Sacred Sin: A Holy Mess

The Ms. and I watched  the "Sacred Sin" DVD Susie sent us...  Ouch...   

DVD Reviewed:  Sacred Sin  (2006)
Director:  Michael Ninn
Exec. Producer:  Eddie Van Halen

Messrs. Ninn and Van Halen have attempted to merge the music video genre with the porn genre— and instead of a delectable, arousing soufflé, have produced a muddled disaster

Our most common comment to each other was “What was THAT all about?”

Granted, I’m not TOO surprised, because I always considered Van Halen music videos to be not very good, despite loving their music.  But, wow—  I even fast-forwarded through most of it a second time by myself, just to give it another chance – but no!

Lead actress Vuur is pictured as a mourning wife, so distraught over the loss of her child, that four years (!) later she still dresses in black and curses the heavens, rejecting her husband’s attempts for affection and/or comforting.

This leads her husband to stray (on the living room piano) into the arms of— well, I’m not sure WHO she is, but she seems to live in the house— a housekeeper?  Another daughter?  Beats me. It’s actually a decent first sex scene. 

Distraught Vuur sees this from the balcony, then approaches them post-flagrante delecto, and shoots them both dead.

We’re also briefly introduced to shots of a guy drinking heavily, an ex-priest turned detective, whose family was killed at some point in the past (not that we KNOW this now, but...)

This is followed by an “evil transformation” of Vuur’s character, complete with levitation and spinning in the air. It's neither sexy, nor spooky.

These music video montages go on way too long. In a word (sorry, Eddie) – “BORING.”

The scene cuts to a bar, where a man is admiring a sexy woman playing pool. Amidst flashes of light and sound, she is supernaturally kidnapped, and brought to Ms. Vuur— who proceeds to preach to her about the fact that God apparently doesn’t listen to anyone’s prayers. She then gives her over to a semi-chained demonic figure (complete with fangs and horns) for sex. 

There is no apparent REASON for this entire scenario, and yet in true porn style, the woman is totally into her hideous demon lover from the get-go, through the final money shot into her smiling mouth. Afterward, neither character is ever seen again. You feel neither “sympathy for the devil” nor the “victim,” or any interest in the sex between them.

Mr. Detective investigates the kidnapping, and is accosted by a mysterious woman who knows all his personal problems and who grants him a magical reunion with his deceased wife.

Thus begins a “fantasy/flashback /second chance” scene where the tormented detective is mystically reunited with his dearly-departed bride. His mystical benefactor warns him “Don’t Speak!”— intimating that any sound uttered will break the magic spell that's cast. 

The beginnings of the reunion are shot out of focus for far too long. Finally we come into focus, with Detective lapping full-speed between the thighs of his beautiful partially-wedding-dressed bride, POSSIBLY to orgasm— we couldn’t say she gets that far.

The scene switches to her on her knees sucking him— and jarringly, he lets out with a “Suck that dick, bitch,” slaps her across the breast, and follows this with a “Fucking slut!" There's no consequence, either to the fantasy, or to her attitude towards sex with him. 

This was stupid and pointless, since there is little spoken between them for the rest of the scene, which ends with a simple grunt from him, when he orgasms. 

While she is beautiful, there is NO emotional link demonstrated between these two, despite their reunited newlywed status. THIS is supposed to provide him “the strength to get through” what’s coming up?

Next, more bad music video (BORING), with out of focus and rapidly-zooming shots, interspersed with images of other characters in the movie.

I will give them this:

The extended 3-girl scene on the staircase is pretty hot. Some excellent “upskirt”  camera angles. You don’t know WHO the other girls are, or why they’re there in the house for the scene. It’s preceded by an another long music-video montage, with attempts to eroticize a cello.

Once the girls are done, we then get into the kidnapping and torture of a priest, as  punishment for God’s poor treatment of Ms. Vuur. 

This includes graphic scenes of sewing the priest's mouth and eyes shut, which, if THIS is what gets your cock hard or your pussy wet, your parents should be put in jail for how they brought you up…  Fast forward, fast forward!   

And if that wasn’t enough, it’s followed by another basically anonymous sex scene, with the visage of the demonic knit-one-purl-two victim displayed on TV monitors in the background. Yuck...

We’re then set up for the Final Confrontation between the Good Detective and the Evil Vuur, with Satanist-vs.-Christian philosophies spouting from both characters as they approach across a cemetery.

It suddenly ENDS— in another music video montage with the Detective either killing himself in his lonely apartment, or not, we’re not sure…  and the credits roll.

WHAT A FUCKING MESS!!!!!

We were extremely disappointed in this film. We expected the dramatic lighting and unusual camera shots that are typical Ninn, but this was ridiculous. The acting of the main characters is stilted, and the acting from the supporting characters is just plain BAD.

The extended “music video” segments take away from any continuity of story that might have existed, and they are too discontinuous in themselves. I couldn’t even appreciate what Eddie might have been doing with the background music.

As a final death blow, I didn’t bother putting in the “bonus CD” with its extended scenes. God forbid (pun intended!) we hear an interview with Ninn about how the film was made.

In my semi-humble opinion, this is neither a “couples” film nor a solo jack-or-jill film, because of lack of ability to draw the viewer into it, or to inspire one to mimic any of the erotic scenes. In ANY part of it. 

Do yourself a favor— ignore the allure of the packaging and the high-profile names associated with this project, and just stay away. Have two-plus hours of great sex either solo or with your best girl/guy/play-partners instead – you’ll be MUCH more satisfied!

Thanks, Susie, for the present, but it didn’t work out for us….

Regretfully, but “Sin”cerely,

S.P.

Comments

[C.S. Lewiston]

Hmm, I once rented a video partly produced and scored by rapper Snoop Dogg, whose rappage provided the soundtrack. While it was decent enough as fuck flix go, I myself didn't find it that hot, especially since the emphasis seemed to be on "snowballing", which is definitely not my cuppa meat.

[Susie Bright]

Snoop Dogg's movie is much, much better, if only because his "hospitality" attitude in the movie is quite engaging.. you can sort of feel what it would be like to have him as your neighbor. But he isn't seen having sex, too bad. It's all pros and him sort of waving a magic want around.

[S.P.]

I was tempted to write a tagline along the lines of "You want Sacred Sin? Stay home from church this Sunday morning and get nekkid, instead!"

Sorry if the review was too lengthy, I think we were just SO disappointed with the film that we went a bit overboard in trashing it, to compensate...