Fashionistas Safado: The Challenge
Reviewed by Susan, in Marin County
I love to read porn, from literary erotica all the way down to the
yellowing paperbacks of the old Midnight Reader series, published in
the 1950's and 60's, which was my introduction to one-handed reading
at its best, fast and hot.
Films rarely satisfy me the way print does.
Perhaps because cinema is photographed, there's an implicit contract with the audience that doesn't exist in fiction: This is reality. These pictures prove the scenes actually happened. The contract works in still photography, where the people seem real, frozen in time in their various amorous couplings. (Of course it helps that in most erotic photography I've seen, the subjects usually have unenhanced breasts and a normal amount of pubic hair to add a sense of realism).
Fashionistas Safado: The Challenge
Written, Directed and Produced by John Stagliano
Starring: Rocco Siffredi, Belladonna, Melissa Lauren, Katsume, Jenna Haze
Filmed porn, however, usually comes off as fake (think of those ubiquitous balloon breasts and artfully trimmed pubic hair) and slow (like that interminable beginning to Deep Throat which puts you to sleep while you wonder if Linda Lovelace will ever get to where the action is).
Yet I always hope as I take the video from its case, the DVD from its jewel box, that
this one will be different. This time, the film maker will get it right and present me with believable people with real breasts and unshaven genitals having sex worthy of a medium that promises us a version of reality we haven't experienced before, expressed through narrative and photography.
My partner and I open Fashionistas Safado with our usual mixture of doubt and anticipation. Will this really be a challenge, or are we about to be disappointed again?
We unwrap the case and read that this is a sequel to "the highly acclaimed film The
Fashionistas," directed by John Stagliano. (This can't be a real name, but we can accept a bit of fakery if it's good for a laugh.)
We're in for four hours of film (along with assorted extras) on two DVDs with "the darkly erotic music of Douglas Mariah" and "Aerialists and dancers from my Las Vegas show The Fashionistas." This actually looks promising because we like fashion, and we love sex and Cirque du Soliel.
In the first Fashionistas, proclaims the summary on the box, "famous Italian fashion designer Antonio decided to go after fetish and now it's going after him and its name is SAFADO."
Pop it in!
Nude aerialists twine above a fashion show of fetish wear— mostly latex cat suits, in different colors but otherwise with the same cutouts for the breasts and asses.
Antonio isn't the world's most creative fashion designer.The fact that he has what seems to be a German accent is a tipoff he's a fraud, anyway.
We scarcely have time to wonder why there are no cut-out crotches when a closeup of the aerialists reveals that they aren't really nude at all: They wear flesh-colored body suits. Oh, well. I guess acrobats don't do porn. Still, we long for a view of naked, lithe bodies flying through the air— something that goes beyond Cirque du Soliel.
The porn models in their leather and latex suits, with breasts and ass cheeks popping from the cut outs, are the real thing. Sort of. Most of the breasts are of the enhanced variety, all suspiciously similar in size (big!) and shape, as if done by the same surgeon.
Backstage after the show, there's an attempt at narrative in the form of a mysterious
DVD of more fetish fashion, that can't be turned off until Antonio pulls the plug on the DVD player. This is apparently the work of Safado, Antonio's challenger, or, more appropriately, imitator. But this is the last we hear of him.
Antonio and a couple of his models leave, perhaps in search of Safado, though things get a bit murky here as they always seem to in porn films because the narrative isn't the point.
It's all about the orgy, which begins when they arrive at an atelier of models all wearing more fetish wear. The models tell Antonio how much they love his fashions. (My partner and I wonder what there is to love— maybe they're impressed that he makes the same design in all these different colors?) He tweaks their huge breasts, which, disappointingly, don't deflate like we expect they might, and smacks their behinds nicely pink, all the better to show off the cutouts in his designs.
He pulls down the ass cutouts to reveal rear views of shaved twats. No hair on
anybody. Partner and I wail in disappointment.
Then the orgy begins in earnest. More models approach, eager to suck Antonio's cock, which is hairless, of course. Latex suits come off. There are some nice leather and/or latex collars and harnesses, none put to any sort of creative use.
There are a couple of sets of real breasts! One woman's are huge, sagging out of her cutouts, reminding us of those milking machines dairy cows in the Mid-West are hooked up to. But our eyes feast on the other woman's perfectly beautiful small breasts, a concession at last to one of our own personal fetishes.
Antonio bends over so the models can spank him a bit while his cock, stereotypically enormous, dangles before us. Shot from behind, his balls appear to be situated nearly halfway down the shaft.
Partner and I begin to wonder if this might be some sort of extended cock. Has something been inserted between his body and his balls to give the impression of greater length? I ask my partner to get down on his knees so I can take a look at him from behind, not a common view for me. He's not build like Antonio. Our experience of seeing men from this angle is admittedly limited, but we begin to doubt Antonio's cock is all it appears to be on screen.
Down on the floor, we get more interested in each other than the movie. At the edges of our vision, we see the usual loops of Antonio's cock entering assholes and mouths and sometimes even cunts.
The photography here is about as repetitively uncreative as Antonio's designs. The small-breasted woman, supple enough to be a defrocked acrobat from the beginning scenes, takes Antonio's huge cock all the way down her slender throat, gagging prettily.
Suddenly she coughs and pulls away, and oh!— Is that vomit dripping from her mouth? She spits lots of clear fluid onto Antonio's cock. Probably fake vomit, unless she really hasn't eaten for days. He proceeds to smear this substance on himself like lube, and back into her mouth he goes.
We sit up. EEEyeeeeooow. Major turnoff. We turn our heads away and go back to
sucking each other.
Although this orgy is completely unexciting, the sound track is a nicely done mix of moans, gasps, and cries that manages to seem very real. It's a change from the usual weirdly cheery music that accompanies most porn film orgies. This sexual sound collage works really well for me and the partner as we roll around on the rug in front of the television.
Suddenly, the real purpose of pornographic film becomes clear to me: it's wallpaper. It's background for your own orgy. You need a 60 inch plasma TV mounted on the wall, and a good sound system, with speakers in all four corners. Better yet, four plasma TVs, one for each wall. Fashionistas:Safado is definitely a winner in the sound and music category. Have comfortable rugs or mattresses on the floor.
Now you're set for an orgy for one, or as many people as will fit in the room. The images will inspire your actions, because you know you can do better than those paper dolls on screen! Create your own plot and narrative. Make your own dialog. Talk dirty to yourself, or each other! Edit out what you don't want to see and imagine what you'd like to see more of. The best porn flicks are probably those that exist in your head, personal tapes you can run any time. Film orgies aren't meant to be watched. They're meant to be an interactive springboard to your own creativity.
By the end of the first two hour disk, the partner and I are finished, but the screen
orgy isn't over yet. Still, it's served its purpose, so we don't bother with Disc 2. I imagine there will be about an hour and a half of more orgy, followed by some sort of quicky narrative wrap up.
Who is Safado? Who cares? The point is that when you, the viewer, slide to the floor and join the action, the film has done its job.
There are some nice trailers on Disk 1 for Fashionistas, and Fashionistas: Berlin
which are everything a good film should be: great photography, tightly edited with no repetition and even a sort of coherent narrative. The breasts are enhanced and there aren't enough cocks, but what the hell, you can't have everything.
If you want to see an artfully done movie with lots of sex and nudity, just watch the trailers. I only wish they were longer; about thirty minutes would be perfect. Somebody really should make a DVD of the best porn trailers.
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