Susie Bright's Journal

Valentine Scheherazade and the Genie Who Wouldn't Let Me Rest

 

When I was a toddler in the early 1960s, I was given a children's storytelling LP called Arabian Nights' Entertainment, read by Martyn Green. The album introduced me to "Aladdin," "The Flying Horse," "Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves," and "The Speaking Bird," with music from Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherazade. 

RLP1405-ArabianNightsEntertainment-1

I listened to this album thousands— no, millions— of times. Usually with my thumb in my mouth. Who was the amazing Martyn Green? He was a vocal magician to me. I stared at the album cover endlessly, fixated by the long fingernails of a muscular genie smoking out of Aladdin's bottle. He sported enormous sparkling rings on both hands. Perverse! ;-) It was such a guilty pleasure to stare at his figure.

I remember asking— and this is strange, since I was only two or three— why was Ali Baba given the "title" of his famous tale, when it's his slave Morgiana who saves the day with her wits, boiling oil, and dagger? It should have been Morgiana and the 40 Thieves.

RLP1405-ArabianNightsEntertainment-2

The album disappeared from our home decades ago, and it's no exxageration to say I was bereft by its loss. I couldn't remember any of the words on the LP, just the picture. 

Something made me search again this morning... a genie in my ear. And by Google, I FOUND IT!  To my amazement, I can now "read" all the text quite easily on the cover, something that eluded me at two.

Such a valentine! Now I can  share it with you. You can download ALL the best mid-century children's albums here.

Morgiana loves you, 

Susie

 

My gift is thanks to a generous children's album collector named Matt Bynum who put together a web-page called Children's Vinyl Record Series, complete with ALL his favorite mp3 files, and cover art. I am indebted to him.

When you read the comments on Matt's page, you'll see other sobbingly grateful baby boomers thanking him for such a wonderful curation. Other delights include: A Child's Introduction to the Orchestra, Danny Kaye Tells Six Stories from Faraway Places, and Lauren Bacall reading James Thurber's "13 Clocks"!

It's Getting Near Dawn, Valentine...

 

01 Sunshine of Your Love

It's getting near dawn,

When lights close their tired eyes.

I'll soon be with you my love,

To give you my dawn surprise.

I'll be with you darling soon,

I'll be with you when the stars start falling.

I've been waiting so long

To be where I'm going

In the sunshine of your love.

I'm with you my love,

The light's shining through on you.

Yes, I'm with you my love,

It's the morning and just we two.

I'll stay with you darling now,

I'll stay with you till my seas are dried up.


   

I've been waiting so long

I've been waiting so long

I've been waiting so long

To be where I'm going

In the sunshine of your love.

  

Music: Ella Fitzgerald's cover of "Sunshine of Your Love," and a tip of the baton to Johnny Simmons.

Secret Stuff About Valentine's Day... No Foolin'!

What makes Valentine's Day special?

It's a pre-Christian Holiday with such a dramatic history you can't help but throb and weep!

Here's a glimpse from one of my favorite books, Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things:

The Catholic Church’s attempt to paper over a popular pagan fertility rite with the clubbing death and decapitation of one of its own martyrs is the origin of this lovers’ holiday.

As early as the 4th century B.C., Romans engaged in an annual young man’s rite of passage to the god Lupercus.

The names of teenage women were placed in a box and drawn at random by adolescent men; thus, a man was assigned a woman companion, for their mutual erotic entertainment and pleasure, for the duration of a year, after which another lottery was staged.

Determined to put an end to this 800-year-old practice, the early church fathers sought a "lovers’’ saint to replace the deity Lupercus. They found a likely candidate in Valentine, a bishop who had been martyred 200+ years earlier.

In Rome in A.D. 270, Valentine had enraged the mad emperor Claudius II, who had issued an edict forbidding marriage. Claudius felt that married men made poor soldiers, because they were loath to leave their families for battle.

Valentine invited young lovers to come to him in secret, where he joined them in the sacrament of matrimony. Claudius learned of this "friend of lovers," and had the bishop brought to the palace. 

The emperor attempted to convert him to the Roman gods. Valentine refused to renounce Christianity and imprudently attempted to convert the emperor. On February 24, 270, Valentine was clubbed, stoned, then beheaded.

While Valentine was in prison awaiting execution, he fell in love with the blind daughter of the jailer. Through his unswerving faith, he miraculously restored her sight. He signed a farewell message to her "From Your Valentine," a phrase that would live long after its author died.

Now is that romantic or what!

How should people keep the sparks of Valentine's all year long?

The traditional gifts of Valentines tell you everything you need to know. Surprises that smell good, taste good, silky and sensual, declarations of affection, flirtations, and most of all, generosity of spirit.

I also think of Valentines as a family and children's holiday. There is nothing more fun that throwing a Valentine party for a bunch of scissor-and-glue-happy kids. They don't hold back! 

What would you change about Valentine’s Day?

The "swan/consumer" role model of  romance. It's not a day for bitterness and comparisons. It's a hot pink 24 hours to embrace sensuality, let your freak flag fly, love for love's sake. 

I miss my mother's valentines, now that she's passed. She was the first one to ever "send" me a Valentine card and her exuberance was contagious...Never missed a year.

What’s your favorite Valentine’s Day story?

Erotic: Psilocybin and champagne with two dear friends in a hotel suite high up in downtown San Francisco. We were all making love— and then I just stopped for moment, sat up to look at them. They were "in the throes—" and they were so beautiful, I started crying as if I was having a virgin viewing of Michaelangelo's Pietà. It was the opposite of jealousy; my heart was fit to burst it felt so big. I've vicariously felt one lover's climax before, but never two at the same time.

Mommy/Baby: My daughter's mushy valentines to me, every year. She writes a poem, draws a picture of me, and I melt.

Parties: My friend Scottie throws a massive crafty Valentine Party each year, turning his whole house and garage into a Warholian Love Factory. It goes on all night; there are people welding outside and glue-gunning, water-coloring in the kitchen, glitter-spewing, collaging with old National Geographic's and National Enquirer's. You bring your own scissors and stuff to add to the 20-year supply closet. Love is All Around, baby!

OK, it’s last minute, and I don’t have anything for Valentine's. Help! What should I do!?

Two Ideas:

My lover game, Dare Cards, will give you so many fun ideas they will make your head spin. —Maybe other parts too.

Print out the lyrics to one of your favorite songs. Come up to your sweetheart and just sing your heart out! It does NOT matter what your pipes sound like; just go for it... Guaranteed to make both of you fall madly in love all over again.

Affairs of the (Anatomical) Heart @Audible.com

 My New Podcast This Week @Audible_com:       

• "What a Way to Go!"-- The Dubious Legend of Heart Attack Sex

 •  If you mail me an honest-to-god Valentine Card by snail mail, I will send you a Audible Gift card for any two free audiobooks... seriously! 

First dozen I receive, I'll do it. I love personal mail so much, I can't help myself. 

Here's my address: 

P.O. Box 8377, Santa Cruz, CA 95061. 

Be sure to include your return address and email. Sounds obvious, but you'd be surprised...

I don't care if it's a late Valetine! I am a Valentine Piggie!

•  Mailbag: Randy Old Coot Says He Wants To Throw in the Towel... I Say, Add BUBBLES and KEEP PADDLING.

You can listen to an excerpt or download my new show right here.

  

Best deal to listen to my weekly show? It's only pennies if you get a year sub. On the same link, you can also find my new "best of" compilations if you want to get a hot bundle right away.

I've Got the Sweetest Hangover! Love Song Winners...

Wow, that love song contest was wild. I was downloading, editing, and posting your songs without stopping for about eight hours with minor toilet breaks. 

"I've got blisters on my fingers!"

Around midnight, some anonymous cutie called— and instead of singing into the phone, he blasted a scratchy LP of Christmas Carols. Then he called back five more times with the same thing. 

I realized the fun was winding down.

Until that moment, the singing results were adorable. I couldn't wait to hear each one. 

I only have one grand prize to give away, but the rest of you are MORE than deserving! Hear my applause?

Now for the drum roll, please:

The winner of one set of pre-kissed Dare Cards is: 

Liana Talesnick, whose love song to "my boyfriend overseas" is sure to melt his heart as it did everyone else who listened in. Where's my hankie?

Okay, onto the consolation prizes. 

I don't have the emails of the Valentine Song contestants to send you all the "secret" golden ticket for a insider deal on the Dare Cards.  I don't even know the first name of most of the people who called me... I nicknamed them "Sultry," "HarveyWallbanger," etc.

So let's just let the secret out of the bag. 

I can't bear for you to go away empty-handed. Here is a coupon code you can use at the Chronicle Books web site, so you can get a spanking hot deal on these cards!

 

CODE: IDAREYOU
 
20% Off + Free Shipping

From now until end of year.

This link will take you right to the Cards: http://bit.ly/9QGDCE
 

If you do play my card game, I'd love to hear from you what you think of it, what happened, any of your impressions. Feel free to email me anytime, songbirds!

 

Photo Credit: I like this live version of Miss Ross singing "Love Hangover"... does anyone know where the concert took place?

The Valentine Songs You Phoned In

UPDATE: It's midnight, Friday,  and I'm calling it a night... turn off the mike, superstars! The last songs just came in from Hawaii.

This was so fun listening to and posting all these songs. I'll pick a winner tomorrow morning for a set of Dare Cards...

  I knew this would require a bit of nerve.

Listen to our volunteers below, and you'll realize, ANYTHING GOES.

Sincerity and chutzpah are the only requirements! 

And there's prizes for everyone, so you have NADA to lose.

Have a stiff drink and call me:

831 480 5110

Let it all out! You nightingales are my valentines!

I notice the "in-line player" on *my* browser isn't playing the songs so I can hear them. But if I click for the option to open in a new window, or download it to iTunes, it works just fine.Some of you seem to be able to hear it just fine, but that's my tip!
 
  

Liana, dedicated to Her Boyfriend Overseas:

Liana_To_Her_Boyfriend_Overseas

 Jen Lemon, singing on Vodka and Echinecea Juice!:

Jen Lemon on Vodka and Echinacea

Nathan is Shy But Can He Ever Sing "They Don't Know 'Bout Us!"

Nathan Don't Know 'Bout Us

Kiana Has Some Tiny Bubbles for Me:

Kiana in Hawaii Has Some Tiny Bubbles for Me

Katy in Honolulu Sings a wonderful original:

Katy in Honolulu

Nioni Takes a Couple of Deep Breaths...

Nioni Takes a Couple of Deep Breaths

Bring on Home Your Sweet Lovin' to TOMMY!:

Bring on Home Your Sweet Lovin to Nioni

  Camille Could Just Fucking Kill You!:

Camille Could Just Fucking Kill You 1

 
 This is a Mysterious Incredible Jazz Singer from Rural Florida:

Incredible Jazz Chanteuse from Florida...WOW

Candy Colored Clown They Call the Sandman:

Candy Colored Clown They Call

  Hannah is So Psycho...:

Hannah Is So Psycho!

  Here's Amanda From Alabama:

Amanda Alabama 1

You're Sensational, Alice:

You're Sensational Alice 1

 Jax Lopez:

Jax Lopez 1

Mr. St. James, aka Jon Bailff:

St_James

New York Amanda is the Luckiest:

New York Amanda is the Luckiest!

Deena Hellcat:

Deena 1

Joe Mancino Sings Joe Te Quiero and Means It!

Joe Mancino sings Joe Te Quiero & Means It

Amanda, Love Letters from Hell in OK City Has A Thing for Cole Porter:

Amanda Love Letters from Hell

J.D. Has an Answer Song for His Fiancé Amanda:

J.D. Has an Answer Song for Amanda in OK CIty

Amy and Aaron Sing from a Small Town Without Pity:

Amy and Erin Duet from a Small Town Without Pity

Portland Oregon Loves It When You Read to Me:

Portland Oregon Loves it When You Read to Me

Prescott Arizona Will Not Be Unsung:

Prescott Arizona Loves How You Love Me

Take a Chance in Defiance, Ohio:

Take a Chance in Defiance Ohio!

Amanda in Oklahoma City With God Knows What Goin' On:

Amanda in Oklahoma City

David Loves Patti and Bruce:

David Because the Night 1

Here's me, with a dedication to Aretha:

Susie_To_Aretha

  Paul in Dallas, What She Does For Me:

Paul in Dallas What She Does for Me 1

 
 Bruce in Miami Wants You to Close Your Eyes:

Bruce in Miami Close Your Eyes Give Me Your Hand 1

Liza Loves Her Boyfriend Frankie:

Liza Loves Her Boyfriend Frankie

 

Fran Our BlueGal Blogger is Getting Happy with Bill Withers:

Fran Blue Gal Want to Keep on Using Me


The Very Thought of You is Sultry in Chicago:

The Very Thought of You in Chicago Sultry

  Girl in Shower photo: The incredible Ciel Photography, from Amsterdam.

  

 

Dirty Haiku Day— Make Me Scream So Very Loud— Valentine Quiz Bliss

It's Dirty Haiku Day!

Post me your favorite erotic, taboo, or romantic haiku. 

It can be original— or just something you just love to quote.

The one that makes me smile and squirm is the winner... 

To the lucky poem-wrecker, I will send a personally-kissed, autographed box of my new Dare Cards.

You have until tomorrow morning, Friday! 

Do you need some haiku instruction? Here's the raw basics:
 

A haiku is a poem that doesn't rhyme.

It conveys a feeling, a vibe, in 3 lines.

There are 5 syllables in the first sentence, 7 syllables in the second, and 5 again in the last sentence.

Seasonal references are a classic touch, but you can break the rules! Stare at Elvis and Ann-Margret until the inspiration hits you.

Everyone who enters a haiku  to my contest, even if they don't win, will get a Chronicle Books discount coupon for a sizzling good deal on my little box of erotic dares. Because you are a poetic genius, dammit.

Yoko Ono, Raquel Welch, & the Real Story Behind Susie's Dare Cards

Question #1:

I was inspired by several artists to write my erotic prompts for thirty Dare Cards. 

Who among the following was NOT one of my inspirations?

a)  Yoko Ono

b)  Raquel Welch

c)  Brian Eno

d)  Boyd McDonald

e)  James Cameron

Question #2:

What kind of lovers would enjoy reading and playing the "Dare Cards" with each other?

a)  Straight, duh

b)  Gay Divorcées

c)  Post-Questioning and Pre-Wondering

d)  Too Big To Fail

e)  All of the Above

Question #3:

What kind of equipment or accessories do you need to play this game?

a)  A bucket of Crisco and a couple German Shepherds

b)  A  fly fisherman would be familiar with all the basics

c)  Chocolates, vibrators, rose petals, a shooter of absinthe

d)  Nothing you couldn't grab out of your pocket or a kitchen drawer

Question #4:

Where did I go, on retreat, to finish writing all my Dare Cards writing when my editor told me I'd run out of time?

a)  Monterey Aquarium sleepover

b)  Porn set of Black Throat II in Studio City

c)  Abandoned pool house in the Hamptons

d)  George Orwell's Paris attic apartment on Avenue de Pot de Feu

  

You have until 9am, tomorrow, Thursday, to give me your answers! I think most of them are pretty easy to guess, but maybe I'll stump you...

I'll pick one lucky mind-reader tomorrow and send you a personally-kissed box of I Dare You cards before Valentine's Day. 

You can post your guesses below, or email me at [email protected]— or post on Facebook. 

Don't forget to send me your email address so I can send you your prize!

Everyone who plays my contest, even if they don't win, will get a Chronicle Books discount coupon for a sizzling good deal on my little box of erotic dares.

SPOILER AHEAD...

  

UPDATE, 2/4, with the ANSWERS!

1. Correct Answer: E

I think James Cameron is one of the most sexually uptight directors ever, a cliché-ridden, closetty, withholding mess. See my review of Avatar at link above! If anything he was a reminder of what I didn't want in an erotic game. As for the others:  I got a great idea from Yoko Ono's "Cut Piece" for my game. Brian Eno was the co-creator of the 1970s Oblique Strategy Cards, which is my favorite card deck ever. Boyd McDonald's Straight to Hell journal was one of my early inspirations for being honest about sex.  See the links above! And Raquel's USO tour is just... staggering. 'Nuf said.

2. Correct Answer: E

Most of the couples games, sex games, romantic games, I've seen, are like walking into Ken and Barbie's playhouse. Surreal, maybe fun for a while, but it doesn't fit. I wanted to see if I could create a lover's game that didn't stuff you in a pigeonhole. I have seen some "feminist" sex games but omg... as you can imagine, they erred on the side of tepid and politically correct. Geez! I wanted something hot, risky, imaginative, but not sexist! Is that too much to ask????? Not any more!

3. Correct Answer: D

I have to admit, it would be funnier for me to insist that it's the Crisco and the dogs that are essential.

But the truth is I wanted to make a game where you didn't have to go out and "buy" anything to play. You don't have to have some special budget or treasure trove. 

You can be spontaneous; you don't have to run around for an hour to get the props. So, yes, there are times when my "dares" call for using a cell phone, or a scissors... but I think those are the kind of things that would probably be "at hand."

4. Correct Answer: A

This question was the trickiest! I  live near Monterey and I do love the aquarium. It was a quick way to run away from home and meet my deadline.

Rumor has it that the aquarium designers were profoundly affected by their youthful psychedelic experiences— and I would concur. The space is a profoundly artistic, generous-of-heart, original experience of the ocean. I could lock myself in there for weeks! And yes, they do have sleep-over nights. LSD is not included, though.

Regarding the false answers:  I certainly have written while on a porn set; I'd be right at home. But my fake answer this time was a shout-out to my friend Tony Lovett, who wrote the original Black Throat. Tony has replied, "Black Throat II would be like making Citizen Kane II."  But of course!

I've never been to the Hamptons but I associate it with scandalous celebrity hideaways.I have been to Fire Island though.... do they have anything in common?

I have indeed spent hours of pure bliss on Avenue de Pot de Feu— and I would love to locked in a writer's garrett there. However, it was my 50th birthday that I visited Paris, not on a writing assignment.  

Guess what? A French publisher has bought the translation rights to Dare Cards, so maybe I'll have to go over there and supervise! ;-)

  

Photo: Welch in that famous crocheted dress during her USO tours with Bob Hope.

Who Dat Said Dat Crazy Erotic Quotation? Tuesday Puzzler...

Who dat said:

1. 

"I don't want to live-- I want to love first, and live incidentally."

2.

"Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what other peole think you've got."

3.

"Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man."

4. 

"Literature - creative literature - unconcerned with sex, is inconceivable."

  

Tuesday's Puzzler: Win a Free Set of "I Dare You" Cards

You have until 4:20, tomorrow, Wednesday, to give me your answers to the above four quotations. Who said each one? 

I'll give you one hint: they're all women.

Every day this week I am holding a contest to give away one boxed set of I Dare You Cards, my erotic truth or dare game. Answer today's puzzle, and I might pick you!

I'll put all the correct answers in a hat and pick ONE lucky devil to send a personally-kissed box of I Dare You cards before Valentine's Day.

Post your answers to my quotation quiz in the comments below. Don't forget to give me your email address so I can send you your prize!

Finally, because I am soft-hearted,  everyone who plays my contest, even if they don't win, will get a Chronicle Books 20% discount coupon, with free shipping. So you see, you should definitely make wild guesses even if you don't have a chance in hell!

Who won Monday's Contest? -- See here.

2/3/10 

UPDATE! - SPOILER:  

As many of you guessed— or skillfully researched— the women quoted are: 

Zelda Fitzgerald ("love first"), 
Sophia Loren (the 50% rule), 
Mignon McLaughlin (the average nymphomaniac), 
and Gertrude Stein (creative literature equals sex). 

Our winner, pulled from a purple bowler hat I just happen to have sitting around, is Kim Turner! Kim, I'll send you your present by the end of the week.

Everyone else, I'm sending you a golden ticket for a wicked good deal. 

And now to prepare today's quiz. You will NOT be able to look answers in Google or even ask your favorite librarian!

  

*P.S. Why yes, I am pulling for the Saints...

What's the Wildest Dare You Ever Took?

 I want to know: 

Have you ever taken a dare— where you really had something on the line? 

As you know, I have composed a set of "cards" for lovers, which is a take-off on the game of "True or Dare." It's a box set of questions and... shall we say, suggestions... that are daring in nature.

I have a a few— a few!— boxes of my I Dare You cards to give away. I'm going to ask a question each day this week, and I'll give away ONE box every day to a lucky love bunny.

But you have to play my sick little games to win!
 

Today's question: 

Tell me, briefly, about a dare you took— and lived to tell the tale. 

 It doesn't have to be sexual; it can be how you jumped off a cliff. 

But I think it should be heartstopping, in any case.

You have until 4:20, tomorrow, Tuesday, to tell me your dare story. I'll pick one and send you a personally-kissed box of cards before Valentine's Day. 

You can post your story/entry below. Don't forget your email address so I can send you your prize!

And, because I'm playing Cupid, everyone who plays my contest will get a discount coupon to get a sizzling good deal on my little box of temptations.

UPDATE, Tuesday, 4:54

We have a winner! It's GB Hajim, who wrote in on Facebook to say the wildest dare he ever took was: "making it in the snow behind Church during Mass."  

He went on to explain:

"One of my first girlfriends was a good Catholic girl. She went to Mass every Sunday, but she also loved sex. At least 3 or 4 times a day minimum. 

"We were at Mass in the middle of winter. The sky was not quite dark, but not fully light. She said, “Let’s do it here.” 

“Really?” I responded, but I could never say no to her, but then again I couldn’t see anyplace to do it. 

"We grabbed our jackets by the door and she took me behind the church. There was two feet of snow on the ground outside. The light from the stain glass windows played colors on us as we laid our jackets on the ground. The choir finished almost at the same time we did and people started filing out of the church as we pulled on our clothes and hurried back to the car."

I'll be sending Monsieur Hajim a deck of Dare Cards, and special golden discount tickets to everyone else who played! Your daring is beyond reproach!