymore. Ted could learn a lot from them!

How do you play?  It's easy:

Pick Your Date

Pick any date(s) on the calendar between now and February 6, 2008. (That's the anniversary of Pastor Ted's announcement that he was "100% het" and that his "dark and repulsive" life was behind him).

You can pick as many dates as you want, a separate bet for each one.

Multiple players can pick the same date.

Place Your Bets

Send an email to bets@betonted.com with:

the date(s) you pick,
your email address,
your city & state, and,
the dollar amount you'd like to place on your picks.

There is a five dollar per-date minimum.

Send no money now... We'll settle up when Ted cracks, or the contest ends in one year.

You can do it!— you can spare five bucks for the thrill and good cause of a lifetime! Just imagine the bragging rights if you win.

It's a Win/Win/...Win  Situation!

If Ted slips before February 6, 2008, 50% of winnings will go to LYRIC, and the other 50% will be awarded to the winning date-holder.

If more than one person holds the winning date, that 50% will be split among them.

If Ted is not caught screwing up or violating his vows in one year, than all the monies will go to LYRIC. A good cause will triumph whether Ted is sneaky or not!

If Ted cracks on a date NOT chosen by anyone, again, all proceeds go to LYRIC.

Tell Everyone You Know

The more people who know about our game, the closer watch we'll have on Ted.

Give them this address: http://BetOnTed.com, which will take them to this post and any updates!

If you wanna make "Bet On Ted" buttons, tshirts, or spinoffs of any kind, please do pile on. What should our theme song be? Here's an idea!

TedWatch: Keep Your Eyes Peeled

For all we know, Haggard might be having adulterous, meth-fueled, "gay" sex right now. But we need evidence! We need the date that something "comes out."

Any of the following events, reported in a credible publishing source, on a specific day, will be counted as a WINNING indictment of Ted's self-delusion:

• Ted's Gay Lover— a new one— steps forward with confession

• Ted busted on sex charge

• Ted divorce filed

• Ted drug arrest

• Ted commits adultery

• Ted comes out

I'll make it even sweeter. If Ted does COME OUT, apologizes, and makes amends, we'll all be delighted. Just imagine how many lives he could influence with his honesty, and even save... Redemption could be big. If that happens, I'll toss another $100 into the LYRIC pot!

Mesdames et Messiers, Place Your Bets!  Please feel free to comment and announce your bets in the comments below, but for your "official" entry, be sure to mail me.

UPDATE 2/12:

Some savvy miss named "jbenet" at Majority Report has placed her bet on... today!

Linkfilter has kindly speculated on my own personal relationship with Jesus... awww.

Letter-D's LiveJournal has a good one I never heard before:

Q: What denomination is Ted Haggard?
A: Crystal Methodist

UPDATE 2/11, Midnight:

Mega-Traffic from Josh Marshall's Talking Points Memo: Hit Me, Baby!

The Zero Boss has placed his evil stake on September 11.

RavenouslySearching is putting it all on the hottest week of summer.. great choice.

Peter Throckmorton of Jane's Guide has lovingly picked out he and his lover's birthdays... sweet!

This game was dreamed up by Laurie Mann and Susie Bright, who've created a contest  as a way to have fun, expose hypocrisy, and promote sexual clarity and self-knowledge. There is no other agenda, scheme, or weirdness to our plans. Names and email addresses collected will be kept strictly private to run the pool, and then digitally shredded at its conclusion. ...Laurie's already picked New Year's Eve, and I'm all over any stressed-filled holiday! Photo: Owen Booth's beautiful gay cowboy doll. Caption by yours truly.