Okay, bitches— put down the puck and pick up the Cherries in the Snow lipstick... it's time to prepare your entry to my Sarah Palin Halloween Costume Contest.
I've already received photos from eager beavers who started parading around town in drag as early as two weeks ago.
Sarah-cudas, I salute you!
I certainly intend to wear my costume right into the polling booth on November 4th. I am still looking for a plush polar bear fur-suit that I could stick my better half in, so as to shoot him repeatedly with my SuperSoaker.
To refresh your Six-Pack memory, the Contest Deadline is Nov. 1st, midnight, to send me a photo of your creation. You don't have to be the model, but you do have to be "an integral member of the creative process."
Anything goes, content-wise. I am not looking for strict interpretations or coloring inside the lines. High concept, low-brow, bad porn star, wonky mojo, canned fruit, manga... YOU GO, GIRL-MONSTER!
There will be lots of prizes. I like to lavish praise on those who make an effort. Remember to send me your name, phone number, and email, too. I will call the winners on election day!
Meanwhile, I have a little last minute editorializing.
1.
I will be "live-blogging" the whole day of the election. I will not unstrap my laptop until the last chad falls.
2.
The tidal wave of criticism directed at Gov. Palin's ignorance, provincialism, mendacity, religious fanaticism, and entitlement— this criticism is TOTALLY UNFAIR in one respect:
George W. Bush was just as bad, and even worse, when he ran for President.
W. didn't know anything— and he'd never been anywhere. He thought he was God's Chosen Prick. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a wardrobe that far exceeds anything the Palin family will ever comprehend.
Yet at the time of his candidacy, the only people who criticized Bush for these qualities were thought of as snooty radicals, hopeless partisans. No one seriously questioned W.'s ability to be President, even though he as stupid and dangerous than Palin. The fact that he was a man, and the scion of one of America's ruling class families, spared him from the ass-kicking Palin's received since Day One.
The upper class conservatives of the GOP who've deserted the ticket in recent weeks, claiming Palin is beyond the pale, are only horrified by her lack of upper-crust credentials. W. was a Born-Again fool, and yet they found the stomach for him... because he was a pedigreed male heir. Palin is a bourgeois from the sticks. She wouldn't be invited to one of their dog shows, let alone their White House.
3.
There are no such things as "undecideds" in America... there are only citizens grappling with the legacy of racism at the midnight hour.
We wonder why other countries are at each other's throats over events that happened centuries ago, but we are just as bad. This country is still fighting over whether a man's skin color determines his value. If we can lick this one, we can do anything. If Obama wins, I am not only going to walk naked out my front door, I am also going to join all of America in a sobbing, wet catharsis.
I was interested in the Times interviews of late with race-sensitive white Democrats. The story is called: Democrats in Steel Country See Color, and Beyond It. One man told the reporter, straight out, that he doesn't like blacks... but:
"I’ve got to vote for him,” he said finally.
Him? “The Democrat, Obama,” Mr. Piroli replied. “I can’t be stupid.”
He was referring, of course, to his economic self interest.
Another group of women petulantly swore they'd be writing in Hillary's name—not caring that Hillary would beg them to stop. They are simply undone by the idea of being considered a Negro-Lover. It's the last pin in their diaper.
Let it go, ladies. Let it go...
4.
It will always be my great sorrow that I never got to see Barack debate a progressive opponent— a wilder "wealth-spreader," a more outraged feminist, someone who got in his face about playing games with gay marriage. Labor leaders. Migrant activists. Consumer rights warriors. Schoolteachers in hell. Young people there with them. Prisoners. Soldiers. Medical marijuana patients. Gray Panthers. Karl Marx.
90% of our nation's inhabitants were ignored for this election campaign. The plumbers I know are all lesbians, Mexicans, and hippies. I do enjoy Obama's oratory, and we never got to see how he competes with a philosophical peer. This whole election has been about reassuring bigots, McCarthyites, and the very, very, rich. I am so fucking sick of them!
5.
Here in California, we have two hateful propositions on the ballot... Prop. 8, which tries to un-do "gay marriage," (this is the third time we've been through this crap!) and another, Proposition 4, which swears to destroy abortion and privacy rights for young women.
The bills are peas in a pod, and are both sponsored by religious zealots who've spent institutional fortunes to control the personal lives of millions of people they don't even know.
The backers don't live in California and could care less about our state or constitution. They despise the citizens they consider deviants, and have little but contempt for the "followers" they recruit to their little game.
Their elitism rivals the Vatican's. They'd rather be boiled in oil than accept government intervention in any aspect of their affairs, but they want a special class of police to put people in stocks for their sex lives.
The Moral Segregationist should be treated with as much respect as any other fringe character who might want to repeal votes for "coloreds" or who imagines children are chattel bred to suit their father's breeding purposes. Their "moral" foundation is as sound as the Ku Klux Klan's.
Yet the momentum of these scoundrels is gathered at each election as if it was an entirely respectable, democratically-grounded movement.
They are encouraged by the legislature, the courts, and the media to discuss "gay marriage" as if it were an alien landing that normal human beings are not familiar with. Doesn't matter that every single one of these hypocrites has gay people in their own family— or are closeted gays themselves.
When it comes to birth control, their family trees are the products of live births, miscarriages, abortions, and unplanned conceptions— just like everyone else's. Their mothers and daughters don't deserve this, but the patriarchs behind these movements are a singular group of misogynists.
Why are they treated as if they have even a modicum of mental health? Why is the sickness of a Larry Craig, a David Vitter, or one of Joseph Smith's "direct descendants"— running our ballot process?
ENOUGH!
No wonder I need to throw a costume contest to soothe my tortured soul. Go get your warpaint on before I crack another tooth!
If you need some more inspiration, "The Most Intense Sarah Palin Site on the Internet" is filled with screamingly funny videos, impersonations, sexy photos, and inspired ravings.
Photo Credit: Bright Strangely's Wonderful Photostream.
