Susie Bright's Journal

Where the Wild Things Are: Alison Bechdel in Susie-Stitched Pajamas

via dykestowatchoutfor.com

Every year I get inspired by a book or two. Inspired, as in, "If I only had one life to live..." inspired. I usually buy a whole carton and hand them out to my friends.  Sometimes I know the author; sometimes I have to look them up on wikipedia and wonder what I've been missing all these years. But I know one thing: it's rare that authors hear from anyone, besides prisoner requests, about the effect their work is having. So I always write a letter, too. 

I've never had the same author shatter my literary coma two years in a row. But Alison Bechdel did it. She's an old colleague of mine from the days when queers only had secret underground lairs to publish in. I thought she was just like me, one of our talented gang of rabble-rousers. She's not— she's a genius. 

The past couple years she released two books: her graphic memoir, Fun House— AND a compedium of her legendary comic strip, The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For.

I contacted Alison and proposed that I could make her a tailored men's shirt, as an homage to her greatness. Then I realized I couldn't pull that off without demanding she come in for multiple fittings while I wrestled with my seamstress inadequacies. She lives in Vermont but even if she lived next door to me in California, I think she'd go crazy with my methods.

So I said, "How about flannel pajamas?"

She liked that idea. She picked out the grizzly bear print from some samples I sent her.

And then.... a YEAR went by. I guess I'm not the world's greatest fan, after all. But this September, I did it— and mailed them after the Labor Day weekend. Alison emailed me to say they arrived... on her birthday. Magic is in the air!

And they fit. And they're cozy. And she's grizz-tastic.

Little Susie Homebreaker

In a great gust of energy last weekend, I started a new blog. It's called Little Susie Homebreaker. I was taunted with that nickname back in the day, but I'm quite fond of it now!

I love cooking and eating, and thinking about cooking and eating. And when I'm not waving a sharp knife in the air, I sew and stitch with every escapist minute I can get. I'm a proud member of the Ladies Sewing Circle and Terrorist Society.

I've always wanted a blog that I could dedicate to my "leisure hours," and this is my first effort. It has all the domestic devilry I've run in this journal, but also my early stories for Craft magazine, and some of my pattern reviews and food writing that hasn't appeared anywhere else.

I'll still write about my little pleasures here, on occasion— but if I want to write for seven days in a row about graffiti embroidery or pumpkin cheesecake maneuvers, I will let it all hang out at Homebreaker.

If crafty bitchery or foodie obsessions are your bag, please check it out and tell me what you think!

A Show of Penises

I first met Jack Davis when I was a frequent visitor to a lesbian brothel commune in Santa Cruz, circa 1981. He lived in the basement.

The first time I visited Jack, he was crocheting a penis, and like everyone else who entered his lair, I was hooked.

Since then, Jack moved to San Francisco where his fiber arts are legendary. I'm just one of many collectors in his cult.

So far, I have a cunning Valentine-doily penis in black and red— and a big knotty bruiser pierced with many amulets, including an old-time New York subway token.

And yes, if you're nice to me, I'll let you touch it.

It's difficult for me when Jack has a show, because if I get around a new crop of his penises, I Want Them All. But I can't stay away... and I like to meet the other devotees!

Here,  Mr. Davis answers every question I have on my mind:

 
Why did you start making penises?

I got my M.S. in Art, focusing on Fibers in 1975. I was in college in the 60s, and graduate school in the '70s— and was influenced by the aesthetics of the period. Women in my weaving and textile classes were making wall hangings that looked like vulvas. I wanted to make things that would help men feel good about themselves, and at the same time I was coming out as a big fag.

A Show of Penises

Crocheted by Jack Davis
May 13 through June 10, 2007
Opening: Sunday, May 13, from 2:00 to 5:00 pm

Mark I. Chester Studio
1229 Folsom St.
San Francisco

 

How long does it take to make a penis?

Three hours for a simple one, up to several months for a complicated one.

Are they knitted or crocheted?

Crocheted. Knitting is done with two needles; crochet is done with a single hook.

What materials do you use?

I use yarns that are cotton, silk, wool and synthetic. Sometimes I recycle yarn from by taking apart thrift-store sweaters. A few yarns are hand dyed. Some penises are crocheted from found string.

In the past I have crocheted with sewing thread and colored telephone wire. Sometimes I use beads and other found objects for embellishment.

Are they cut or uncut?

All of the penises have foreskins.

How do you put one on?

You don't; they aren't penis warmers. They do open, however. There is a drawstring in each foreskin. So while they are not designed to be worn on a penis, you can put other things in them.

Did anyone model for them?

No.

What do you stuff them with for display?

I use plastic Easter eggs. They're the right size and weight.

How are your penises hung?

I use sturdy push pins in the back. It's easier than using nails. I usually hang them in a grid. There is a group of pink ones that I hang in a triangle.

How seriously do you take your work?

There's an element of humor in my work; how could there not be? Whenever I talk about my work with people, it isn't long before they start laughing about questions like, "How are your penises hung?"

But I do take my work seriously. It comes from being an art student for seven years. I use the word penis, instead of dick or cock, specifically because it's a more serious term.

Any interesting stories about your penises?

Tons.

One of the earliest stories occurred during my graduate exhibit. A straight male graduate assistant was taking a beginning art class through the university galleries. He stopped by my work, and picked up on of my penises to talk about it with his class. When he realized what it was, I guess he didn't want to be seen holding a penis, and dropped it instantly.

Back in the old days when I entered art shows using slides, there were several times when I was accepted into a show, but my work was rejected after it arrived. They realized they weren't crocheted abstract forms; they really were penises.

I once accidentally stabbed my finger with a fine-gauge crochet hook. Joe, my boyfriend at the time— and my roommate, Sue— took me to the hospital to have it removed. The emergency room staff couldn't believe I had been crocheting. They wanted to believe that my female roommate had stabbed me with what they assumed was her crochet hook.

What do people do with your penises after they buy them?

A friend of mine uses one for a change purse; it gets interesting comments in gay bars.

I know a lesbian who used one for packing.

My grandmother used to crochet cotton animals with a drawstring; you would put your little end pieces of soap inside one and use it to wash with in the bathtub or shower. So, yes, I know someone who uses one in his shower.

Some people put them on their altars. Since they have drawstrings, they lend themselves quite well as ritual objects. Some people put them among their plants.

But mostly people display them on a shelf or on the wall. They look good in a group. While there isn't a right or wrong way to display them, I prefer that people not put them in display boxes.

How many have you made?

Hundreds.

Do you sell your penises?

Yes. 

Do you exhibit them?

That's what it's all about.

Are you obsessed with penises?

Well, I am a fag.

Photographs by the illustrious Mark I. Chester, All Rights Reserved. More gallery penis portraits here.

Jack may be reached here, and of course, in-person at his opening is the very best!

Simply Beautiful

Jonny made a Fimo heart for me to stash my beloved shears. You're in My Heart is carved on the left ventricle. I just wrote about the importance of a good blade in my sewing column for the latest edition of Craft magazine. 

But back to love. For today's theme, I thought of the song that was playing the first time I made love to someone who knew what he was doing. Did I know what I was doing? No. But this really helped:

Photo: Honey "LoveBunny" Lee Cottrell.

XOXOXOX to all of you, dear readers and lovers... If you need a last-minute valentine, cut out one from my collection!

Pirates of the Carribean Skirt: Ahoy there, Wenches!

I feel pretty; I feel witty; I feel pretty and witty and GAY! 

I feel like Rita Moreno on the best day she ever had, because I just finished my new skirt.  Doesn't it rock? It actually floats and swirls and plays hide and seek, too.  Aretha has dubbed it "The Pirates of the Caribbean" skirt. Johnny Depp must be gnashing his teeth to gaze upon it.

Here's my sewing instructions, and the pattern info for it. This is one of those patterns that looks like a total bore on the package cover, but has secret potential.

Now, onto my Nancy Drew dress! Yes, out of all your suggestions I flipped over CH Cisson's idea of the cocktail dress with the square neckline and princess seams.

I love princess seams. Yes, they require more cutting (a front and two side fronts), but making a full bust adjustment (which you need for anything over a B cup) is a SNAP, and they make you look like a very svelte princess indeed.

I'm cutting it out as soon as I finish this post. I  relished the "Nancy Drew police uniform" suggestion too, but I'm afraid I need more immediate gratification. Uniforms require tailoring, (i.e., muchas horas)  whereas a sexy cocktail dress is a one-day dressmaking affair.

Speaking of Pirate Booty, here is a knitting pattern for a Pirate Queen Booty Bag. Dammit, I need a stitch-slave!

"Nancy, Go After That Man!"

Yes, I just bought 3 yards of Nancy Drew, Girl Detective fabric.

It's cotton, and as you can see, it's in the design of a grid of some of Nancy's most memorable incarnations, and breathless bits of dialog. 

"I only hope my masquerade will bring results!"

I especially like the profile of her where her hair is blood red. I can never get that color.

So what should I sew with this? I've seen aprons, PJ's, and pillowcases. But I want to do something glamourous and subversive. Any clues?

By the way, if you've never read any of the Nancy Drew parodies, may I suggest, The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse?

Prom Night, Gun Fight

It's prom time. It's beautiful girl time. It's also military service time for  young women in Israel.

I've been soaking in all of it. On the high side, I made a prom dress for my friend Gabby, who's  turning 18 and graduating from high school this month.

This is my third "Cinderella" dress. I made one in Schiaparelli pink for my daughter's Quinceneara, and I made one for myself— just because— in Cowboy Sleeping Bag flannel with minkish trim.

For you fashionistas, Gabby's dress is a riff off a McCalls pattern. Gabby had the idea of lime green satin overlaid with black lace, and my teacher Jill Sanders led the way, showing me how to make a corset lace-up in the back. It's  simpler than a zipper for this sort of thing, and you can really make it FIT. 

Ah, but in the meantime, one of my readers sent me the most amazing link: a photographer's portfolio of teenage girls in the Israeli army. It's called:  Serial No. 3817131, which is the number the artist, Rachel Papo, was known by during her miliary career. It's also the number of her gun.

From Papo's artist statement:

The life of an eighteen-year-old girl in Israel is interrupted when she is plucked out of her environment at an age when sexual, educational, and family values are at their highest exploration point.

She is then placed in a rigorous institution, where individuality becomes a secondary matter, making room for nationalism. “I solemnly swear…to devote all of my strength and to sacrifice my life to protect the land and the liberty of Israel,” repeats the newly recruited soldier during her swearing-in ceremony.

She enters the two-year period in which she will change from a girl to a woman, a teenager to an adult, all under a militaristic, masculine environment, and in the confines of an army that is engaged in daily war and conflict.

I decided to portray female soldiers in Israel during their mandatory military service as a way for me to revisit my own experience.

I served as a photographer in the Israeli Air Force between 1988-1990. It was a period marked by continuous depression and extreme loneliness, and at the time I was too young to understand these emotions. Through a series of images showing female soldiers in army bases and outside, individually or in groups, I attempt to reveal a facet of this experience that is generally overlooked by the global community...

And speaking of prom dresses and the War At Home, did you see the story about the delivery of prom dresses, by the hundreds, collected for glamourous young misses in New Orleans? I would have liked to be part of that drive! Sometimes glamour is the only answer to utter devastation.

Corsets, Laces, and Stays, Oh MY!

This site seems to have awakened my inner fetishistic dormouse: Antique Corsets.

I want to try them all on, and scrutinize the patterns. All from the comfort of my loose caftan, of course.  Then I want a party where everyone has to wear one, preferably with tippy little slippers.

This isn't a sex site, it's historical fashion, but it's all the same in the end, n'est-ce pas? The one I've pictured is red wool from the 1860s— and don't you dare complain it's itchy!

Thanks to M. Brown for tip.

Baste Me For My Birthday

Remember that classicly annoying children's storybook about the little chick who runs around asking, "Are you my mother?"

I'm involved in a similiar quest.

I need my friends to come out of the closet and stop hiding from me.

Do. You. Sew?

Do you have a well-oiled machine? Can you hold pins in your mouth and swear at the same time? Do you have a stash?  I am hot for you already.

Here's the reason I'm asking. I want to organize a sewing party at my house. I want sewing pals. Sewing together is bliss to me— that crafty orgy high I can't get enough of. 

Here's the lonely chick part: I know exactly three people in my life who admit to, and practice, sewing. The four of us could definitely have a good time, but when you're planning a party, the hostess has to invite more than three because the odds are that one and half of them can't attend.

Yes, this is discriminating, like one of those closed-door clubs. You can't bring your dog or your kid, unless they sew. You can't be a wannabe, although I will tell you where to  get initiated. You can't sneak over and ask me to alter your jeans. NO FUCKING ALTERATIONS at a party! You have to be sex and sew-positive. Sewing whores are my favorite.

I have a feeling some of my friends and publishing pals are holding out on me. They probably have no idea that I sew, either. I remember finding out after ten years that the author I've published more than any other, Tsaurah Litzky, is a sewing fiend— but dammit, honey, you live in Brooklyn.

So dear readers:

If you and I are acquainted—
And you know how to sew, with your own machine and  tools—
And you like to party—

Would you make your foxy self known to me? I have the space, the tables, and a fabric stash that will make you come. You can touch my serger. Email or call for a good time. Even if you can't come this month, I'll put your name on my threadlist, and call you the next time the mood strikes.

Stitch 'N' Bitch Bright

The X-Rated Pattern Book

"Most likely to end their friendship after a sleepover during which they got into Susie’s mother’s peach schnapps, Susie got a little handsy and they both got uncomfortable tingly in the pants feelings."

Yes, dressmakers do have dirty minds! I just found a blog that seems tailor-made for my warped (and darkly woofed) humors: Threadbared.

This site has nothing but photos of old-time sewing patterns that vibrate with perverse second readings.

There's the all-cracker family wearing knitted sweaters of "pickaninnies," a hospital gown pattern for the woman who has nothing better to do than sew her own shroud, and some terribly gay trouser tissues. I got a good shriek out of each one.

I'm beside myself that they don't sell the patterns they satirize, because I'd kill to make my own "L'Apron"— a  pair of frilly bottomless chaps. His-and-her sizing, no less!

Threadbared's authors are "Mary" and "Kimberly," southern belles who introduce themselves by saying, "We combine our fondness for vintage sewing patterns with our need to be bitchy and mean and cruel."

They also claim that they don't know how to sew, but I don't believe that for ONE SECOND.

Brassiere Confidential

The Ultimate Bitchy Bra Advice. With pictures and links, of course.

This comes from one of my favorite feminist bloggers, Bitch PhD.  She understands how your inner slut needs total support. I'd like to spend a good two hours with her in a dressing room at Nordstrom's.

She also has this to say about "nursing" bras:

For nursing, screw fiddling around with snaps, and shit on nursing bras. What I did was  wear lower-cut tops and camis with a regular underwire bra. When it's time to nurse, reach in the neck of your shirt, slip the shoulder strap of the bra down, and scoop the boob out the top of the bra and neckline of your shirt. Voila, baby access!

See what I mean? She's frank, which you won't get at Macy's.

Could I Interest You in a Romper?

I have six dear friends who are celebrating Mother's Day this year with a new baby... two of whom gave birth this past week! I think this is an extraordinary constellation. It's ironic that this is my first Mother's Day without my own mother, and yet I've gained a half dozen!

My Mother's May Crown goes to:

Lisa Palac: for Arabella, her first daughter, and sister to Marson;
Kerry Donahue: for Stella, her first child;
Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano: for Caesare, their first child;
Sam Zee: for Finnegan, her first son and brother to Ella; and
Ursula Bruckman: for Ava, for her first daughter, and sister to Zack!

I've made outfits for every single one of these new babies, my first foray into infantile dressmaking.  I also made my own teenage "baby" two sundresses that are causing people to slam on their brakes in the street and pledge their undying love. Well, maybe it's not my handiwork— it's just her.  But it sure is a treat to see her abandon her teenybopper jeans for original couture from The House of Quesie. 

I have invited all the local moms on my list to come over for a fete in their honor this morning. I'm making them a big breakfast with flowers and so on. None of them know about the outfits yet. I am daring to post pictures, because they are all too frickin' exhausted to check the Internet.  It will probably be a year before they open their email.

What I've learned is while I have zero interest in babysitting— (crying infants make me feel like a psychopath)— I am delighted to make clothes for them.  While I cannot suckle or soothe your child, I can clothe her!

As some of you know, I have not made clothes for anyone but myself in my past three years of sewing madness...I've been consumed with how to make attractive designs for myself, and crack the code for how to force fabric to wrap itself attractively around BREASTS. 

Some people think that the fashion industry only makes clothes for flat-chested models because they are misogynist bastards. Not so!  The reason for Flatsie-Patsy designs on the runway is because sewing for curves is like trying to squeeze a round peg in a square hole!  It's a fabric-wrestling nightmare!  This is why expert, couture dressmaking focuses on B-cups, and even then, requires every bit of dexterity and optical illusion. When you see a well fitting dress or blouse on a full-bosomed woman, you need to walk up and congratulate her and ask her for every detail on how she obtained it.  Ask Pam Anderson how she manages it!-- I bet she spends a fortune.  She's not kidding when she says tits look best in the nude.

Of course, fabrics with lycra are a major revolution in this quest, but THOSE fabrics require special $100 feet for your sewing machine, among countless other accessories, and a top-made machine, so that you don't lose your mind trying to control your yardage.  I see all these beginner sewers in the fabric shop, snapping up the groovy stretch velvets, and I know that they are going to be in hot tears within hours of just trying to cut the stuff out, let alone sew it. Someone needs to tell them they need to take a loan to get involved with knits if they are ever to be happy.

The point is, I discovered that sewing baby clothes is the perfect reprieve and meditation after struggling with full bust adjustments. First of all, you're generally buying cotton for babies, the fabric that was meant to be cut, ripped, needled and pressed. Second, there is no shape to worry about. Who cares how big their diaper is? The biggest concern is what exquisite button you're going to sew on at the end. It is so easy, so fun, and the first time I giggled my way through a sewing project. I stopped every few minutes to gasp, "This is so cute I can't stand it!" I don't usually do that.  My darling cup has runneth over.

Here are my baby pattern recommendations...

If you are pressed for time, do not get anything with a ruffle. This will take some doing, because babygirl clothes are all about ruffles. But don't do it the hard way! Get the girls a plain triangle dress or romper pattern, and then buy some ready-made ruffle trim and  speed-sew that sucker on. This is how I did my baby girls' rumba panties, but just slapping on the lace after I was done with everything else.

Furthermore, it turns out the ROMPER pattern is easier to make than a dress, and in the future, I am making all the girls rompers when I am in mass production. It's unisex! 

I had thought the romper would be difficult, because it has snaps in the inner legs, for easy diapering, but that was before I realized that SNAP TAPE is the easy answer to such designs. The snaps are already sewn into a long piece of twill tape, which you buy by the yard. It's as easy as sewing on rick-rack.

The important thing with baby clothes, like all clothes for that matter, is the part that is center, high and front. The bib, the part on their chest, is the focus.  Who cares that my thread got all snarled up on the inner legs? No one sees it.  Remember to use interfacing where they ask for it; don't skimp. You need reinforcement at the stress points, because you know how rambunctious an angry baby can get! They don't give a shit about their new outfit!

Remember to buy fabrics that will please the parent, since the baby doesn't care. It's like you're buying for the adult's inner child. If you made an adult a romper in a fetching design, they would look like a miserable clown. What I love about these baby clothes is that you can come up with the most cunning, sentimental, drivel of a idea, and it looks FANTASTIC.  I could never wear fluorescent pink and white pom-poms on my chest... but it looks great on a baby.

I'm not sure how well you can see the picture I've posted of three of the outfits I made. The "Roy Rogers Romper" on the right is a print of old Hollywood Roy Rogers and Dale Evans posters. Stunning. The "Day of the Dead Romper" on the left is part of a  lot of prints these days that are evocative of surreal Mexican folk traditions... the Virgen de Guadalupe, Frida Kahlo, skeletons, romantic tattoos, etc.  The "I Love Paris" smock and rumba panty is an Eiffel Tower design that comes in many colors and is one of the most popular at our local shop. I made Aretha a square dancing outfit that has some of that Paris Pink in it, too. 

I got all the fabrics at Hart's, which carries a lot of Retro, Hawaiian, and Vintage-revival cotton prints. The pattern I used is Kwik Sex 3035. Yes, their pattern envelopes feature the world's dorkiest illustrations, but their sewing instructions and designs are superb. My sewing teacher, Jill Sanders gave me a lot of baby sewing tips, including this one:  when the instructions tell you to grade and clip the seams, because the area is so tiny, use a pinking shears!  What a timesaver that was. My own tip: Screw the understitching-- again, it's too tiny a margin to be concerned.  Everything with baby clothes is tiny; you  get in a "It's a Small World. After All" mood, and must eventually take a break to do something LARGE and ADULT. I went to watch the Kentucky Derby and drank Mint Juleps.

What Must Be Sewn

I'm a little embarrassed to write about my sewing in this blog. Sex, yes— vehement political positions, of course. But sewing? I love it so much— yet I'm a rank amateur and a screwball hobbyist.

Today, for example, I just barely managed to finish a wrap dress (that's a dress with a surplice bodice that crosses your breasts in a hopefully seductive and brilliant way). In the beginning, I  looked like I was modeling a frumpy  bathrobe. Now, I'm starting to look like I'm a foxy Russian Cossack. Improvement!

I have a couple recommendations for the budding, intoxicated Coco Chanel in all of you:

Patternreview.com

This is an awesome place started by a 29 year old software developer named Deepika...pictured on the left. She is a wonderful host. Members post photos of themselves in our newly made garments, and tell you the gritty details of how we made it all come together. I have posted two reviews under the name Quesie. The first  is a vicious rip on bad pattern by McCall's. It was more evil fun than writing a critical book review. The other one is about making  sexy cherry dress. It was fun for me to force myself to write in a G-rated manner about something so obviously seductive. And yes, this site is G-rated! I have never felt more wholesome and satisfied.

Sewing patterns have something in common with porn movies for sale:  you look at the pretty cover and have NO idea whether it's really any good. This site is a godsend because it exposes the duds and reveals the brilliant designs. I wish there was something this honest about sex movies.

Sandra Betzina

This woman is famous in the sewing world, and it's not only because of her talent, but also her integrity. If someone ever called me the Sandra Betzina of Sex, I would be so honored. She is dedicated to demystifying a lot of the quackery of fashion, and creating a real joy of self-expression in style and beauty. She could not care less about all the phony stuff, and she just loves women. Loves them. My idea of the perfect vacation is... sewing with her for a week. Now you know my most decadent secret.

BUST

Some of you may know that I quit writing my sex advice column for BUST, but I like to write occasionally for them about my sewing adventures. I found a kindred spirit in editor Debbie Stoller, who has revolutionized the knitting craze with her Stitch and Bitch books. She knows that being a sex maniac, a feminist revolutionary,  and a crafty bitch are quite complementary.

Plasma For Your Sewing Machine, Mister?

The Sewing Machine Guide: Tips on Choosing, Buying, and Refurbishing

I have such a appetite and weakness for sewing books, that I've had to resort to the library so I don't go bankrupt between books and fabric. I wish there was a "fabric library"... where you never get charged until you actually make something!

The kind of sewing book I usually get is one of these two:

= big fancy coffee table book of haute couture, runway porn

= tips about how to tailor your clothes to  make you look like you could be making runway porn yourself.

Since I have exhausted near;y every sewing/fashion book at the Central Branch, I'm getting desperate. Today, I pulled out a slim paperback, The Sewing Machine Guide, by John Giordano. The title made me think, "this is a boring nerd manual." 

I flipped the book open, just to see if I could find my machine mentioned anywhere, and I read this sentence, under the listing, "10 Ways to Save for the Machine That You Want":

10. Sell Your Blood. Check with your doctor; you may have a gold mine running through those veins!

Holy feed dogs, this guy is the REAL thing! This book isn't boring, it's a passion play. John is funny, he is dead serious about getting you a good machine in the sea of crap that's out there, and he has some tips about buying sewing machines that would actually be good shopping tips for any major purchase.

He treats the buying experience like shopping for a car, which is the right attitude to have. Some innocents think you can pick up a machine from COSTCO for a $100-- well, they might as well spend their money on tequila, because you are not going to be able to sew a damn thing on a machine like that. 

He takes a lot of time talking about used machines, and I'll tell you why: because the sewing machine business is going down the drain. You can barely buy a new quality mechanical machine anymore, b/c the computerized models are cheaper for the companies to make with the cheapest possible labor overseas. (Sound familiar?)

Computerized models are all the rage, but that's because the companies push them as if they are the only desireable alternative. (Think pharmeceutical company advertising.) Bullshit. Computerized sewing has definite drawbacks. Again, think of the car analogy. Having a completely computerized car would be spiffy, but there are too many cases when YOU want to have control of the accelerator and brake pedal.

The bottom line: If you can find a quality machine from the 1970s or before, BUY IT, because it will work better than almost anything you can buy today. If you want a NEW mechanical sewing machine, there is only one you should bother with:  The Bernina 1008, the last mechanical model they make.

John isn't quite as blunt as I am, but it's obvious that he went to the Swiss Bernina factory as a homage to the one brand he still has faith in. He also tells you all the great used models that you should troll for on Ebay.

He describes sewing personalities, which was fun, and he has tips about saving your back in your sewing space which are brilliant and cost virtually nothing. He tells you how to take apart your machine in a way that is actually entertaining and useful. He is so fun to read that I found myself looking for his phone number, b/c I wanted him to come over and make ballgowns together.

If you are a boring sewing nerd, you will hate this book and think that John was not serious enough, and that the prices he mentions are not uptodate (they've gone down—  again, b/c of the pressures mentioned above).

If you are like me, and consider yourself some kind of Coco on Acid fabric slut  fashion/craft witch, then you will LOVE it.  I would sell my blood for the ultimate sewing machine-- so I knew he was perfectly serious.