If you're planning to have penis/vagina intercourse in Ireland, bring an extra suitcase of Euros.... you will pay through the nose to protect yourself.
Other destinations are more curious. Why is Houston the cheapest place in America to score a rubber? Does this have an Enron tie-in?
This brilliant research and intriguing chart is brought to you by the mad hatters at Environmental Graffiti.
Click on the graphic so you can see all the details enlarged!
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I get into every kind plumbing on my podcast this week. You see, I was advised at my last doctor's visit that I
should have the disagreeable procedure known as a colonoscopy.
After years of patiently helping people get over their anal phobias,
this was ONE STEP TOO FAR for me— deliberately making
myself sick so I can "evacuate" for twenty four hours? That's my idea of
torture. I already intestinal amoebas in the 80s.
Then, relief arrived: I read a copy of Miami Herald columnist Dave Barry's classic essay: A Journey Into My Colon— and Yours.
...I left Dr. Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ''MoviPrep,'' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.
I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.)
Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes— and here I am being kind— like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ''a loose watery bowel movement may result.'' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
I
had to read aloud the whole story on my show, because this is how I want to
be laughing when they stick the tube 17,000 feet* up my butt— as
measured by the throughly scientific Mr. Barry.
Finally, in my Try This at Home mailbag, a listener asks me: which side of the family do we inherit our genitals from? Your labia might be from the paternal side, your balls from the maternal.
Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions and feedback about the show to [email protected]. (Episode 353, August 15, 2008).
