Many people have written me to ask what I think of Ben Laden's porn stash.
I'll tell you what would be a real surprise:
"NO Porn Found at Scene of Crime! NONE!
"NO Porn found in barracks!
"NO porn found in average household! NO porn found at home of powerful despot!"
Send me into any dwelling in the world and I will emerge a few minutes later with objects of sexual fascination from the inhabitants' stash, be they books, drawings, movies, sketches.
There is no such thing as scouring through the bunk of a human inhabitant and NOT finding their sexual yearnings, taboos, and dreams.
Was Bin Laden a hypocrite, defying his pious claims? Why yes!– along with every other religious fanantic in the world, he was two-faced. You don't need a leak from the Pentagon to find that out. He belongs to the same esteemed club as the Vatican (world's largest porn collection), Protetstant tele-evangelists, Mormon missionary crusaders, Hindu fundamentalists— all wanking away as they condemn the rest of the earth.
There is not a single organized religion in the world that is not full of shit when it comes to sex. Do you need an unverified Reuter's press release to tell you that?
As a critic and connoisseur of sexual representation on film (which I believe is what "porn" refers to in this media blitz), yes, I do have aesthetic interests in the disclosure, if it contained any relevant detail. Were I was given titles, directors, genres, clips, etc, from the Osama porn library, I would critique it.
I doubt that will be forthcoming, because this is all a publicity stunt.
I can, however, make qualified speculations. As Andrea Dworkin, Carl Jung, and myself have pointed out many times, one's most coveted "secret material" is sure to portray the subject's most unspeakable tragedies and regrets. Sexual fantasies are the lemonade we make out of the most bitter fruit.
Osama, a baby boomer, came from a aristocratic, inheritance-based, father-tyrant family, defined by 19th century colonialism and its discontents. His porn stash might include fetishization of "poor hot trash," incest, mondo-homosexuality, Victorian-era British S/M, male submission, pegging, anal, female dominants, and the ever popular "she-male action." Am I getting close?
I'm afraid we're not going to see the true catalog of the Bin Laden secret museum. This boffo press release was designed to shame Osama in the eyes of his followers, people who grew up without his wealth, entitlement, or classical education. They're turned on, too... by other things.
Image: A still from "Sonic The Hedgehog," the 1993-1995 ABC Saturday morning cartoon series.
