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November 19, 2007

Little Susie Homebreaker

Double_life In a great gust of energy last weekend, I started a new blog. It's called Little Susie Homebreaker. I was taunted with that nickname back in the day, but I'm quite fond of it now!

I love cooking and eating, and thinking about cooking and eating. And when I'm not waving a sharp knife in the air, I sew and stitch with every escapist minute I can get. I'm a proud member of the Ladies Sewing Circle and Terrorist Society.

I've always wanted a blog that I could dedicate to my "leisure hours," and this is my first effort. It has all the domestic devilry I've run in this journal, but also my early stories for Craft magazine, and some of my pattern reviews and food writing that hasn't appeared anywhere else.

I'll still write about my little pleasures here, on occasion— but if I want to write for seven days in a row about graffiti embroidery or pumpkin cheesecake maneuvers, I will let it all hang out at Homebreaker.

If crafty bitchery or foodie obsessions are your bag, please check it out and tell me what you think!

May 02, 2007

A Show of Penises

Pns012_2 I first met Jack Davis when I was a frequent visitor to a lesbian brothel commune in Santa Cruz, circa 1981. He lived in the basement.

The first time I visited Jack, he was crocheting a penis, and like everyone else who entered his lair, I was hooked.

Since then, Jack moved to San Francisco where his fiber arts are legendary. I'm just one of many collectors in his cult.

So far, I have a cunning Valentine-doily penis in black and red— and a big knotty bruiser pierced with many amulets, including an old-time New York subway token.

And yes, if you're nice to me, I'll let you touch it.

It's difficult for me when Jack has a show, because if I get around a new crop of his penises, I Want Them All. But I can't stay away... and I like to meet the other devotees!

Here,  Mr. Davis answers every question I have on my mind:

 
Why did you start making penises?

I got my M.S. in Art, focusing on Fibers in 1975. I was in college in the 60s, and graduate school in the '70s— and was influenced by the aesthetics of the period. Women in my weaving and textile classes were making wall hangings that looked like vulvas. I wanted to make things that would help men feel good about themselves, and at the same time I was coming out as a big fag.


A Show of Penises

Crocheted by Jack Davis
May 13 through June 10, 2007
Opening: Sunday, May 13, from 2:00 to 5:00 pm

Mark I. Chester Studio
1229 Folsom St.
San Francisco

 

Jd07 How long does it take to make a penis?

Three hours for a simple one, up to several months for a complicated one.

Are they knitted or crocheted?

Crocheted. Knitting is done with two needles; crochet is done with a single hook.

What materials do you use?

I use yarns that are cotton, silk, wool and synthetic. Sometimes I recycle yarn from by taking apart thrift-store sweaters. A few yarns are hand dyed. Some penises are crocheted from found string.

In the past I have crocheted with sewing thread and colored telephone wire. Sometimes I use beads and other found objects for embellishment.

Are they cut or uncut?

All of the penises have foreskins.

How do you put one on?

You don't; they aren't penis warmers. They do open, however. There is a drawstring in each foreskin. So while they are not designed to be worn on a penis, you can put other things in them.

Did anyone model for them?

No.

Pns059 What do you stuff them with for display?

I use plastic Easter eggs. They're the right size and weight.

How are your penises hung?

I use sturdy push pins in the back. It's easier than using nails. I usually hang them in a grid. There is a group of pink ones that I hang in a triangle.

How seriously do you take your work?

There's an element of humor in my work; how could there not be? Whenever I talk about my work with people, it isn't long before they start laughing about questions like, "How are your penises hung?"

But I do take my work seriously. It comes from being an art student for seven years. I use the word penis, instead of dick or cock, specifically because it's a more serious term.

Any interesting stories about your penises?

Tons.

One of the earliest stories occurred during my graduate exhibit. A straight male graduate assistant was taking a beginning art class through the university galleries. He stopped by my work, and picked up on of my penises to talk about it with his class. When he realized what it was, I guess he didn't want to be seen holding a penis, and dropped it instantly.

Back in the old days when I entered art shows using slides, there were several times when I was accepted into a show, but my work was rejected after it arrived. They realized they weren't crocheted abstract forms; they really were penises.

I once accidentally stabbed my finger with a fine-gauge crochet hook. Joe, my boyfriend at the time— and my roommate, Sue— took me to the hospital to have it removed. The emergency room staff couldn't believe I had been crocheting. They wanted to believe that my female roommate had stabbed me with what they assumed was her crochet hook.

Pns121 What do people do with your penises after they buy them?

A friend of mine uses one for a change purse; it gets interesting comments in gay bars.

I know a lesbian who used one for packing.

My grandmother used to crochet cotton animals with a drawstring; you would put your little end pieces of soap inside one and use it to wash with in the bathtub or shower. So, yes, I know someone who uses one in his shower.

Some people put them on their altars. Since they have drawstrings, they lend themselves quite well as ritual objects. Some people put them among their plants.

But mostly people display them on a shelf or on the wall. They look good in a group. While there isn't a right or wrong way to display them, I prefer that people not put them in display boxes.

How many have you made?

Hundreds.

Do you sell your penises?

Yes. 

Do you exhibit them?

That's what it's all about.

Are you obsessed with penises?

Well, I am a fag.


Photographs by the illustrious Mark I. Chester, All Rights Reserved. More gallery penis portraits here.

Jack may be reached here, and of course, in-person at his opening is the very best!

February 13, 2007

Simply Beautiful

Img_0127

Jonny made a Fimo heart for me to stash my beloved shears. You're in My Heart is carved on the left ventricle. I just wrote about the importance of a good blade in my sewing column for the latest edition of Craft magazine. 

But back to love. For today's theme, I thought of the song that was playing the first time I made love to someone who knew what he was doing. Did I know what I was doing? No. But this really helped:



Photo: Honey "LoveBunny" Lee Cottrell.

XOXOXOX to all of you, dear readers and lovers... If you need a last-minute valentine, cut out one from my collection!

September 08, 2006

Pirates of the Carribean Skirt: Ahoy there, Wenches!

Newskirt I feel pretty; I feel witty; I feel pretty and witty and GAY! 

I feel like Rita Moreno on the best day she ever had, because I just finished my new skirt.  Doesn't it rock? It actually floats and swirls and plays hide and seek, too.  Aretha has dubbed it "The Pirates of the Caribbean" skirt. Johnny Depp must be gnashing his teeth to gaze upon it.

Here's my sewing instructions, and the pattern info for it. This is one of those patterns that looks like a total bore on the package cover, but has secret potential.

Now, onto my Nancy Drew dress! Yes, out of all your suggestions I flipped over CH Cisson's idea of the cocktail dress with the square neckline and princess seams.

I love princess seams. Yes, they require more cutting (a front and two side fronts), but making a full bust adjustment (which you need for anything over a B cup) is a SNAP, and they make you look like a very svelte princess indeed.

I'm cutting it out as soon as I finish this post. I  relished the "Nancy Drew police uniform" suggestion too, but I'm afraid I need more immediate gratification. Uniforms require tailoring, (i.e., muchas horas)  whereas a sexy cocktail dress is a one-day dressmaking affair.

Speaking of Pirate Booty, here is a knitting pattern for a Pirate Queen Booty Bag. Dammit, I need a stitch-slave!

September 01, 2006

"Nancy, Go After That Man!"

Nancydrewgirldetective_1909_866923 Yes, I just bought 3 yards of Nancy Drew, Girl Detective fabric.

It's cotton, and as you can see, it's in the design of a grid of some of Nancy's most memorable incarnations, and breathless bits of dialog. 

"I only hope my masquerade will bring results!"

I especially like the profile of her where her hair is blood red. I can never get that color.

So what should I sew with this? I've seen aprons, PJ's, and pillowcases. But I want to do something glamourous and subversive. Any clues?

By the way, if you've never read any of the Nancy Drew parodies, may I suggest, The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse?

May 17, 2006

Prom Night, Gun Fight

Img_1151_1 It's prom time. It's beautiful girl time. It's also military service time for  young women in Israel.

I've been soaking in all of it. On the high side, I made a prom dress for my friend Gabby, who's  turning 18 and graduating from high school this month.

This is my third "Cinderella" dress. I made one in Schiaparelli pink for my daughter's Quinceneara, and I made one for myself— just because— in Cowboy Sleeping Bag flannel with minkish trim.

For you fashionistas, Gabby's dress is a riff off a McCalls pattern. Gabby had the idea of lime green satin overlaid with black lace, and my teacher Jill Sanders led the way, showing me how to make a corset lace-up in the back. It's  simpler than a zipper for this sort of thing, and you can really make it FIT. 

Ah, but in the meantime, one of my readers sent me the most amazing link: a photographer's portfolio of teenage girls in the Israeli army. It's called:  Serial No. 3817131, which is the number the artist, Rachel Papo, was known by during her miliary career. It's also the number of her gun.

From Papo's artist statement:

05_1 The life of an eighteen-year-old girl in Israel is interrupted when she is plucked out of her environment at an age when sexual, educational, and family values are at their highest exploration point.

She is then placed in a rigorous institution, where individuality becomes a secondary matter, making room for nationalism. “I solemnly swear…to devote all of my strength and to sacrifice my life to protect the land and the liberty of Israel,” repeats the newly recruited soldier during her swearing-in ceremony.

She enters the two-year period in which she will change from a girl to a woman, a teenager to an adult, all under a militaristic, masculine environment, and in the confines of an army that is engaged in daily war and conflict.

I decided to portray female soldiers in Israel during their mandatory military service as a way for me to revisit my own experience.

I served as a photographer in the Israeli Air Force between 1988-1990. It was a period marked by continuous depression and extreme loneliness, and at the time I was too young to understand these emotions. Through a series of images showing female soldiers in army bases and outside, individually or in groups, I attempt to reveal a facet of this experience that is generally overlooked by the global community...

Img_1677 And speaking of prom dresses and the War At Home, did you see the story about the delivery of prom dresses, by the hundreds, collected for glamourous young misses in New Orleans? I would have liked to be part of that drive! Sometimes glamour is the only answer to utter devastation.

April 01, 2006

Corsets, Laces, and Stays, Oh MY!

1860sredwool3 This site seems to have awakened my inner fetishistic dormouse: Antique Corsets.

I want to try them all on, and scrutinize the patterns. All from the comfort of my loose caftan, of course.  Then I want a party where everyone has to wear one, preferably with tippy little slippers.

This isn't a sex site, it's historical fashion, but it's all the same in the end, n'est-ce pas? The one I've pictured is red wool from the 1860s— and don't you dare complain it's itchy!


Thanks to M. Brown for tip.

March 17, 2006

Baste Me For My Birthday

Areyoumymotherboard Remember that classicly annoying children's storybook about the little chick who runs around asking, "Are you my mother?"

I'm involved in a similiar quest.

I need my friends to come out of the closet and stop hiding from me.

Do. You. Sew?

Do you have a well-oiled machine? Can you hold pins in your mouth and swear at the same time? Do you have a stash?  I am hot for you already.

Here's the reason I'm asking. I want to organize a sewing party at my house. I want sewing pals. Sewing together is bliss to me— that crafty orgy high I can't get enough of. 

Here's the lonely chick part: I know exactly three people in my life who admit to, and practice, sewing. The four of us could definitely have a good time, but when you're planning a party, the hostess has to invite more than three because the odds are that one and half of them can't attend.

Yes, this is discriminating, like one of those closed-door clubs. You can't bring your dog or your kid, unless they sew. You can't be a wannabe, although I will tell you where to  get initiated. You can't sneak over and ask me to alter your jeans. NO FUCKING ALTERATIONS at a party! You have to be sex and sew-positive. Sewing whores are my favorite.

I have a feeling some of my friends and publishing pals are holding out on me. They probably have no idea that I sew, either. I remember finding out after ten years that the author I've published more than any other, Tsaurah Litzky, is a sewing fiend— but dammit, honey, you live in Brooklyn.

So dear readers:

If you and I are acquainted—
And you know how to sew, with your own machine and  tools—
And you like to party—

Would you make your foxy self known to me? I have the space, the tables, and a fabric stash that will make you come. You can touch my serger. Email or call for a good time. Even if you can't come this month, I'll put your name on my threadlist, and call you the next time the mood strikes.

Stitch 'N' Bitch Bright

January 10, 2006

The X-Rated Pattern Book

Not_that_way_1"Most likely to end their friendship after a sleepover during which they got into Susie’s mother’s peach schnapps, Susie got a little handsy and they both got uncomfortable tingly in the pants feelings."

Yes, dressmakers do have dirty minds! I just found a blog that seems tailor-made for my warped (and darkly woofed) humors: Threadbared.

This site has nothing but photos of old-time sewing patterns that vibrate with perverse second readings.

There's the all-cracker family wearing knitted sweaters of "pickaninnies," a hospital gown pattern for the woman who has nothing better to do than sew her own shroud, and some terribly gay trouser tissues. I got a good shriek out of each one.

I'm beside myself that they don't sell the patterns they satirize, because I'd kill to make my own "L'Apron"— a  pair of frilly bottomless chaps. His-and-her sizing, no less!

Threadbared's authors are "Mary" and "Kimberly," southern belles who introduce themselves by saying, "We combine our fondness for vintage sewing patterns with our need to be bitchy and mean and cruel."

They also claim that they don't know how to sew, but I don't believe that for ONE SECOND.

December 11, 2005

Brassiere Confidential

BraThe Ultimate Bitchy Bra Advice. With pictures and links, of course.

This comes from one of my favorite feminist bloggers, Bitch PhD.  She understands how your inner slut needs total support. I'd like to spend a good two hours with her in a dressing room at Nordstrom's.

She also has this to say about "nursing" bras:

For nursing, screw fiddling around with snaps, and shit on nursing bras. What I did was  wear lower-cut tops and camis with a regular underwire bra. When it's time to nurse, reach in the neck of your shirt, slip the shoulder strap of the bra down, and scoop the boob out the top of the bra and neckline of your shirt. Voila, baby access!

See what I mean? She's frank, which you won't get at Macy's.

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