Put Dan Savage and me in a recording studio, and we'll melt the mikes every time.
Dan— in case you've been buried alive the past two decades— is the creator of the Savage Love advice column, editor of The Stranger, and the genius behind two of my favorite "relationship" books, The Commitment and The Kid.
In Bed with Susie Bright 267: Savage Politics with Dan Savage
We started off talking about a recent Craig's-List scandal in Seattle, where an extreme prankster placed a "you-have-ten-minutes-to-make-me-scream-motherfucker" sex ad in the Casual Encounters area.
Within minutes, the ad received hundreds of replies of men who couldn't believe they'd found a blond, shaved, Playboy-centerfold bottom who talked nastier than a Gitmo marine.
Well, of course, they shouldn't have believed it, because the fellow who placed the ad, a guy named Jason Fortuny, took all their responses, including phone numbers, street addresses, and family photos, and published the whole thing.
It's quite the sociological experiment, to put it mildly. Of course, the folks who "play fair" in the personal ad milieu were outraged. Dan himself was vitriolic in his column.
But from my distant perch, I had another response. Look at the ad itself— no woman places an ad like this that isn't a professional hustle. No woman in her right mind would invite a un-scoped stranger to meet her in a dark alley and fuck/beat her senseless in the name of a kinky high.
Sure, a woman might like to engage in a high stakes scene of that order. Who hasn't wanted to be kidnapped in black latex and Made To Do Bad Things every now and then?
BUT. BUT. BUT. If a kinky gal was looking for a new lover, and resorted to the sober, self-conscious method of online advertising, she would be "screening her callers," so to speak. She'd be meeting them for coffee, sizing up their sanity issues. Any kind of action would be carefully mediated before the nipple clamps were drawn out.
So, if men read this ad, and responded with puppy-like naivete, offering their phone numbers, photos, etc.— does that mean that they believed "she" was exaggerating for sexual effect? Is it tacitly understood that the advertiser is performing a theatrical fantasy monologue?
Frankly, I can't believe most of these men believed the ad was from a woman at all! I find the Casual Encounters area of any web site to be utterly gay.
Thousands of men, every day, sit around at their keyboards composing sexy "chat" where they portray themselves as HOT YOUNG CHICKS. And as long as it stays online, everyone in the sandbox is thrilled to keep up this pretense.
When online chat rooms were fairly new, in the early 90s, I was intrigued to see what the possibilities were. I went to some chat room and anonymously posted my blunt sexual fantasies.
But as men responded to me, and I posted more earnest replies, I got their verdict: "You aren't a woman— bullshit! No real woman would talk like this." They got pissed. I was ruining the baloney atmosphere of "pretending to be a woman seducing a man for no-holds-barred sex." Bubble: burst.
You can listen to a few minutes sample of Dan's and my conversation on the whole thing here!
For the rest of our interview, I quizzed him on the politics of tranny boys, Dan's statute of limitations on identifying as bisexual, (boy, am I busted!) open relationships, gay marriage, the upcoming election, and much, much more.
I hear many comparisons of Dan's and my roles as sex advisors. I think he often gets pictured as "Harsh Fag Dad" while I might be thought of as "Softie Bi Mom."
But the personal truth is I'm just as likely to be a harsh queen, and Dan wears his heart on his sleeve no matter what he dishes out in his column. I adore him because he's an ardent eloquent sexual liberationist with an unshakable sense of humor and honor— how often do you meet anyone like that?
I take his barbs with a grain of salt, and more often, a giggle, because, like me, I believe he satirizes to make a point in the often-sectarian world of holier-than-thou sexual politics. But I'd share his foxhole any day. Give Dan your bi-love... he secretly envies you! ;-)
Then, in my Try This at Home mailbag, I offer some tips for a woman who says her boyfriend doesn't have orgasms. I say, leave him alone with me and Dan for five minutes and he'll spill the beans!
Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions, feedback about the show, and requests for free Girly Cards by writing susie AT audible DOT com.
