Susie Bright's Journal

The Devil and Mr. Lott

In Genesis 19, when God decided to overturn and destroy the five cities of the plain, he sent an escort service to rescue Trent Lott and his family.

When the sins of the Sodomites, Alcoholics, and Kleptomaniacs had called down the vengeance of God to punish and destroy them, a red-haired rent boy (or two) was sent to Sodom to forewarn Lott of the dreadful catastrophe about to happen.

The rent boys took Lott, his wife, and his daughters by hand and drew them forcibly out of their house, saying, "Save yourselves with all haste. Look not behind you. Get as fast as you are able to K Street, unless you be involved in the calamity of this administration."

In explaining the timing of his decision, Lott confessed that he and his wife, Tricia, recently attended a service at a Baptist Church in Jackson, Miss. There, the preacher cited the verse from Ecclesiastes about there being "a time to every purpose under heaven."

The senator said, "It seemed to be speaking to me and to us." 

But as a last resort, Lott entreated Larry Flynt, who only replied he was “hoping to expose a bombshell” that would stand Washington and five other doomed cities on their heads.

Tragically, Trent's wife Tricia, took one look back at the final non-denial-denial, and was turned into a pillar of salt.

If You Had to Pick the Next President Strictly on Sex...

Today, on my In Bed podcast, I begin the show with an evaluation of all the presidential candidates based ONLY on what we know about their sexual preferences and sexual politics— which true to our puritanical heritage, often have nothing to do with each other.

What are the contradictions between Obama posing Kennedyesque in swim trunks, and then applauding the endorsement of a "reformed homosexual" preacher?

Exactly how does Giuliani tell his new best friend Pat Robertson about his kinky side as a cross dresser? Why is Mitt Romney inextricably caught up in in our fantasies of Chloe Sevigny in Big Love?

Another aspect up for frivolous yet exhaustive scrutiny is the candidate's spouse. Who has more sex appeal: Bill Clinton, Jeri Thompson, or Elizabeth Kucinich?  I find it hard to resist Elizabeth's tongue piercing, but for phone sex, I don't know if you can beat Bill.

 

  Listen to an excerpt 

Listen to the whole show at Audible.com: LINK

Get the show free for a month: LINK

 

Finally, in my Try This at Home mailbag, a listener asks: my boyfriend is really difficult to arouse, but he tells me I'm the best relationship he's ever had. What gives?

Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for free show coupon cards to susie@audible.com. (Episode 319, November 23, 2007)

Photo of Demi Moore in The Scarlet Letter.

What Our State Legislators Can Teach Us About Barebacking

No wonder Larry Craig feels like a choir boy.

Tap-dancing in airport stalls is nothing compared to the wasted nights of homophobic Washington state legislator Richard Curtis, who had one hell of a depraved bacchanalia before his inevitable resignation.  —Lingerie, cell phone photos, casino bingeing, tight rope, cold stethoscopes, cheap barebacking, and blackmail. He was only one diaper short of a Vitter.

By the time I finished reading about Curtis' Wild Ride, I felt like he'd given the entire Roman Empire a run for their money. Still, I insist on finding the educational value of these sad stories—  and I'll use any excuse to talk about  the much-maligned topic of ethical barebacking! Take a listen to my latest audio show...

  Listen to an excerpt 

Listen to the whole show at Audible.com: LINK

Get the show free for a month: LINK

 

Finally, in my Try This at Home mailbag, a devout and religious listener makes the case that, although he's horny and loves kinky sex, he's not feeling the least bit guilty.

Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for free show coupon cards to susie@audible.com. (Episode 318, November 16, 2007)

Photo: The delightful Mr. Germany, by Ralphboy

Shut Up and Bid! Support the Bridgie Chicks!

These bridge-playing champions on my left are about to be stripped like Chuck Conners in Branded because they played the unthinkable trick:

They held up a handmade sign at an award dinner, that said, "We did not vote for Bush."

And then laughed about it.  —The fiends!

Today's Times reports, in Anti-Bush Sign Has Bridge World in an Uproar , that some powerful, enraged, and unbelievably stuffy bridge players have accused the women players of “treason” and “sedition.” Not to mention being uppity bitches.

“This isn’t a free-speech issue,” said Jan Martel, president of the United States Bridge Federation. “There isn’t any question that private organizations can control the speech of people who represent them.”

Remind me not to invite Jan to any close Constitutional readings.

Ms. Martel said the action by the team, which had won the Venice Cup, the women’s title, at the Shanghai event, could cost the federation corporate sponsors.

The players have been stunned by the reaction to what they saw as a spontaneous gesture, “a moment of levity,” said Gail Greenberg, the team’s non-playing captain and winner of 11 world championships.

In other words, everyone had a cocktail or two at this event.

The controversy has gone global, with the French team offering support for its American counterparts.

“By trying to address these issues in a nonviolent, nonthreatening and lighthearted manner,” the French team wrote in by e-mail to the federation’s board and others, “you were doing only what women of the world have always tried to do when opposing the folly of men who have lost their perspective of reality.”

French allies, eh? These people are a hair away from Gitmo.

The proposed sanctions would hurt the team’s playing members financially. “I earn my living from bridge, and a substantial part of that from being hired to compete in high-level competitions,” Debbie Rosenberg, a team member, said. “So being barred would directly affect much of my ability to earn a living.”

A hearing is scheduled this month in San Francisco, where thousands of players will be gathered for the Fall North American Bridge Championships. It will determine whether displaying the sign constitutes conduct unbecoming a federation member.

I hope there is a whole-scale riot.

The sanction calls for a one-year suspension from federation events, including the World Bridge Olympiad next year in Beijing; a one-year probation after that suspension; 200 hours of community service “that furthers the interests of organized bridge”; and an apology drafted by the federation’s lawyer.

It would also require them to write a statement telling “who broached the idea of displaying the sign, when the idea was adopted, etc.”

Alan Falk, a lawyer for the federation, wrote the four team members on Nov. 6, “I am instructed to press for greater sanction against anyone who rejects this compromise offer.”

Sacre bleu! Has there EVER been a punishment on this scale in the women's bridge federation? What are they going to do when someone gets caught shoplifting, or shooting someone?

Many of those offended by the sign do not consider the expressions of regret sufficient. “I think an apology is kind of specious,” said Jim Kirkham, who has played in several bridge championships. “It’s not that I don’t forgive them, but I still think they should be punished.”

Would he personally like to administer the "punishment?" What a sanctimonious prig! No wonder bridge is going the way of the dodo bird.

Robert S. Wolff, one of the country’s pre-eminent bridge players, opined....

“While I believe in the right to free speech, to me that doesn’t give anyone the right to criticize one’s leader at a foreign venue in a totally nonpolitical event,” he wrote by e-mail.

Oh, Robert "believes" in free speech, does he? Is that like believing in the tooth fairy? It's not a church, you idiot, it's the law. Whatever he "believes," he is entitled to express it, just like the Bridgie Chicks are entitled to say what they like, especially over victory drinks and dinner!

As blogger Hot Air wrote this morning, "I’ve got a better idea: How about a simple press release noting that anyone who can’t get through a card game without declaring his or her opposition to the Bushitler is an abject moron?"

UPDATE: 

Jon Swift's must-read satire:

The First Amendment does not give people the right to yell anti-Bush slogans in a crowded theater, or even to talk during the movie at all. If we let a few lady Bridge players criticize the President, it could spread. The next thing you know Democrats in Congress will start opposing the President's appointments, passing laws against torture or defying him on funding for the Iraq War.

From behind the scenes in competitive bridge:

Another part of the reason I became disillusioned with bridge was the cheating. Bridge has a long history of cheating -- even at the international level...So when I read about the yahoo who held up a sign reading "We didn't vote for Bush" at an international bridge tournament, I can't say it surprised me. She was probably signaling the number of spades she was holding.

Seventh Sense examines the rules carefully:

Does any reasonable person believe the four women were speaking for the United States Bridge Federation when they said "We did not vote for Bush"?

The clear answer is "no".  They were speaking for themselves.

It also seems clear to me that the four women did not violate any rules of the USBF.  You know how you can tell?  Because as a result of this incident, the USBF Board is considering changes to its disciplinary rules to "make certain that an incident like this does not happen again".  Tell tale sign -- if you make the rule after the fact, then it clearly wasn't there before the fact.

John Aravosis points out that the USBF is defending their hardline by saying that the women were wrong to insult China's no-free-speech policies:

The USBF printed a statement on its Web site that says the reason the outburst from the US team was bad is because China is a dictatorship, and dictators don't like free speech.

Here's a snippet from the USBF's  statement about the incident:

[These players' actions] reflect a complete disregard for the fact that the Chinese government, which does not exactly have a history of sympathetic views toward political dissent, provided the bulk of financial support for both the 2007 World Championship and the 2008 World Bridge Olympiad.

Even very conservative pundits are disgusted:

...The bridge organization seems to have also overreacted. Rather than scold the players and let them absorb their due obloquy, they have decided to sanction them for their political speech. The sign did not explicitly violate any rule, apparently, but the club will suspend them for conduct unbecoming a member. In doing so, they have transformed these women from immature, sniveling examples of BDS sufferers into First Amendment martyrs.

The PrudeHacker Toolkit

Would you like to:

a) read this blog anywhere, without being blocked?

b) read this blog on your mobile phone?

c) read this blog without images, so you can load it fast, on a dialup modem?

d) swing on a star?

Finally, I have the ways and means.

The Sex-Positive Librarian Will See You Now

A couple weeks ago I invited my friend Steve Harsin, who works as both a librarian and a rare-book dealer, (not to mention blogger!) to come help me catalog and appraise my late father's library.

Finally, you can see the fruits of our labor!

We cataloged a couple thousand titles on my beloved Library Thing so far— use the tag "Bill Bright" to see everything of my dad's.

I decided to sell some of the collection, and set up "Bill Bright's Library," a rare-book storefront on Amazon.

If you are into Native languages, indigenous culture, Beat poetry, writing systems, Indian anything—East or West— botany, zoology, mushrooms, printing presses, California history, Sanskrit, typography, Aztec codices, missionary tracts from the Conquest, or the queer Berkeley literary scene of the 1940s... oh boy, are you in for a treat. I feel like locking myself into my room for a decade and reading every single one.

Steve and I worked on the books side-by-side for seven days, furiously typing and shelving. He told me so many great stories about public library patrons— either trying to FIND a sex book or trying to KILL the sex books— that I asked him to join me on my audio show to talk about the lengths people will go to the exorcise their sexual curiosity and demons at the public library.

Listen to Susie and Steve: LINK

Listen to the whole show: LINK

Get a month of my audio show for free: LINK

You all know how I feel about librarians being the ultimate-freedom-fighters, and Steve, with his great knowledge of banned books, is one of my inspirations! Take a look at his famous Banned Books and Censorship Resources site, that he created with colleague Karla Petersen.

Steve has worked with a lot of small-town, Midwest, and Southern library systems. I bet you didn't know that in Minnesota, they had to bind Madonna's scandal-prone Sex book with ice-fishing wire to keep it intact.  Or what happened when a town of white folks went a little nuts over She's Gotta Have It... And, by the way, what does the Reference Librarian do when you ask them a sex question?

Also on this week's show, I share an autopsy report about a fundamentalist preacher who was found dead in an autoerotic "wet suit" mishap. There's something so odd about reading a coroner's report that includes personal item lists like: "watch, belt, tie, wedding ring, diving mask, dildo."

Is there any way to do "breath play" without fatal risk? Obviously, Mr. Closet is not here to explain, but I am!

Then, in the "Try This at Home" mailbag, I advise a young woman who wants to turn her boyfriend from sweet thing into a wild savage.

Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for girly cards to susie@audible.com. (Episode 314, October 19, 2007)

Photo: After our book cataloging blowout, we rented a Mustang convertible and drove down Highway 1 to Big Sur—  the most fun I've had in WAY TOO long. What is it about taking the top off that makes you feel like you can do anything? We blasted the tunes and I go-go danced on the back seat. That's Steve in the driver's seat, Jon riding shotgun. Thank you, Steve!!!!!

When Kurt and Justin Met Debbie

Once upon a time, there was a very serious reporter for a very serious newspaper, who decided to investigate one of society’s scourges: the child pornography ring.

Two years after his exposés riveted the nation, it turned out the reporter had gone off the deep end. He’d paid his main source, become a webmaster at the very porn site he was investigating, lied and bullied anyone who questioned him, and had all but ostracized himself out of a reporting career.

But it wasn’t just him. The witch-hunters, bogeyman blamers, and moral-panic enablers— were everywhere. Our little reporter might have landed in deep shit, but the hysteria he milked became bigger than ever before.

Call him one of the most bizarre media offenders in the past two years of fear-mongering: Former New York Times and Portfolio reporter Kurt Eichenwald. He wrote two front-page stories on the subject of sex that won't be forgotten soon: Through His Webcam, a Boy Joins a Sordid Online World, and its followup, Child Sex Sites on the Run.

From the get-go, both stories were creepy: the softcore sexy descriptions, the “blame the internet” righteousness, the homophobic ick factor, and the unexplained implication that Eichenwald had looked at piles of this material himself, when by current law, he wouldn't have that right, no matter how well-intentioned his purpose!

Why did Kurt portray himself as an elite one-man rescue mission, and why was he so lurid in his crusade?

It didn’t smell right.

Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)

Why is it— that the worst prudes have a secret contradictory sex life— that, as Henry Higgins said, would make a sailor blush?

Is it, as Doug Henwood posited in yesterday's comments, that you can't fill your shoes as a full-size prig, until you have the requisite naughty secret?

That's the question on every lover's lips this morning. We lie on our beds, reeling from the latest domino spill of gay Republicans who can't seem to get enough rough trade in-between roll call votes to crucify homosexuals.

These people defy rationality.

So what is their motive? Even after they're caught with their hard-on in the noose, they still rebuke the notion that they are anything but  a traditional, heterosexual, monogamous married man— you know, with a "wide stance."

Social psychologist Dr. Elliot Aronson, and his colleague Carol Tavris, have devoted their lives to such motives, which they call "cognitive dissonance."

Their new book, with the irresistible title: Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me: Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts, is all about how everyone has moments when they rationalize behavior that conflicts with their beliefs about themselves.

It can be as humble as the reasons why people excuse their cigarette habit, or as jaw-dropping as when a president ignores the terrible truth of a war he never should have started. Cognitive dissonance is at its highest conceit when The Emperor Dons New Clothes.

We can't rid ourselves of cognitive dissonance— it's part of our humanity— but we can become aware of its nature, and learn how to bring it to the curb.

I asked Elliot if he'd talk with me about  Cognitive Dissonance Poster Child, Senator Larry Craig...

SB:  How does this guy manage to face the camera, not to mention his wife, and deny such egregious behavior?

EA: If there is one thing I have learned from doing experiments on cognitive dissonance it's that the human mind is infinitely flexible.  People can find a way to justify almost anything.

SB: Why do they so often get a free pass? Polls are showing that these sex scandals barely make a dent on electoral support.

There's plenty of voters who "hates gays," and  vote for this sort of bigot. Yet after their boy gets arrested for illicit gay sex, the same voter still hates gays, and still votes for the hypocrite. What is going on?

EA: Without the theory of cognitive dissonance, these behaviors would seem incomprehensible.  Even WITH the theory, they're not easy to explain— but the theory provides us with a few insights.

In our book, we make the statement that everyone can spot a hypocrite except the hypocrite himself.  We should expand that to include those who are deeply committed to the hypocrite.

SB:  Break it down for me; how do people's brains react when they get caught doing one thing they've forbidden to everyone else?

EA: Most of us are pretty good at compartmentalizing. So, for example, if a man grows up thinking that homosexuality is sinful and evil, and then begins to feel an attraction to men, he, at first, denies, it— even to himself. 

He gets married, has children, so as to convince himself that he can live a "normal" life. 

Then, if he has a few adventures (say, in a notorious airport men's room), he convinces himself that even though he did that, he is not REALLY a homosexual, he's just having a little adventure— in much the same way that an alcoholic convinces himself that he simply "likes to drink," and could give it up anytime if he wanted to.

SB: A lot of public health issues relate to this...

EA: Yes, a couple of decades ago, when the AIDS epidemic was just getting started, I was trying to find effective ways to get sexually active people to use condoms. 

In the early days, a great many people believed that AIDS was a disease confined to homosexuals.  The people who were most difficult to convince to use condoms were men who believed it was a homosexual disease AND who believed that they themselves were NOT homosexual, even though they occasionally engaged in sex with other men.

That dissonance-reducing belief was so powerful that guys were risking their lives to hold onto it! 

(If I hinted at the fact that engaging in occasional sex with other men put them at risk of getting AIDS, they got  angry and threatened to do me harm— because they felt that I was insulting them).

SB: But back to the politicians—

EA: They are examples of true compartmentalization: 

When YOU do it, it's homosexuality, but when I do it, it's just an adventure. 

This not only allows Craig, (and the others), to continue to engage in these behaviors from time to time, but it also allows him to continue to speak out against gays and against gay marriage, etc... with a clear conscience. 

He has effectively reduced dissonance— until he gets caught. 

But even when he gets apprehended, he can continue to hold the belief that he isn't really a homosexual. It is important to understand that, in most cases, the guy is not simply trying to pull the wool over OUR eyes; rather, he has succeeded in pulling the wool over his OWN eyes.

SB: Doesn't he ever have a Come-To-Jesus moment where he realizes what a fraud he is?

EA: If that self-deception begins to fray. and becomes untenable to himself— he can fall back on the position always available to religious fundamentalists— that he is a good person, but the devil made him do it.

If he prays hard enough, and seeks forgiveness, that the Lord will forgive him and cleanse him.  And, if the Lord can forgive him, he expects the rest of us to forgive him also.

SB: Yeah, and then they send out a fund-raising letter...

Is There a Republican Senator Who's NOT Having Bathroom Sex?

This has gone from novelty to nausea.

The names change, but the story's the same.

This time it's Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. In a Minneapolis Airport Bathroom Stall. With Colonel Mustard.

Fuck you, Larry.

Fuck you Bob, David, Tom, Harlan, Randall, Al, Duke, Jeff, Ted, Joseph, Mark, Edward, Jim, Matthew, and all the rest. I don't have time to list all your names and details, but other people do.

From now on, as far as I'm concerned, every single Republican legislator is a Reeking Freak Closet Case until proven innocent.

These men wouldn't know "safe, sane, and consensual" if you tied it to their weener with a red flag. I won't call them "gay" or "kinky" because that would be an insult to the healthy spectrum of human sexuality. Instead, they're the worst face of sexual repression, because they don't care who they hurt, or how many lies they tell. Their whole life is a SHAM.

The GOP Narcissists aren't the exception to the rule— they ARE the rule. They personify the very sexuality they campaign against. If they vote against gays, we know they're queer. If they're hopped up about "child porn," we can guess their internet habits. If they hold up monogamous marriage as a Christian ideal, we know they're adulterous, blasphemous fools.

Here's what they all have in common; They pretend it didn't happen. They try to buy people off to shut them up. They cry that they've been victimized. And then they continue to persecute everyone else by:

Voting YES on constitutional ban of same-sex marriage.
Voting NO on adding sexual orientation to definition of hate crimes.
Voting NO on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation.
Voting YES on prohibiting same-sex marriage.
Voting NO on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation.

They generously fund the coffers of the vice squads and the surveillance creeps— the very people who later catch them in the act. And who wants to repeat all the disgusting insults and conceits they proselytize in public?

I can't take it anymore. I could spend seven days a week on this blog reporting what new dirt bag has shown his ass on the public square. But I'm fed up. Worse, I'm exhausted with the elected "liberals" and self-proclaimed "feminists" and Democrats who share offices with these pathological liars— and just bury their heads in the tearoom bowl.

There's not one prominent legislator in this country who's stood up against sex phobia, who's led a campaign to take victimless sex laws off the books, or to protect citizens' privacy. Not one. Are Hillary, Obama, or Edwards going to say one word about this hypocrisy? No.

How many repulsive liars does it take before the mainstream media, the voters, and what's left of political leadership say, "Mind Your Own Fucking Business?"

Apparently, Puritan America has infinite tolerance.

As long as they condemn their "inferiors," elitists can do whatever their budget affords. Democracy is just not as thrilling as witch-hunting.

The religious conservative voters, rather than doubt the wisdom of their biblical values, will continue to believe that they need to find one pure man to lead them. They'd rather believe in sin than sanity. Some of them even think this plague of gay GOP locusts is a "Democrat conspiracy."

I predict record highs of apathy in 2008. The common man thinks this game's a lousy racket, and he's right. There's no one to cheer, no one who brings integrity and sexual honesty to the table.

The mainstream media will treat each scandal as  another unfortunate lapse in judgment, an individual crushed by forces one can barely understand.

Bite me.

No, this is the instant snapshot of American democracy. This is what we look like; this is our Kodak Moment.

UPDATE: In a GOP love triangle gone bad, three Miami men have died in a suicide/double murder. Two of the men, "longtime roommates," were MAJOR Republican political ops— one of them the former head of the Georgia Republican Party who delighted in demonizing gay men in campaigns all over the South.

Apparently they had a third "friend," who flipped out, killed them both, and then shot himself.

This is all over the gay political blogs tonight, and I missed the breaking headline because I was so busy writing about Senator Craig's toiletries. What on Satan's great earth am I missing as I'm writing THIS?

John Scalzi on The Stupidest Cocksucker in the GOP

Let's turn to... the story of Florida state legislator Bob Allen, who was recently arrested for soliciting sex in a public restroom— specifically, that he offered an undercover cop a Jackson if he'd let the legislator blow him.

This was not a smart thing to do.

But having been caught doing something stupid, Allen, who is a pudgy white fellow, [no, it's worse than that; he's Jabba the Hut - SB] has decided to double-down on his stupidity by offering what is a truly, spectacularly -- indeed, magnificently— dumb reason for soliciting another man for sex: Fear of a Black Planet!

"When Stupid People Do Stupid Things— And Then Do Even Stupider Things," reprinted with much thanks from John Scalzi's marvelous Whatever blog

"This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park," said Allen, according to this article in the Orlando Sentinel.

Allen went on to say he was afraid of becoming a "statistic."

Now, if you go to either Josh's site or the Sentinel article, you'll see that according to the officer (who, incidentally, was not there originally to entrap pudgy white state legislators in public restrooms, but was instead staking out a burglar at a nearby condo), it was Allen who initiated the contact. [The cop, btw, is drop-dead handsome - SB].

So let's think Allen's rationale through:

Allen, during the middle of the work day, was at the park, just minding his own business, enjoying the Florida sunshine, when he suddenly noticed that the park was full of black men. Fearing for his own personal safety, he decided that the best course of action was to go into the public restroom, peer over a stall— twice— to locate a black man, and offer that black man $20 and a blow job if he'd just leave him alone.

Which leads me to ask: What, is this like a Florida thing?

For generations, have the white men of Florida pulled aside their sons and passed along the secret knowledge that the best way to avoid racial conflict with a black man is to offer him pizza money and a hummer? Is this part of a whole slate of intergenerational Floridian white man knowledge, up there with how to wrassle a gator and the best way to get James Baker to handle your recount?

Clearly this all needs to be bound up in a book: Everything I Ever Needed To Know About Being a White Man in Florida I Learned in a City Park Bathroom Stall. I, for one, breathlessly await its publication.

What I find rather interesting is that Allen must believe, in some dim fashion, that people will actually buy this, and more than buy this, agree with it, which is to say that Allen believes that the average Floridan would think to himself or herself, "Why, yes, when confronted with a park full of black men, a white man turning himself into some sort of ATM/suction device combo is an entirely rational response."

Now, I fully admit to not being an expert on Floridians, so maybe this does make sense to them. You hear so many strange things about Florida; Hell, it's got its own tag on Fark, for crying out loud.

Having said that, I would like to believe that the vast majority of Floridians see this for what it almost certainly is: idiotic nonsense. The only real bit of news out of all of this is that Allen would rather be seen as a terrified racist than as someone willing to solicit strangers in a public restroom to get some man-on-man action.

Well, here's the thing, Mr. Allen: Clearly, you can be both. There's a statistic for you.

You can read more John Scalzi here, and I'd especially recommend his classic essay on "Being Poor."