0h, sodomy. . . It doesn't come as naturally as the puritans would like to fear. We stumble and fumble and watch dirty movies for tips, but there's a lot to the details that doesn't get talked about.
For example: I once had the pleasure of hosting the first hands-on lesbian fist fucking workshop in Seattle, during the inaugural Living In Leather conference.
Such an outrageous subject required a little extra preparation.
LaMar, a Seattle tattoo artist, promised me a real doctor's exam table. I took out a classified ad in the Seattle Gay News, to recruit "vaginally-able volunteers" for participants.
I got a couple of crank calls, but one jewel. A woman named Donna said that she and her lover were fisting “gourmets,” and that she would be happy to be my guinea pig.
I was nervous about meeting Donna in person. I wanted to do a brief, private rehearsal with her before the main event, but how was I to ask?
"Excuse me, but can we do this in private one time to make sure I can get in and out of your cunt?"
I put on my best manners and suggested we talk about all the details first, which proved to be invaluable. Unlike some women whose favorite fisting movement is a slow clenching and unclenching, Donna preferred circular, massage motions. She showed me where to put extra lubrication around my gloved hand. When we got closer to our trial run, I suggested she bring her lover, Carrie, for bedside reassurance. Our rehearsal went smooth as silk.
The next afternoon, sixty women crammed into an airless room for the Vaginal Fisting Workshop. The tension was so thick you could have wired your home with it. I passed out my rubber gloves, condoms and dams, with a few words on safe sex techniques. Rubber or vinyl gloves are really superior for fisting over naked hands. They grease up better and give a smoother surface going in.
I started by saying that I wanted to hear about others' experiences with all the details of fisting: Why do we like it? Does it ever hurt, and why? What are the effects of drugs, surgery, other health problems? Is there such a thing as fisting performance anxiety? Does fisting always lead to orgasm?
A couple women complained that some lovers they fisted wanted to be fucked too hard, and they were worried that they were going to hurt them.
Just as there seemed to be a consensus against rough fucks, a brave soul spoke up. "I like getting fisted hard; I like my cervix getting bumped. Sometimes I spot (menstrual blood) the next day, and I used to worry whether I was hurting myself, but I don't experience any other symptoms."
That drew a pause. This is simply something you can't ask your doctor, not only because you're embarrassed, but because the damn doctor doesn't know anything about it!
We discussed what we know about the sensitivity of the cervix. Bruising or pressure isn't necessarily harmful, but prodding or piercing the cervical opening (the os) is dangerous, and obviously not what fisting is all about.
Another woman brought up that the peril isn't necessarily for the fistee, it’s for the fister. She once had a lover orgasm while her hand was curled up inside, and the contractions broke a small bone in her hand.
Her experience prompted a lot of handy hints on how to get out of a woman's vagina in a hurry when your hand is caught in a vacuum.
Methods include: pressing gently on her lower abdomen, or using a finger on your free hand to pull a little on the vaginal opening, thereby breaking the suction.
Simply relaxing, until her muscles loosen, is the simplest method. Don't panic, or you'll have a funny time telling people why your hand is in a splint.
We moved onto orgasm. My experience with being fisted was that sometimes I felt like I was on a long dreamy ride, which produces a meditative feeling, but not the high pitch that would lead toward orgasm. It was such a powerful feeling that I wasn’t unsatisfied and even surprised to end up climaxing after all.
Other women in the workshop said this was true for them as well. The conversation turned to a discussion of orgasms. We discovered that just because you're not orgasm-oriented doesn't mean that you aren't hungry for other feelings.
There were lots of other stories: women who can't get fisted reliably and feel humiliated when they can't open up, and lovers who say that their girlfriends complain that they aren't trying hard enough to fist them, but who feel like they will injure their partner or do something stupid if they force it. (True).
It is awful when fisting becomes a “tribute” that you have to prove to someone, just as many of us have felt compelled to orgasm "in the right way, at the right time" in order to prove our prowess. Those kind of attitudes are paralyzing!
Finally one woman said, "I'm tiny and proud. I've never been fisted, but I do enjoy fucking, and if it ever happens, that's fine. I'm not losing sleep over it. I also enjoy fisting my lovers, which is why I'm here today."
It was time to slide out the examination table. Donna climbed on top, sans hospital sheet, and Carrie cosied up on her left.
I squirted the last of my lube into my gloved palm, and was so nervous that I waved my hand and splattered half of it on the audience.
I started playing with the outside of Donna's pussy, telling everyone what we had discussed the night before, and how helpful it was to have her reassurance before getting it on. Soon I had all my fingers and thumb up to my big knuckles inside her. With one quick motion I was inside of her up to my wrist.
I abruptly stopped my lecture and realized how hot the the room was: the red faces, the stillness where there had been constant chatter before, all eyes intent on watching my hand move in and out. I think if I had kept it up any longer we might have had an orgy, but more likely we'd have run out of oxygen.
"I'm going to come out now, okay? Will somebody open up that door before we all pass out?"
Donna stood up, and we bowed to each other. I started packing up my rubber utensils. It was hard to leave. Women kept coming up, telling me it was the best lesbian event they'd ever been to. It’s hard to go back to NGLTF meetings after this.
"What exactly did you like so much about it?" I asked.
The answer came from Lenore, another facilitator at the conference. "What I liked the best was having an actual lesbian perform an actual act of penetration."
It’s hard to believe now that that was startling in 1986, but she was absolutely right.
The picture above is a video box cover image Teri and Caerage, the lovers who starred in the first— and even now, most realistic— lesbian "fisting romance" video. It was called Private Pleasures and Shadows. (Don't even ask me about that groany title).
(Photo by Dawn Lewis)
I have to call it "a romance" that because they were so much in love at the time.
This was the first movie that the On Our Backs women ever made, under the name of Fatale Video, and I can still remember chewing my nails off with worry that we'd never pull it off. Now it seems so poignant to me. I can't believe that this movie is still banned in 14 states: two women making love.
Teri and Caerage were also from Seattle, and introduced me to all the great women I met in this story.
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Thank you so much... Susie
