The Center For Disease Control, that once august body that now delivers knee-slappers like "condoms don't work," and "abstinence does the trick," has just issued a new set of federal guidelines, which I'm sure all fair maidens will do well to heed.
According to the Post this morning, all American females capable of conceiving a baby should treat themselves — and be treated by the health care system— as "pre-pregnant," regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon.
This is not a test.
The blogosphere is going beserk:
WARNING:
The writer of this post is a female of childbearing age with no known fertility problems. She should therefore be regarded as Pre-Pregnant. This user may become pregnant at any time, quite possibly without warning.
Sperm-bearing individuals are warned to keep a safe distance, as interaction between sperm-bearers and the Pre-Pregnant may result in swelling and the expulsion of a baby, quite possibly at high speeds. You could lose an eye.
Here are some blog headlines I intend to read immediately:
Baby Factories, Unite
Your Uterus Yourself
I"m Not Here to Breed, You Stupid Fucks
CDC to Men: You're in a Constant State of Pre-Impregnation
Treat All Republicans as Pre-Criminals
and...
Taking PreEmption to An Entirely New Level
Well, if you don't know that's Robert Crumb, you should be ashamed of yourself.
