Susie Bright's Journal

Studs Terkel, May 16, 1912 - October 31, 2008

Studs Terkel has taken his last turn at bat.

"Take it easy, but take it..." No one ever said it better.

"Blessed Be The Nation," from Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

Samantha Bee is Kicking Ass and Taking Names

This woman gets the feminist Oscar. I want to kiss the hem of her garment.

Pull Up Your PitBull Panties

Okay, bitches— put down the puck and pick up the Cherries in the Snow lipstick... it's time to prepare your entry to my Sarah Palin Halloween Costume Contest.

I've already received photos from eager beavers who started parading around town in drag as early as two weeks ago.

Sarah-cudas, I salute you! 

I certainly intend to wear my costume right into the polling booth on November 4th. I am still looking for a plush polar bear fur-suit that I could stick my better half in, so as to shoot him repeatedly with my SuperSoaker.

To refresh your Six-Pack memory, the Contest Deadline is Nov. 1st, midnight, to send me a photo of your creation. You don't have to be the model, but you do have to be "an integral member of the creative process."

Anything goes, content-wise. I am not looking for strict interpretations or coloring inside the lines. High concept, low-brow, bad porn star, wonky mojo, canned fruit, manga... YOU GO, GIRL-MONSTER! 

There will be lots of prizes. I like to lavish praise on those who make an effort. Remember to send me your name, phone number, and email, too. I will call the winners on election day!

Meanwhile, I have a little last minute editorializing.

1.

I will be "live-blogging" the whole day of the election. I will not unstrap my laptop until the last chad falls.

2.

The tidal wave of criticism directed at Gov. Palin's ignorance, provincialism, mendacity, religious fanaticism, and entitlement— this criticism is TOTALLY UNFAIR in one respect:

George W. Bush was just as bad, and even worse, when he ran for President.

W. didn't know anything— and he'd never been anywhere.  He thought he was God's Chosen Prick. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a wardrobe that far exceeds anything the Palin family will ever comprehend.

Yet at the time of his candidacy, the only people who criticized Bush for these qualities were thought of as snooty radicals, hopeless partisans. No one seriously questioned W.'s ability to be President, even though he as stupid and dangerous than Palin. The fact that he was a man, and the scion of one of America's ruling class families, spared him from the ass-kicking Palin's received since Day One. 

The upper class conservatives of the GOP who've deserted the ticket in recent weeks, claiming Palin is beyond the pale, are only horrified by her lack of upper-crust credentials. W. was a Born-Again fool, and yet they found the stomach for him... because he was a pedigreed male heir. Palin is a bourgeois from the sticks. She wouldn't be invited to one of their dog shows, let alone their White House.

3.

There are no such things as "undecideds" in America... there are only citizens grappling with the legacy of racism at the midnight hour.

We wonder why other countries are at each other's throats over events that happened centuries ago, but we are just as bad. This country is still fighting over whether a man's skin color determines his value. If we can lick this one, we can do anything. If Obama wins, I am not only going to walk naked out my front door, I am also going to join all of America in a sobbing, wet catharsis. 

I was interested in the Times interviews of late with race-sensitive white Democrats. The story is called: Democrats in Steel Country See Color, and Beyond It. One man told the reporter, straight out, that he doesn't like blacks... but:

  "I’ve got to vote for him,” he said finally.

  Him? “The Democrat, Obama,” Mr. Piroli replied. “I can’t be stupid.”

He was referring, of course, to his economic self interest.

Another group of women petulantly swore they'd be writing in Hillary's name—not caring that Hillary would beg them to stop. They are simply undone by the idea of being considered a Negro-Lover. It's the last pin in their diaper.

Let it go, ladies. Let it go...

4.

It will always be my great sorrow that I never got to see Barack debate a progressive opponent— a wilder "wealth-spreader," a more outraged feminist, someone who got in his face about playing games with gay marriage. Labor leaders. Migrant activists. Consumer rights warriors. Schoolteachers in hell. Young people there with them. Prisoners. Soldiers. Medical marijuana patients. Gray Panthers. Karl Marx.

90% of our nation's inhabitants were ignored for this election campaign. The plumbers I know are all lesbians, Mexicans, and hippies. I do enjoy Obama's oratory, and we never got to see how he competes with a philosophical peer. This whole election has been about reassuring bigots, McCarthyites, and the very, very, rich. I am so fucking sick of them!

5.

Here in California, we have two hateful propositions on the ballot... Prop. 8, which tries to un-do "gay marriage," (this is the third time we've been through this crap!) and another, Proposition 4, which swears to destroy abortion and privacy rights for young women.

The bills are  peas in a pod, and are both sponsored by religious zealots who've spent institutional fortunes to control the personal lives of millions of people they don't even know.

The backers don't live in California and could care less about our state or constitution. They despise the citizens they consider deviants, and have little but contempt for the "followers" they recruit to their little game. 

Their elitism rivals the Vatican's. They'd rather be boiled in oil than accept government intervention in any aspect of their affairs, but they want a special class of police to put people in stocks for their sex lives.

The Moral Segregationist should be treated with as much respect as any other fringe character who might want to repeal votes for "coloreds" or who imagines children are chattel bred to suit their father's breeding purposes. Their "moral" foundation is as sound as the Ku Klux Klan's.

Yet the momentum of these scoundrels is gathered at each election as if it was an entirely respectable, democratically-grounded movement.

They are encouraged by the legislature, the courts, and the media to discuss "gay marriage" as if it were an alien landing that normal human beings are not familiar with. Doesn't matter that every single one of these hypocrites has gay people in their own family— or are closeted gays themselves. 

When it comes to birth control, their family trees are the products of live births, miscarriages, abortions, and unplanned conceptions— just like everyone else's. Their mothers and daughters don't deserve this, but the patriarchs behind these movements are a singular group of misogynists.

Why are they treated as if they have even a modicum of mental health? Why is the sickness of a Larry Craig, a David Vitter, or one of Joseph Smith's "direct descendants"— running our ballot process?

ENOUGH!

No wonder I need to throw a costume contest to soothe my tortured soul. Go get your warpaint on before I crack another tooth!

If you need some more inspiration, "The Most Intense Sarah Palin Site on the Internet" is filled with screamingly funny videos, impersonations, sexy photos, and inspired ravings.

Photo Credit: Bright Strangely's Wonderful Photostream.

The Musical Inspiration for My New Book: The Erotic Treasury

Name that tune, you say? Okay, now name the erotic legend that goes with the tune...

I have a new book out for the holidays, a fancy-pantsy slip-covered hardback called X: The Erotic Treasury, with forty stories from my favorite erotic literary fiction authors.

I asked all my writers, "What song would you like to dedicate to your story?"

Twenty-three of them answered— fiends like me, who invoke a lyric to every new inspiration!

Above is my "jukebox," where you can hear snippets of all the songs.

Below is a list of all the stories, with the title, author, song, and synopsis.

I loved doing this... it gives me another insight into what each author was thinking as they twisted the short and curlies!

1.    Wish Girls
        by Matthew Addison

"Wished for You" by the Squirrel Nut Zippers

A boy grows weary of his two devoted fembots.

2.    On the Road with Sonia
        by Paula Bomer

“Freeway,”  by Aimee Mann

One mother's erotic road trip.. several months pregnant.


3.    Seagum
        by Corwin Ericson

“Barnacle Bill the Sailor,” by The Controllers

A fisherman applies a shocking gift from the sea to his lingam.


4.    Beyond the Sea
       by Susan DiPlacido

"The Girl from Ipanema," Getz/Gilberto

Beautiful con artist works washed-up surf star on last chance cruise.


5.    Night Train
       by Martha Garvey

“Take Off Your Clothes (For World Peace),” by Royal Pink

They got on at Broadway-Lafayette... and the rest is history.

6.    Electric Razor
       by Irma Wimple

"Good Vibrations," by American Black Lung

The potential of household appliances in one woman's life.

7.    Must Bite
       by Vicki Hendricks

“Monkey Man” by the Rolling Stones 

Stripper takes on a new husband with an exotic pet collection and a huge insurance policy.

8.    Loved It and Set It Free
        by Lisa Montanarelli

“Memories of Times Square (The Dildo Song),” by The Neal Pollack Invasion

(What a perfect, perfect, song- SB)

Two young women's night of debauchery have to cover up their misdeeds in a hurry.

9.    Comeback
       by Nick Kaufmann

"Magic"  by Olivia Newton-John

A broken down porn star gets one hell of a supernatural last chance.

10.    Parts for Wholes
         by Monmouth

“Cue The Strings,” by Low

A tender, painful, and pleasurable intervention.


11.    Salt
        by Bill Noble

“Food and Pussy,” by Dan Reeder (How did I never hear this before?-SB)

Two unlikely lovers set adrift off the Na Pali coast.


12.    A First Time for Everything
        by Rachel Kramer Bussel

“Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go!)” by Garbage

One woman's self-made bukkake party is no Martha Stewart affair.


13.    Fairgrounds
         by Peggy Munson

 "Carnival,” by Bikini Kill

A trio of outlaws and crips take their sex act to the carnival grounds.

14.    Broads
        by R. Gay

“Angel,” by Massive Attack

A guy who doesn't think he stands a chance with a certain kind of woman finds he has a physical gift he didn't realize.

15.    God’s Gift
         by Salome Wilde

“Big Bottom,” by Spinal Tap

A legendary Rock Star is reincarnated beyond his wildest sexual imagination.

16.    Red Light Green Light
         by Shanna Germain

“L'il Red Riding Hood,” by Sam the Sham

A tourist takes a turn in a brothel window in Amsterdam.

17.    Puffy Lips
         by Susie Hara

“Flamenco Tangos,” by Manuel Salado

A dare at a bar goes one step further than either lover expected.

18.    Gifts from Santa
         by Tsaurah Litzky

“Jingle Bells,” by Duke Ellington & his Orchestra

That jolly ole' elf knows exactly how to get you off.

19.     Deprogramming

          by Greta Christina

"4'33" by John Cage

Two refugees from a charismatic religious cult know they have one catharsis left undone.

Watch the Cage performance here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HypmW4Yd7SY

20.       Yes

            by Donna George Storey

"The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News

Just how far you can take one dinner guest, one accommodating hostess, and one highly authoritative master of ceremonies.

21.    Cold Ass Ice
         by Chelsea Summers

"Hot Child in the City, " by Nick Gilder

A sweltering summer in an un-airconditioned apartment in The City can take one right past the point of no return.

23.   Rock of Ages
        by P.S. Haven

“Pictures Of Lily” by The Who

One young man's coming of age, thanks to rock'n'roll and his sister's unintentional inspiration.

24.     A Perfect Fit
          by Katya Andreevna

"I'll Be Seeing You," by Françoise Hardy and Iggy Pop

A last-minute trip to the shoe shop takes one customer into a fitting session she'll never forget.

24.     Clean Comfortable Room
          by Pam Ward

"Swordfishtrombone," by Tom Waits

What's a woman gotta go through for a decent room and a pack of cigarettes?

24.     Valentine's Day in Jail
          by Susan Musgrave

"If You Were Crying Over Me," by Rita Chiarelli

This autobiographical-based story was made into a film for the Canadian TV series Bliss, which is devoted to women's erotic memoir. Rita's song was used on the soundtrack.

Photos: Rachel Kramer Bussell hitting the bowl again, and P.S. Haven, coloring outside the lines.

Feel free to copy this post and its contents anywhere.

If you want the javascript to put my jukebox widget on your blog, just email me.

No Shit, Sherlock

“There’s a real problem in what’s called the ‘white movement.’

"One, there’s a lot of people who are just mentally ill, and we deal with those a lot.

"Number two, there are people who have serious sexual problems.”

-- Bill White, current leader of the American National Socialist Workers Party, one of the nation’s more established neo-Nazi groups.

Mr. White is quoted from a New York Times interview about the predicament his movement faces in the upcoming election.

His followers revile Obama for being "half-black," of course, but they also despise McCain. —Jewish money, don't you know!

Three weeks after the Times interview, Mr. White was jailed on suspicion of making death threats against a juror who was on a panel in 2004 that convicted a white supremacist of plotting to kill a federal judge.

Wait'll you read about the serious sex problems.

Illustration: Pulp magazine cover featured on Tom McMahon's art design blog.

The Princess of Nebraska

If you were planning to go see a new movie today, take off your slippers and prepare yourself to be blown away. This is the new feature-length film from Wayne Wang, which he is releasing as an original debut on YouTube, rather than the art-house theater circuit, where it normally would've been a smash hit run.

Wayne is a genius, and when the NYTimes mentions that this new effort is "beautifully shot," that's the understatement of the year.

You could watch this film, frame by frame, with the sound off, and be spellbound. Seeing Wang's work for the first time is what it must have been like for cinema-philes when they laid eyes on Godard's Breathless in 1960. You're amazed you can feel this state of being from a moving picture.

The Princess of Nebraska is the story of a Chinese teenager who calls herself Sasha, arriving in San Francisco from Omaha, where she's been an exchange student for a few months.

She's in the City for an midterm abortion— she got pregnant over the summer by a singer named Yang at the Beijing Opera Academy who specializes in playing women's roles.  It was a one night stand. Now Yang is turning tricks, and has been kicked out of his prestigious school.

The only person Sasha knows in San Francisco is a gay man named Bashen, who ALSO was Yang's lover, and is similarly besotted and heartbroken over this mysterious young man.

Each character breaks every stereotype you've ever witnessed in a Hollywood film. It reminds you how most lives in America are completely invisible to the passing parade of media storytelling.

I won't spoil the rest of the story for you. It's an hour and a half, and you can toggle the YouTube buttons to watch it on your full screen, high quality. Yes, go get your chocolate, coffee, popcorn, and Kleenex.

I'm allowing myself the luxury of embedding the film on my blog so I can watch it again and again, whenever I want! It's so inspiring to see something this original and beautiful distributed in an entirely unique way, that the whole world— especially young people in China, Nebraska, and San Francisco!— can see and comment upon.

UPDATE: I'm getting reports from readers outside the U.S. that the video is not available in all countries... New Zealand, for example. How frustrating! I'm attempting to contact the filmmakers and get some helpful answers/information. If you know an easy way to conquer YouTube's country-restrictions, please do email me or comment below.

Live Blogging the Last Presidential Debate - Obama & McCain

I've never live-blogged before. But I always wanted to try it. I guess this is the way you get wet...

And as Jackie Gleason said, "Away We GO!"

McCain:

Shout-out to "our beloved Nancy Reagan."

Yeah, you can just imagine what her astrologer has to say about this campaign.

Obama:

Looks directly into camera; McCain never gets that.

O brings up "middle class" right away.

McCain:

Uh-oh, a "set piece" about Joe The Plumber. These stories are so embarrassing; workers are portrayed as a special zoo collection. "Joe the Spotted Fowl."

McCain is explaining how Obama is going to ruin this exotic man Joe's life. McCain wants to help Joe Plumber buy that business.  He is writing him a check!

I want McCain to get out his checkbook NOW. C'mon Joe, call in!

And here comes the first socialist accusation! Obama is promoting "class warfare!"

I'm having a little tingle that class warfare is even being mentioned. I'm so excited it's crossing Republican minds.

Obama:

O. must be really sick of McCain lying about his tax breaks... everyone knows Obama is hardly a radical on this issue. He wants to go back to Reagan Era tax levels!  Get Nancy on the phone and have her explain this!

McCain:

He is hysterical about "spreading the wealth around." I didn't realize this has become such a damning insult. Didn't Jesus promote this, too?

Bob Schiffer wants to know part of the budget  O. and M. are going to cut, if they're realistic about the mess we're in.

Me:

We could get everything we need just cutting out GOP graft. Where's Jack Abramoff's checkbook?

McCain: 

We need nuclear power. We need nuclear power.

I have a bigger scalpel than Obama.

Slight retro attack on FDR.

  Obama is spending a million dollars on a overhead projector planetarium for his home town; can you believe the nerve?

Obama:

I'm not rising to that shit.

McCain:

I can balance our national budget in one year, no prob.

M. starting to rock on his pony, now, repeating same things back and forth.

He says O. doesn't have nerve to defy his own party when it's needed.

Obama:

Rising to that shit.

Please Obama, don't get suckered by the pony. Why don't you mention voting against Iraq war? HELLO?

McCain:

Has the scars to prove how much he's stood up to George Bush.  Name-dropping Barry Goldwater. 

OH WOW! He's calling Obama a racist for not denouncing John Lewis the other day! M. feels disgraced by being associated with George Wallace! Yes, McCain, world famous civil rights leader!

Obama:

Slightly stunned by this Orwellian doublefuck.

Blown away that McCain has the nerve to bring up "negative" advertising.

This is the first time I've seen him get ticked.

O. doesn't have to defend John Lewis-- I'm sure Lewis will go berserk in the morning.

McCain:

Wants to talk about advertising, dammit!

MAD MEN! Let's bring in Don Draper!

Fucking Joe The Plumber is back in the picture!

Obama:

Your VP candidate is throwing rallies of people yelling for my assasination, and you have the nerve to bring up the civil rights movement!

I don't want to tit for tat, I want to talk about issues. Let's talk health care.

McCain:

I'm proud of my white supremacist raliies....

No, he didn't say that. But that's the message, isn't it John? 

Obama's campaign has been disseminating... pornographic?... tshirts and it has to stop....

What is this tshirt? I wanna see.

Obama:

GOP has used a strategy of using smear to run elections, a legacy now of their party.

McCain:

ACORN ACORN ACORN!

Obama:

I'm going to directly respond to this Bill Ayers shit.

I am not involved in ACORN. 

My associations are Warren Buffet, Paul Volker, Joe Biden, Dick Luger, Nato Commander Jim Jones. These are the people who've shaped my ideas.

McCain:

You and Ayers started your whole campaign in his living room!

I bet they were smoking pot!

He's flailing now...

Obama: 

Bragging about Biden.

McCain:

Sarah Palin is a role model for women.

BARF!!!!!!!

Sarah cares about special needs children, she understands AUTISM.  Huh?

And her husband is a "tough guy"!

Obama:

If you want to deal with Autism, you need MONEY, John.

boring boring boring

Now, Bob wants to talk about CLIMATE CONTROL... what an idiot. Check his thermostat.

McCain:

We'll cut off all oil from Middle East and Venezuela. Canadian oil is white and nice! We can lick this thing in a few years!

Obama:

I'll take TEN YEARS, Bob! And I'll take some offshore drilling, but we can't drill our way out of the problem. 

Wheeee. someone finally said solar, wind, geothermal. 

Now he's pitching his CCC idea of independent energy.

McCain:

Don't let Obama's eloquence bamboozle you!

Columbian drug dealers! Sleazy, you betcha! 

He's falling apart here.

Obama:

Put everybody's feet to the fire, and lower tariffs. Let's have a industrial renaissance of clean energy programs and jobs.

McCain:

Obama wants to sit down with Hugo Chavez and make out with him! Terrorist make-out session!  I will not allow a depression!

Obama:

Here's my healthcare plan, this is my big deal. An ounce of prevention...

Classic Democratic politics.

You know, I hope Obama sent Michael Moore a thank you note for SICKO. That movie shaped this debate.

McCain:

Fat people make me sick.

Everybody's records need to be online, like the V.A.

If I were John McCain, i would not mention the success of the VA Hospitals...

FUCK NO! Joe the Plumber is back! I had a Fischer-Price toy with this same name.

Obama is going to fine people who don't buy into his stupid insurance plan.

Obama:

More SICKO examples and evidence.

John's tax rebates for health insurance  are a nightmare.

McCain:

Joe the Plumber is having his plans ruined to one day become a vicious capitalist and rip off his underlings. How can you deny his dream?

With my Free Beer program— I mean my $5K Coupon Rebate program— everyone is going to choose their own futures!

I have to fight socialism! Stop spreading wealth! You'll never get to be a rich fuck if you can't cheat!

Okay, Bob Says, what about Supreme Court appointments?

McCain:

I am a paragon of virture, there is not litmus test. I bucked the evangelical right on this... n

OK, he didn't say that, but he should blow everyone's mind and admit it.

Hmmm... he won't stoop to Roe vs Wade cornering.

Obama:

I unequivocally support Right to Privacy. Of course, I am going to look at Supreme Court Justices  with gravitas.

Brings up Ledbetter case, and John's vote that denied women economic pay justice. Tell it!

McCain:

I'm changing the topic to Pro-Life! Obama is letting babies die on the table! I'm bringing up Partial Birth Abortions! Like I know what the fuck I'm talking about! I hate these surgeries!

Obama:

Stop being insane on this issue. No one wants a late-term  abortion... it's about the mother's survival and welfare, you dope.

Could we deal with prevention, and cavalier activity?

That's a creepy word to use about women's sexuality: "cavalier."

McCain:

When the abortion fiends want get more abortions, they pretend it's the "mother's health." Yes, they'll say anything to HAVE ANOTHER THRILLING LATE TERM ABORTION!

Who are these "exteme-abortion" people, I wonder, that John refers to. Who does he think they are? Socialists? Slutty socialists?

(If you want to read some righteous sister outrage on this part of the debate, go see the open thread on Jezebel, Live Blogging with their readers, pages 38-60).

This conversation needs a big feminist intervention. I don't want to hear another man talk about his expertise in abortion EVER again.

Now, Bob's changed the topic to education.

Obama:

Demo party position. And turn off the TV, people!

McCain:

I believe we should let public education to continue to go right down the toilet. I couldn't care less. We need to help banks get more money by ripping off students.

Obama:

"No Chid Left Behind is a crock."  Shame shame shame!

I, Ms. Blogger, would like to mention here that my friend teaches in a public high school here that doesn't have a SINGLE WORKING TOILET... the bathrooms are marked with HAZMAT TAPE.

McCain:

No Child Left Behind just needs a little retinkering. Gee, we're just learning how to do this!

Okay, this is weird, McCain is bringing up autism, again. He says Sarah Palin knows all about it. But what does her family have to do with autism? I thought her baby has Down Syndrome?

Final Statement...

McCain:

I am not a socialist. I will not spend money. No taxes. You need to trust me.

I want to remind you about my military service.

Obama:

George Bush is louder than your words, Senator McCain.

We have to invest in people again. I have a dream... let's do Camelot!

I will kill myself to make this work!

-------okay, applause, and it's over!

McCain was not a squirming disaster tonight. He seemed "rehearsed" and "saccharine" but not ready to keel over and die, as he did in previous debate.

I thought this was going to be the worst encounter, but it was, in debate terms, the best.

Here's the CBS followup... they have a young man with gelled hair on the mike, who thought McCain won! But he's undecided.

Anyone who is genuinely undecided at this point is a liar or high.

These "citizens" are completely implausible.

 Didn't Samantha Bee do something hilarious about these undecided zombies?

I didn't get a good look at Cindy and Michelle for the after-debate hug... how did they look? Any Faux-Pas? I was typing and didn't look up in time.

OKay, CBS decided the story THEY wanted for tonight is that McCain won, Obama was sad and dismal, ha ha ha. Wag the Tail, people!

I'm switching to NBC and Mitt Romney. He says  John McCain IS SO COOL! His tan is FLAWLESS. He knows that Obama is a socialist, too! Not really American! Stop spreading around the money! Obama is a smooth operator, but he's an ultra leftist!

Now we're going to hear from Hillary. She took a Valium, but she was there in person.Boring. She is gratuitously pro-Obama, but not attacking GOP or McCain. C'mon Hillary, take a bite.

Now I'm listening to NPR on the radio. They're having a big "talk-in" at Virginia Tech. I gave a "How to Read a Dirty Movie" lecture there, and half the students gagged and walked out when the first gay kiss came on the screen. The other half were thrilled to death.

Audience asks why no one talked about what the war had done to this country. No shit.

It's bizarre to me that as these reporters go out and try to find Joe and Jane Average, they never seem to find ANYONE who says, "I am so sick of this whole system I could puke. We never even get to talk about half the things that are really going on. The Democrats have got to get out of the REpublican's beds when they aren't posturing for these debates."

I think this debate is a media spin, to give McCain a little blip at the end. "Hey, he's coherent for a few minutes, after all! Let's give the man his due!" They want a little more drama for their spinmeisters before November.

But the real story is the vote tampering that the GOP is going to spend EVERY LAST DIME ON. They really don't'believe in "winning" elections anymore; the "stealing" angle is so much more efficient.

McCain's big theme this evening was the evil of "spreading." He says Obama will spread money, and women will spread their legs for willy-nilly abortions, and obesity is spreading as we speak!

McCain stands firm against spread!

I saw Obama's brow furrow for the first time.. when McCain brought up how insulted he was by " Obama's "negative campaigning." That's rich.

You just find yourself dying to know what O would say if he was uninhibited.

What do you think? Hit that comment button, baby!

Photo Credit: Westminster Hospital Legendary Duel

And, below, an unretouched photo of the end of the debate last night. McCain momentarily headed off stage in the wrong direction, but then, that's the metaphor for his whole campaign, isnt' it?

Susie's Screamin' Sarah Palin Costume Contest!

There is one gift that Governor Sarah Palin has bequeathed every American this year, no matter what their political beliefs— and that is The Best Halloween Ever!

You're probably already twitching in your Tanning Bed— but to give you an extra incentive, I'm throwing a Screamin' Sarah Palin Halloween Costume Contest.

I adore political caricatures. My own iconic moment was in the 80s when my entire dorm dressed up as The Reagan Family. I was the braless, pot-smoking Patti who couldn't stop falling out of my blouse.

What do you win if you make me scream?

1.  an admiring phone call/letter from me,

2.  a special story on this blog, 

3. an autographed copy of my brand new book, The Erotic Treasury—which in its brocade, die-cut, slipcover, is truly something to gasp over.

4. Oh, alright, Penny Flame's new DVD on how to give a virtuoso hand job to anyone, which I must say is HIGHLY informative.

How do you enter the contest, and PROVE you're the most grotesque, gothic, hellish, delectable Sarah Palin ever?

Email me a photo of Your Sarah Manifestation, by November 1st, to this address.

Your "Sarah" costume can be part of a group effort, or solo. Just be an integral part of the project.

Give me your name, the photographer's name (if that's different), and how you'd like to be credited. Send me your phone number and or snail mail so I can thank you and send you your PRIZES!

How do you get started?

You don't have to only dress up as Sarah— I will accept manifestations of any of her FAMILY CLAN.

(Don't forget all the relatives and ex's the Mr. and Mrs. have a restraining orders against!)

No need to be shy; everyone looks good in Palin's Up-Do.

No requirement to be elaborate— sincerity is what counts!

Here's a site that shows Sarah's signature look on a baby, a cat, and... Obama! What's not to love?

Sarah Barracuda inspires many props: A suitably freaked-out baby doll, for example.

Fur pelts, guns, beehive wigs, Oxycontin pills, flag pins, hockey sticks. 

According to Jessica Chisum, the most helpful Palin Costume expert I've found on the web, the difference between a pit bull and a Pentacostol Nutcase Running for Vice President is Wet 'n'Wild's  Glossy Mauve Lipstick.

She also suggests finding a stuffed polar bear and dragging it around by a noose.

Read Jessica's eyeliner instructions and you're ready to fool Katie Couric.

If you have the figure to pull it off— and you boys know who you are—  the Photoshopped Sarah Palin in an American Flag Bikini with Rifle is a classic look.

The Palin Homages have started early year, with several Leather Sarah's spotted at the Folsum Street Fair last month and a whole drag queen night devoted to her in New York City.

There's a wig store online with a special boutique devoted to Palin wigs in all her incarnations!

What does it take to impress the judge? I'm looking for imagination and guts, not slavish imitation. Take me to the brink! High concept! Low Class!

Make me see Russia!

Photo Credit: Incredible satanic portraits of Sarah and all the GOP celebs at The Weekly Donut.
The second photo... is from a McCain rally.

Che, He was "That One" — and Then Some

My longtime friend Spain has a new book out, a graphic biography of Che Guevara. It will enlighten quite a few people who only know the man's face by a t-shirt or a skateboard design.

Spain's bio is meticulously researched, and the first time I saw it, when he was inking one of the death scenes, it was so dramatic, I burst into tears. This guy's story really gets under your skin, no matter how many times you've heard it.

I told the Maestro I would return with my eyes dry to interrogate him properly.

Here's Spain, on Che:

Che Linguistics

In Cuba, there are comic books about Che, but nothing in English. With this edition, Verso published it in Japanese, Greek, Czech, you name it— it’s a worldwide phenomenon. He’s an important guy in the Communist pantheon.


The Armored Train

What was my favorite panel to draw?  “The Armoured Train" escapade, of course... ‘cause I enjoyed the research so much.

In that Robert Redford movie, Havana, the Meyer Lansky character says, “I paid for that train!”


Hawks

Yeah, I have a interest in military history, battle history— I came of age during WWII, and never being in the army, it held a fascination for me. When I was a little kid, I couldn't wait to fight. But when I came of age, Vietnam, it was obvious that U.S. foreign policy was welfare for the rich— I wouldn’t fight for them. Why does anyone fall for that crap?

Right now, I’m working on a new story about Smedley Butler, "The Fighting Quaker," who was a general, who was, at the time of his death, the most decorated Marine in history.

Over the course of his tenure, he came to believe that the "War Is A Racket," and wrote a book with that very same title.

The turning point for Ole Gimlet Eye was when Al Smith and  other pro-fascist fatcats tried to recruit him in a coup against Roosevelt.

His famous quote was: “Al Capone was a piker. He only ran one  city— I ran whole countries for US corporations.”



Dying Pure

Che died young, so he didn’t get a chance to have a bunch of shit thrown at him. The only thing they can throw at him is that he’s a good-looking guy.

Sure, it’s Hollywood glamor, but you don’t question his intentions. Che had genuine sympathy for people at the bottom of the ladder.

There’s a whole world of Spanish-speaking people who have a natural tendency to be united. Che voiced this vision, a world of European, Latin, and Indigious ancestry—  that it could all come together.

The adulation isn't religious. There’s no "Che-o-phelia"... no one expects a Second Coming. No one wants a magic spell. What he is, is an example.

He wasn’t just a dreamer; he went down swinging. His last words to his murderer were: "Shoot, Coward— You are only killing a man."

You know what happened to his assassin? He’s still alive. The  Cuban government just paid to fix his cataracts.

Che
A Graphic Biography

by Spain Rodriguez, from Verso Books                                                                      

You can sit in Spain's lap and ask more questions at:

Modern Times, San Francisco, 7:30 PM 10/22
Wordstock Festival, Portland Oregon, 11/8

Now, wasn't that more fun than watching a "debate"? You betcha! I wish McCain would have a Smedley-Moment. Or at least go lie down.

If You Could Watch Anyone Have Sex for an Hour…

Today, on my In Bed podcast, features three big topics: voyeurism, sexual myth-making, and uncircumcised men.

Inspired by my sex advice guru, Cory Silverberg, I made myself honestly answer the question, "who would I like to watch having sex, if I could have my pick?"  Frankly, Cory is my first pick, because if he fucks as with as much empathy he writes, I'd be enthralled.

But on the tabloid gossip front, where there's a lot of glamour-pusses to choose from,  I have an unusual reason why movie stars "Brad and Angelina" make my top five: 

Listen to an excerpt

Listen to the whole show: LINK

$2 a show, for a year; why not? Listen to free shows and succumb!  LINK
 

Cory's column, which got me thinking about all this, was about the myths we make up about what "great sex" really amounts to. He predicts that no matter who we chose to "watch perform," we'd get bored within an hour— and I think he might even be overestimating it. 

Finally, in my Try This at Home mailbag, a worried listener asks: "Do women really turn up their noses at uncircumcised men?"

Don't forget, you can send your confidential questions— plus requests for free samples and blog banners!— to [email protected]