I got so many intriguing replies to my Porno Yard Sale announcement! Here are some of the offers that I received by email, which you didn't get to see in the Comments before:
"I'm a nursing student; if you mail me a box of porn, I promise to use the resulting sexual energy to renew myself so that I can care for my patients with a smile on my face. I'll pay you shipping and some freshly baked cookies. How's that?"
My partner is a nursing student and EMT too! You've definitely pulled my heartstrings... Your sexual renewal sounds like a top priority to me.
"I sell Avon & have all kinds of backstock laying around...need a Dora the Explorer nightgown for a two-year-old? Got it... Cocktail diamond cluster ring in size 8 ? Got it... I have lotions, fragrances, lots of mascara, incense, candles, christmas decorations... I prefer lesbian- themed items, but i love you so much, it wouldn't matter what you sent!"
Ohmigod, what is it about lesbians selling Avon? I have NEVER met a straight Avon rep— am I unusual? I love big gaudy cocktail rings in Size 8...oooo, your offer made me feel so greedy.
"If you are willing to ship it up to Seattle, I'll get as much as I can into the Wet Spot Library Archives. Our librarian loves finds like this, and we are branching into most media forms."
The Wet Spot is an extraordinary sex club in Seattle open to any reasonable person, for parties, workshops, community, etc. I've donated stuff to them before— and thank you Peter, I'm going to do it again!
"This note is as pertains the boxes of porn that you found in your office. As an aside, I must say that I wish I could find boxes of porn in my office, my day would go much faster. I am an honest lurker on your site since it's existed, and a big fan of your writing. I live in Israel. The bottom line here is that you can't get feminist erotica in Israel. The genre doesn't exist in Hebrew, and the Anglo market isn't big enough. I have yet to see On Our Backs in the only gay friendly sex shop in the country, and the mainstream bookstores don't seem to carry Best Erotica series. I have to wait for my infrequent trips across the Atlantic to stock up. I say this not for pity points, only for background information. Yeah, right."
You do indeed have my sympathies. But sending sex stuff overseas is so hard... you have to disguise it, or Customs takes it away. I have lost so much of my work to British and Canadian customs it is ridiculous. Where do they hide it all?
"The On Our Backs mags would be innaresting to me as well. Like a lot of straight people, I like watching gay people of the opposite sex get it on, and all things being unequal, I'd rather check out OOB than some sub-idiot-level "men's magazine"'s somewhat jaded idea of what lesbians do in their spare time."
I got a lot of email requests about On Our Backs, including people who'd never heard of it. Wow! I thought it was more of a legend. Well, it's a magazine that I edited from 1984 - 1990, "Entertainment for the Adventurous Lesbian." I've never felt the same about it since I left, but it still is very different from commercial porn...it really is put together by dykes with attitude, and that's worth something nowadays.
"My boyfriend would love to find audiosmut in his stocking next month."
You are such a good girlfriend to be planning ahead!
"Payment? How about a big juicy smack on the ass?"
No thanks! I fell on my ass yesterday in a bakery parking lot... No kidding; this insane gust of wind blew me over, my croissant whirled away, and I cried like a cake left out in the rain.
"What I'd like to offer is a $20 donation made in your name to any of the following organizations: Amnesty International, Red Cross, Hospice of Michigan, Planned Parenthood, ACLU, Democratic National Committee, Oakland County Food Bank, or WDET (Detroit Public Radio)."
I used to live in Detroit, back when the Livonia Courts found me a "menace to society," so you have pushed my sympathy button as well. For heaven's sake, don't send any donations in my name to the DNC! I am very keen on you supporting your local hospice, food bank, and WNET, however— what a nice gesture.
Your letters have made me toss and turn, but here's my final decision:
One woman wrote me, Amy, who offered me exactly what I wanted. She said she would take everything, in one shipment, and pay me up to $100 including postage, which is about $35. Amy, we'd all love to find out what you end up doing with this stuff!
However, I just can't ignore all the other desperate pleas. No one goes home without a cookie.
For all of you who wrote me, I will send you something for free-- a signed book or audiotape/CD, whichever you like.
I would only ask you to cover my shipping costs, which you can do by making a $5 donation to my site. (See the Amazon donation box on my sidebar, at the bottom). Let me know before Nov 30, so I can get it all done and out of my hair.
Send me your shipping address, and as soon as I see the postage paid from the Amazon link, I'll send you your stocking stuffer.
I can't believe I'm offering to do shipping, after I told you how much I hate it! Did I mention I was once fired from a giftwrapping job at Xmas, in Louisville, Kentucky, because my boss said she caught me swearing in the back room and it "just wasn't ladylike"? You see how traumatized I am.
You may wonder what I am going to do what my Blog donations. Well, if I get any, I need to pay to upgrade this site. I want the $8.95 a month version, instead of the $4.95 version. That would enable me to put up photo albums. I also want to try this service that would allow me to post audio entries...that sounds cool. I need to create some graphics that I need expert help with... labor costs. I have to figure out a way to integrate this blog with my static site, where all my longstanding links are. I want to buy another crossiant for the one that blew away.... no, never mind about that.
If you are not a writer, you might wonder, "Well, gosh, don't you make a good enough living from your royalties to pay for your little hobbies?"
If you are a writer, you are rolling on the floor laughing at that one. Our business is in freefall. The great many of us who are not in the NYTimes Top Ten are wondering what the heck we are going to do if we are not one of the rare few under the patronage of a rich nobleman.
My Amazon donation link is not going to pay my gas bill, but I do relish the notion that it could pay my blog bill, and that would be a start... Thank you thank you thank you for any of your pennies in the tip jar!
By the way, I'm starting this category, "For Sale and Sometimes for Free," so that any of you who want to sell, buy, donate, trade whatever you like can come here and made your case! I'm sure CraigsList would do a much better job of reaching the masses, but you might find a friend here, or trade some good stories. Thank you again for all your wonderful offers!