Susie Bright's Journal

Susie Bright— No Dogs, No Indians, No Irish!— Comes to Minnesota

 

I'm coming to the Twin Cities June 2nd and 3rd to celebrate my new memoir, Big Sex Little Death— and to offer a sex-positive parenting class.

June 2nd, 7-9pm

"An Evening with  Susie Bright and Her Memoir"

 Big Sex Little Death

 Smitten Kitten

 3010 Lyndale Ave S., Minneapolis

Free, Open to Everyone

June 3rd, 7-9pm

 "Mom and Dad’s Sex Diary"

"How Raising Kids Changes Your Sex Life and Foretells Theirs"

Smitten Kitten 

3010 Lyndale Ave S., Minneapolis

Tickets are $25/person. Please RSVP ahead.

Much of my maternal family background is from the old Irish ghetto in St. Paul, which is its own "NO Dogs NO Indians NO Irish" saga. I look forward to seeing old friends!

My mom also spend her last years on the Iron Range, (yes, I know where all the Bob Dylan secrets are buried)  and I have thrown the "video gauntlet" down to my pals up there to make the trip!  

 

My memoir begins with my proto-linguist parents, Bill and Elizabeth. They met in Berkeley (so gay) in the war years, traveled to India in the 50s, and then back to California Indian country, which changed the course of their lives.

In the 70s, comes my gun-toting, speculum-packed adolescence from the high school underground newspaper The Red Tide— the last days of the New Left and the first days of women's/sexual liberation. I don't think anyone's talked about the teenage foot soldiers of "women's lib" at the time— we had our own agenda.

The last third, "All Along the Girltower," is the erotic forensics of the then-unspoken-of sex trade, old-school porn, starting On Our Backs, the genesis of feminist sex education and the Shakespearean drama of the Sex Wars. 

As you know, we're unusual in that we're still standing here to talk about any of it!

The Smitten Kitten is one of the most remarkable, avant-garde, progressive feminist sex toy shops ever, and you know I don't say that lightly!

 
Here's a link to the book's preface, if you're curious: "The Terrible Secret of Women's Memoirs: Kill the Cookie."

 

This Sunday: Sex-Positive Parenting with Susie, In Seattle

Mom and Dad's Sex Diary:

How Raising Kids Changes Your Sex Life... and Foretells Theirs

A Sex-Positive Parenting Workshop with Susie Bright

 

Place: Babeland, Seattle, 707 E. Pike Street

Time: Sunday, May 22, 7:30-9 PM

Pre-register to Reserve Your Spot: 206.328.2914 

 

Let's unpack the sexual revolution of parenthood, from the time when you first get pregnant, the baby-and-little-kid years— to finally, the real marathon: kids reaching puberty and mom hitting menopause. 

 

What's a sex-positive parent to do? —There's your own life as a lover and a parent, and then there's seeing your children develop their own sexual perceptions and values.  

 

Yes, this IS the place to talk about things you won't hear on Oprah. There's physical and practical information to share, and emotional and ethical questions that can't be ignored. 

 

What are the most important things you can do, as a parent, to give your children sexual sanity?

 

How do you nurture and enjoy your own mojo as the years go by?

 

 

Come with your questions— I'll have plenty more for you, plus some answers you won't hear anyplace else.

 

Susie Bright is the author of Big Sex Little Death: a Memoir, Mommy's Little Girl: On Sex, Motherhood, Porn, & Cherry Pie, and Jezebel sex advice columnist with her daughter Aretha.

 

Throwing Stones at the Rio— Vaudevillian Ecstasy with Jumpin' Jack Flash

It woulda made Mick and Keith cry. In a good way.

On May 7, in Santa Cruz's most excellent Keeping-It-Weird tradition, Ukulele Dick— along with many of my friends and itinerant family members, not to mention guys in chicken suits I'd never heard of— PUT ON A SHOW at the new-vaudeville Rio Theater.  

It was a revue of Rolling Stones songs, of the most imaginative interpretation. Dick called it "Throwing Stones," and it was better than anything on the Internet or TV or Top 40 that night, or many nights after. 

Here's the line-up. There are so many talented people in this town I may get out a towel and cry.

(And yes, my very own Jon Bailiff, along with Scott Beesley and Casey Sonnabend, did a Berimbau-inspired cover of "Memo To Turner," sadly not captured on video!)

Below are a few of the audience-shot videos of an amazing night...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tribe of Rhan, "This Will Be The Last Time"

 

Randy and Miss Money Pennie, "Moonlight Mile"

 

The Red Wine Sisters, "Ruby Tuesday"

 

Harmony Grits, "19th Nervous Breakdown"

 

Thanks to Al Frisby for the video! 

Bestselling Author & Editor Tells All the Tricks— And Lends a Hand!

Dear Publisher, Editor, Producer:

Recently, you wrote to ask me if I'd like to write for you— for free— or license one of my works to you, gratis. Or, were you the one who asked me to donate my royalties? I forget.

Of course it's not really "free"— there's always the publicity, which I can't get enough of.

I eat publicity pancakes every day for breakfast, and pay my mortgage with publicity, and even my family's education. Whenever the phone bill comes due, I always send them some "publicity," because they say it's even better than cold hard cash!

Plus, no one's ever heard of me, which makes it even more precious. I have no idea how you managed to dig me up; I've only been in this business for 35 years, and I bet your track record dwarfs mine. 

Obviously, you're only working for publicity, as well. I talked to your boss the other day— we were in line at the Cayman Islands Bank branch— and he told me he doesn't even bother depositing greenbacks anymore; just publicity! 

While we're negotiating our contract, may I recommend a book to you? It's a priceless crash course, a grad school education in publishing, for under $20. 

The title is The Writer's Legal Companion. Although it's written for authors, any publisher, editor, or publicist— who's unaccustomed to professional and legal obligations in our industry— would be well-served by it. To your self-interest, I might add.

Sincerely yours,

Susie Bright

 

Dear Author, Writer, Journalist, Blogger,

Recently, you wrote to me seeking advice about how to get a break in the publishing business.

I asked you what you'd been reading lately, but you told me you'd been awfully busy; hard to catch up with all those pages. 

I paraphrased Twain: "Those who don't read have little advantage over those who can't." 

But you shushed me— time is of the essence! You apparently have a great idea you'd like to see picked up by a major outlet and publisher. You just need a quick tip, the right connection!

I usually consult with authors professionally, from Pulitzer Prize winners to Hollywood scribes, but I know you're special. You were so thoughtful to call on me, and suggest I could come on over, put my affairs aside, and help you with this effort. Giving is important! I never hear from people like you, maybe once every ten years. It's so remarkable you found me at all.

Maybe someday, when you make it big, you could put in a kind word for me at your church. 

I know you can read all you want after you're dead, but out of sheer panic, I recommend these sources to you:

How To Write a Dirty Story, my book on the publishing business, particularly the chapters I wrote in Part V: 

"The Devil's Argument Against Publishing"

"Money Money Money:

"If You Want to Make Some Money At Writing— But Not a Full-Time Livlihood

"If You Want to Make a Living at Writing— Year In and Year Out

"If You Want to Write a #1 Bestseller— & Never Write Again If You Don't Want To"

 

My second urgent tip is the The Writer's Legal Companion. I can't imagine anyone making it in this business who hasn't memorized its principles backward and forward. I have negotiated over 500 contracts since I first read this book, and I use its tenets every day.

Sincerely yours,

Susie Bright

 

 

What I Know About Osama Bin Laden's Porn Stash

Many people have written me to ask what I think of Ben Laden's porn stash. 

I'll tell you what would be a real surprise:

"NO Porn Found at Scene of Crime! NONE!

"NO Porn found in barracks!

"NO porn found in average household! NO porn found at home of powerful despot!"

Send me into any dwelling in the world and I will emerge a few minutes later with objects of sexual fascination from the inhabitants' stash, be they books, drawings, movies, sketches.

There is no such thing as scouring through the bunk of a human inhabitant and NOT finding their sexual yearnings, taboos, and dreams.

Was Bin Laden a hypocrite, defying his pious claims? Why yes!– along with every other religious fanantic in the world, he was two-faced. You don't need a leak from the Pentagon to find that out. He belongs to the same esteemed club as the Vatican (world's largest porn collection), Protetstant tele-evangelists, Mormon missionary crusaders, Hindu fundamentalists— all wanking away as they condemn the rest of the earth.

There is not a single organized religion in the world that is not full of shit when it comes to sex. Do you need an unverified Reuter's press release to tell you that?

As a critic and connoisseur of sexual representation on film (which I believe is what "porn" refers to in this media blitz), yes, I do have aesthetic interests in the disclosure, if it contained any relevant detail. Were I was given titles, directors, genres, clips, etc, from the Osama porn library, I would critique it.

I doubt that will be forthcoming, because this is all a publicity stunt.

I can, however, make qualified speculations. As Andrea Dworkin, Carl Jung, and myself have pointed out many times, one's most coveted "secret material" is sure to portray the subject's most unspeakable tragedies and regrets. Sexual fantasies are the lemonade we make out of the most bitter fruit.

Osama, a baby boomer, came from a aristocratic, inheritance-based, father-tyrant family, defined by 19th century colonialism and its discontents. His porn stash might include fetishization of "poor hot trash," incest, mondo-homosexuality, Victorian-era British S/M, male submission, pegging, anal, female dominants, and the ever popular "she-male action." Am I getting close? 

I'm afraid we're not going to see the true catalog of the Bin Laden secret museum. This boffo press release was designed to shame Osama in the eyes of his followers, people who grew up without his wealth, entitlement, or classical education. They're turned on, too... by other things. 

 

Image: A still from "Sonic The Hedgehog," the 1993-1995 ABC Saturday morning cartoon series.

 

Cheer Me On at the Authors' Spelling Bee, May 16!

Better yet, pass me the answer!

I am "making an appearance" the evening of  Monday May 16 at the Crown Point Gallery in San Francisco.  It's a Spelling Bee, and the competition is cut-throat, people! I may need a machete and a dictionary.

I'm helping out SPD, a pretty great literary organization, by being a speller in their upcoming celebrity spelling bee.

As you might or might not know, Small Press Distribution is the only way most independent literary books find their way to readers. Without SPD it will not only be hard for most small publishers to get their books out -- it would be impossible.

This year's "Bee-In, A Spelling Bee to Benefit SPD" will feature Geoffrey Nunberg of NPR and UC Berkeley as judge— and West Coast Live impresario Sedge Thomson as MC.

Spellers will include mystery writer Cara Black, food writer & mushroom activist, L. John Harris, poet and novelist Kevin Killian (reigning King Bee), authors, Sylvia Brownrigg (a former Queen Bee), Laura Fraser, Frances Dinkelspiel,Charlie Anders (also a former Queen Bee), poet and publisher Bill Berkson, critic Robert Avila, NPR commentator Laura Sydell, Twitter novelist Matt Stewart, actor, director and writer Michael Gene Sullivan  and even the "Cult Darling of the Underworld," SF vocalist Jill Tracy.

There will be seriously tasty treats from ThirstyBear and La Boulange and absinthe cocktails from St. George Spirits.  God, they're so good you should just come for THAT.

There's also a Silent Action with fancy restaurant certificates, theater and music tickets, art, books, hotel stays and much more.

PLEASE CHEER ME ON—I NEED ALL THE SUPPORT I CAN GET!!  And SPD needs your help, too! It would be really great to see you on Monday, May 16th. 

The Crown Point Gallery is at 20 Hawthorne Street in San Francisco. Doors open at 6:30. The Bee starts at 7:30 and goes for about an hour.

It will be a total hoot! Expect tears and hysteria. Get tickets & more info about our infamous spellers, including me, here:

http://www.spdbooks.org/pages/events/default.aspx

Join in supporting a great organization with a crucial mission and have a great evening in May!

Cui Bono? -- The Latest Page in False Security Theater

 

 

 

I don't see how anyone my age who witnessed Vietnam in the 60s can sit throgh this with a straight face. Let's review a clip from The Fog of War.

 

The timing of OBL's death, the Hole-in-The-Wall-Gang script, it's all such a crap show— I wish I could have walked out at intermission a long time ago.

I'm not excited. Bloodthirst makes me despair. Jingoism is sickening.

The military plutocracy has known where Osama was this whole time. First, it was profitable and elitely beneficial to keep him alive. Then, it was a boon to ignore him and keep him on the sidelines, a minor character. Now, we have a "plot twist" you coulda seen a mile away.

Cui Bono?

Shall we start a pool on how many years it will take for all the lies of this day to be ennumerated? I hate betting on the death, though— there's been way too much of it.

 

NOTEWORTHY TWEETS THIS MORNING

If you subscribe to my Twitter feed, #susiebright, you'll see my all-day, all-night updates.

Oranj

10 years, 2 wars, 919,967 deaths, and $1,188,263,000,000 later, we managed to kill one person. Worth it?

 

greenhousenyt Steven Greenhouse 

Fascinating story on Pakistani in Abbottabad who live-blogged assault against #binLaden without knowing it http://wapo.st/kUjzIN

thegarance Garance Franke-RutaIf you're interested in the Arab world's reaction to the OBL news, follow @IntelTweet.

 

AdamSerwer

My take on #OBL: The Price of Retribution http://bit.ly/jOPKqt

 

dabeard David Beard 

The secret team that killed bin Laden:http://njour.nl/ifVEFD

 

Mike_FTW Mike Monteiro 

“We’ve lost too much to ever, ever feel like we came out winners, to ever feel like victory is ours.” http://goo.gl/AKXFo

 

claytoncubitt Clayton Cubitt 

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

xenijardin Xeni Jardin 

So, wait, why are we in Afghanistan?

  

lizhenry Liz Henry 

 Very interesting! https://twitter.com/#!/AzmatZahra/pakistan

 

FACEBOOK COMMENTS

I'LL REMEMBER IN THE WEEKS TO COME

 

RBReich Robert Reich 

Apparently knowledge of BL's hideout came from careful analysis rather than from anyone imprisoned, coerced, or tortured. A lesson here?

 

Jonathan Arthur 
Osama! I forgot! Now everything will be okay! Obama sure deserved the Nobel Peace Prize! Jingo jingo jingo jingo, jingo jingo jingo blah blah blah
 
Every picture of Obama since the news hit is a wide shit-eating grin, like the cat that ate the canary. Other than a notch in a gun, what difference does this make? Is it a good day for justice? Some people in this world we share think that 9-11 was justice. So where does it end? Who has the power to end it?


‎"I see it largely as an exercise in dick-waving" - George Carlin


Heidi Adami

A well timed distraction, eh? Guess he just sealed the deal for re-election.

Jack Lista 
I think this whole thing (9/11, OBL, Iraq et al) was nothing but a big Reichschtag Fire, perpetrated by, well, the same basic folks who brought you the 1st Reichschtag Fire, only now it was handled by the son and grandson of Prescott Bush.

 

 

Susie's Tour Comes to WA & MN in May/June

 

BELLINGHAM, WA

 

Wednesday, May 25, 7:00pm

Memoir Reading, Signing, Discussion

Village Books

1200 11th St, Bellingham, WA 98225

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SEATTLE

Sunday, May 22, 7:30- 9:00pm

Workshop:

"Mom's Sex Diary— How Raising Kids Changes Your Sex Life and Foretells Theirs"

Babeland

Registration Required, Call Ahead

707 E Pike Seattle WA 98122

Tuesday, May 24, 7:00pm

 Memoir Reading, Signing, Discussion

Elliott Bay Bookstore

1521 10th Ave., Seattle, WA 98122

 

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MINNEAPOLIS 

Thursday , June 4th, 7pm

 Memoir Reading, Signing, Discussion

Smitten Kitten

3010 Lyndale Avenue South, Mpls

 

Friday , June 5th, 7pm

"Mom's Sex Diary Workshop— How Raising Kids Changes Your Sex Life and Foretells Theirs"

Registration Req'd, Call Ahead

Smitten Kitten

3010 Lyndale Avenue South, Mpls