Random Honest Porn Review

Sweet, Sexy, and Little Boring

Movie Title
Xana and Dax:  LINK

Director/Producer
Comstock Films

Starring:
Xana and Dax

I am a big fan of Comstock's Matt and Khym story, so I was thrilled to see what kind of naughtiness Dax and his curly locks would stir up with the voluptuous Xana.

I'll be honest; I was left hanging. I love Comstock's documentary-style approach to its films as I prefer a bit of character development with my porn. But this did not work to Dax and Xana's advantage.

For example, I'm not the most eloquent when I speak about my great passion for my boyfriend, but I like to think that— on film at least— I could do a better job than, "He's so hot." Followed by, "You're so hot, baby."
They are fine physical specimens, Dax in particular, but I can't help but think they consider that liking the same breakfast cereal is a sign that they are soul mates.

Whatever, we're here for the fucking. No doubt, the way they regard each other is tender and sweet. For those who like their porn cuddly, here you go.I couldn't get into it.

Xana has fun with the blowjob. Dax takes great pleasure in exploring her pussy. But from there all the way through the intercourse scenes, a sense of urgency that I enjoy is absent. They certainly don't seem bored...more like tranquilized. He fucks her from behind, she comes. She fucks him on top, he comes. They snuggle. Xana and Dax put me in a sexy mood, but not necessarily in a mood to masturbate.

I would need to follow them up with something with a bit more biting.

PS. Xana and Dax have some of the most hideous hands in porn...which is saying A LOT. I've grown accustomed to weird acrylic nails (even you Candida? Why?), but Xana's stumpy French manicure looks like it would tear the crap out of my tender tissues. And Dax's hands are so painfully bitten, it tortured me watch him touch her.

Review by Starr Faithfull

Couture Porn from Jenna Jameson

Movie Title

Jenna's The Provocateur : Link

Director/Producer

Jenna Jameson, Justin Sterling

Starring:

McKenzie Lee, Sophia Rossi, Jesse Capelli, Melissa Lauren, Ashton Moore, Krystal Steal, Chanel St. James

Jenna's The Provocateur is Jenna Jameson's first effort as sole director, and is called a "couture" film. Certainly the girls are couture, and the style is kept as professional and stylish as possible.

The film is episodic, with each scene – called acts – blending into each other via montage-styled edits.

First off, is McKenzie Lee, who is introduced with a sensual dance, and then a shift to her being fondled by three men. The shift is abrupt and really shifts into a raunchy gear, with Lee servicing the three men. She sucks them enthusiastically, slobbering and drooling all over their cocks and happily deep-throats them with the accompanying gargles. A cum-shot plasters her tits, and she rubs it all over.

The two next stages are a standing anal shot, where she happily kneels to suck the cock and taste her own ass, and then a pile-driver shot, where the guy drives it into both her ass and her pussy. The scene wraps up with a double-penetration, with Lee babbling dirty talk, finishing up in a facial glazing. Throughout, Lee has plenty of camera/viewer eye-contact, something I enjoy, but others may find disruptive. The scene emanates raunch, and Lee is definitely into it, convincing us of her pleasure and enjoyment – excellent start.

Shower Away Your Sins

Movie Title

First Time 5

Director/Producer

Alex Clark

Starring:

Ilia, Edmond, Artem, Yanis, Konstantin, Artems, Andrew, Roman, Yuras, Temas

This is the first porn movie I have bought for myself, and the first I have watched all the way through.

As a disclaimer, I am a girl into yaoi, which is gay porn manga. So when I went for the real stuff, I went for gay male porn.

I searched high and low on the rack for some feminine guys.Why in the world, do all of the people in porn look the same? I am turned on by a range of body types, but not by either the fake boobs/women or super-buff men in porn.

Now on to the movie at hand:

It was fine on the whole, but repetitive. Most of the pairs went through the same motions: fun, playful scenes (at water parks, in snow, etc.)— then making out, stripping, giving head,  an anal scene with the receiving guy on his knees, rinse, repeat with next pair. Yawn.

But all was not lost. This movie features a beautiful shower scene. One guy, on his own. The whole thing is just basking in his beauty. And man, is he beautiful. It was amazing to me, so different from the rest of the movie. I could just watch it over and over, just this one section.

I wish I knew the name of the guy in this scene. He is so beautiful that I want to see if he has done any more, but I could not for the life of me work out who he is.

Review by  Cowgirlgem

 

Got Your Wetsuit On?

Review by Neko Wafer

Movie Title

Swallow My Squirt 3

Director/Producer

William H.

[Not to be confused with William H Macy, apparently. There’s a thumbnail picture of Our Illustrious Director on the back cover complete with red smoking jacket, shades, bullhorn and beret so the viewer is sure to know Mr. William is an artiste, thankyouverymuch.]

Starring:

Several People I Had No Idea Existed!

Now, before I start, it's been awhile since I've seen hardcore live action porn. I've been drifting towards ecchi for a time, and this is my first dip back into real human action. I'm no professional, not even a pseudo-professional, and I don't analyze anything because I'm simply here to have a good time with my sweetie.

And with that said - I LOVE THIS MOVIE. I gotta admit, there’s not many things sexier than a bunch of sweaty, fluid-drenched people honestly having a fantastic day. But before you swing into action, you should watch the Behind the Scenes segment. The director is speaking with a few of the women featured in the film and I like them, surprisingly enough. I guess I wasn’t expecting much in the way of – well, gee, I don’t know. In my ignorance of porn actresses, I suppose I was expecting to meet ladies with not much going on upstairs. I was wrong – cool!

My favorite grrl by far is Annie Cruz – she’s cute and clear-spoken, and has a hell of a good time in the film. Which brings me to the main reason why I love this flick – everyone is having a great time. There’s lots of hootin’ and hollerin’, and I think the ladies are having more fun with each other than with the men.

The natural boobs are so nice to see – everything from cute little skeeter bites to the more rounded and generous handfuls, and the thighs and butts are wonderfully natural and curvy and squeezeably soft. There’s even the occasional sweet lil’ belly. Yay! If there are fake boobs in there, I couldn’t spot them.

And holy moley can these women squirt! Fluid goes everywhere – sofa, curtains, the camera lens…WOAH. It’s amazing. There’s a great deal of sharing, too – female ejaculate, male ejaculate, saliva. And don’t think I ignored the "costuming".

There’s the usual plethora of vinyl bikinis, net tops and bitch boots, but some nifty belly, tongue, nipple and labial piercings show up along with the (now requisite? It's been too long...) tattoos. Nails are typically shorter and either finished with a French manicure or dark colors (purple, black).

Long red Dragon Lady nails always made me wince. Ouch! Who wants those diving in to your vaginal/anal canal? One scene even has a cute red gingham crop top and red square-framed glasses. Alright! Guys *do* make passes at grrls who wear glasses.

Scene 1: Angela Stone, Tiana Lynn, and Marcus Leon. Mr Leon needs to work on his “acting”. He seemed glad to be there but a little too aware of the camera. You know which gal is which ‘cause Tiana’s mound is shaved in a T.

Scene 2: Annie Cruz (who’d make a sailor blush) and Georgia Peach and Jake Malone. I’d rather just call him Keith Richards’ Delightfully Pervy Twin. He’s having a great time.

Scene 3: Gianna Lynn and Flower Tucci and Mark Ashley. You barely see his face, but who cares? The women are much more fun to watch. This scene also has a touch of B&D, but just a touch, and a lot of blow-job action. The turn-off for this scene and the following one is that Ashley is so big that the grrls make gagging sounds. Bleah.

Scene 4: Kat and Jenna Presley and Ashley again. The blonde has braces, which should appeal to you folx with a Lolita luv. :lol: All I can hope for is that she doesn’t scrape his personal parts. Yikes.

Scene 5: Annie Cruz, Chelsea Rae, and Randy Spears. This is the scene with the Daisy Mae look. And once again, gagging sounds are not sexy. But it’s got Annie Cruz! Interesting – in this scene she didn't take her wedding band off. My only whine is that nearly everyone is shaved. This includes the guys. Not to my taste, as I prefer to see pubic hair so I know it’s humans having fun and not some sort of love ‘bot fest, but I know why the women are trimmed: All the better to squirt you with, my dear.

As always Yr Obdt Servant,

Neko Wafer